OT - Mom of DD(2) HOW DO I GET HER BACK IN HER OWN BED?

[kaysmommie]

I am sorry but this drives me insane!!! Let me say that I don't care if you co-sleep or not. The thing that makes me so mad is when people and pediatricians especially scold a Mom for letting their kids sleep in bed with them. There is no harm in letting a child sleep in bed with their parents. It's not like they are going to be 20 cuddling in between Mom and Dad! It's like they want to tell you what to do because THEY don't like it. Well- how are the sleeping arrangements in my house affecting anyone but us? If my kids need to snuggle with me to get a good night's sleep and I get to sleep as well then so be it. I hate when Peds try to make you out to be a bad parent for that. Um excuse me- the Ped will not be up all night with my kids! I am not telling anyone what to do as it is a personal choice, but I just find it annoying when they try to make you feel bad for doing something that works for your family. Sorry to hijack but I couldn't help myself. Parents need support not scoldings.

I agree with you! But I do want DD to get back to her own perfectful beautiful bedroom now that she is 6. I'm starting to think she will never leave. I don't listen to the ped about too much these days.

 

[kaysmommie]

I'm still in the trial and error process but one thing I read is explaining to an older child that everyone in the family needs a good night sleep and how sleep is important to us (health reasons, able to think, energy to play, etc.).

We also put up a sticker chart and if dd fills up the chart she gets to go to the build a bear store this weekend. She is excited at the idea so we'll see how it goes!

Good luck!

I tried to tell DD she would get to go Libby Lu after only 1 night staying in her and it still didn't work, she came into our room at 1:00am. Good luck and hope she gets to go to Build a bear. Good thing she is the size of a 4 yr. old.

 

[Julie_Loves_Disney]

My now 5-year-old was coming into my room with "bad dreams." I think she was only coming in because she just woke up. I could tell when something was scaring her or not. All she wanted was for me to walk her back upstairs and tuck her back in. Then there I would be back in my bed. AWAKE! I got fed up with the wakings, so we started a reward system. She collects 1 marble for each night she stays in her bed. She earns marbles for other things she does (cleaning up, sharing with sister, etc.) She can get a small item each week with her earned marbles, or she can choose to save them up for a bigger prize. She's always opted for saving for about a month, and she buys a DVD of her choice. She hasn't woken me once since we started this. We've also started consequences of taking marbles away for bad behaviors. Hope it will work for someone else!

 

[badblackpug]

I think a lot of ped "scold" because co-sleeping IS a safety issue. The risk of SIDS, suffocation, and injuries from falling out of an adult bed are real, but I think the issue here is, like another poster stated, most of the people posting REALLY want the kids in their own beds. I, for one, know that I cannot get a decent night's sleep with a child in the bed. I agree with the poster who said that if you don't want to share your bed for the long term, don't start sharing it at all. I do have a friend her son is 10 (I previously posted 9, but I realize now that he is 10) who still sleeps in her bed on a nightly basis. He will not sleep in his own room, although it is filled with everything imaginable and very lavishly decorated. I do think that she is part of the issue because she is the type of mom that finds it easier to give in rather than to deal with the behavior.
He started sleeping in the bed like this: She was nursing him as an infant and it is "just easier to keep him in bed because he nurses at night" At the time I warned her against it, just having finished the struggle with DD (who came to us at 2 only ever having slept with bio mom then grandma)
I think that everyone on here has had great suggestions, and I think for people struggling with this issue there are a lot of different approaches and hopefully you can find one that works for you.

 

[Bird-Mom]

I think a lot of ped "scold" because co-sleeping IS a safety issue. The risk of SIDS, suffocation, and injuries from falling out of an adult bed are real, but I think the issue here is, like another poster stated, most of the people posting REALLY want the kids in their own beds. I, for one, know that I cannot get a decent night's sleep with a child in the bed. I agree with the poster who said that if you don't want to share your bed for the long term, don't start sharing it at all. I do have a friend her son is 10 (I previously posted 9, but I realize now that he is 10) who still sleeps in her bed on a nightly basis. He will not sleep in his own room, although it is filled with everything imaginable and very lavishly decorated. I do think that she is part of the issue because she is the type of mom that finds it easier to give in rather than to deal with the behavior.
He started sleeping in the bed like this: She was nursing him as an infant and it is "just easier to keep him in bed because he nurses at night" At the time I warned her against it, just having finished the struggle with DD (who came to us at 2 only ever having slept with bio mom then grandma)
I think that everyone on here has had great suggestions, and I think for people struggling with this issue there are a lot of different approaches and hopefully you can find one that works for you.

