OT: Kids at inappropriate movies

[wrldpossibility]

DH just went to the movies last night, and we had our usual discussion about kids watching grown-up movies, because every time we go (fairly often), we see young kids watching movies I'd say are inappropriate for whatever reason. It really makes my blood boil, and while DH agrees that the kids shouldn't be there, he thinks I overreact. So I thought I'd ask you all!

The cases I'm talking about are when I see quite young kids in movies with their parents or older siblings that are rated PG-13 and above. I'm not debating what tweens or teens watch (although I'm sure I disapprove there too! ) For instance, last night DH and I got a sitter and saw The Break Up. I think it was PG-13. Basically a pretty mild movie for adults...but plenty of language, adult themes, sexual references (although no outright sex scenes). Sitting right behind us was a mother and her children, the youngest being approximately 5. I'm guessing on her age, but she couldn't have been older than 7. The whole time I'm watching, I can't help but be aware of what she's seeing/hearing. Not to mention that the movie started at 8, and by 9:30 she was asking her mom to leave because she was so tired and bored. She finally fell asleep.

A few months ago, we were in the movie Waiters (DH's pick...kind of funny but SO obscene), and it was FILLED with sex and jokes related to it. Rated R. Right near us was a little boy. The worst was that he laughed at all the right times (I was hoping he WOULDN'T get the jokes, but apparently it wasn't new to him).

I admit I am VERY strict about movies and other media with my children, but am I wrong that this is inappropriate? I remember another time watching something scary (for adults) that a little girl cried in terror through, but no one took her out. I feel it's very selfish of parents to subject their young kids to all this stuff just because they want to see a movie. These children are losing their innocence way too young. Some stuff in movies shockes ME still!

Am I overreacting? Maybe I am, because I don't even approve of many "kid" movies (although CARS was good, but I digress!)

 

[dolphindan1]

I say you are over reacting....probably to the point where you are too worried about your surroundings and not focused and enjoying the movie....Each family has there on perspective of raising there kids....I dont thin one is right or wrong....In my experience the over strict are the ones that have children that rebel has they get older....these children are older for there age than when i was young....they are going to experience alot of this at elementary school...I know my 9 year old has said things that schocked the tar out of me....I am strict when it comes to grades and courtesy and respect but a little more open minded when it comes to television and stuff....I dont promote older stuff/adult movies but if they ask and want to see it I try to accomodate....I always ask afterwards do you understand what happened or have any questions....I think of it as a learning experience for my child and myself for that matter....Now will i let my 9 year old watch porn...of course not....but he has watched movies like dodgeball, American wedding,....Prime example....on my sons bus last year while he was in 2nd grade 2 3rd grade boys on the bus were giving each other oral sex...gross I know, terrible for other kids to witness but it happened....I am glad that I can be in some sort of control of wat the watch but I cannot be in control of what happens when they head to school....I say go and enjoy yourself and the movie and as long as they are not disruptive just let it be...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I can understand how you feel but to be quite honest we don't go by ratings for what our kids watch. Our kids have seen Batman, Spiderman, Fantastic Four etc. I am not sure of the ratings but I can assure you they aren't G rated. We have no problems with our kids watching superhero movies or certain other types of movies. My DS (just turned 4) also loves to watch Rent. He loves the music and while he may not understand everything he does understand quite a bit. We personally feel that it is okay to expose our kids to as much culture as possible. (dh and I were music majors in college) I have also taken my kids to a movie that doesn't end until around 9 or 9:30. It is a special treat. Even if I was home they would not be asleep at 8:00. That being said we take it on a movie by movie basis. No- I would not take them to see the Break Up or any other adult type movie that they would have no interest in. As far as horror movies- I would never take my dd but my oldest ds(4) LOVES horror movies. He watches Ghost Hunters all the time! That show creeps me out! So- while you may not agree with other's choices, they know their kids. We personally don't agree with being super strict with tv but that is our choice. We don't expect anyone else to be that way and we certainly aren't annoyed that you are. JMHO.

 

[wrldpossibility]

I say you are over reacting....probably to the point where you are too worried about your surroundings and not focused and enjoying the movie....Each family has there on perspective of raising there kids....I dont thin one is right or wrong....In my experience the over strict are the ones that have children that rebel has they get older....these children are older for there age than when i was young....they are going to experience alot of this at elementary school...I know my 9 year old has said things that schocked the tar out of me....I am strict when it comes to grades and courtesy and respect but a little more open minded when it comes to television and stuff....I dont promote older stuff/adult movies but if they ask and want to see it I try to accomodate....I always ask afterwards do you understand what happened or have any questions....I think of it as a learning experience for my child and myself for that matter....Now will i let my 9 year old watch porn...of course not....but he has watched movies like dodgeball, American wedding,....Prime example....on my sons bus last year while he was in 2nd grade 2 3rd grade boys on the bus were giving each other oral sex...gross I know, terrible for other kids to witness but it happened....I am glad that I can be in some sort of control of wat the watch but I cannot be in control of what happens when they head to school....I say go and enjoy yourself and the movie and as long as they are not disruptive just let it be...

