OT In A Big Way - Potty Training!?!?

[maxtomsmom]

Try not to stress out too much. It will only make your child feel worse and try to hide the problem. My DS (5yr) continues to have accidents from time to time especially if he is really involved in something. I have had numerous conversations with psychologists, peditricians, nurses (I'm in the field and they are all friends) and they assure me it's completely normal. You might be surprise that during the school day he will not have one accident. My son never did. It's funny how that works out and believe me I've made this known to my son. I would say, "Boy your bladder must be pretty smart to know when you're in school or at home. It seems to work better at school." He'd laugh it off. Also we rarely have accidents in public places.

Continue to praise, reward and just let him know that you are very proud when he is doing the right thing. When he has accidents, have him wait a while before you change him. Also, make him accountable by telling him he has to change himself and how long it takes. Say the last part gently. Eventually he will catch on. I taught Kindergarten for many years and rarely did they have accidents. It happens, but it's rare.

Also let the teachers in his school be aware that he has some issues. Don't hide it from them. As long as you are up front and honest and trying to work through them, they will understand. He's not the first one with this issue and from what you have read on these boards not the last. Good Luck!

 

[badblackpug]

Throw away the pullups! Even at night. If it feels like a diaper they will use it as a diaper. The plastic underpants covers are good. Kids don't like soggy drawers! I also like the idea of making them clean themselves. I think this may help because it eliminates alot of the attention gained from wetting. Just deal with it all in a very non-chalant way, like keeping those pop-up wipes and a change of pants and underpants in the bathroom and telling him if he wets to wash himself and put the soiled ones in a bag.

 

[ckoncurat]

I have five potty trained kids and am expecting number six. My biggest peice of advice is- don't let this stress you out. He will train when he is ready. No amount of pressure on your part will make a huge difference. This is his issue, not yours.

That said, for a four year old I would definitely lose the diapers. Underwear only! Remind him as needed.. If he has a pee accident, it is HIS job to go change and put the wet undewear in the laundry. In the case of poop, he needs to help you clean up, within reason. Feel free to THROW AWAY poopy underpants occasionaly if they are too much for you to deal with. Use plastic pants OVER the underwear if you are going somewhere that you really dont want to deal with an accident, and at night as needed. And don't let this issue be the center of your relationship. Ignore it as muuch as you can. He will get it!
Good Luck!

 

[Gillian]

Toilet Training in Less than a Day by Norman Azrin. It's worth it.

I used this method for both of my kids. DS was easy, I didn't have to follow the book very closely. DD is stubborn and we had to spend 2 full mornings working this method plus one evening of correction to stop accidents.

It was kind of potty training boot camp, but it worked. I had to clear everyone out of the house, and concentrate on DD. She loved it, and it worked.

Basically you use a training potty, lots of salty snacks and your child's favorite drinks. I used ginger ale because DD is not allowed to have soda normally. She loves care bears so I used gummy care bear snacks as a special reward.

I didn't have a real wetting doll, but she was old enough to get the point with just pretending. She had just turned 3.

We did not do pull ups during the day with either kid.

Good luck!

 

[Pooh Crew]

One of my sons was also four before being trained, but I waited until then to even start with him and it really only took a few days for him to fully "get it". For me, I think most kids are ready around three, but every child is different. My four were trained at 3, 3, 2 1/2, and right at 4. Here's the crash course I did with all four of my kids:

First, if he is not consistently dry through the night, he just might not be ready to be trained. If he is dry through the night, take a small break. Use a calendar and show him that next weekend is the big potty party weekend. Talk it up. Have dh take the other children somewhere, turn off the tv, postpone all chores. When he first wakes on Saturday morning, start the party. Take off his diaper and let him toss it away making a HUGE deal out of him throwing away his last diaper. Have plenty of snacks and prizes on hand for the party. Put him in underwear and feed him breakfast. Go immediately to the bathroom and plan to stay there most of the weekend. Give him water until he can't or won't drink anymore. Move on to milk, chocolate milk, juice, even sodas...anything to make him pee often. Once he won't drink anymore, give him pretzels and other salty treats to encourage thirst. Keep giving him food and liquids because you want him to have lots of opportunities to use the potty all timed close together to reinforce what he is learning. Make him sit on the potty for as long as possible by reading to him, or even letting him watch a dvd on a portable dvd player...anything to help him sit there until he goes. Once he finally uses the potty, leave the bathroom for no more than 20 minutes and do not let him out of your sight. Set the timer and return to the bathroom for more eating and drinking after 20 minutes. He should be able to go several times at 20 minute intervals. Once he has that down, stretch it to 30 minutes. Celebrate each success. Give rewards, call the grandparents, whatever small joys you can think of to encourage more successes. Do this all day long. Start the party over again on Sunday. By Monday morning, he should really be doing well.

