OT: I am shocked about teacher gift request!!!!!

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I don't think its rude. I don't think I would have said $20 - thats a lot of money, and this mother doesn't know how many other kids you have, and how much you are giving to all their teachers, but I can understand setting a price. I wouldn't be happy if I donated $20 for a together teachers gift, and everyone else just gave $5, KWIM?
I do agree that she is being a bit pushy sending out emails though.

 

[tethermagee]

I don't think its rude. I don't think I would have said $20 - thats a lot of money, and this mother doesn't know how many other kids you have, and how much you are giving to all their teachers, but I can understand setting a price. I wouldn't be happy if I donated $20 for a together teachers gift, and everyone else just gave $5, KWIM?
I do agree that she is being a bit pushy sending out emails though.

Why not? If that is the amount you felt appropriate why would it matter what others gave?

 

["Cinder" Ella's Mom]

Personally, I love when the room moms handle it. They recently asked for $10.00 for a wedding gift for DD5's teacher and are certain to ask for a holiday donation. Great! I don't have to go shop!

 

[Vijoge]

I agree. My granddaughters now live with us. They are new to their school, so they don't know what is usually done. I don't know either. I haven't heard from any of the room parents regarding a collection or anything so I guess I will have to contact someone at school to find out what is done there. I'd really like it if someone whould send home a note asking for money.

 

[PaulaSue]

OP, I would not get mad at her checking in with everyone before the due date. She is just planning ahead.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I think it's rude to request a certain dollar amount. What one might be able to give, another might not be able to. I wonder what kind of gift certificate she is doing. If my daughter's class were to collect $20 from each student, it would be over $400.00. That's a bit much.
In regards to the email, i also think that she might be nervous about it too if she hasn't had much of a response. I wouldn't give a check any earlier than is due.

 

[summerrluvv]

I don't think it's rude to ask for a dollar amount in general, but I think $20 x 24 kids is over the top and just out of line period. I think our class mom asked for $5 last year.

 

[KirstenB]

If it's like dd's school, she's probably asking for $20 to cover the 50% of parents who will not contribute for various reasons. I've been a room mom in the past, and have padded my request just because I know some won't contribute, but I still want the kids to have a nice end of year class party and the teacher to have a nice gift.

 

[kimmylaj]

i can answer this in many ways being both a teacher and a mom, but i was just curious... ds school has a written policy
no more than $3 to be requested for a party
No more thatn $5 for a teacher gift
maybe you could check and see if the school has rules about this.
as an aside i contribute to the class gift and usually get something on my own too to thank her for taking care of the most precious things in the world to me. but as a teacher i make sure to put a really nice note in telling her how much i appreciate her, because that is what truly makes my day. when individual parents take the time to express their feelings to me... i think most teachers really do go into the field because of their love of children and enjoy a note saying job well done

 

[gaelic grace]

A couple of things; at the school my daughter attends they ask for 25.00 per child but this includes the assistant as well as other support staff. The monetary amount was actually set to prevent the parent who goes overboard- there is usually at least one in every class. It sounds like this may be in a more affluent area and maybe 20.00 is a reasonable request. It was a suggestion. As to the timing if she waited until a week before people would be griping that they weren't given enough time. In my area alot of people work for the state and are montly employee's, with school getting out in mid- December October doesn't seem entirely unreasonable. In fact it seems to be considerate to let people know way ahead and be able to budget. As to the reminder, emails are hard because you can't detect the tone of the person. We attend a fairly affluent school and I am always amazed by the people who don't participate in things and it's not because they can't afford it. I think it's reasonable to expect that there won't be anywhere near 100% participation and by now the room mother has probably planned a few things and knows what participation is likely to be. As a room mother it's hard to know how much is too much and what's not enough. As many room mothers have stated there is always someone who "forgets" and it's always your fault for not reminding them. I think doing a group gift is actually a great cover for the families who don't have as much. As an educator it's hard to watch the child who can't compete realize they have come up short- not in the mind of the teacher but in comparison to their peers. This isn't as apparent in the early elementary grades but into later elementary they notice and no amount of praise from a teacher can totally change this. A group gift - from the whole class- not just participants can go a long way to easing this. If you don't want to give or have planned to give something else don't contribute. Your child's teacher didn't get into teaching because of gifts group or otherwise.

 

[rubyrain]

$20 yikes!! times that by lets say 25, dang what the heck she gonna do by her a wdw ticket!!! whats the name of this school and how do i go about signing up for a job!!

 

[kcromley]

for the OP,the solution seems clear-volunteer, now, to organize next year's Christmas gift (or even an end-of-year gift this year!). The room mom would appreciate sharing the burden of work, and then we can all watch as some other poster is appalled by whatever your request is. This thread can continue for years!

 

[wilderness01]

]I don't really understand why you are so upset about this? I don't think this class mom was so out of line. [/B]I mean I can see how a $20 per child request might seem excessive to some, but from what you say she did indicate that people could give any amount, right? I mean a gift is a token of appreciation. You give what you want and within the budget you want.

So here's a mom who has taken on the task of organizing a group gift for the class and asked everyone to participate. I understand it's a bit early, but maybe she just wanted to get as many people on board as possible and some people do buy their gifts early, even for teachers. It seems a bit harsh to fault her for being a bit of an "eager beaver". And I understand that the deadline to submit your money wasn't until December, but what's so wrong with her sending an e-mail just inquiring if you had decided to participate? Doesn't sound like she's badgering or hassling anyone, to me anyway. Maybe it was her way of just sending a reminder. Lord knows I'd need it! We get so many notes from school that I'm lucky if I remember to send the field trip permission forms back in time!

I don't know, but it seems she's just trying to do something nice and seems to be pretty organized about it given the extended notice she's given everyone about it. If you don't want to participate you could just decline and say you've chosen to do something on your own. But I don't think she certainly meant to be offending anyone.Just my opinion.

