OT: I am shocked about teacher gift request!!!!!

[wilderness01]

That'd be me - I don't live in Stepford and asking for $20 per child x 24 is a concern. Also it's a concern that the volunteer is only putting the names of the children who donated on the card (which was suggested by the OP). So yeah I'd be a proactive parent and I'd call the principle to have it straightened out - because managing the school is their job and I trust that I can go to them with any classroom concerns.
Also if I didn't respond to the note the volunteer sent home asking for a large amount of money I certainly wouldn't appreciate that same volunteer calling me at my home. They are there to volunteer in class, not to solicit parents for cash on behalf of the teacher. Being a classroom volunteer doesn't give anyone the right to badger strangers for money.

So you expect her to put everyone's name on the card but not everyone puts in money? I don't care if everyone didn't put in the same money, but everyone should put in something.

I still wouldn't go to the principal over this and if this is the worst that ever happens to you or your child in school, believe me, consider yourself lucky. We haven't been that fortunate, so really this is very small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. I wish this would have been the worst for my child that happened in school during his last year at the grammar school because I would have considered us very lucky.

I just think you should pick and choose your battles of what you go to the principal over, but that is me.

 

[kcromley]

you are right, a group e-mail would have been perfect. sometimes, though, i send a group email,and it bounces a few names back, so then i re-send to just those names. These things can happen with those not technologically skilled! I guess I'm just confused by your post-if the amount requested was not appropriate for your community (and I do realize it varies enormously by community and even by school within community), why not just a quick note to her saying "gee, it seems like the request is a little high this year, do we want to double check how much is the usual (or last year's or the other classes') amount?" Better communication might have clarified the matter quickly. And while of course I assume she will sign the gift "from the class" or something equivalent, for every person annoyed at being pestered at home for the gift, I promise that there will be one annoyed that he/she was not reminded sufficiently during this busy time of year. The class mom was trying to do the class a favor by organizing the gift, and yes, good intent does count for a whole lot.
We don't have a class gift (wish we did) but I know how I would feel if someone judged my efforts in such an endeavor. Since you have volunteered in the past and presumably will continue to do so, perhaps you can do a better job as room mom in the future. You have my sincerest best wishes, and hopes that no one criticizes your efforts at that time. Good luck.

 

[still grumpy]

So you expect her to put everyone's name on the card but not everyone puts in money? I don't care if everyone didn't put in the same money, but everyone should put in something.

Obviously you've always had something you could put in. Count yourself lucky. I always thought Christmas was about compassion, empathy and a giving spirit. Why does it matter what someone else gives as long as you have given what you felt appropriate?

 

[mom2aredhead]

Also if I didn't respond to the note the volunteer sent home asking for a large amount of money I certainly wouldn't appreciate that same volunteer calling me at my home. They are there to volunteer in class, not to solicit parents for cash on behalf of the teacher. Being a classroom volunteer doesn't give anyone the right to badger strangers for money.

If you have the person's phone number, just call them when you get the note, and say "no thank you, I'm going to do something on my own". Or "I'm not participating", then they won't call you.

I just sent out a letter to all of the kids in the class requesting VOLUNTARY contributions for a holiday gift for the teacher, as well as small token gifts for the art, music, gym and science teachers they see on a weekly basis. It specified that the donations were not mandatory, and people could contribute whatever they wished, but I asked for $10 per child and there are about 24 kids in the class. I requested that they send in their donations by a certain date.
And yes, I'm going to call them to see if they want to participate if I don't receive anything by that date. It's not badgering. For each family that gets annoyed by my call, there will be one that appreciates the reminder because they forgot, or knew nothing about it because the note got lost or never made it out of the kids backpack. After a few of these group events (Thanksgiving show, holiday party, class gift) I'll figure out which families never respond, participate or contribute and I won't waste my time or theirs by calling them...but for now, I'll make a call to each one.
And even with the call, and the note, I guarantee there will be at least one or 2 that never responded to either and show up with $10 in their hand the day of the party and a deer-in-the-headlights look when I tell them that the gift has already been purchased...and they'll say "you should have called me". Happens all the time. Their kids name will still be on the card though- school rules that gifts are from "the class", but honestly, I would never exclude a kid because their parents either couldn't afford it or couldn't be bothered to respond - that would just be wrong.