By Monday, both of my daughters were fully trained. One never had an accident, the other decided she wanted her diapers back so I told her fine, but she would have to change them herself. That lasted about a day and she woke up one morning and put on her panties and never mentioned diapers again. For her, it was a control issue. One of my sons was also trained in a weekend, the other took just a few more days (I think he just liked getting the little cars we were using as a reward for pooping).

Some other thoughts: 1) For the first couple weeks, I did put pull-ups on over their underwear at night and if we left the house for errands. They never wet them, but it gave me reassurance. 2) Make him help you clean up any messes he makes. I know this sounds gross, and I did not do it for punishment...I did it to show him how nasty it really was. Buy him a pair of rubber gloves if it will make you feel better, but make him help clean. 3) Don't get angry with him or with yourself about this. Remember that it is his body and should be his victory. You can show him what to do, but you cannot force him to be trained.

If you have read this novel through to the end, know that I wish you good luck! Happy potty party!!!

 

[shaylahc1]

I think at age 4 the window of opportunity for potty training has come and gone Obviously a 4 year old is perfectly capable of using the toilet. They are simply choosing not to.

If it was my kid, I would simply inform them that they no longer make diapers in his size. And he'd be potty trained by default. Every time he had an accident, I'd make him clean it up, ALL of it. Once your child realizes that having accidents is a big pain he will stop.

Not to judge you, but I have noticed that when parents wait too long to potty train their kids this is exactly what happens. Kids who have been taught to use a diaper as a toilet their whole lives (and at age 4, that's a long time!) have a really hard time giving it up. There is this myth that "when they're ready, they'll potty train themselves". It just doesn't happen for some kids. We as the parents need to "take the bull by the horns" and say hey, this is how we go to the bathroom! I feel that by waiting too long, you in essence HAVE "potty trained" your child---- to use a diaper as a toilet! Obviously a 4 year old is perfectly capable of using a toilet, they simply have never been taught that going to the bathroom in a toilet and not their pants is the acceptable thing to do.

 

[alicenwonder99]

I have five potty trained kids and am expecting number six. My biggest peice of advice is- don't let this stress you out. He will train when he is ready. No amount of pressure on your part will make a huge difference. This is his issue, not yours.

That said, for a four year old I would definitely lose the diapers. Underwear only! Remind him as needed.. If he has a pee accident, it is HIS job to go change and put the wet undewear in the laundry. In the case of poop, he needs to help you clean up, within reason. Feel free to THROW AWAY poopy underpants occasionaly if they are too much for you to deal with. Use plastic pants OVER the underwear if you are going somewhere that you really dont want to deal with an accident, and at night as needed. And don't let this issue be the center of your relationship. Ignore it as muuch as you can. He will get it!
Good Luck!

I've pt 3 kids, and I totally agree with the above poster!! My oldest child and my youngest child were easy to pt. My oldest was pt in about 3 days, and my youngest (a boy), woke up one morning when he was 2 1/2 years old and said, "I go peepee". And that was it! He pt himself that day. My middle child (a girl), just was so upset when the new baby came that she refused to pt. She kept on insisting she was a baby, too. When she was 3, I finally got rid of the diapers/pull ups and she used only underwear. When she realized she had to clean up her accidents (pee only, I would help with the poo), then she was pt within a couple of days.

You need to make this your child's issue and responsibility.

HTH

 

[justhat]

I potty trained my daughter in March and this is what worked for us. In January her preschool had us send her in underpants everyday. They were willing to deal with the messes as they felt like she was ready to use the potty. The first week or two she came home in her spare set of clothes, or even her 2nd spare set, and she was only there 3.5 hours a day. We were out of town a lot that month with interviews for my husband so we just left her in diapers at home so I admit we didn't really help.

