OT: Kids at inappropriate movies

[va32h]

I have seen terrified, hysterical children at such films as Total Recall, Pulp Fiction, Saving Private Ryan and Seven.

I think it is cruel and abusive to subject a young child to images of violence and terror. Theaters should not allow young children into rated R movies at all. Why some parents are too stupid to realize they shouldn't bring their 4 year old to a film that depicts a graphic rape and/or murder is beyond me.

Romantic comedies like the Break-Up would be a tougher call. I wouldn't bring my little kids to a film like that because they would get bored and whiny, but I don't think it would be damaging to my child if they happened to see it.

 

[graygables]

I totally agree with the OP. Young kids exposed to this kind of stuff is disgusting to me, no wonder those kids were doing that on the bus. Our society is quickly heading to a time when childhood is no longer sacred. Then what gets me the most, parents seem amazed that kids are growing up so fast these days! Jeez, parents have no one to blame but themselves. We never see that kind of stuff at the movies because frankly Dh and I never go to any movies except the ones that our kids can see too. I can think of a few PG-13 movies that we have all seen, like HP or POTC, but I think most of them are just way too sexual for young kids. This kind of stuff just fuels the pervs into thinking everything with kids is okay, I mean most parents don't seem to mind their kids knowing about all of it right? I don't think you are being too sensitive at all, I think society is going to h&ll in a handbasket! Sex is just a big joke to most people, so sad.

My thoughts exactly. We use www.pluggedinonlline.com to review every movie before seeing it. We've gotten to where we don't go to the theater anymore b/c it is distracting to us to listen to/watch young children absorbing things they shouldn't and their reactions.

the problem is, nobody seems to think it's their job to BE THE PARENT anymore and the earlier the kid is exposed to whatever, who cares? No wonder I can't let my DDs out of my sight (btw, it's my JOB to "shelter" them).

 

[kkevcamsmom]

Ok all I can say is WOW!

My DH and I just watched Waiters and we would not let our DD15 yrs watch it. We waited until she was out of the house for the night.

VERY inappropraiate movie for a child.

Lori

 

[wrldpossibility]

OP here--I appreciate so many responses. At first I thought I was going to be the only one with a problem with this. I wanted to address the "to shelter or not to shelter our children" question.

Isn't it our job to shelter our kids? Don't they deserve sheltering? I agree that they need to learn about the world, and that they WILL hear things we'd rather them not at school and elsewhere, but that's not an excuse to just give up and let them be shaped by all the outside influences. Why would I take them to a movie to learn about the world? 90% of movies don't give a portrayal of love and sex that I want my kids to study and learn from. That said, my kids are NOT sheltered in that they are NOT ignorant. I will teach them myself things that are age appropriate about sex, tolorance, different lifestyles, violence, etc. My DS7 just asked me what "gay" meant because he heard it used as an insult at school. I was happy to discuss that issue with him. I don't try to keep learning moment from him. But I don't think it's a good idea to let him learn from media.

As they grow, there are notable exceptions. I completely agree that movies like Saving Private Ryan, Philadelphia, etc are great teaching tools for kids the right age. There are many great movies out there. But I stand by my opinion that letting kids watch even fairly mild adult movies like Break Up, over and over throughout their childhood, is a bad influence.

 

[kkevcamsmom]

Just out of curiosity...

Why are sexual situations (not porn scenes) and sexual innuendo a huge problem with some parents but violence, substance abuse, and foul language are okay in movies their children watch?

I don't understand that either. We have some friends who let their 8 almost 9 yr old watch Blade alone in his room. I just let my DD 15 yrs watch it with us in the room.

Crazy as it seems some people just dont' think it's a big deal.

Lori

 

[dolphindan1]

While we disagree in general, I just wanted to say WOW...and sorry that that happened in front of your DS on the school bus. My son would never be on that bus again, and I'm sorry yours had to experience it. No, we can't control everything at school, but we are advocates for our kids, and that school would be hearing from me (and everyone else!) Your poor son!

its ok to disagree...we are parents and everyone has there way of raising there children...if we were suppose to be all doing it the same they would hand out manuals at the hospital...LOL

Oh and as far as the bus incident....there was a big to do about it...they were both kicked of the bus and one child was expelled....turns out his parents wouldnt even come to the school for the meeting with the principal...not sure if they just didnt care or were just too too embarrassed....My still rides the bus home as there is no other alternative for us....

 

[ducklite]

Just out of curiosity...