While we disagree in general, I just wanted to say WOW...and sorry that that happened in front of your DS on the school bus. My son would never be on that bus again, and I'm sorry yours had to experience it. No, we can't control everything at school, but we are advocates for our kids, and that school would be hearing from me (and everyone else!) Your poor son!

 

[Hannathy]

I agree with Mouse House Mama. I go on the movie not the rating,and I care more about the level of sex than violence or even cursing. Kids can be taught what innappropriate language for kids is. My son loves the Lord of the Rings series has seen all numerous times and is just now 7, same for all the Star Wars, Spiderman etc. I also agree that the overly strict ones have kids who go crazy when they finally get some freedom - like the kids who get their cookies carefully doled out at home are the ones who grab with two fists when you put a plate in front of them at your house.

The time is no big deal not all kids go to bed at 8, mine never went before 10 even during school. And my 7 yr old went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter.

I do agree that if the child is not interested and disturbing others they should be taken out or not brought in the first place.

 

[wrldpossibility]

Just to clarify, I don't think the actual rating is the most important factor either. I was just trying to be specific about the examples I posted. My boys love Star Wars. I have no idea what those are rated. It definitely depends on the movie and the child. And I understand the bedtime thing.

You can't go only by rating because there's high brow culture and low brow, and both may be rated the same thing. Someone mentioned Rent. I'd consider that high brow and worth children viewing and discussing, since it tells a worthy message, but it may be rated the same as something filled with language and questionable content just for it's own sake. So it always depends.

The same idea goes for the superhero movies. If that's something that your child loves, I'd allow it, since they contain positive messages. I'm open minded in that I don't eliminate a movie strictly based on rating or any other isolated thing. But if it's a steady stream of adult content that's over my child's head (or at least should be), they can wait to see it when they're older.

 

[laceemouse]

I totally agree with the OP. Young kids exposed to this kind of stuff is disgusting to me, no wonder those kids were doing that on the bus. Our society is quickly heading to a time when childhood is no longer sacred. Then what gets me the most, parents seem amazed that kids are growing up so fast these days! Jeez, parents have no one to blame but themselves. We never see that kind of stuff at the movies because frankly Dh and I never go to any movies except the ones that our kids can see too. I can think of a few PG-13 movies that we have all seen, like HP or POTC, but I think most of them are just way too sexual for young kids. This kind of stuff just fuels the pervs into thinking everything with kids is okay, I mean most parents don't seem to mind their kids knowing about all of it right? I don't think you are being too sensitive at all, I think society is going to h&ll in a handbasket! Sex is just a big joke to most people, so sad.

 

[laceemouse]

I also agree with you that those parents are just plain selfish. They think they have to see this hot new movie and no stupid kid is going to get in the way of them seeing it! So when their kid is pregnant at 13 who are they gonna blame? I think in the case of R films the theathers should not allow it....off soapbox now!

 

[Feralpeg]

I don't approve of taking young children to movies that will most likely scare them such as horror movies or movies with graphic violence. For instance, I couldn't believe the number of small children in the Lord Of The Rings movies who were obviously scared. I was horrified when I saw young children in Saving Private Ryan. I also don't think children should be subjected to movies with graphic sex.

That being said, I don't have a problem with people taking children to movies that are PG-13 such as the one the OP referenced. IMHO, some parents shelter their children too much. I always let DD watch adult primetime shows on TV with me when she was young. Sometimes, she would ask questions because she didn't understand what was going on. I used those questions as an opportunity to discuss things with her.

Again, it is just my opinion, but you can shelter children too much. In school, they will hear things that would shock most parents. I know. I've been in classrooms and couldn't believe the conversations I overheard between young kids. I once overheard a conversation between three 8 year old boys. One was telling the others what it means to be gay. If that wasn't bad enough, he was giving false information.

Wouldn't you rather have your kids learn about life with you so you can explain the good and the bad rather than having them hear it from their peers? If they hear it from other kids, you don't have any way of correcting misinformation. JMHO.

