OT - Mom of DD(2) HOW DO I GET HER BACK IN HER OWN BED?

[Love the Mouse]

My DD is 2 years 4 mos. and has been sleeping in our bed for a little while now. When she started climbing out of her crib, we converted her crib into the toddler bed. Unfortunately the bed rail that I bought didn't fit onto the crib/toddler bed, and she fell out. I think that really scared her. So, we went out and bought her a toddler bed with the rails on the bed. She has slept in it once since we bought it and I can't seem to get her back into her room.

Now we have purchased a twin size mattress, hoping to entice her into the "big girl" bed, and I thought I had her last night and then a no go.

I tried "The Nanny" approach of kissing her goodnight, tucking her in and walking out of the room. If she got up (which she did), I took her back in and right back to bed. I did this about 12 times and finally didn't know what else to do with my DD...screaming and shaking uncontrollably, crying and clinging onto me for dear life.

I try to get her to nap in her room, but she is unconcerned about naps...to her they seem to be a waste of time. Trying to get her to take one is a chore in itself. If she does take one she is up all night, and when she doesn't she is asleep by 7:30pm.

Any suggestions? We have a king size bed, but it's getting crowded with her in it. DH and I are at a loss and have no idea where to go from here.

Please help if you have gone through this, going through this, any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

She also just kicked the bottle 2 weeks ago, but doesn't seem very bothered by it. She hasn't even brought it up of even asked for it.

Michaela

 

[belle&beast]

My DS2 also like to get out of his toddler bed. We used a baby gate at his door so the had to stay in his room. It only took a couple of nights and he learned that he had to stay in his room at night.

We have also given up trying to get him to nap in the afternoons. He goes to a sitter 3 days a week and naps there, but on my days off and weekends, I just let him choose a movie and rest on the couch. It works well for us and he really doesn't require the amount of sleep DD5 does. She still likes to nap every day!

A friend of mine had a child that slept in their bed and it took forever to get him out of it! But they started by letting him sleep next to the bed, I think they even moved the toddler bed next to theirs. Then the bed went to his bedroom and he used a sleeping bag. They transitioned the sleeping bag further and further away until he was in his room in the sleeping bag. This went on for quite awhile, but it did work eventually.

Good luck! I hope you get some good suggestions!

 

[tmarquez]

I feel your pain. My DD (3) goes to sleep in our bed, then after she is asleep, we move her to hers. She usually will stay there the whole night, but someimes wakes up calling me. I will go in there, lay down with her until she is asleep again and then go back to bed. On occassion, I will just let her sleep the rest of the night in our bed if I'm really tired. She has me pretty well trained!

I know people that have solved this and the only way that I know of that works is what you did...BUT...you have to stick to it, even if it takes the whole night...or 3 or 4 nights. I just don't have the resolve to do it...I need my sleep.

My husband thinks it's not a big deal and once her independent streak appears she will start going to bed on her own in her own room...and that she's only a "baby" once. I hope he's right!

We have no probelms with her going to her own bed to fall asleep for naps, although he doesn't take them too often anymore. As far as your DD not wanting to nap...you may want to force the issue as they do need their sleep and if she's sleeping in your bed she is probably not getting a quality nights sleep. I've read and been told many times that a common symptom of a sleep deprived child is not wanting or being able to get to sleep...even though you wuld think the opposite.

I've been through all this with DD...it's hard I know...but do the best you can and either way it will hopefully be over before too long.

 

[Love the Mouse]

As far as your DD not wanting to nap...you may want to force the issue as they do need their sleep and if she's sleeping in your bed she is probably not getting a quality nights sleep. I've read and been told many times that a common symptom of a sleep deprived child is not wanting or being able to get to sleep...even though you wuld think the opposite.

I think the problem is, that she sleeps VERY well in our bed. She doesn't wake in the middle of the night, she sleeps longer. I am sure it has to do with the fact that I am next to her. We have tried to to the thing of letting her fall asleep in our bed and moving her...she is not a rock of a sleeper that most kids are. She wakes up immediately and knows what we are doing. I thought children were practically "unwakable", I know I was.

I do believe that she is just like her father though. He is exactly the same way. He could be dead tired and feels that sleep is a waste of time, like the 2 of them are missing something important.

I will keep trying, but it is so hard when you are tired and just want to go to sleep.

Thanks for the replies.

Michaela

 

[Julie_Loves_Disney]

A baby proof doorknob lock on the inside works wonders for keeping a child in her room. It sounds awful and mean, but if you know her room is safe for her, she'll eventually tire out and climb back in bed because she can't get out of her room. Of course, a couple times my DD fell asleep on the floor just inside her door. One time we even found her asleep sitting in her top dresser drawer! My friends that let their kids sleep with them have an awful time getting them out of their bed. I know it's HARD, but being tough is my best advice.