 

[melancholywings]

So you expect her to put everyone's name on the card but not everyone puts in money? I don't care if everyone didn't put in the same money, but everyone should put in something.

I still wouldn't go to the principal over this and if this is the worst that ever happens to you or your child in school, believe me, consider yourself lucky. We haven't been that fortunate, so really this is very small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. I wish this would have been the worst for my child that happened in school during his last year at the grammar school because I would have considered us very lucky.

I just think you should pick and choose your battles of what you go to the principal over, but that is me.

I'd expect that if the gift was going to single out the lower income families that it should have been given to the teacher privately, not during class. This was a private school that had a huge gap in family income. The room mom had the children sign the card individually in class - the gift was given in class. It's difficult for a preschooler to understand why they are not allowed to participate. What kind of room mom sets up a situation that makes 4 year olds cry?
And as for 'donating something' can I assume you've never had to scrape the change jar for school lunches? Not all families share your privalages.
I still stand by that I'd go to the principle. Also just because I'd talk to the principle doesn't mean I'd go in guns blazing and mouth foaming, it's not a battle. As a parent if something is a concern to me regarding my child I'm proactive and professional about it. How else can the school update policies and understand the needs of it's families if they are not made aware of issues.

 

[mjkacmom]

If you have the person's phone number, just call them when you get the note, and say "no thank you, I'm going to do something on my own". Or "I'm not participating", then they won't call you.

I just sent out a letter to all of the kids in the class requesting VOLUNTARY contributions for a holiday gift for the teacher, as well as small token gifts for the art, music, gym and science teachers they see on a weekly basis. It specified that the donations were not mandatory, and people could contribute whatever they wished, but I asked for $10 per child and there are about 24 kids in the class. I requested that they send in their donations by a certain date.
And yes, I'm going to call them to see if they want to participate if I don't receive anything by that date. It's not badgering. For each family that gets annoyed by my call, there will be one that appreciates the reminder because they forgot, or knew nothing about it because the note got lost or never made it out of the kids backpack. After a few of these group events (Thanksgiving show, holiday party, class gift) I'll figure out which families never respond, participate or contribute and I won't waste my time or theirs by calling them...but for now, I'll make a call to each one.
And even with the call, and the note, I guarantee there will be at least one or 2 that never responded to either and show up with $10 in their hand the day of the party and a deer-in-the-headlights look when I tell them that the gift has already been purchased...and they'll say "you should have called me". Happens all the time. Their kids name will still be on the card though- school rules that gifts are from "the class", but honestly, I would never exclude a kid because their parents either couldn't afford it or couldn't be bothered to respond - that would just be wrong.

Here, every class mom asks for $5, and then she usually sends a reminder letter. I've been class mom, and I've also needed the reminder!

 

[mjkacmom]

If you have the person's phone number, just call them when you get the note, and say "no thank you, I'm going to do something on my own". Or "I'm not participating", then they won't call you.

I just sent out a letter to all of the kids in the class requesting VOLUNTARY contributions for a holiday gift for the teacher, as well as small token gifts for the art, music, gym and science teachers they see on a weekly basis. It specified that the donations were not mandatory, and people could contribute whatever they wished, but I asked for $10 per child and there are about 24 kids in the class. I requested that they send in their donations by a certain date.
And yes, I'm going to call them to see if they want to participate if I don't receive anything by that date. It's not badgering. For each family that gets annoyed by my call, there will be one that appreciates the reminder because they forgot, or knew nothing about it because the note got lost or never made it out of the kids backpack. After a few of these group events (Thanksgiving show, holiday party, class gift) I'll figure out which families never respond, participate or contribute and I won't waste my time or theirs by calling them...but for now, I'll make a call to each one.
And even with the call, and the note, I guarantee there will be at least one or 2 that never responded to either and show up with $10 in their hand the day of the party and a deer-in-the-headlights look when I tell them that the gift has already been purchased...and they'll say "you should have called me". Happens all the time. Their kids name will still be on the card though- school rules that gifts are from "the class", but honestly, I would never exclude a kid because their parents either couldn't afford it or couldn't be bothered to respond - that would just be wrong.