Then in February we ran out of diapers and they were out of her size in the store so rather than get a different brand I got her some pull-ups cause I figured we'd need them at night anyway. Well she hated them and did not want to wear them at all so we put her in underpants, but she'd routinely pee and poop in them like they were a diaper. So we left her naked at home and she'd use the potty everytime, but put clothes on her and she treated them like a diaper. We were at a loss cause we had no choice but to put her in a diaper/pull up when we went out cause otherwise we'd be changing clothes wherever we went, but we felt like it was really counterproductive.

Right after her 2nd birthday (2/26) I got this Charmin potty chart in the mail and I stuck it on the bathroom door and told her everytime she used the potty instead of pottying in her clothes she'd get a sticker and when she filled up the whole chart with stickers were were going to Disneyland. Now, we were going in May no matter what, but I figured she'd fill up the chart by then and hopefully be potty trained, but even if she was still having accidents she'd definitely fill the chart. 2 days later she was totally accident free and done with the diapers. And we had to "forget" to put some stickers on that chart to drag it out till May.

Oh, and when we started the sticker chart, we also did underwear only, day and night, no matter where we went. Yes, she wet the bed in the beginning, but I felt that if I did a pull up at night it would be confusing as to why it was okay to pee in the pull up at night but not during the day. After she was trained for about a week we'd put a pull up on her after she fell asleep. In May she got wise to that and would wake up and protest the pull up so we went without it and she was really good about waking us up when she had to potty overnight. Then in July she had a couple of overnight accidents and being 8 months pregnant I got a little tired of changing the sheets in the middle of the night so we went back to pull ups and no accidents since then. We're still using them only cause we still have some but she seems to have gotten over that little setback.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've trained 5 - use the nakey-butt method. Basically, no pants or underwear, and close access to a potty. If he has more than 2 accidents, he's not ready. However, if he is, he should be 100% nakey butt trained in a few days. Use pullups for outings while doing this. When he's 100% nakey butt trained, put on pants or shorts (not underwear - they feel too much like pullups and diapers). Many children poop train much later than pee train - don't force the issue, and instead put on a pullup when asked, or you risk permanant physical damage.

 

[kidshop]

Many children poop train much later than pee train - don't force the issue, and instead put on a pullup when asked, or you risk permanant physical damage.

I have found this to be true for both of my boys. They were both dry during the day at around 2 1/2, but would ask for a pull-up for poop much longer. It doesn't bother me at all..no accidents with either of them ever! Ds1 was fully trained (day, night and poop) one month after he turned 3. Ds2 went from asking to just getting his own pullup when he needed. He was dry at night somewhere around 3 1/2, but did not want to poop in the potty. He had fine control and would wait for nap or bedtime and put on a pull up and go. So it wasn't a matter of 'able to' for him, but I just didn't want to force it and end up with withholding issues. I think a pull-up is a small price to pay to let a child be in control. We talked about the potty a lot, and finally I just let the pull ups run out. I don't know how far I would have been willing to go w/o a poop, but it turns out, he went in the potty on the second day. He has been trained ever since. It was not traumatic for either of us. (he was 3 3/4 y/o). Since he liked to go in his room alone, what I did was put the small portable potty in there. It has worked well. He has gone on the big potty, but prefers the small one in his room. Soon I will just put the small potty in the bathroom. I'm happy with my low stress pt methods!

 

[cruiserkaren]

I have found this to be true for both of my boys. They were both dry during the day at around 2 1/2, but would ask for a pull-up for poop much longer. It doesn't bother me at all..no accidents with either of them ever! Ds1 was fully trained (day, night and poop) one month after he turned 3. Ds2 went from asking to just getting his own pullup when he needed. He was dry at night somewhere around 3 1/2, but did not want to poop in the potty. He had fine control and would wait for nap or bedtime and put on a pull up and go. So it wasn't a matter of 'able to' for him, but I just didn't want to force it and end up with withholding issues. I think a pull-up is a small price to pay to let a child be in control. We talked about the potty a lot, and finally I just let the pull ups run out. I don't know how far I would have been willing to go w/o a poop, but it turns out, he went in the potty on the second day. He has been trained ever since. It was not traumatic for either of us. (he was 3 3/4 y/o). Since he liked to go in his room alone, what I did was put the small portable potty in there. It has worked well. He has gone on the big potty, but prefers the small one in his room. Soon I will just put the small potty in the bathroom. I'm happy with my low stress pt methods!