 

[motherof4]

Being persistent is the key! I know your sleepy and cranky, but it only takes a couple of days of being persistent! Try doing it on a weekend so you and hubby can take turns taking her back to her bed, trust me if you are persistent it will work! Locking them in there room will just make them scared of there room, and you really want them to feel secure and safe in there. A night light helps, and if you haven't decorated her room in big girl decorations (still baby decorations), then get her involved in decorating her room, picking out a big girl comforter or posters/pictures for her wall, or even getting her to pick out colour for her room. I used the persistent approach and in 3 nights she was sleeping in her own bed!

 

[ilovejack02]

Healthy sleep habits happy child is a wonderful book!

 

[Love the Mouse]

A night light helps, and if you haven't decorated her room in big girl decorations (still baby decorations), then get her involved in decorating her room, picking out a big girl comforter or posters/pictures for her wall, or even getting her to pick out colour for her room.

She loves Dora, so we took her out and let her pick a comforter, we bought the Dora wall clings and had her put them on the walls, (the toddler bed is even Dora) we have 2 night lights in her room so it stays lit for her...so the persistence thing is going to have to do it.

I know I can't stand to see her the way I described in my original post...shaking uncontrolably, crying and clinging to me like I am deserting her. I am just going to have to be harder.

Thanks for the posts...I am also going to check out that book. Wish me luck.

Michaela

 

[monorailsilver]

Lets see:

Can you lay in bed with her in HER bed until she falls asleep? And even tell her you will lay with her until she falls asleep then you will have to get out & do some chores but you won't leave until she is asleep.

Does she have a lovey/comfort item?

My kids too would scream if we shut their door or put a gate up to the point they'd vomit from the screaming.

Is there something of yours that she loves (besides you that is)? Do you have any special stuffed animals or shirts that you have kept over the years? If so can you give her that to sleep with & tell her you want it back in the am because you want it to tell you a story about it's dream so you can tell your dd.

Do they still sell those light balls? I don't know what they are called but they are for kids & they show lights/shapes on the ceiling when it is dark in the room.

How about a reward chart? Let her put a sticker on the chart if she stays in her bed all night (or you can start off with part of the night & work your way up to the whole night). Then let her pick out a prize & then set a big goal for a bigger prize like a new toy or dinner where she chooses or she can have ice cream for dinner one night.

As far as naps, not all kids need them at that age.

My oldest (she is now 5), I let her nap until she was close to 3. She'd fall asleep at around 1 or 2 in the afternoon & this was after an hour or so it seemed of me trying to get her to sleep (hey I wanted me time too but I also had a 6 mo old at that time as well). She'd stay up until 10 ish & we'd start to get her ready for bed at around 7 or 8pm.

One day I finally decided to stop her nap & just let her watch a movie at nap time instead. Guess what, she went to bed between 7 & 8 & was asleep & not getting up to ask for water, to pee, "I'm lonely, lay with me".

My ds I stopped his naps just before he turned 2 for the same reasons.

They are now 5+ & 3 & they both get a book at 7 & go to their beds. DH lays with my ds while my dd usually falls asleep on her own. I end up feeding dd#2 (7 mo) while he is doing the bed time with the older 2.

So now all my kids are asleep no later then 8, sometimes by 7:30 every night so I can deal with the no nap.

Today we were at 2 birthday parties & my ds wanted to fall asleep on the car ride to one of them shortly after 3pm. Um...no not gonna happen. On the way home at 5:30 we let them both eat candy just to stay awake.

 

[disneydancer1969]

after reading all these i am so nervous when miley grows up. she is in our room and as i type my husband is assembling her crib. tonight is the test run. i am so nervous! good luck with the problem and hope you hear some good responses

 

[Bird-Mom]

My dd is just a bit younger than yours (mine is 2 yr 3 months), and she is in our bed by mutual choice-she is still night nursing. However, she occasionally asks to sleep in big sister's room, so we will be getting her a big girl bed soon.

When my older dd was 2, we bought her a big girl bed and put it in our room right next to our bed. After a few months, we moved it across the room. This way we were right there if she needed us in the night. When she was 3.5, we moved and she got her own room. We talked it up a lot. She has stayed in that room just about every night. Occasionally we will wake up and find her in our bed, but that is rare.

I do not like the nanny's approach. It feels so harsh to me. Every time I saw that show, I wanted to jump through the tv and snuggle the child. There is no need to associate crying with sleep. I think there are much more gentle solutions. You are feeling like it is wrong in your gut; trust that. A 2 year old is so young; they need the security that mama is there and crying will just stress everyone out.