I agree. I know you said that you also volunteered to be the room mom, but she volunteered first. Maybe you can co-volunteer to head the next party, event, etc. I think it is a thankless job to begin with and then you always have the person who complains because they didn't do it like they would have. I personally think that is wrong. So you are saying that you will spend the $20 but you will do so now on your own because you don't like that she sent out a reminder? Why? That is only punishing the teacher who had nothing to do with this.

To the person who wants their child to make a homemade gift because they think it is more personable, do you really think teachers year after year after year want to collect all these treasures? I would rather a nice hand made card than a "treasure" that is only a "treasure" to a parent, know what I mean?

To the person who said they would contact the principle? Are you serious? Over something like this? Don't you think they have more important things to attend to? Come on, if you don't want to participate don't, but you are going to tattle on a VOLUNTEER? Give me a break.

I do think it is reasonable to ask for a certain amount. $20? I don't know, that is up to the majority. But I will tell you that we always had some people who never contributed, not because they couldn't afford it with their multiple million dollar houses, but because they just didn't do it and then the rest of us had to kick in for them. It became annoying and old after a while. So I guess I can't blame the person for wanting to know who is in, or who is out.

 

[wilderness01]

for the OP,the solution seems clear-volunteer, now, to organize next year's Christmas gift (or even an end-of-year gift this year!). The room mom would appreciate sharing the burden of work, and then we can all watch as some other poster is appalled by whatever your request is. This thread can continue for years!

 

[love3kids]

Hi, I would just like to add That I do not think we should be asked or told what we need to do for the teacher. That is a very personal decision each parent makes for themselves as to what and how much! Especially in the economic situation right now. There may be someone who will just give something she has baked or maybe just a card with a lovely thought, or maybe someone just does not want to give a gift!!! If you have a close group of friends and you choose to talk about it then that is fine but you might be putting someone in a very awkward position if they choose to be on their own for whatever reason! Let each parent decide for themselves what they would like to do!! And who cares about the parent who goes over the top we do not need to live above our means if we can not.As for me I like to find out if the teacher is single,married,etc..found out a little about he or she and then gift accordingly. And within my budget not the room parents!!!

 

[jellybeans0607]

I would have just told her I didn't plan to participate.

I have never heard of this "class mom" thing. Personally I think it a horrible idea to have one person in charge of everything. What happened to each kid bringing something if they wanted to?

I don't even think we will be doing teacher gifts this year.

 

[melancholywings]

To the person who said they would contact the principle? Are you serious? Over something like this? Don't you think they have more important things to attend to? Come on, if you don't want to participate don't, but you are going to tattle on a VOLUNTEER? Give me a break.

That'd be me - I don't live in Stepford and asking for $20 per child x 24 is a concern. Also it's a concern that the volunteer is only putting the names of the children who donated on the card (which was suggested by the OP).
So yeah I'd be a proactive parent and I'd call the principle to have it straightened out - because managing the school is their job and I trust that I can go to them with any classroom concerns.

Also if I didn't respond to the note the volunteer sent home asking for a large amount of money I certainly wouldn't appreciate that same volunteer calling me at my home. They are there to volunteer in class, not to solicit parents for cash on behalf of the teacher. Being a classroom volunteer doesn't give anyone the right to badger strangers for money.

 

[kcromley]

Those who criticize volunteers' good faith efforts risk not having volunteers at all. Please keep that in mind. If you don't want to participate, don't. Otherwise, understand that there are others who would greatly appreciate someone organizing this and saving me a whole lot of work.

 

[melancholywings]

Those who criticize volunteers' good faith efforts risk not having volunteers at all. Please keep that in mind. If you don't want to participate, don't. Otherwise, understand that there are others who would greatly appreciate someone organizing this and saving me a whole lot of work.

You'd rather have parents being solicited for 'teacher money' in the privacy of their own home by a volunteer, who I assume is not a member of the school staff. Than for that parent to let the school know that they find the behavior inappropriate and intrusive because you're afraid of losing volunteers? What about the faith of the parents? Or the possible happiness of the students?
I've been in a class gift situation that was done by a class volunteer, it was done so wrong that it intentionally singled out which children couldn't afford to contribute to the class gift. They wouldn't allow those children to sign their names on the card and then allowed those who contributed to 'give' the gift in front of the whole class. It's hard to explain to a 4 year old why they didn't get to participate in making their teacher happy too (because mommy had so many doctor bills). The teacher later apologized because she had no idea the room mom was doing that. So I don't buy the whole 'good faith' angle, and I don't trust classroom moms just because they're a volunteer.

Sorry. 3 years later and I'm STILL exceptionally mad about that. Such a horrid private school, thank god for the public school system!

 

[aprilfoolwed]

Those who criticize volunteers' good faith efforts risk not having volunteers at all. Please keep that in mind. If you don't want to participate, don't. Otherwise, understand that there are others who would greatly appreciate someone organizing this and saving me a whole lot of work.

OP here I mentioned several times through this post that I also volunteer at the school, so I do my share of helping.

I appreciate the sentiment of giving the teacher a nice gift. I really do. But I think her methods are pretty rotten - especially given that we are in a rough economic time and not all people can afford to contribute. This mom is singling people out through emails and made ME feel really uncomfortable - even though I plan on contributing.

Last year, we would not have had $20 to spend on a teacher gift. I would have felt awful having this woman hunt me down and ask me if I was planning on contributing. For someone who can't afford to particpate, this is pretty uncomfortable.

One letter home to parents should suffice. If she felt the need to remind parents, a group email just reminding us of her "due date" would have been okay. A letter home asking for a specific amount and a follow-up individual email (way before her "due date" was up) was not appreciated.