Many children poop train much later than pee train - don't force the issue, and instead put on a pullup when asked, or you risk permanant physical damage.

Thanks so much for posting this. My dd (will be 3 Sept. 16) is completely pee trained. She even wears panties at night. She has been pee trained since the spring, right around 2 1/2. BUT, she just does not want to poop in the potty. She goes and gets a pull up, puts it on and goes. We have bribed, offered her candy, trips to Chucky E Cheeses, a number of thing and it hasn't worked. We don't stress about it all but we do talk about it, probably once a day.

Dh and I were just talking about how long we should let it go on. I just keep hoping it'll click and she'll do it but that remains to be seen. Anyway, I'm glad to read others have done the same.

 

[ilovejack02]

I think at age 4 the window of opportunity for potty training has come and gone Obviously a 4 year old is perfectly capable of using the toilet. They are simply choosing not to.

If it was my kid, I would simply inform them that they no longer make diapers in his size. And he'd be potty trained by default. Every time he had an accident, I'd make him clean it up, ALL of it. Once your child realizes that having accidents is a big pain he will stop.

Not to judge you, but I have noticed that when parents wait too long to potty train their kids this is exactly what happens. Kids who have been taught to use a diaper as a toilet their whole lives (and at age 4, that's a long time!) have a really hard time giving it up. There is this myth that "when they're ready, they'll potty train themselves". It just doesn't happen for some kids. We as the parents need to "take the bull by the horns" and say hey, this is how we go to the bathroom! I feel that by waiting too long, you in essence HAVE "potty trained" your child---- to use a diaper as a toilet! Obviously a 4 year old is perfectly capable of using a toilet, they simply have never been taught that going to the bathroom in a toilet and not their pants is the acceptable thing to do.

Amen to this! ( No judging either here ) There are def two different ways of looking at potty training and I lean towards the do it earlier, because to me the older the kid gets the harder it is to get them to do it. I have a 17.5 yr old stepson who i have had since he was 4 and a 4 yr old DS. The 17 yr old was not totally trained when I got him , it was awful. The Dr. told us never to scream yell fuss etc... but we did have to make his entire world stop if he made a mess. He had to help clean up all messes, rinse undies out, take a bath and redress himself. In the end he got tired of having to do all of that and got with the program. My youngest trained at 2.5, he also had to "help" clean any messes he made (there were a few) and once i put on undies we never looked back. He very rarely had an accident at night and if he did it was usually my fault because i gave him something to drink too late.
Good luck, i know this can be a pain in the behind.

 

[Natalya]

To the OP:

Just wondering how it is going so far.

I've read through the posts here and see that you have gotten such a wide variety of answers and advice. The reason for this is that every child is different and every family is different. So you just need to find the magic formula for YOUR child and YOUR family. My boys were trained so different yet they are children from the same parents. My first one was super easy...the second I had to sit in front of the TV to distract him....and it was much harder to train him.

Every child is different but you guys will pull through this. I hope it is going okay for you.

 

[skuttle]

My DS just turned 3 in July. He had NO interest in potty training. I knew he was ready, and that it was just a matter of control for him. There were a few times that he asked to get out of the bathtub all of a sudden, we'd put a pull-up on him, and he'd pee or poopy in it right away. So I knew he knew when he had to go!

A few weeks ago, his daycare mentioned that he was staying dry most of the day so they suggested I start sending him in underwear. The first week was awful. He'd hold it as long as possible, so when he did go it was like the flood gates were opening and he'd pee all over himself!

The Sunday after the first week of training, he pee pee'd on himself one too many times for me! I sat him down and told him how very disappointed I was and told him I was putting him back in a pull-up. And I did because I had had it. I sent him to daycare the following week in underwear and he did MUCH better there and at home. We had a sticker chart for him and he was so excited that he was actually making progress to his goal! (A super-man suit)

The weekend after the second week, we had issues with poopy. Again, I had had enough, and I sat him down and told him how disappointed I was. This seemed to work again!

He's been doing great ever since! We still have some aiming issues, but that's about it. He's still in pullups at night, but I told him this was the last pack I was buying and explained that I didn't want him going in the pullup. He actually woke me up at 11pm last night because he had to potty. He's done this a few times so I think he's really "got it". One thing with DS is that he will NOT sit just because we want him to try to. He always says "I will tell you when I have to go." And he does. Again...control for him. I know a lot of peoply say when they are ready they are ready. But with DS, I knew he was ready (and so did daycare). It was all a matter of control for him. Still is since he gets mad if we ask him if he has to go...he has to tell us. It works so I go along with it.