I highly recommend The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It is mostly geared towards babies, but I think there is a lot in there that will help with an older child.

I would make a nest for her next to your bed. You can either let her start the night there or let her know that she can come in during the night if she needs to, but she must sleep in her nest. Move the nest slowly until it is in her room. Laying in her room until she falls asleep is a great idea for starting her off in her own bed. She will eventually stay there.

As for naps, my older dd gave them up when she was the same age as your dd. My younger one gave them up at 22 months. Going to bed at 7:30 is pretty average, I think. We start the bedtime routine (bath, teeth, book, bed for the older one and bath, teeth, book, bed and nursing for the younger one) at 7:00 and they are both in dreamland by 7:45-8.

 

[petrymom]

good luck!!!! DD(7) was out of our bed for about 3 years. The last 3-4 months, she has insisted on falling asleep in our bed. I am usually on the computer, but she climbs in our bed and is out in 5 minutes. I guess I have come to the conclusion that nothing is being hurt by this, why can't she fall asleep in my room. She sleeps through the night in her bed once I move her. Sometimes, I even wake her slightly to have her help me lift her as she is rather heavy now.

 

[LaraK]

My theory is that good baby jails make good babies. We have gates everywhere (we have lots of stairs, so it's a safety thing too. DS hurdled the side of his crib at 15 mos. and had to go into a toddler bed. Needless to say, he was far too young to understand "stay in bed". I used to put him in bed with me and transition him when he fell asleep. At 2, he went into his bed awake. He screamed for a few nights, but it got better each night. When he sat up in bed, or got up, I closed my door for a few minutes (his room is directly down the hall from mine and he can see in my room). He stopped getting out of bed. He still calls me as he's falling asleep to make sure I'm here. I always reassure him that I'm here and tell him to go to sleep. He's sick alot, so sometimes I bring him in with me to watch him more carefully (he runs very high fevers frequently). The first night back in his bed is always a struggle, but I use the same transition tactics.

 

[kandb]

I agree to the gentler approach. I wouldn't leave my dc in a room screaming and getting histerical for me, what and how does a child feel when they are crying for their parent(s) and they lock them in their room and ignore them? I would get her her own bed and lay with her until she falls asleep. If she wakes up in the middle of the night, go in her room with her and lay in her bed until she falls back asleep. Eventually she will stay sleeping. My ds used to sleep with us and we got him into his own bed and this is how we did it with him. Most nights he sleeps thru and doesn't call for us. Good luck, Linda

 

[jodifla]

I agree to the gentler approach. I wouldn't leave my dc in a room screaming and getting histerical for me, what and how does a child feel when they are crying for their parent(s) and they lock them in their room and ignore them? I would get her her own bed and lay with her until she falls asleep. If she wakes up in the middle of the night, go in her room with her and lay in her bed until she falls back asleep. Eventually she will stay sleeping. My ds used to sleep with us and we got him into his own bed and this is how we did it with him. Most nights he sleeps thru and doesn't call for us. Good luck, Linda

Hmm. I always went with the tough love approach. My point of view is that we all needed to be in our own beds to get enough sleep, and that sleep was important to all of us.

I used Gina Ford's method's when my child was an infant, and he slept through the night at 6 weeks in his own crib. When we switched to a bed at around 2 1/2, we used the routine of taking him back to his own room, and we kept doing it, although my son gave up after about five times the first night, then about 3 the second night, then we were done.

When we moved when he was about 3, DH made the mistake of letting him sleep with us. Soon, none of us were sleeping well, so we had to start the process over again. This time though since we were in a new place, we took turns sleeping with him the first few nights. Then finally, I'd had enough (I don't sleep well in his bed) so I told him that I would take him back as many times as he came in my room, because nobody was getting any sleep. That was the last time I had to take him back to his room.

Good luck. I know it's hard. But just like being potty trained, sleeping on your own is something kids need to learn to do, for everybody's sake.

 

[Love the Mouse]

Thank you all for responding. I have tried to lay with her in her bed, read stories. She doesn't want to be in her room at all. Tonight I laid down in her bed and said, "Let's read some stories, Mommy will lay here with you. I will even sleep here with you." Her response is, "no, momma's room".

She won't even pretend that she wants to be in that bed. I am going to have a long road ahead of me. It seems as though since we moved 1 1/2 years ago, she just doesn't want to sleep in her room.

As a baby, she slept through the night at 5 -6 weeks. Waking up 1 time for a night feeding, but she was really a wonderful baby.

She fell asleep in our bed tonight, now I am going to try and move her to her bed. Hope this works.

