OT: I am shocked about teacher gift request!!!!!

[mjkacmom]

And one last rant - PLEASE...if you are the person that always calls as soon as you get the note at home to say "I'll bring napkins", and you have brought napkins for the Halloween party, Thanksgiving celebration, the holiday party, and the spring jubilee...would it KILL YOU to go to the bakery or food store JUST ONCE and get some sort of food item? Please?

Okay, guilty! I have 5, so things get crazy, and I always think I'll get the napkins in advance, so I don't have to worry about it. However, the last couple of times, I waited until the last minute, and there were no more themed ones left - I had to go from store to store! For the next one, I signed up for cupcakes - can always get cupcakes!

I was a class mom last year, and in our school, ONLY the class moms contribute to the class party - food, drink, craft, paper products.

 

[mom2aredhead]

I was a class mom last year, and in our school, ONLY the class moms contribute to the class party - food, drink, craft, paper products.

I definitely wouldn't be volunteering if that was the case here...UGH!

 

[waltskids]

IMHO that is way too much for a teacher's gift. As a teacher I would not feel right accepting a gift of that amount. Honestly, in our school district, most parents just choose to buy something for the teacher on their own if they wish. However, I do sympathize with those that are classroom parents since that is not an easy job.

 

[melancholywings]

I believe the request was for 20$ or whatever amount the parent wished to send. If you wish to send less, by all means, do so. For a gift for someone who cares for and educates my child 35 hrs/week, it is for me a reasonable request. I would spend more taking my family to McDonald's for lunch, and so we will skip that one time and apply it to a well-deserved gift instead. Do whatever you think is right, but please refrain from criticizing the well-intentioned efforts of other parent volunteers to "do the right thing". It may not have been the manner or timing of how you might phrase the request, but nevertheless, the room mom made the effort to organize it.

I don't understand this. How is the aid's behavior doing the right thing? Sending a request home for a gift is one thing, but calling parents hounding for it is quite another. If a family is in financial difficulty (which is becoming more frequent in this economy) getting a call like this is not only intrusive but insensitive. If they can or want to donate the parent will, but nagging them at home for money is uncalled for. That $20 might be a trip to McDonalds for one family, or it could be a copay for a doctors trip, or a day of after care for another. It might be well intentioned but she's going about it all wrong.

 

[cruizie]

Maybe her tone was rude and could have been better presented. I am sure that this early in the "season," she has not received many replies and she is probably (ok, not probably, definitely) an overzealos sort (read: sent Christmas gift letter in Oct) and is worried that no one will participate. I was HR mom for dd's class last yr and I really wanted to give the teacher a very nice gift from the class (gift card). It totally stressed me out and I had about a 50% participation. I am sure that this mom is just feeling the same way and is just really controlling, maybe.

End of year which was also the teacher's b-day, I bought her a potted plant and asked anyone who wanted to participate to bring a gift card in whatever amount and we made a bouquet of gift cards. That way, I did not have to coordinate it all and everyone could give whatever amount they felt comfortable with.

 

[sndfan]

Experienced Class Mom here.

I agree that she jumped the gun, calling before the due date. She probably also asked for too much (our school sets the limits that can be requested, AND all communications must be approved by the principal before they are sent home to the parents).

BUT, Class Mom is a thankless job many times. I have spent countless dollars of my own to compensate for families that didn't send in the $1 for the Halloween party or the $2 for the Christmas party...that's ok.

Keep in mind that there are people who will send in their $20 the day of the party, and wonder why it's not included in the gift card...um. Maybe because we bought it a couple of days ago??

So try to cut her some slack, send a check for what you are comfortable with by the due date, and let it go.

 

[carj]

Experienced Class Mom here.

I agree that she jumped the gun, calling before the due date. She probably also asked for too much (our school sets the limits that can be requested, AND all communications must be approved by the principal before they are sent home to the parents).

BUT, Class Mom is a thankless job many times. I have spent countless dollars of my own to compensate for families that didn't send in the $1 for the Halloween party or the $2 for the Christmas party...that's ok.

Keep in mind that there are people who will send in their $20 the day of the party, and wonder why it's not included in the gift card...um. Maybe because we bought it a couple of days ago??

So try to cut her some slack, send a check for what you are comfortable with by the due date, and let it go.

I agree with you. Maybe she got a little over-anxious and she shouldn't pressure people. If you want to contribute, do so. If not, just let it go. She may not be aware that her "reminders" are possibly making others uncomfortable.

Since there is not an indication that she is trying to be hurtful or malicious, I would chalk it up to a difference in personalities and forget about it.

It sounds like she is trying to be organized and efficient and is perhaps a little too zealous, nothing "shocking" about her actions.

 

[3mickeys&me]

$20. Wow. I do think that sounds a little steep especially with people losing their jobs and how the economy is right now. We get notes like that to but usually its asking for $5. per child.

 

[kcromley]

Experienced Class Mom here.

I agree that she jumped the gun, calling before the due date. She probably also asked for too much (our school sets the limits that can be requested, AND all communications must be approved by the principal before they are sent home to the parents).

BUT, Class Mom is a thankless job many times. I have spent countless dollars of my own to compensate for families that didn't send in the $1 for the Halloween party or the $2 for the Christmas party...that's ok.

Keep in mind that there are people who will send in their $20 the day of the party, and wonder why it's not included in the gift card...um. Maybe because we bought it a couple of days ago??

So try to cut her some slack, send a check for what you are comfortable with by the due date, and let it go.

Exactly! Give what you want and let it go.And appreciate that someone is willing to even be a class parent in this day and age, a rapidly dwindling species in many communities.