 

[minkydog]

I think we sometimes see kids in inappropriate movies because it is cheaper to take them than pay a babysitter. Parents assume the jokes will fly over their heads, and maybe they do. However, I am one who believes that small children just don't need to be exposed to PG-13 stuff. My kids are older now, but we had pretty strict guidelines for movie viewing and it depended more on the content than the rating. For instance, "Jurassic Park" was off-limits to my 8yo DD because I knew she would be up half the night. However when her older brother was 8yo, he went to see it because I knew he would not have nightmares(in fact, he spent the whole time studying the special effects and trying to figure out how they made the dinos so real--this is my film school man,haha).

Content and message are everything. We still don't watch the "Ace Ventura" movies because of the crude humor but "LOTR" is a favorite of both kids. I personally think every high school student should see "Schindler's List" and "Saving Private Ryan", both R-rated, but i do not extend that to "Wedding Crashers" or "The Libertine",also rated R.

Every family make their own decisions. I wouldn't make a big deal with another parent if they want to bring their 4yo to see "Blood Beach" but I think it's not a wise idea.

 

[Evil Queen]

I go by the theme of the movie more than the rating. My son learns more about the world on the news, than from any movie. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And learns even more from his classmates.

I do teach him what is appropriate and what isn't. Example, last night I slipped up, because the cat scared me and said, "B.K. (the cat) you scared the pi*s out of me.". He had heard the word at school, but not from me, until last night. He asked what is was. He stated he has heard kids in his class say it but wasn't sure what it meant, but had a clue. Now, I am fairly certain he has heard that word from movies and even TV, but it didn't register as a not appropriate word for a 10 year old to say. Now he knows.

We normally see movies together, after we discuss it. If he has questions, he ask. If I found something unappropriate, that I think he may try to do or say, I let him know, that it's not allowed.

Also, it's really not my business if those parents take their kids.

 

[hollyb]

The Break Up wasnt a movie for kids per say. But in no way was it a horror bloody mess of a movie. You don't know the moms situation. Maybe she just needed and deserved a break and wanted to see a movie. Who knows maybe right now they are watching Cars or Garfield in London.

If you were that upset you could have left or changed seats.

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

DH just went to the movies last night, and we had our usual discussion about kids watching grown-up movies, because every time we go (fairly often), we see young kids watching movies I'd say are inappropriate for whatever reason. It really makes my blood boil, and while DH agrees that the kids shouldn't be there, he thinks I overreact. So I thought I'd ask you all!

I totally agree!!! I couldn't believe the number of kids (under 12) I saw at The Wedding Crashers

 

[ducklite]

I can't stand our countries current rating system. It really doesn't help parents determine if the movie is appropriate or not, as it doesn't tell you WHY a movie got a rating it did. It also seems very arbitrary, I've seen R movies that should have been PG-13, and PG-13 movies that should ahve been R IMHO.

We took DS to see "A Few Good Men" when he was 10. It was rated "R" because Jack Nicholson drops the "F-bomb." At ten he had heard that word before, and understood it wasn't a nice word. There was one scene that had violence, but it was difficult to understand what was happening as it happened in a very dark room, and it was no worse than some of the scenes in the Star Wars Movies that came out with a PG rating.

He watched Philadelphia at 12. The ONLY reason that movie got the rating it did was because it was a story about a gay man with AIDS. It was tastefully done, and an incredibly touching movie that teaches tolerence.

I'd rather have them revamp the system to rate movies for sexual content, nudity (differentiating between front and rear), violence, drug/alcohol/cigarette use, etc., rating each of those categories on a scale of 1-5 that will allow parents to be more informed.

IMHO there's a difference between the violence seen in Pearl Harbor and Saving Private Ryan, but the current rating system doesn't tell us the level of violence in both. Pearl is probably a 3 compared to Ryan being a 5 in terms of the amount, and how graphical or real it seems. On the other hand, Saving Private Ryan and Pulp Fiction are both R rated and very violent. The difference being that Saving Private Ryan portrays the violence in a historically accurante way and based on a real story, while Pulp Fiction is fiction, and has gratuitous violence. (In fact it was so gratuitous I walked out of the movie.)

Anne

 

[nurseypoo5]

i have my DS 9 Satellite dish (yes he has his own system in his room) set to PG13 and below. So he can watch pg 13, but not PG 14, which if you look at the tv, things like Soprano's and the TV cut version of Showgirls are PG14..but spiderman and things like that are PG 13.

On that note, my son isnt that sheltered, but I do not let him watch horror movies arbitrarily. He has watched Chucky (tv cut version), but none of the slasher films like halloween/friday 13 etc.