Here, every class mom asks for $5, and then she usually sends a reminder letter. I've been class mom, and I've also needed the reminder!

I can't imagine not having it from the entire class - I'd never leave out a name, even if it meant putting in my own money.

 

[summerrluvv]

So you expect her to put everyone's name on the card but not everyone puts in money? I don't care if everyone didn't put in the same money, but everyone should put in something.

.

It's very poor taste to exclude children's name from the card if their PARENTS didn't send in a contribution. I think it's disgusting that a class mom would do this.

 

[wilderness01]

It's very poor taste to exclude children's name from the card if their PARENTS didn't send in a contribution. I think it's disgusting that a class mom would do this.

Well I am not contributing money to the school collection and my kids names are not going to be on the card. Do I care? No, I don't. Their names shouldn't be on there because I'm not giving money, so I really do not want them recognized for something that they didn't participate in.

To the other person who said I have never had to scrape, or something like that, do you judge much? You don't even know me and don't know my circumstance, so frankly you do not know one thing of what you are talking about.

 

[melancholywings]

If you have the person's phone number, just call them when you get the note, and say "no thank you, I'm going to do something on my own". Or "I'm not participating", then they won't call you.

I just sent out a letter to all of the kids in the class requesting VOLUNTARY contributions for a holiday gift for the teacher, as well as small token gifts for the art, music, gym and science teachers they see on a weekly basis. It specified that the donations were not mandatory, and people could contribute whatever they wished, but I asked for $10 per child and there are about 24 kids in the class. I requested that they send in their donations by a certain date.
And yes, I'm going to call them to see if they want to participate if I don't receive anything by that date. It's not badgering. For each family that gets annoyed by my call, there will be one that appreciates the reminder because they forgot, or knew nothing about it because the note got lost or never made it out of the kids backpack. After a few of these group events (Thanksgiving show, holiday party, class gift) I'll figure out which families never respond, participate or contribute and I won't waste my time or theirs by calling them...but for now, I'll make a call to each one.
And even with the call, and the note, I guarantee there will be at least one or 2 that never responded to either and show up with $10 in their hand the day of the party and a deer-in-the-headlights look when I tell them that the gift has already been purchased...and they'll say "you should have called me". Happens all the time. Their kids name will still be on the card though- school rules that gifts are from "the class", but honestly, I would never exclude a kid because their parents either couldn't afford it or couldn't be bothered to respond - that would just be wrong.

I'm sorry I would have responded earlier but I had to clean the floor. Turkey day guests are arriving soon and i'm totally stressing out. I had to stop though because I kept breaking more than I was cleaning. Not that I intentionally broke the ugly floor lamp my husband loves.
I think your awsome for not excluding anyone. When our school (the public one) sends home notes asking for classroom money or donation money (such as making Thanksgiving dinner boxes for fellow in need students) they have a checkbox on the form that you can mark off saying something like I will not be contributing at this time. And you can just send the form back in with the weekly envelope. It's nice as it saves everyone time. I'm sure some parents still would ignore it (heck there are some that don't send their kids in with lunch or money), but it's less intrusive.

What I also don't understand is how the school is allowed to give out a child's phone number to a volunteer who's not officially staff or even give it out to other parents (who have not gone through background checks).