 

[Mommy2JulietJocelyn]

to the room moms - thank you for all you do! I have to say this year we have 2 mom sharing the class and they seem to be doing everything or I am just slow about volunteering- for both Halloween & Harvest party I have volunteered to send something in but they never need anything. However both parties they asked if I could come. So maybe no one can come help?

For christmas this year I bought a bunch of boxes of Crayloa crayons, pink erasers(large rectangle ones), pencils & glue sticks, I bought 2 things for class boards (Star Helpers & Student of the Week) and a Christmas basket to put it in - DO you think this is a good idea for a Christmqas gift? I was thinking of putting something else in it too but didn't know what - it would be more of a classroom gift than a personal teacher gift.

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

I think it's rude, especially in the present economic climate. I also think it's inconsiderate towards those on a lower income and those with more than one child to ask for a set amount. $20 when you have 4 kids in school and one income is alot, also what about the parents whos kids usually make their gift?

I agree it should have been done in a X per family would be Z, A pr family would buy B, please give what you feel comfortable with and also as a PP mentioned make it clear all kids will be included in the card because every kid wants to wish their teacher a happy christmas, not just those whos parents can afford $20.... geesh I know familys of 5 and 6 who grocery shop on less than $60 a week due to necessity!!!!

Also I think calling was wrong, it puts people on the spot, we have a low income, we have four kids, my husband has just been cut down to a 20 hour week and money is so damned tight right now but I still feel really awkward admitting it to people i have to see face to face and in my kids school setting, calling puts people on the spot, people who may well have sent $5 or $10 in but now feel obliged to send $20 and will have to cut something else to compensate. My daughters school send home last minute $15 for this, $60 for that and it's hard when you don't want your kid to have to stand out as "that" kid. IMO a classmom should have known better than to put anyone in that situation

 

[megthewonderful]

If someone sent me a request for the teacher's Christmas gift in October, I would be sure to forget to send the check in! That's early to even start thinking about it. I am the class mother for my son's class and I intend to have all of the parents work together for a gift for the teachers, but I wouldn't even dare to start until after Thanksgiving and I planned on asking for $10. $10 with 25 kids in the class makes for a great gift!

 

[Ariel8676]

Wow $20..we all contribute $5 per child for the teacher and $3 for our student teacher.

 

[tethermagee]

Why not just let people give what they choose? Instead of stronarming them with suggestions like $10, or $20? Isn't that what gift giving is all about?

 

[TommyTutone]

$20 per parent, even if only half give, is a big chunk of money. I myself, unless I knew the parent well, would rather just give my own gift, perhaps a gift cert to a book store. It would be very tempting for someone who has been given $200 to end up just giving a $100 gift card and pocketing the rest since there is no accountability of who gave what.

 

[koolaidmoms]

Wow! That is some gift. Being a former room "mom" and teacher I could not have accepted a gift like that - $480 nor have expected my classroom parents to donate that much. What are they getting her? Gold?

My students were poor (50% free and reduced lunches) to upper middle class but still. That is far to much for one gift and if someone can't give the $20 or doesn't want to will their names not be on the card? As class mom we thought $100 was great for a gift card to a book store and they could buy books for the class if they so chose.

 

[mom2aredhead]

$20 per parent, even if only half give, is a big chunk of money. I myself, unless I knew the parent well, would rather just give my own gift, perhaps a gift cert to a book store. It would be very tempting for someone who has been given $200 to end up just giving a $100 gift card and pocketing the rest since there is no accountability of who gave what.

I certainly hope that's not how the parents in my son's class feel.
I will be prepared with a "paper trail" in case anyone has questions. What a shame that I even need to think about it. Didn't even occur to me until now...

 

[8disneyfans]

Yes! we were talking on another thread!

Having been the class mom several times myself, I can certainly understand her worry about people forgetting, not getting enough money etc. But I never asked for a specific amount, nor did I hound people about it.

i agree that $20 is a little steep. And part of the reason why class gifts are nice is that the teacher gets something nice but no one should have to spend a fortune! There are, I think, 24 kids in the class - that;s a heck of a gift if everyone gives $20!!!!!

That said, we are happily in a much better financial position than we have been in for years. That's not to say we're rich, but after years of having to come up with gifts that cost next to nothing, I was happy to write the check this year.



Sometimes I am VERY envious of homeschooling families! I don't think it would work well for our family, but sometimes the absence of these sorts of things seems really nice!

Homeschooling is not for everyone, but it is nice not to have these headaches. We started 4 years ago and it works for us. We will still buy for Sunday School teachers. Our older daughters take supplemental classes and I will buy for them too, but with 6 kiddos and family I just can't spend $20 on them.

 

[An_Island_Girl]

I am going to give a very different view... Our childrens' teachers often spend more time with our children than we do (waking hours). Do you really think that asking for $20 is too much to donate to the teacher for a gift?

I know that we really look forward to my DH "Christmas bonus", but I know for a fact that our local teachers get no such extra pay. Teachers work so hard to make each and every day wonderful, that the extra appreciation we show at the holidays is greatly appreciated.

This year my DD4's class all chipped in to purchase a nice video camera for the teacher, and our neighbors class is giving a $500 gift certificate that can be used in over 300 local stores. Maybe this is just a regional thing, but around here large class gifts for teachers seem to be the normal thing.

 

[Minniemouse07]

Not only do I think the request for a specific amount was rude...but I'm not in w/ the entire "class gift" thing.

Dd (7yo) makes a gift for her teacher each year for the December holidays. In kindergarten she painted a bird house and last year for first grade she painted a cookie jar.

I would much rather dd give something to her teacher that she did, than to fork out $20 for a class gift. Otherwise it is all about "having" to get something for the teacher instead of giving something to them from dd's heart!