OT- Mom's walk of shame...Anyone?

[mytwinklestar]

IMHO, you did the right thing. Too many parents today allow their children to make the rules, break the rules, and end up with kids who grow to feel entitled to do this in every aspect of their lives. You do your children NO favor by allowing them to control a situation. I cannot stand to hear a parent make SEVERAL idle threats... "We are going to leave if you...", "You will not get XYZ if you don't...", ----- the children KNOW that there will be no repercussion. They KNOW that these are just empty words. Once you make a decision, and voice that decision, you MUST follow through. Kids are honest by nature and until a certain age, they believe every word from their parent's mouths. If you LIE... in that you do not follow through... they lose respect for you. Period. If you are a parent, you know the walk of shame... or, you are a liar. A child's job is to push the limits... and it is a parent's job to set the limits and uphold those limits. In turn, the child learns self discipline and self respect. Good for you for disciplining your child! I really see NO shame in it. I am sorry that you were embarrassed - but - I applaud YOU!

 

[bumbershoot]

I don't think it's shameful, not at all.


I haven't had a horrible meltdown on my hands since I realized the meltdowns were being caused by corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup, and started being really careful with what DS eats. We're coming up on his 1st anniversary since THAT tantrum, which involved him turning into a demon dragon with an extra bad attitude at a festival, in the kid's area...oh that was fun. Scratches on my arms and face and neck, temporarily deafened by his screeching, watching the utter fear in his eyes b/c HE certainly didn't want to be attacking me.

But I don't notice other people normally, it's a defense mechanism of NOT looking at others that I developed when nursing him. I'm from an extended nursing extended family, and while I don't nurse him in public anymore (not since he was 2, except for on POTC, LOL), I decided to insulate myself from "looks" by just not looking at other people.

So when DS has a tantrum, I throw a smile on my face, don't look at others, and help him deal with it.

At the festival, though, I was too busy crying to think about smiling...having a kid's dirty fingernails draw blood on a sweaty face HURTS...and then we had to walk all the way home on a burning hot July day, only to find that the way I was trying to go wasn't going to work and I had to backtrack a quarter of the way...painful!


Just yesterday I went to buy tickets for another festival (tall ships are here in town) and found out the phone ticket people told me an untruth, so we had to leave without tickets, and my son was tired and hungry and protested, so I got to carry him upstairs while he was upset. Not shameful, kinda funny actually. I always make sure to speak in a calm but carrying voice (drama classes in HS help with that), letting those around me know what's going on and that he's being taken care of.

Anyway, most of us have had to leave with an upset child (and some who are going nuclear due to intolerance for lab-created ingredients), and there's really no need to see it as a walk of shame!


To the PP who didn't get refunded for the Duck...please contact their main people. That's NOT right. You didn't even get to ride anywhere, and it's absolutely awful for them to not refund you. Might be fun to see what happens when all the local parents find out that they won't refund you b/c of an upset child!!!!!

 

[DVCJones]

Thanks for all the kind words of support and your personal stories. I know that I am not alone, but it was comforting and funny to hear everyone's stories.

Keep them coming

 

[DVCJones]

Less than 2 years ago I booked a aqua-duck tour of Albany and my DS who was 2.5 at the time threw the hissy fit of a lifetime - I figured once the car/boat left he would calm down - We werent even given the chance - the capitan kicked us off - The walk down the aisle with my now completely devistated child in my arms was the longest ever. They didnt even refund our tickets - theres 40.00 I will never see again. I was really embarrassed but as I look back now I think I just expected too much of him. I never bring my kids together to any store unless I absolutely have to - they would drive me crazy - "He touched me - She hit me - Mommy I want to walk - mommy I want to ride" They are much nicer to take along when seperated.

That doesn't seem right at all!!!!

 

[nessz79]

Me, me! Been there!

The good news is that it hasn't been recently...but that could also be because my son recently had a tonsillectomy and we really haven't been in public! LOL! I think no matter your parenting style and how great things can be going for weeks or even months on end, they always like to throw you for a loop just when you think you have these little angels.

 

[eh24fan]

BTDT and I'm sure it wasn't the last time. My 17 month old hasn't prompted a grab and run yet, but I give it time....

 

[Disneychix]

Wow, after reading this thread it's totally making me realize I'm NOT ready for my 2nd child! I think I'll stick with one for now cause it seems a heck of a lot harder with 2+!

Thanks for the birth control!!

 

[mommytoone]

We were at the mall doing some shopping right after DINNER, which we had gone to a restaurant to eat. As we were leaving we had to pass the vending machines, past them on the way in, but on the way out DD who was almost 3 at the time noticed them. She wanted to get some snacks. When DH and I said no, we just ate dinner, she had a melt down. She actually laid down on the floor crying, I am sooooo hungary, you have to feed me, I am just soooo hungary. Well, you can imagine the looks I got. People coming in and going out. They looked like we never feed our child. She has never had a fit before or after, except for the "I wan'ts in stores" but for some reason she did today. We did not give in and people were just looking at us like we were horrible parents.

