OT-Kids say the funniest things

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Once when my son was about 3 we invited a new classmate and her parents over for a playdate. When I opened the door my son ran up and announced "Hi Katie! I'm screwing my Nana! Want to help?"
She said "sure" and the two ran off, while we adults stood there, shocked for a moment before I said "I have no idea what he's doing, but I think we'd better check". My mom was in our kitchen standing stock still like the rusted Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, and my son was "fixing his robot" using a toy electric screw driver.

My other favorite is once when I took my son, who is adopted and a different race than I am, to the park and met a new little boy. The little boy asked me about five times "Are you his mom?", "Really, truly are you his mom?", "I don't think you're his mom, are you?." I kept waiting for his dad to say something, and when it was clear he wasn't I started to say something about families not having to match when the kid said "Funny, you look too old to be his mom." The dad was mortified and pointed out the the child that his wife (the child's mom) was significantly older than I was. I just laughed and told the father "Gee, that wasn't where I thought he was going with that line of questioning."

 

[tink&cinderella]

Last week my dd 4 in a restaurant during dinner placed her hands on her daddy's cheeks and with all seriousness said "daddy, you take my breath away".

She said it so loudly the neighbouring table started to laugh. I then figured out that she had just seen "Casper meets Wendy" and that the scene in which she had seen this referred to bad breath.

I told my husband that this may not have been a compliment.

Today in the car my older dd 8 said "oh my God" and my dd 4 said "mommy Jessica said a bad word" ( they are not allowed to say oh my god as they go to a christian daycare). My dd 4 then corrected her older sister and said it's "oh my christian"- everyone was in stitches.

Where does she get this stuff from?

 

[susykt4]

I cleaned some unneeded stuff out of the bag I take to work and left it on the kitchen counter to put away later. A few minutes later DS3 comes up and asks "What's this?" A tampon. "It goes in the bathroom?" Yep. "You stick it in your booty?" Ummmmmmm... Yep.

I didn't feel like explaining menstruation but I'll probably feel even less like explaining to the ER doc why my 3-yr-old son has a tampon jammed up his butt!!!

 

[magicmato]

LMAO. My darling 2 year old came up with another one last night.

DH was giving the girls a bath while I cleaned up in the kitchen. I could hear them talking and DD2 asked to get out and use the potty. A few minutes later I hear this laughter coming from the bathroom. I walk in and DH is sitting on the side of the tub laughing.

He said, "You have to see this!"

She was sitting on the potty, legs spread. She smiled at me and then reached down and grabbed her nethers and proceeded to use it as a puppet. "Hello mama!" she said and giggled. "How are you?" wiggle wiggle "My butt is talking!"

Now I ask ya, where does she get this stuff? lol

 

[Aliisa]

I was reading a book to my DDs preschool class about a little boy who's parents nicknamed him "stinky pants". At the end of the book I asked the kids if their parents had any nicknames for them. Some raised their hands and said things like " hunny" or "sweetie pie", but one little boy raised his hand and said, "My Dad called me an idiot this morning"

I have another
My DD was practicing her letters one day. She was working on her letter I when I noticed she was making them curvy instead of staight. I told her they should be a nice straight line, and she said, "I already know that, I'm writing my Is in Spanish"

 

[mouseketeer_mom]

One day last year, I picked my DS up from his half day Kindergarten and then told the kids (B/G twins age 3 at the time) that we were going to McDonalds for lunch and that daddy was going to try to meet us there. Enroute, hubby called, apologized but he had been held up at work and couldn't make it. No problem, I still take the kids. As we pulled into the parking lot, I explained that daddy didn't think he was going to be able to make it. As we were eating, my kids suddenly shouted (loudly, of course) "Daddy made it! It's daddy!" I turned my head and sure enough, a vehicle identitical to one that my husband drives pulls into the parking lot. Now, I can see a little higher than they can. The man that exits this vehicle is most definitely NOT my husband. So, I calmly and quietly explain to my kids that this is not daddy. We have that quiet, hushed conversation with me saying "no, honey, it's not daddy" "but mom, it's daddy's truck" "no, honey it just looks like daddy's truck" At that moment this man enters the McDonalds just in time to hear my daughter proclaim in her loudest, most distressed 3 year old voice "mommy that IS my daddy and stop saying he's NOT!" as she stands pointing at a complete stranger but looking directly at me. I could have just died!

By all means, feel free to chuckle at my expense several other customers did that day. I have two other pretty good ones. I'll try to get posted later.

 

[maxtomsmom]

I have one that keeps us rolling-

When my older DS, who was a little over 2 1/2 ,was being potty trained we use to model sitting (peeing)on the toilet and doing the whole thing. One day he wanted to watch me do it so he's looking at me with a very strange look. I asked him what's wrong? Here's the edited conversation as follows:

He replied, "Mommy where's your p----?" (we use the correct terminology)
I explained the difference between boys and girls and
he said, "Oh, that's ok mommy, Grammy and I will go to the toy store and buy you one (a p----).

I laughed so hard. He then said, "No really mommy, we will go today. Grammy said we're going to the toy store and I will ask the store lady where the p---- is?"


I just laughed. Like I said it's a keeper. My son was famous for a few other run of the mouth things. I will post more later.

 

[btass]

When my DS was four he was in the car with his father driving and saw a women walking along the road. He said "Daddy, roll the window down, I wanna tell that lady she has a nice booty!"