Why are sexual situations (not porn scenes) and sexual innuendo a huge problem with some parents but violence, substance abuse, and foul language are okay in movies their children watch?

With me it just depended on so many different factors. I knew there wasn't much foul language my son hadn't heard at the bus stop or in school, so I wasn't all that concerned with it.

Violence depending on the type and level, and the reason for it.

Adult situations also just depended on a ton of factors, including any lessons to be learned or historical value, such as I mentioned early, with Philadelphia. How tastefully the material was presented also made a big difference

Sex and nudity were generally either not needed to tell the story, and only used to sell tickets, or were part of a story that was just too mature of a theme for a pre-teen or younger teen. Even without nudity, The Graduate is a movie that doesn't really have any redeemable qualities for a 13 year old. On the other hand, Schindler's List might be a movie with a lot of very mature content, but due to it's historical nature, it might be appropriate with the proper adult guidence for children under 17.

I looked at the big picture when evaluating movies. My son whined and complained sometimes when I said "no," but I didn't really care. Hearing that is just part of being an involved, concerned parent.

Anne

 

[wrldpossibility]

its ok to disagree...we are parents and everyone has there way of raising there children...if we were suppose to be all doing it the same they would hand out manuals at the hospital...LOL

Oh and as far as the bus incident....there was a big to do about it...they were both kicked of the bus and one child was expelled....turns out his parents wouldnt even come to the school for the meeting with the principal...not sure if they just didnt care or were just too too embarrassed....My still rides the bus home as there is no other alternative for us....

Glad to hear action was taken. I feel for the boys involved too. They obviously have very little guidance as to what is appropriate. To be exposed to adult actions/behaviors or even know about them at that age is very very sad. We have a real problem with unruly behavior on buses here, and I wonder if anything similar has happened in our school district (not recently, as I'm sure there would have been a to do about it). But I know it happens.

 

[nurseypoo5]

I think there comes a time that some movies are suitable for younger kids then age 13.

Movies rated PG 13 like Batman, Castaway, the Day after Tomorrow, Pirates of the Carribean, Phantom of the Opera (my 9 yr old son likes this believe it or not), scarier movies like Signs, Sixth Sense, the Villiage, twister (see an M. Night Shyamalan's series lol), all the Harry Potter movies are to me all just dandy for a younger kid to watch, my list could be much bigger believe me.

Then you have those oh so not gonna watch them till your 12 movies...

But movies like Dude wheres my car, Scary Movie 3, The Ring etc, some movies just have a tad to much recreational drug use and sleazy gratuatious sex.

My 10 yr old watched Titanic when he was 7. He still loves that movie, but he covers his eyes in embarrassement during the "art" scene.

I just pulled up a long list of movies that are rated pg 13 and i actually had a bit of a hard time coming up with a lot i wouldnt let him see.

Now some rated R movies dont seem to be fairly rated...My son owns his own copy of Lake Placcid and Stand by Me.

In some unknown reason i do tend to judge the movies with gratuitous sex more readily than i do violence. Not that i'm ok with movies in a slasher sense or movies with tons of gore (i thought Posideon was to gorey)..just seems those movies with a lot of sex have a lot of everything else too.

Our basic rule of thumb when going to the movies is if its rated R the 10 yr old doesnt go. Rated pg 13...probably. I would like to see a rated PG 14 out there like they do on TV. He hates that i have his satilite set not to allow PG 14...to bad so sad

Peace!

 

[laceemouse]

Just out of curiosity...

Why are sexual situations (not porn scenes) and sexual innuendo a huge problem with some parents but violence, substance abuse, and foul language are okay in movies their children watch?

WELL, foul language is not okay with us at all. But my older girls are 15 and 13 and they know a dirty word when they hear one and they know better than to repeat it. Violence is just a whole 'nother can of worms. "Cartoonish" violence like super heroes (although we are not really "into" that stuff) and the kind of violence like on POTC does not bother me NEARLY as much as the graphic kind, you know just added in to boost ratings. Sexual situations probably bother me the most because the participants are almost NEVER married and sex is treated like a recreational activity, just something you do when you are bored with no strings attached. We don't agree with that, and honestly it is what we worry about most with our teens girls. I seriously doubt my girls are gonna blow someone away with a machine gun, and I don't see them getting addicted to crack or hear them using foul language, but they will be faced with the "recreational sex" thing pretty much on a DAILY basis IRL for the next several years. Of course, like others have said, it depends on the kids. My 11 year old son probably COULD become fascinated with explosives and such if we don't watch it. I do agree that the rating system could use an overhaul, but the bottom line is most parents don't care or just think "MY kid knows it is just a movie, he/she would never copy that!" I also love plugged in because it gives you the reason WHY a rating was selected and you can decide for yourself.

