OT-should I have another baby?

[renae3]

oops

 

[JUJU814]

It is a tough decision! We are sort of in the same boat. We've always said we would like 4 children, but are not sure that would be wise for us right now.

I see you saying "I I I" a lot in your post. You made no mention of your husband. What does he think? That is really only a decision you can make with your husband.

My first thought would be how does your husband feel?? Does he think you should have another? Hopefully you'll take his advice before a bunch of us strangers.

Don't worry about your age..you're still young. Women have babies well into their 40s now. If you're healthy, I wouldn't let that be a deciding factor. But again, what does your husband say?

After all, it takes two!

 

[renae3]

Oh, I forgot to mention my husband! He would love another baby too, but says if we don't have another one that is fine too. So you see, he is not very helpful! I would say he does worry about paying for 4 colleges and the cost in general to raise 4 children.

 

[mjkacmom]

I was extremely lucky, and got pregnant accidentely with #4 and #5. We were done (or so we thought) with 3, I was having issues with bcp's, and went off them, and had an appointment for an IUD. I think I'm extremely fertile - had unprotected sex 4 times, and ended up with 5 kids. After the twins, I KNEW I was done. It does baffle me when I think of our life without them, and I'm so grateful. Dd9 is best friends with them. Our whole family dynamic would be so different. I was 35 when they were born.

 

[DrummerBoy523]

Hi everyone. I currently am having a hard time deciding if having another baby is a good idea or not. I currently have 3 children, 2 sons ages 7 and 4, and a daughter 18 months old. I am also 37 years old, will be 38 in September. I always hear how you just know when you are done and thats that! Well, I don't have that thought, but am not 100% sure I want another one either. I often think how one more would be great, but then I think about my age and having 4 kids and maybe thats too many! People always said when I was pregnant with 3 that was crazy! Truely I know I could handle 4, thats not the issue. I just am more worried about my age, prenancy complications and being an older mother too. I also had a few losses over the years, inbetween my kids and worry about having another loss again. Then there is the whole age and having it being harder getting prenant. Am I crazy to be thinking about another one? Should I just be happy with my 3 and go on with my life? I just wondered how you knew that was it or not? Thanks so much for reading this and any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Why don't you look into adoption and instead of having a baby, you can rid the world of one less orphan or potential orphan.

 

[tink1969]

I knew I was done after 2. Everyone is different. It sounds like you are not done.
I do agree that things get risky as you get older. The eggs break down. If you look at a microscopic picture of and egg of a younger woman and one in her late 30's/40's you can see that the older egg looks like it's breaking down (shattered/cracked looking) while the younger woman's egg is very healthy looking. Does that mean complications for the older egg if it becomes fertilized? I don't know but it certainly makes you wonder. You would have to speak to a doctor. Isn't there a higher rate of down syndrome children born after 35?
Then there is the very valid reason of the cost of raising children. Unless you are extremely wealthy then its not an issue. I just don't understand how average income people expect to put 4, 5, 6 etc., children through college!
The cost of living these days is beyond outrageous!

Whatever you decide, it will be wthe right one choice. You are obviously not just jumping in to the decision of having another baby which is very wise.
I wish you well in whatever you decide.

 

[melafive]

Why don't you look into adoption and instead of having a baby, you can rid the world of one less orphan or potential orphan.

This is exactly what we just did. We actually went to the meeting last week. This week I found out I was pregnant. This was not planned. I'll be almost 37 when I have the baby.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[indimom]

I don't think everyone 'just knows' when they are done. DH and I made a decision to stop with two since we live on a tight income and we wanted to be able to give our children some financial security.
I run a licensed in home day care and am around children 60 hours a week, and I still spent the next 8 years or so thinking I'd gladly take another if an accident happened. I wasn't depressed about our choice, just still had that womanly urge, if you know what I mean.
It's only been in the last couple years (I'm 37 also) that I've realized I wouldn't want a baby of my own now. I love my day care kids, but I feel too old to take on the challenge of 24 hours a day, seven days a week for the next 18+ years.
Whatever decision you make, enjoy your family!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Nobody but you can answer that question.

 

[JUJU814]

Oh, I forgot to mention my husband! He would love another baby too, but says if we don't have another one that is fine too. So you see, he is not very helpful! I would say he does worry about paying for 4 colleges and the cost in general to raise 4 children.

gotta love those husbands..they're sooooo helpful huh?

"Honey, should we do this..or this?"

"I don't know, what do you think?"

 

[kpgriswold]

Picture yourself 5 or 10 years down the road. Will you feel real regret if you still have only 3 kids, and it's too late to have another? If so, maybe you should try and see what happens.

On the other hand, picture youself with a Down's baby, or another loss. If either of these would devastate you, maybe it's best to leave well enough alone.

Or try making the decision by flipping a coin. If you find that you have a strong desire for one outcome over the other, there's your answer!

We thought we were done after the first 4 (raising 3, and one lost to SIDS). Then we had a "bouns!" I can't imagine life without him now, but I will say that pregnancy at 40 was much harder physically and emotionally than my last go-round at 36. This is just one person's experience, of course.

Best of luck to you as you try to make this hard decision.