And another:

We had to pick up our DS at my sister's on the way home from a trip to Baltimore once with two unexpected guests in the backseat so it was a little squished for all three of them back there. They are all talking and all of a sudden DS ,then 5, says "you know, mommy brought me to the bank and they took all my money and won't give it back!"

 

[maxtomsmom]

Once when my DS, who was three at the time, was in the car with my mom and her life partner they were arguing a little and he said, "Oh shut up you two old bags!" They quickly stopped arguing and started laughing. I guess he had enough.


Another time my two DS and I were in a mall and my older son saw a man dressed in all white and asked him if he was a ghost. The man replied with a smile, "Boo!" My DS came back to me and said he had just seen a ghost. After that he believed ghosts were friendly.

 

[Perditamarie]

Oh these stories are great.. Have to throw a few in:

We live in New England and there are many old, quaint churches with white clapboards. When my dd3 sees them, she points and excitedly exclaims "Cinderella's castle!". She also likes "sprinklers" on her donuts.

When my ds was 3 I would tuck him in bed at night and say "I love you" and he would reply "I love me too". His favorite colors are blue and chocolate.

 

[LaraK]

I have another one...DD was taking a bath and was angry with me because I was doing a "no-nonsense" bath (i.e. no play time). She said something to me and I said "well I guess it's time to trade me in on a new mommy"....she paused for a minute and said..."no I LIKE you, but sometimes you JUST don't UNDERSTAND!".... Four going on 16!

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

She also likes "sprinklers" on her donuts.

This made me smile as our kids always ask for "sparkles" on their donuts!

 

[jeepgirl30]

Once we were shopping at the mall and this woman walks out of a store with the man and she is dressed in all black with her black hair all teased, wearing black fishnets and high heels.

DD (3 at the time) pipes up "Look Mommy, its Cruella Deville". The man burst out laughing but I don't think the woman heard. We popped into the closest store I could find!

 

[Kellyscrapbooks]

My favorite was last week when my 5 year old came up with "Mommy sometimes girls and monkeys think exactly alike."
Don't know where he got that one, but I loved it!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Several years ago, we took our boys for their first trip to Disneyland. They were 5 and 2 at the time (they're now 11 and 8). We spent 2 days and Disneyland and 1 day at Legoland and had a wonderful time. On the last day of the trip, we loaded up the car and went to the IHOP across from Disneyland for breakfast. The older one understood that we were driving home that day but apparently the little guy didn't. As we drove by the big Disneyland sign on the way to the freeway, the little guy pointed and said, "I go Ninnyland! I go Ninnyland!" Then he started to cry. It was heartbreaking and funny at the same time! He had finally realized the trip was over. Both of our boys still say, "I go Ninnyland" whenever we talk about a trip to Disney!

 

[singingpixie]

I don't have kids, but here's a story that still gets told around my family:

When I was about 3, my dad had a vasectomy. I was in the toy store with my aunt, and we passed the aisle with the baby toys. I promptly informed her that we couldn't go there, because we wouldn't have any more babies-- "because daddy got neutered."

 

[Ash aka sky]

Just last week my 2 (almost 3 year old) was in the living room watching Mickey Mouse Club House on playhouse disney when she starts singing

'It's the Mickey Mouse CRACK house, come inside, it's fun inside'.

I know she has no idea what a crack house is but I was in the kitchen, hand over mouth just at the whole thing.

Ash

 

[Ash aka sky]

In England there is a candy called Bassets Licorice Allsorts (yummy but thats another story). Anyhow the logo for the candy is Berty Basset, a little guy made from pieces of the candy.

Years ago Bassets had a promotion where you clipped tokens from the packet for a free Berty Plush, one of the large local stores had a huge Blow up Berty hanging above the candy to promote the free plush offer.

In walks my cousin (I think she was 4 at the time) with her mum, spots Berty and runs through the store yelling at the top of her voice 'mummy, mummy I want a dirty ba***rd man'. Sure you can imagine how my aunt felt.


Ash

 

[Ash aka sky]

From my daughter being born when ever she had a dirty diaper we would playfully say about her being stinky. When she started to potty train we would ask if she was stinky and if she needed a wipe'.

Anyhow we were in a store a few weeks back and she asked to go potty so I took her to the bathroom and as I was in there anyway I thought I may as well go too. Doing the usual female thing, wiping everytime, my daughter announces 'mommy needs a wipe, mommy stinks'.

I would love to know why when they say things like that they have to do it in the loudest voice possible.

Ash

 

[Ash aka sky]

One of my mothers favorite stories was about my brother (4 at the time and now in his 30's).

Anyhow her and my aunt had picked him up from morning Kindergarten (pre school) and he had told them the teacher had read to them the story about the GingerBread Man. I am not sure if you are familiar with the story in the US, but it is about a cookie that comes to life and runs away because he does not want to be eaton.

So my mum and aunt decide to go shopping in the afternoon stopping off at a little cafe for lunch. They order lunch with a Asian Indian server whom my brother is watching very intently. Then my brother climbs up on his chair and before my mother could do anything he is yelling very loudly 'look, look it's the gingerbread man, mummy it's the gingerbread man'.

She said thankfully the server seemed to speak very little english but everyone else in the cafe was cracking up with laughter.