 

[melancholywings]

Well I am not contributing money to the school collection and my kids names are not going to be on the card. Do I care? No, I don't. Their names shouldn't be on there because I'm not giving money, so I really do not want them recognized for something that they didn't participate in.

To the other person who said I have never had to scrape, or something like that, do you judge much? You don't even know me and don't know my circumstance, so frankly you do not know one thing of what you are talking about.

I never claimed to know your circumstances. And I never said you never had to scrape, I asked if you ever had to. It was a question. And then the statement that there are people who don't enjoy your privilages - because no matter who you are there is always someone who has it worse than you. I'd suggest some comprehension before dismissing a persons differing view point as ignorant.

 

[Vijoge]

It seems simple to me. Participate if you want to-decline if you don't.

 

[wilderness01]

I never claimed to know your circumstances. And I never said you never had to scrape, I asked if you ever had to. It was a question. And then the statement that there are people who don't enjoy your privilages - because no matter who you are there is always someone who has it worse than you. I'd suggest some comprehension before dismissing a persons differing view point as ignorant.

It didn't come off as a question to me, but rather a statement. I think my comprehension is just fine, thanks.

Again you are the one judging, and shouldn't be. You have no idea what anyone's circumstances are. I didn't judge, I just said if someone didn't participate, then their name shouldn't be on the card. It is pretty simple. We will have to agree to disagree.

I'm not dismissing anyone else's opinion either. If you don't want to participate, don't to the person who wrote this. If you do want to participate, go ahead and participate.

There are tough economic times for everyone and no one should feel obligated to do anything. If someone doesn't like how this room mom is doing the job, then next year you do it. I don't think it is that the OP said she felt the $20 was out of line, she didn't like the way the room mom was handling the whole situation.

Again I feel, if this was the worst thing that ever happened in my kid's classroom, I would forever be grateful, because it hasn't been in our case, and when there is a real huge problem, this seems petty and small.

Anyone can flame me, but I have been there and done that, and it isn't pretty when your family is in the middle of something very ugly in regards to a school setting.

 

[summerrluvv]

It didn't come off as a question to me, but rather a statement. I think my comprehension is just fine, thanks.

I just said if someone didn't participate, then their name shouldn't be on the card. It is pretty simple. We will have to agree to disagree.

Do you really think a grade school student understands that their name wasn't included in the teacher gift and they were essentially "singled out" for not contributing because their parents couldn't afford it? Again, in poor taste and as grown up's, we should all think a little harder before we play that game with little kids involved.

 

[Tikitoi]

Wow, $20 bucks a kid. (didn't read the entire thread) What does she want to do with all that cash? How many kids in the class?

 

[wilderness01]

Do you really think a grade school student understands that their name wasn't included in the teacher gift and they were essentially "singled out" for not contributing because their parents couldn't afford it? Again, in poor taste and as grown up's, we should all think a little harder before we play that game with little kids involved.

I'll go you one better actually. At our school not only is their name not on the card, but the card of names is read out loud, in front of the class so you know on the last day of school before Christmas break who gave and who didn't. No the kids don't understand, so it is my job as a parent to have them understand. With some tact and honesty, they have been made to understand.

I have never been involved in the collecting, so frankly, they can do what they want. I have zero problem with my kids' names not being on that card. Do I think they should read it aloud? No I don't. I think that is bullying actually, but I don't want to get involved in the whole process, so I will keep my opinions to myself, and explain to my kids what is going on. Some years we have contributed, some years not. This year we will not.

They also do the Santa's Secret workshop during the school hours which honestly stinks, but what can you do? I'm not running the program, so I have no say in it. The kids that don't bring money feel bad. The stuff is junk and breaks.

I did give my daughter money one year and she was so excited, only to have her gift for me break on the way home from school. She was sobbing on her bed and it broke my heart for her.

Last year I gave my son $2 so he could find some piece of treasure for his little friend. I might as well have burned those dollars, but he was so upset the two years in a row before last that I gave him no money.