 

[laceemouse]

In addition, if you don't think rampant promiscuity is harming our society you need to read up on the rate of STDs! Just plain gross!!

 

[sunshinegirl]

This is a really interesting thread to me. My girls are 3 and 5 and we are just now really having to think about these things. But on the other end of the spectrum was my OWN experience this week.

I was a teen when Basic Instinct came out. My mom was not a prude and really allowed us to watch most movies as we were becoming young adults. I mean, it's not like she was escorting us to the movies when we were 16/17 and on dates. But we really respected her judgment and authority. When she told me that I was not allowed to see Basic Instinct (although all of my friends were seeing it), I respected what she said.

Just in the last few weeks with all of the talk about the sequel, I decided that it was time that I see it. I know...it's like I lived in a vacuum all these years! So I watched it while I was on the treadmill the other day. The entire time I kept thinking "Thank goodness that my mother did not let me see that!!!" It was just so full of so many bad things for a teen (and even an adult, LOL!!!), that I was actually thankful that she had shielded me from it. Sure, I could have rebelled and seen it just because she told me not to...but that was not the kind of relationship that we had. Because she was generally very liberal in what we could see, I knew that "no" really meant "no for a reason.

Tricia

 

[runwad]

Well I'm one of the ones that shelters my kids...heck there aren't even too many tv shows that we can watch together as a family w/o some sexual induendo's (sp?) flying about. My girls get embarrassed to see those kinds of shows w/me and my husband so we usually switch stations real quick or announce bedtime. I feel they're only little for a short time and they have the rest of their lives to grow up and learn about grown up things they don't need to know all that stuff now. Yes they do hear things at school and they ask me about it and then we'll have a talk to set the record straight, but I don't think I need to inform them of these things before they're mature enough to really understand them.

 

[sara74]

I think there comes a time that some movies are suitable for younger kids then age 13.

Movies rated PG 13 like Batman, Castaway, the Day after Tomorrow, Pirates of the Carribean, Phantom of the Opera (my 9 yr old son likes this believe it or not), scarier movies like Signs

I am on the Dis right now because DH and I were watching Signs on TV and it has me so scared that I need some distraction, but so sucked in that neither of us can shut it off! We are both NOT scary movie people, we are scared out of our wits and yet can't look away!

No way would I let my kids watch Signs at 10 years old, but I bet they'd be fine and we would be shaking in our boots!!!


BTW, we have a niece whose parents are divorced for several years now and there was a huge custody battle for her. One of the factors brought into court was that her mother had shown her the Exorcist at 6 years old. Dad (DH's brother) now has custody of her. Not saying this was the deciding factor, but it was one more thing to be held against her mother in court...AND not saying that letting your kid watch Harry Potter, MI any number or whatever is the equivalent of what this woman did! I can't wait to show our kids the Harry Potter, Star Wars or Lord of the Rings and I';m sure they will be younger than the suggested ratings. The violence depicted in those movies, IMO, is not 'real life' and not likely to lead to behaior changes in my children that I think there could be after watching suggestive movies or movies with more 'real' violence.

 

[newtowdw1]

I think we need to guide our kids. As a high school teacher, I work with the kids who've been allowed to 'see' everything. Want it or not, taking kids to see graphic movies, whether sex, language, or substances, gives them the idea that we accept that behavior. They are exposed to it. They are desensitized.

I am more overprotective than DH. I don't even want them to watch Cops , but DH allows them to watch with him. I hate Cops. But, I can tell that I'm too fussy. OTOH, allowing the to see more graphic movies takes away their innocence, which I value.

I don't believe in censorship, but age-appropriate, child-appropriate is better for the kid. For example, DD9 can't handle violence, or even high levels of tension. We saw National Treasure, which we loved, but she was lying on top of me the whole time it was exciting. DS4 (at the time) didn't bat an eye. During Narnia, the emotional scenes had him on my lap, but the battle (which made me wince) was fine for him! Further, I think crude humor is really dumb, so my kids don't watch the Shrek movies. Not funny to me. If they see it at school, will I flip out? No, but I certainly let the kids know I don't like the movie.