I just wanted to point out that there are safety issues with every kind of sleeping arrangement. Co-sleeping is the norm in most of the world. SIDS is actually one of the reasons TO co-sleep. Research has shown that moms who co-sleep are more tuned into babe's breathing and will wake if the breathing pattern changes. I have been co-sleeping with one and/or two since my oldest daughter was born 4.5 years ago. Blankets, bumpers, stuffies and other things in cribs are dangerous too. Suffocation is not a risk inherent to co-sleeping; there are other risk factors such as parents who drink or take medication or who may be obese. It is these risk factors that could present in suffocation. As for injuries, it is common sense not to put a rolling baby in a bed without a guardrail or not to put a baby between a wall and a parent.

Peds should not be "scolding" anyone. You are their employer, and while it is fine to share advice or opinions if asked, it is not fine to scold, implying that the parent is doing something wrong. If co-sleeping is wrong, then so is much of the world.

As for your friend, I agree. It is much easier to night nurse and co-sleep. I am still night nursing my 2 year old, and I would be a complete zombie if I had to get up to nurse her several times/night. There is such an emphasis on making babies independant, and I find that sad. They grow up too fast as it is.

I think it is very rare that you find a 10 year old co-sleeper. I would venture to say that there is something else going on in that child's life that needs attention. But, if it works for that family, it is not up to anyone to judge.

 

[belle&beast]

I would hate to see this thread get off topic. Nobody is debating whether or not to co-sleep, the OP wants ideas to get her DD back into her own bed.

OP, how is it going?

 

[Love the Mouse]

I would hate to see this thread get off topic. Nobody is debating whether or not to co-sleep, the OP wants ideas to get her DD back into her own bed.

Thank you all for all suggestions!

Things are going well, but we are having some bumps in the road. Just as I get her settled into a rountine of sleeping in her own bed, we end up going somewhere and staying in a strange bed. EXAMPLE: We went and picked up her bed, and stayed in the area to go shopping in Reading, PA (at the outlets) so we stayed in a hotel room. Then back in her new bed and mattress on Thursday night. Then this past weekend we went to my Aunt's house for a family "camping trip" and we all slept in sleeping bags on the floor.

Last night was the first night back in her bedroom and it didn't go so well. She woke at about 2am and wanted to sleep in our bed. I said no and tried to rock her back to sleep. I tried laying down in bed with her, she didn't want that either, so we ended up sleeping on the couch downstairs.

I refuse to let her back into our bed. I don't have a problem co-sleeping. As a matter of fact, I LOVE watching her sleep, but just as another posted wrote, DH and I want our life back. We want to be able to go to bed and not worry about her sleeping in our bed and we will certainly not make the same mistake again if we are blessed with another child.

Thank you again for all of your advice and ideas. It is just going to take several days for her to get used to her bed and bedroom again. Now that I have done it, I am confident that I can get her through the "rough" nights and eventually get her sleeping all night.

Michaela

 

[kaysmommie]

Good luck getting her bak into her new bed. My DD is at her grammy's tonight so I will ahve some room to sleep. Just you like said, our second child DS2 has never slept in our bed and it will stay that way, besides there is no room with DD . He didn't sleep weel in his bed after getting back from Disney. He got used to everyone being in one room. Also the Poly beds are so comfy, he said he loved that bed. Keep us updated.

 

[LUV4EEYORE]

This may sound silly and you may have checked this but have you ever went in her room and shut the door by yourself and listened? My co worker's niece had a hard time getting her son to stay in his room he seemed scared. Her husband was in there one night and heard a strange sound. It was a piece of plastic in the ac vent. after that their son slept in ther with no problems. Just a thought in case.

 

[ilovejack02]

But there are 8 and 9 year olds sleeping in bed with their folks. Fine if you want that, but as you can see, many people don't care for it. What was cute as a baby gets bone-tiring when they are a thrashing about preschooler or older.

I agree that it's easiest to never start co-sleeping if you don't want to do it for a really long time. As I stated earlier, we started it for a bit after we moved when DS was 3. Or should I say, DH started it, and a couple weeks later he was really sorry. It was a rough week or so, but being consistent helps, and laying down with them in their bed is far superior to keeping them in your bed. At least that way, one parent gets a decent night sleep.

I have to agree... co sleeping does not work for us. DS is too big now and we dont get any sleep while he flips and flops all over the bed. As far not seeing 20 yr olds sleeping with parents thats prob true BUT... my brother in law slept in my inlaws room until he was 12... how about that for a pain in the behind. It was on the floor and he never started in there but just about every night ended up in there. My MIL said it def. did cramp their "style" LOL. Go figure my DH never ever slept with my inlaws.

 

[lovetheworld]

The music thing is great *showing my age* My parents used to let us load like 5 45's onto the record player to listen to while falling asleep. I think some nice, soft, soothing classical would really do the trick.