My DH get more embarrassed than I do, I just ingnore people and handle my own business and move on. Let them think what they want to think. I couldn't care less. You mean to tell me they have never been through this before? Come on, I do not believe it.

 

[rbork]

lol
I just had to read this thread. Although my DS are older now, it brought back memories of my one boy screaming bloody murder everytime I went into a Walmart ! I finally just let'm scream..I HAD to get some things and always felt like he did this in order to get ME to leave the store.
So walking around with a 2-3yr old under my arm like a football screaming was definately a memory . AND the looks I got - I can still remember

hmmm... to this day he still mopes in Walmart (at least its quiet moping... kind of funny I think!

 

[Shagley]

I don't have kids yet, but I applaud you all for handling those awkward situations as well as you have. I will be a foster parent shortly so I'm sure I will be taking many, many "walks of shame".

I was at the store a few weeks ago and a child was having a meltdown. I hear the dad calmly tell the mom that he is going to take the child to the car, and then the mom had a total meltdow. She was screaming louder than the kid. YOU WILL NOT TAKE HIM TO THE ******* CAR, HE NEEDS TO LEARN THAT HE CANNOT PULL THIS ****. HE IS MAKING PEOPLE LOOK AT US. (then to the kid) - YOU JUST SHUT THE **** UP. LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE LOOKING AT US BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING SUCH A LITTLE ********. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAKES YOU THINK BY BEING SUCH A LITTLE ******** YOU WILL GET YOUR OWN WAY. I TAUGHT YOU TO BEHAVE BETTER THAN THIS. Um, okay lady.

 

[ekball]

Raise your hand if you've walked the Mommy Walk of Shame!!!!

Raising my hand high!!! Just did it on the 4th of July, though it was just walking out of my mom and dad's house and not a public place. Still though, it was not fun...ruining our plans for the afternoon and watching Nonnie and Papa get upset because DD(4.5) was so out of control. Sorry mom and dad - DD was NOT going to win that battle. I told her we'd leave if she couldn't control herself and calm down. She couldn't and we left. Still - I knew I was doing the right thing, but boy did I feel bad walking out of there.

We werent even given the chance - the capitan kicked us off - The walk down the aisle with my now completely devistated child in my arms was the longest ever. They didnt even refund our tickets - theres 40.00 I will never see again.

That is WRONG! You definitely need to contact the manager/owner and demand a refund. So very wrong.

I was at the store a few weeks ago and a child was having a meltdown. I hear the dad calmly tell the mom that he is going to take the child to the car, and then the mom had a total meltdow. She was screaming louder than the kid. YOU WILL NOT TAKE HIM TO THE ******* CAR, HE NEEDS TO LEARN THAT HE CANNOT PULL THIS ****. HE IS MAKING PEOPLE LOOK AT US. (then to the kid) - YOU JUST SHUT THE **** UP. LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE LOOKING AT US BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING SUCH A LITTLE ********. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAKES YOU THINK BY BEING SUCH A LITTLE ******** YOU WILL GET YOUR OWN WAY. I TAUGHT YOU TO BEHAVE BETTER THAN THIS. Um, okay lady.

Ugh MAYBE, just maybe, everyone was looking at YOU lady! OMG - there's no way I could hide a look of disgust if I heard that lady screaming like that. Shameful.

 

[Juliet25]

Raise your hand if you've walked the Mommy Walk of Shame!!!!

Glad there's a name for it. I've felt like the only one who's ever had to experience that drama.

 

[TKERBELL]

DS14 was NOTORIOUS for meltdowns - from age 18 mos. Without getting flamed by anyone - he still tries (yes he is 14) to pull the screaming jag but only at home he doesn't act up in public anymore - I have calmly stated:

You will NOT talk to me like that, you WILL go to your room AND when you are ready to behave like a 14 year old should then you may come back down and talk WITH me. There is no negotiation, no debating, that is the way it is -

When he turned 12 or 13 he started the "I hate you" or "you hate me" thing, not so much anymore since we resolved that with:

The important thing is that I LOVE YOU or no actually I LOVE you that is why I want you to learn to respect others and yourself and NOT behave in this manner.

I remember the days of carrying him out of my parents house - or anywhere for that matter. The one that sticks out in my mind though did occur at Disney in front of Mickey's house in JUNE 2002 (he was 8) our very first trip with the kids to Disney - DH took the other boys (at the time 6 and 10 mos)away from the situation and I calmly sat on the bench and let him figure out that everyone was STARING at him!!!! He got up sat next to me and we sat in silence for about 10 minutes, then I asked him if he was hungry or thirsty, he was we got him a snack and drink and he did not have another one the rest of the time we were there. As a matter of fact I think that was the last "public" meltdown -


good luck with all your spirited children - they are truly special and will grow to be very special adults - gifted and truly wonderful!!!