We recently took him to MI3, and Posideon both PG 13, Posideon being the more "violent" due to the death toll.

Its up to the parents and the kid. Some kids can handle a movie some cant. I would never take my son to see an R rated movie, but at 14 i think he can handle them with me.

I wanted him to see the Passion of Christ, my pastor said he thought it would be ok, but to be ready to pause it and answer/ask questions, but after watching it again, i said he was too young. That will wait till he is atleast 12.

Liz

 

[Mandabella]

Just out of curiosity...

Why are sexual situations (not porn scenes) and sexual innuendo a huge problem with some parents but violence, substance abuse, and foul language are okay in movies their children watch?

 

[Merriwind]

Parents who look at a movie's content/theme rather than just rating might want to visit Dove.org. It lists movies and DVDs and rates them according to the amount/level of sexual content, language, violence, drugs, nudity, and occult themes. They also give detailed reviews and include the scenes that gave them points in any of the rating categories. I find the site very helpful in figuring out whether or not I think a movie is appropriate for DD8.

 

[mommiepoppins]

DH just went to the movies last night, and we had our usual discussion about kids watching grown-up movies, because every time we go (fairly often), we see young kids watching movies I'd say are inappropriate for whatever reason. It really makes my blood boil, and while DH agrees that the kids shouldn't be there, he thinks I overreact. So I thought I'd ask you all!

The cases I'm talking about are when I see quite young kids in movies with their parents or older siblings that are rated PG-13 and above. I'm not debating what tweens or teens watch (although I'm sure I disapprove there too! ) For instance, last night DH and I got a sitter and saw The Break Up. I think it was PG-13. Basically a pretty mild movie for adults...but plenty of language, adult themes, sexual references (although no outright sex scenes). Sitting right behind us was a mother and her children, the youngest being approximately 5. I'm guessing on her age, but she couldn't have been older than 7. The whole time I'm watching, I can't help but be aware of what she's seeing/hearing. Not to mention that the movie started at 8, and by 9:30 she was asking her mom to leave because she was so tired and bored. She finally fell asleep.

A few months ago, we were in the movie Waiters (DH's pick...kind of funny but SO obscene), and it was FILLED with sex and jokes related to it. Rated R. Right near us was a little boy. The worst was that he laughed at all the right times (I was hoping he WOULDN'T get the jokes, but apparently it wasn't new to him).

I admit I am VERY strict about movies and other media with my children, but am I wrong that this is inappropriate? I remember another time watching something scary (for adults) that a little girl cried in terror through, but no one took her out. I feel it's very selfish of parents to subject their young kids to all this stuff just because they want to see a movie. These children are losing their innocence way too young. Some stuff in movies shockes ME still!

Am I overreacting? Maybe I am, because I don't even approve of many "kid" movies (although CARS was good, but I digress!)

the movie waiters was not for children at all

 

[Evil Queen]

Parents who look at a movie's content/theme rather than just rating might want to visit Dove.org. It lists movies and DVDs and rates them according to the amount/level of sexual content, language, violence, drugs, nudity, and occult themes. They also give detailed reviews and include the scenes that gave them points in any of the rating categories. I find the site very helpful in figuring out whether or not I think a movie is appropriate for DD8.

Thanks. I will add this to my "favorites". Should help in making choices for us.

 

[Evil Queen]

Just out of curiosity...

Why are sexual situations (not porn scenes) and sexual innuendo a huge problem with some parents but violence, substance abuse, and foul language are okay in movies their children watch?

Maybe it hits closer to their real life? I don't know, I'm just taking a guess.

All the above do matter to me. But I think about the world today. I think foul language is something we all deal with daily, regardless if it's used in the home or not. I find it hard to go anywhere, that someone isn't cussing. Do I approve? No, but maybe in general many more are not as sensitive to it, so for a word to pop up in a movie isn't a big deal.

Personally, depending on the reasoning behind it, sexual situations in movies don't bother me, if it's meaning is suppose to be a loving relationship being shown (no I don't mean showing 2 folks going at it), but if it shows a loving couple (not one night stands) kissing and heading for a bedroom, I don't object to that, then show them waking up together with the sheets over them.

Again, with substance abuse, I might be ok with it, if there is a "moral to the story" so to speak.

Physical abuse, again, if there's a moral to the story.

I don't know if I would question if someone should take their child to see these movies, for I can't know what the reason for it is.

I know my oldest son had an abusive father (only towards me, not him) and when he watched Sling Blade, he would cry at the abusive parts, not because he was scared, but because he related to it, to a certain degree.