I'm hoping by January when we go back to WDW he'll be more willing to try to go when we ask him to try!

Here's a pic of my potty-trained super man!

 

[ilovejack02]

I'm hoping by January when we go back to WDW he'll be more willing to try to go when we ask him to try!

Here's a pic of my potty-trained super man!

[/QUOTE]


Hey Baton Rouge! What a cute little potty trained man you have! I bet that if he got you being disappointed with him not doing it that he will get if you explain to him that in Disney you are going to have to remind him more often about going to the potty because there wont always be a potty right next to you if he waits a little too long to tell you. BUT because this is several months away he may have this whole thing wrapped up and you wont even have to worry about it, once my 4 yr old was trained for several months i didnt have to ask him or remind him to go anymore.
When are yall going to WDW in Jan? We will be there in Jan. for 9 nights starting on 1/23! WOO HOO

 

[skuttle]

When are yall going to WDW in Jan? We will be there in Jan. for 9 nights starting on 1/23! WOO HOO

We are going the first week of January. My DH is a teacher so we don't have much of a choice!

 

[ilovejack02]

Ohhh well your DH must be a saint if he is a teacher in the public schools around here LOL!

 

[Lizzy2]

Oh my goodness, my stomach is in knots just remembering this stage of life
My DD4.75 wasn't fully trained until last summer and I too was nervous about Pre-K where it was a must. We worked on it big time starting in Jan. to be ready by September. We bought small potties for upstairs and down and Nanny's house and made a big deal out of them. We took pictures after every big success(She likes having her picture taken, what can I say? LOL) and bought prizes and treats. In the end it boiled down to a prize that she got to pick out with Daddy every Saturday and a little fussing. Now I know the experts say that you are not supposed to fuss at them but come on, you know your child and we know ours and we knew when she really couldn't do something and when she was just choosing not to which when it boils down to it is disobedience. I know this is not a popular point of view, especially related to potty training but when you've asked the precious darling 50 times in the last 25 m. if she had to go potty and she sits playing with toys and pees on the carpet you know she just doesn't want to be bothered. I'm not talking about the child you've just introduced training to but rather the one you are trying to get to run that last leg of the race. Believe me, there is a point where they know what they are supposed to do the question is do they want to or not. Make sure you check with your Dr. and confirm that physically they are able to do what needs to be done, ie muscle control and all.That info should keep you from feeling guilty about a few "I'm so disappointed in you and no, you are not going to get your prize this week "discussions.
I will agree with those who have said he's probably picking up on your stress. I took care of a little fellow after college who did #2 in his undies regularly. The outgoing caretaker expressed to me how annoying he was and how she was glad to be getting rid of this problem. Within 2 weeks of being with me, he was completely fine. Turns out he had two problems, he was constipated and probably couldn't control too much when it decided to come out and he didn't like her either and knew how to piss her off! If you can put off pre-K do it. Unless you need childcare its not worth it. My DD's school would let kids go in a younger class who had this problem or let them start in January to give them more time.
Good luck and I'll be thinking of you.

 

[Natalya]

I was just at my son's preschool orientation today and they said they give the children a month to get completely trained so not to stress if they aren't completely trained before school starts. Your preschool is probably similar. And the teachers say that they help out with potty training (in school of course) for that first month.

They said that after the first month, an occasional accident is fine.

 

[lovetocook]

This was a long, long time ago for me -- my twins are teens now -- but I saw too many of my friends get really stressed about this. Potty training consumed their existence. So, I decided NOT to potty train. I just waited until they seemed old enough to know what I was talking about and then they did it. I think they were around three or four. I do remember when they were in the three-year-old class at mother's day out the teachers told me they couldn't move up to the four-year-old class because they weren't completely trained. I said okay; we'll either keep them in the threes for a while or I'll take them out. A few days later the teachers said they could move up to the fours. My husband (a psychologist) and I felt really strongly about not pushing a child to do something they weren't emotionally ready to do. And all young children have accidents. Our kindergarten kept extra clothes just for that. So, try not to stress. There is a possibility your child just may not be ready for pre-k, especially if he has a birthday in the last six months of the year. And remember, he will eventually do what he's supposed to do.