Cheers!!

BTW I am 5'3 and DS14 is almost 5'6 - and he is still very scared of MOM!!!!

 

[gladstoneganderfan]

Raising both hands here! Older DD wasn't too bad, but our younger DD I think is trying to send me to the funny farm! Just recently, the tantrums have gotten worse, gotta love 3 year olds!

One of her more recent ones was over Webkinz. Grandparents, big sis, and I took her to a Dept. store to get new clothes. I had no idea they sold Webkinz. Sure enough, we round the corner into the children's dept. and there is a huge Webkinz display. The meltdown began.

I should mention that she has several webkinz, not to mention the (what feels like millions of) stuffed animals we have taking up space. I ended up taking her outside.

I didn't know that a police officer followed us outside. As I am putting her in the corner, here comes Mister Helpful, "Is there a problem here ladies?"

Umm, my 3 year old is acting like a brat & I have to waste time explaining to you what going on? I don't think so. I politely told him, through gritted teeth, that I was trying to control my child & was there a problem with that?

So, after she calmed down, we went back in. What had Grandma & Grandpa done while we were outside? Bought her a Webkinz!!! I could have killed them.

 

[dreamalittledream]

I don't think it's shameful, not at all.


I haven't had a horrible meltdown on my hands since I realized the meltdowns were being caused by corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup, and started being really careful with what DS eats.

You know, I am just in the beginning phases of weaning DD4 off the corn syrup and after only 2 1/2 weeks I can see a difference.
I messed up and let her have "whatever" she want to eat on the 4th of July and by the next day she had a meltdown about something she was wearing. Complete with tears, runny nose bubbles and unreasonableness.

I have walked that walk many times and it is not fun! I'm hoping to avoid it in the future!

 

[zachsmomie]

I chuckled reading these and I am sorry to say that, while this will pass, the teenage years seem to make you long for the days you could scoop them up and leave. Don't get me wrong, I have a great kid (who had few meltdowns as a toddler but did have them) and people always remark about how good he is and I am never embarrassed to send him somewhere without me. Having said that, like a previous poster, my 15 yr. old certainly can push it with the eye rolls, "I don't care", "whatever" and such when we are in public (or private). Trust me when I say that drawing the line now and not caving will pay off when they are teenagers. All it takes is "the look" and he knows to back off and he has gone too far.

Hang tough!

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I think if you are Mom regularly dealing with young kids you get used to the walk of shame.

DD had hers every day, once a day sometimes twice a day if we were on vacation and there was something she wanted.

Until my DD turned 5, she regularly went through hissy yelling fits over stuff. She would throw herself on the ground thinking she was going to get her way. DH was always horrified when he was with us.

I just walked to the nearest wall and leaned on it after telling her to let me know when she was done so we could leave. If there was no nearby wall I just stood near her. At first they would go on and on but as she realized she wasn't getting her way she stopped sooner.

I would get tons of nasty comments from folks as they walked by.

Then she began the crying whimpering stage. When I'd say get ahold of yourself - she would sob she couldn't and I'd normally have to get her out of the area whether it was a mall or a specific store.

Now she's 8 and seems to finally be done with having hissy fits. I probably just jinxed myself. Uh-Oh.

For some reason I never had these issues with DS. He's always just stared and frowned at me.

I guess DD got all the drama genes.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

Every parent has been there! Good for you for sticking to your guns and taking them out of the mall!

So true! My son, now 18, will show me a child acting like that in the grocery store, and say, Mom, look at how that kid is acting, and I always remind him that I went through the same thing with him. The look on his face is priceless.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

One of DD's latest things is yelling "you're mean" or "you're not being my friend" when she isn't getting her way. It's usually because she's got the "gimme's" in a store. I just tell her I'm her mom, not her friend and someday she'll understand how much more important it is to be a mom than a friend.

Oh, and I agree with the PP who mentioned that you should never wish that your child has a child just like them when they grow up. My mom always did that to my older brother, and sure enough, his oldest is just like him.

 

[Stephres]

I used to work at the Y and my daughter would play in the kid's gym while I worked. When it was time to go she never wanted to leave and I would have to carry her out of there, like a sack of potatoes under my arm, with her little legs kicking bloody murder behind me, screaming the whole way to the car. Every time! And I had to work with those people!

I told her that it was a darn good think she was cute or I would have left her at the Y! I am happy to say she did grow out of and I was amazed as yesterday we flew on a 2.5 hour flight that turned into 3+ hours because of weather and she was good as gold. Things will get better!