.....and a true Jersey Girl would have mentioned what turnpike exit she lived off of! If she could remember, what with all the brain damage from the fumes from Aqua Net white can, used to style her "big hair" in the '80's!

Sorry you are right! Exit 4....yes the fumes just cleared from 1985!

 

[badblackpug]

I would hate to see this thread get off topic. Nobody is debating whether or not to co-sleep, the OP wants ideas to get her DD back into her own bed.

OP, how is it going?

Thank you.

Someone else suggested to me that with the older ones 4, 5, or 6 or so to try this tactic: If Suzie keeps getting up in the night, coming into your room and waking you, the next night put them to bed an hour early explaining "You and Mommy and Daddy need to get extra sleep tonight because last night no-one slept very well. You got up lots of times and that means we had to get up, too. So, from now on we will go to bed extra early on the nights that we get up so that we all get enough sleep." She said it only took a couple of early bedtimes for her kid to catch on to the idea that she had to stay in bed at night.

Lovetheworld: Exit 2

 

[emh1129]

I just wanted to point out that there are safety issues with every kind of sleeping arrangement. Co-sleeping is the norm in most of the world. SIDS is actually one of the reasons TO co-sleep. Research has shown that moms who co-sleep are more tuned into babe's breathing and will wake if the breathing pattern changes. I have been co-sleeping with one and/or two since my oldest daughter was born 4.5 years ago. Blankets, bumpers, stuffies and other things in cribs are dangerous too. Suffocation is not a risk inherent to co-sleeping; there are other risk factors such as parents who drink or take medication or who may be obese. It is these risk factors that could present in suffocation. As for injuries, it is common sense not to put a rolling baby in a bed without a guardrail or not to put a baby between a wall and a parent.

Peds should not be "scolding" anyone. You are their employer, and while it is fine to share advice or opinions if asked, it is not fine to scold, implying that the parent is doing something wrong. If co-sleeping is wrong, then so is much of the world.

As for your friend, I agree. It is much easier to night nurse and co-sleep. I am still night nursing my 2 year old, and I would be a complete zombie if I had to get up to nurse her several times/night. There is such an emphasis on making babies independant, and I find that sad. They grow up too fast as it is.

I think it is very rare that you find a 10 year old co-sleeper. I would venture to say that there is something else going on in that child's life that needs attention. But, if it works for that family, it is not up to anyone to judge.

I know the thread has been pretty much wrapped up, but I just wanted to say Couldn't agree more

 

[emh1129]

Thank you again for all of your advice and ideas. It is just going to take several days for her to get used to her bed and bedroom again. Now that I have done it, I am confident that I can get her through the "rough" nights and eventually get her sleeping all night.

The transition can be tough sometimes. We tried a few different things to get ds in his own bed. It's different for every child, but it helped us to buy him a neat nightlight (he got a really neat Buzz Lightyear one). We also had transition time, so when it was bedtime, I would tuck him in and read some stories. Most of the time he would fall asleep while I was reading, so it was pretty easy Eventually he just got used to sleeping there. It was really important to us to not make it a struggle or an upsetting thing.

We always make sure that his door is open and he knows that he can come to us if he needs us, so I think that makes him feel more secure. There are still nights where he sleeps with us, if he's not feeling well, for example, and that's fine with me.
DD still sleeps with us, but she's only 23 months, so we won't move her for a while. I'm not sure what will entice her when the time comes, but I'm thinking maybe a new princess bed set She is so into the princesses right now!

Good luck!

 

[jayhjay]

My good friend dealt with this with her 2 yo. He slept in his room, but had wouldn't fall asleep (or go back to sleep when he woke up) w/o her lying down with him in his bed. She was up multiple times a night with him and he was scared to be alone.

She put him in his bed and sat in a chair right next to him until he fell asleep. When he woke up (which he did almost every night) she would get out of bed and go back and sit there until he fell asleep (or her DH would).

After a day or two she moved the chair back to the middle of the room, then the door, then outside... It took a fairly short time (less than 2 weeks) for him to not need her and to stay asleep most nights. He got comfortable enough in his room/bed alone that even when he woke up at night, he'd go back to sleep on his own.

This solution was nice b/c it avoided the crying. She was physically there, but not engaged with him (no talking). And she wasn't having to lie down in his bed. It took several nights of sitting (and waking up at night to sit) but he is a good sleeper now.

I know yours is in your room, but maybe if you sat in her room, this could work for you. Especially if you tell her your room is not an option. I had lots of trouble getting my youngest to go to sleep, and I really think they push when they know you are weakening. If you stand firm on the "in your own room" rule long enough, she will learn that she won't be able to manipulate you out of it.

Good luck!