Michaela

 

[MSSANDRA]

I hate to be the barrier of bad news but sometimes NOTHING works. I had one of those wonderful infants that slept in his own bed, all night, everynight almost from the start. Then I had this bright idea that he was almost three and needed a big bed. He hated it from day one. We fought with him forever to keep him in his bed. We put him back every single time 15 or more times a night for weeks and it never worked. We tried sitting by his bed till be went to sleep. He woke up EVERY time. We tried to let him cry it out and make him stay in his room one night and it was awful. Never again did we do that. WE finally just gave up and let him sleep with us. Not what I really wanted but at least we all got some sleep. About 4 or 5 he moved to the floor on a mat, but when DH started working away at night he moved back in with me. He would sleep on his mat on the floor when his daddy was home.
Now this kids was so easy in every other way except for bedtime that we just decided that he really still needed to be near us. Of course he finally moved out of our room ,but now even as a teen he sleeps on the couch a lot more than his own room.
Try it all but realize sometimes you do what you have to do to get everyone some sleep!!!!!

 

[badblackpug]

I think the best advice for all is "Don't start it." Have your kids sleep in their own bed (crib, bassinet, whatever) from day one. We had DD come to us at 2 and she had been sleeping in the bed with her bio mom or grandmother from day 1. Now, I cannot sllep in the bed with a child. "You will roll over and smother the baby." subconsciously repeats itself in my head all night, and I cannot get a good night's sleep.
...and for those of you that think that rolling over and smothering the baby is an urban legend...I am an ED nurse and I have, personally, seen on 3 different occasions, infants that have smothered to death in adult beds. Trust me, it is something for which you will never forgive yourself.
We, also, went by the "tough love" method. We established a bedtime routine. A bath, a story (in bed) and then lights out. There was screaming and crying but we just kept putting her back in the bed, gently reminding her that she needed to slep in her own bed in her own room. After a while she just wore out and fell asleep. We also used the baby gate method for those REALLY impossible nights when everyone was at their wits' end. Eventually, she slept in her own bed. Just rmember: Routine, routine, routine, and firm limits. Do not give in to the screaming, that just reinforces the behavior.
ALWAYS heap on lots of praise in the morning when she has slept the night in her own bed.
...and the "they will grow out of it eventually" theory? My friend has a 9 y/o that still sleeps in her bed, and she has to go to bed at the same time as him because he WILL NOT sleep alone.

 

[Minnie824]

Well, I'm on child #2 getting moved to a bed and each child is definitely different. With my first, she would not sleep well from baby on...i tried the book recommended above which was good, however didn't work for my DD. Reason being was, she held her breath til she'd almost pass out. This was from the time she was a baby til she was almost 2. So, we had to let her fall asleep and move her. When she got her big girl bed she transitioned fine, then started coming into our room at 1am. Tried the gate, she screamed. Tried laying in her room with her, started taking over an hour and I'd fall asleep before her. Finally, I told her I would count puppies and sheepies w/her and once all of them were asleep (counted to 10 for each) that I had to leave. Also, every night I told her Id be back to check on her in a set amount of min...started with 5, then 10, etc. Although she didnt understand how many min it was, she knew I'd be back and then eventually just started falling asleep. Now shes 5 and she's asleep normally within 2 min of when she goes to bed.

My 2nd one, well, she loved her crib....slept thru the night since she was 3 mos old. Just got her a big girl bed 2 weeks ago. Slept fine in it, but this weekend decided to wander around when she got up in the morning and during naptime. So, we're trying the gate first with her. It doesnt bother her. She stayed in her room last night (1st time w/the gate) and was fine. Now I'm just waiting until she tries to climb over the gate. Good luck.

 

[100AcreWood]

We are having a similar problem with dd (age 4). She started waking in the middle of the night four months ago. Currently if she has a bad dream/scared we let her come into our room and sleep on a twin inflated mattress. I call it the special bed. We're trying our best to get her to sleep through the night again - we're all sooo tired.

She becomes histerical if I comfort her and try to get her back to sleep in her own bed. I just started reading the Sleep Lady book (Good Night, Sleep Tight). We're hoping to start trying the "shuffle" on Friday since we both work. Dh isn't holding much hope but it's worth a shot. I may try moving her inflated mattress closer to the door each night too -that's a good idea. It's very frustrating to have a child that has sleep problems but this is just a phase. I had problems as a child too and I'm still mad at how my mother handled it. She was not sympathetic and I remember laying in my bed terrified something would get me. It's irrational to us, but not to them.

The shuffle concept is basically sitting in a chair next to their bed and over a course of three weeks you "wean" them from needing your help to fall asleep. And basically do the same for middle of the night wakings.