 

[abcboys]

I know exactly how you feel! My only difference is I am not your age, I am only 33. I knew I was done after I had 3 boys but within the past 2 years I have had so many dreams of having another one and not really sure if I was done or not. I think my problem was I don't work and since I am a SAHM, my 'work' is growing up. I think I was afraid what I would be with all my kids getting bigger. I didn't have that little baby to take care of and I didn't feel as "needed" with the boys in school. My youngest will be 5 in July and will probably be going to Kindergarten in the fall. What will I do all day? I think I've decided not to have anymore, because I think I was more with the "thought" of having a baby than actually going back to all that baby stuff. Still, I do get a little jealous when I see people with new babies. So, like you I never had this definite knowledge that I was definitely done but the older my kids get the more I'm pretty sure I am done. Good luck with whatever you decide. As for me I will continue taking my BC pills and I guess if its meant to happen it will no matter what.

 

[EKW]

My honest thought: if you are considering it, do it. A child isn't a good idea or a bad idea...a child is a universe of wonder that comes to you as a gift.

Don't be analytical. At your age the vast majority of pregnancies result in healthy, happy babies. I had a m/c at your age and the RE's nurse put it this way...most conceptions amoung women in their late 30's will end in early m/c's. Most women don't realize how often they have an egg that isn't viable get fertilized...our bodies get rid of the resulting "mistake" without our ever being aware of it. If you get pregnant and stay pregnant, the odds are you'll have a healthy child.

 

[sdoll]

My husband and I always thought we would have 3 kids. When our first was born I could not wait to have another. While I was pregnant with our 2nd DS our oldest got sick (he's ok now) but we spent most of our savings. I can honestly tell you that I was an emotional basket case during my pregnancy. After having our 2nd our oldest was on the mend our baby was beautiful and healthy and I was a wreck. But I knew I was blessed. I think almost 3 years later I am almost back to normal what ever that is! But I knew I was done. I think I battled the blues more than I could admit at the time but now that DS is a "big boy" the thought of having another hasn't crossed my mind. Every one is different. if we had a surprise I would be thrilled and would feel more blessed but for us 2 is perfect. We also both work full time I would hate to spread my time more thin. I treasure every minute I get with my boys.

 

[DisneyClown]

I had my first child 18 months ago at age 36, and we will be trying to conceive again after our WDW trip this summer. If we are successful, I will be 38 when that child is born. My DH already has a 9 year old son, and after the next one, we know we are done. That being said, my sister who is 18 months younger than me had her 4th and last child 3 months before mine, and while they are done, she still feels like she would like to have more. I think the urge to have a child is just plain maternal instinct, and sometimes has something to do with us getting older and knowing we won't physically be able to after awhile. Whichever choice you make is going to be all right, but it's good that you are thinking seriously about it. It's not a choice to be taken lightly because it is a huge responsibility. Good luck in your decision and I hope things work out for you!

 

[Hannathy]

NO.

To me if you are wavering this much that you are asking a discussion board you are really questioning it and shouldn't have another child.

My suggestion, do nothing for a year. If after a year you are still wanting one then discuss it with your DH. There is no hurry and it is better to be absolutely sure.

 

[bwilcox]

Flip a coin!

I agree with other PP that you should at least consider adoption. There are many kids out there who had the misfortune of being born into a bad situation and are waiting for their "forever families." You could even adopt an older child (not baby) so that might make you feel better about your age. Just a thought.

Another thought: Many years from now, you may look back and regret not having another baby. On the other hand, if you do have another baby, you will love the baby so much you won't regret it.

 

[auralia]

I feel like its just a very personal decision my mom had 4 and my parents did fine my brother has four and can't imagine it any other way, once that baby is there it doesn't feel like it should be any other way, my grandma (who had 17) always said you don't notice them after the 3rd lol.... I myself only have one and am probably going through a miscarriage right now so I am very much on the go ahead and try... i am only 28 and i'm probably going to lose this baby and i'm supposed to have "Healthy eggs" age doesn't aparently matter as much as they say.

 

[lattemomof3]

I remember asking this question when I was considering having a third. We had a healthy boy and girl and I was very torn. Well, we have 3 now. I think if you are asking yourself that question then you may not be done. One thing to consider is the time it will take away from your other kids - you know that w/ each child another piece of the mom pie is taken. I will say that I am definately DONE now. Good luck w/ your decision!

 

[renae3]

Thanks so much for all your thoughts and words of advice. I actually just had my yearly OB appointment and brought it up with the doctor. She told me many women have babies late in their 30s with no problems, but the risks do increase. She took out a book and showed how many babies are born with downs and chromosomal abnormalities based on a womans age, obviously the older you are the more chance that is going to happen. So, that was somewhat scary to see. She told me about the CVS test that happens early on that can detect these abnormalities also. I am still undecided at this point, thought know I need to decide shortly, within the next couple of months .My husband is also on the fence, last night we had a talk about finances and he wasnt sure financially it was the best decision. I am a SAHM, and we do fine, but adding another child would be hard, he is right about that. Then I say money shouldn't be a deciding factor, but in reality I guess it is. Oh, this is truely a hard decision. I still want another, but am not 100% sure of that.......thanks again everyone, it was helpful hearing from all of you.