And I have my own rating system. A a high school teacher, all my students come tell me whether I'll approve or not of a movie. They know my prudishness levels based on what I permit in class.

 

[SarahKate]

When I see a young child in an inappropriate movie, it irks me to no end. I am NOT a prude by any means, but as parents we DO have to shelter our kids from this stuff!

I saw a 2-3 year old at War of the Worlds last year. It was horrible (not the movie), because the whole time I was thinking about that poor kid. That movie scared the crap out of me and I am usually pretty "non jumpy" at thriller movies. It was totally, totally inappropriate for a child of that age to be there.

A couple of weeks ago, there was a family of 2 parents and 4 kids there when DH and I went to see X-Men 3. It has a PG13 rating,plus anyone can tell from the previews that it's much darker than the first and even second one! One child was may a year old and they brought him in sitting in his CARSEAT and set that in the seat (he was asleep at the time). There were other kids about 6-8 years old and one was about 3. Of course, the youngest woke up and started BAWLING. There were scenes in that movie that were SO intense. Eventually the mom removed the younger kids.

I think it adds up to basically parents being LAZY and CHEAP. If you can't afford to get a babysitter, then you don't NEED to be going to a movie, especially one that is not appropriate.

And for any parent that is not SURE if a movie is appropriate, get on the internet and look up information on it! There are so many family oriented websites out there with up to date movie reviews. Just go to google and type in "cars family movie reviews" (for the Cars movie) and there will be plenty of results - it will tell you what some talking points might be, as well as anything which might be objectionable.....then you as a parent can make a sound decision and not just take a kid to a movie that you're not sure about. Of course, I don't think there's going to be anything offensive in Cars, I was just using it as an example.

Basically, parents, we have a huge responsibility. I just hear of so many YOUNG kids getting to see inappropriate movies. What kind of example are we setting if they are able to see movies like this at such a young age? There will be no holds barred when they get older. They don't need to be exposed to all this language, violence and sex right now - it will happen soon enough. There are so many excuses out there that I'm reading on the posts, exposing them to culture, they're going to see it eventually anyway, the parent needed a break, etc. but they are all EXCUSES. Sorry, I know I'm opening myself up to flames, but there's no possible way that this is a good thing.

 

[agnes!]

I will probably always remember driving some Brownie Girl Scouts to/from an event & having some of the LITTLE girls talk about all the HARD R-rated movies that they had seen...& these were 2nd/3rd Graders.

Sort of OT...why did "Remember the Titans" have that PG-13 rating? That was a great movie.

agnes!

 

[nurseypoo5]

I will probably always remember driving some Brownie Girl Scouts to/from an event & having some of the LITTLE girls talk about all the HARD R-rated movies that they had seen...& these were 2nd/3rd Graders.

Sort of OT...why did "Remember the Titans" have that PG-13 rating? That was a great movie.

agnes!

Probably language. that would get a rating of pg 13. Thats pretty much why Stand by Me got the R rating. I love that movie, and yup its got language but its like a right of passage movie, and i love it.

On that note, everyone who takes thier child to a movie that in inappropriate isnt necessarily a bad parent. They might not have known it was going to be that bad.

Like i said i took my kid to see Posideon and i thought it was to gorey, but we saw War of the Worlds and its was "ok"...he is 9 (nearly 10)...it was as if posideon was just to intense with the action and stuff.

My son has always love loved loved horror stuff, even tho i dont really let him watch much, other than Jaws (PG btw lol...isnt that funny...that movie freaks me out still and its rated pg), signs, some of the TV cut version of horror, but not much. He does however watch every episode of MOST HAUNTED and TAPS etc. and anything to do with sharks eating people.

he's a boy i guess but there is a fine line with some kids. You have to know your kid.

 

[ducklite]

I will probably always remember driving some Brownie Girl Scouts to/from an event & having some of the LITTLE girls talk about all the HARD R-rated movies that they had seen...& these were 2nd/3rd Graders.

Sort of OT...why did "Remember the Titans" have that PG-13 rating? That was a great movie.

agnes!

Actually I think it was the racism rather than the language. I don't recall there being anything that would get it more than a PG rating as far as language.

Pity, as it teaches a VERY valuable lesson, and IMHO there's no reason that it isn't appropriate for ten and up, maybe even younger for more mature children.

Anne

 

[kidshop]

It's my job too, and I will do it as long as I possibly can and allow them to remain innocent children to the best of my ability. The big ugly world will get to them soon enough.... I will not invite it in.