So again, I get it, I just don't choose to make a huge deal out of little things like this. Again, without going into any detail, we have gone through much, much, much worse than this, so this seems very small to me. I lessen the blow and they understand. No one said life was fair.

 

[summerrluvv]

Wow, that's reallly low they read the names out loud. How humiliating for the children. I think that warrants a complaint to the principal. How awful. What is wrong with people

 

[wilderness01]

Yes, I agree it is low and makes kids feel bad. I also think it is low when they announce over the intercom who the winner of the pie sale or magazine sale is, who sold the most wrapping paper, etc. etc.

They also make the kids pay for out of uniform days and you know who can and can't. I usually pay for the out of uniform day because it goes to charity and it is $2 per child. However, they are having one in January that is $5 a child and goes straight to the school. My kids will be wearing uniforms that day. It bugs me, don't get me wrong, but I let it go.

 

[mom2aredhead]

I'm sorry I would have responded earlier but I had to clean the floor. Turkey day guests are arriving soon and i'm totally stressing out. I had to stop though because I kept breaking more than I was cleaning. Not that I intentionally broke the ugly floor lamp my husband loves.
I think your awsome for not excluding anyone. When our school (the public one) sends home notes asking for classroom money or donation money (such as making Thanksgiving dinner boxes for fellow in need students) they have a checkbox on the form that you can mark off saying something like I will not be contributing at this time. And you can just send the form back in with the weekly envelope. It's nice as it saves everyone time. I'm sure some parents still would ignore it (heck there are some that don't send their kids in with lunch or money), but it's less intrusive.

What I also don't understand is how the school is allowed to give out a child's phone number to a volunteer who's not officially staff or even give it out to other parents (who have not gone through background checks).

I kind of like the idea of the check off form...at least I'd know people's intentions, and I won't be trying to figure out if a non-response is if they forgot or are just not participating. I may have to use that one for the holiday party. Thanks!

As far as the phone numbers go, a form went out at the beginning of the year that parents had to sign to make their phone number available to me as the "class liaison". They were assured that their phone numbers would not be made public to anyone else, and would be used strictly for contact regarding school/classroom related activities. Some preferred to give me a cell phone rather than their home number because I suppose they don't want me to know where they live. I had one family that initially did not want to give me any phone number, but changed their minds when they met me in person at open school day - I guess they felt assured that I was relatively normal and trustworthy.

And as far as the "contributions", I don't judge anyone for what they do or don't do for the class, and I don't discuss it with anyone, save for the occasional anonymous rant here. If people don't want to go in on a group gift for the teacher, that's fine...just tell me. If people choose to give me $5 or $2 instead of $10, that's something that will stay confidential and I wouldn't venture to guess the reason behind it. If we end up with a weird amount amount, I'll probably end up throwing in some extra money to even it out. The entire class is included on the card regardless of what was contributed by whom because like I said before, kids shouldn't be punished or feel ashamed because of their parents choices. I also plan on buying (out of my pocket, not the contributions) 2 dozen loose flowers so that each child can give her one and she'll end up with a bouquet from the class. Now I just have to figure out how to get 23 kids to sign a card without their teacher seeing it. Hmmmm.

Wow, that's reallly low they read the names out loud. How humiliating for the children. I think that warrants a complaint to the principal. How awful. What is wrong with people

That is one of the saddest things I've heard. Those people need their heads examined.

 

[Avalon_toon]

I think she's probably just nervous because she hasn't gotten any responses. I also think its a bit rude - but not terribly so.

My son's teacher just left to have a baby - the class mom sent home a note asking parents if they could contribute $5 for a gift card to BRU. I told my son to tell her I would contribute, but it wouldn't be until the day mentioned as the last day to contribute - so on the last day, I go to drop the money off to her, she told me she'd gotten only 6 people to contribute. I felt so bad, I gave her $20. The card the kids made was from everyone in the room, though, so no names were attached to the gift card, which is how it should be, I think.