OT- Help with getting my 2.5 year old to sleep

[emmababy]

Ok, here is a bit of backstory first. We transferred my 2.5 year old dd to a big girl bed when she was 23 months old. It has bed rails on it and we put a gate up in her doorway. We did this to make room for her little brother who was born 2 months later.

All the advice on here said to transfer her to her new room before he was born. The first month she did great. But the last 7 months has been horrible. When I put her in bed, she will get up and come to her gate over and over. We put her in bed, she gets up, we put her back, repeat until she falls asleep.

We have tried everything, I even gave her nuk back to her to get her to stay, now I can't get her to give that up..... Anyways, we tried supernanny, taking away her stuffed animals, sticker chart, nothing seems to stick.

Lately, she will get out turn the light on, shut her door in my face and think it is all a game. Last night, she ended up waking her brother up.

I don't know whether I just let her cry and figure out we aren't playing anymore or what. She is quite strong willed, so the tantrum could go on forever.

Once she is asleep, she sleeps great and doesn't wake up at all. I am losing my mind with this. Please help!!!

 

[jjhardy]

I would say try the supernanny way of put her down then if she gets up go in and tell her it's bed time and tuck her back in. If she gets up again say nothing and just put her back to bed. If she starts with the shutting the door and stuff just open it and put her back to bed. It will prob take forever but maybe she'll get it. Or since you have the gate up just ignore her and let her play herself to sleep.

Now mind you I have no room to talk about any of this since DD 2.5 sleeps with me and has since she was 15 months old. She decided then to stop sleeping in her crib. In a few weeks we will be trying to move her back to her room and into her toddler bed. These are the things I hope to try when we start this transition.

 

[aidtrismommy]

I agree with pp about picking her up and putting her to bed with no reaction from you. Don't say anything, just tuck her back in and say "ni night" or whatever it is you say before bed. As long as you have a blank reaction and are consistent, it should take a few nights-week or so. I got my son a sound machine (also 2.5) when his brother was born (there is also one for my younger son so he won't get disturbed by any shenanigans from his brother) I also started recently playing a cd for him. It is usually choo choo soul or something and I just let it play until it is over. It keeps him in his bed and sort of occupied. And make sure that she is tired before you put her to bed. What is her nap situation? Don't let her sleep too long during the day because that will effect her sleep at night. Just some thoughts.

 

[tam626]

I agree & I might even unscrew the lightbulb in her room so she can't keep turning the light on.

 

[emmababy]

Where did you get the sound machine from

 

[emmababy]

I do the whole put her back in bed, leave the room. I do this over and over and over for 7 months and she will not stay in her bed. I don't know what to do to get her to stay in bed.

Her naps- usually only an hour or so. We have a good bedtime routine. She is tired when we go to bed. It doesn't matter if I let her stay up later or not, she will wake up around the same time every morning.

I even told her that she doesn't have to go to sleep but she has to stay in bed. My dh works out of town, so I am on my own with this. When he is home, she goes to bed great for him....

 

[Krissy Marissy]

I just play a relaxing CD for my son...have since he was born and he falls right asleep. He sleeps in a twin bed, no rails...he is going to be 2 on the 22nd. The first nights out of the crib were interesting. But like your dd he sleeps through the night once he is asleep. I agree that the supernanny method does work. But you have to be consistent. It is a battle of will power and right now she doesn't think you are winning but she is merely falling asleep mid-game. Make sure she is tired before she goes to bed. I make it a big deal that he gets in by himself and lays down and he loves covering himself with his blankets etc. Then I give him a kiss, say goodnight and leave. The first night he got up. I just put him back and said night again. Then the third time I just put him back. After that he stayed in his bed and talked himself to sleep. The same thing happened the next 2 nights. Now he goes to bed and if he isn't ready for sleep he plays with his mickey until he falls asleep. He knows not to leave his bed, he even stays there in the mornign until I come get him.

It is all about being consistent. She is looking for a reaction out of you and once she stops getting one she will stop

 

[princessmom29]

I do the whole put her back in bed, leave the room. I do this over and over and over for 7 months and she will not stay in her bed. I don't know what to do to get her to stay in bed.

Her naps- usually only an hour or so. We have a good bedtime routine. She is tired when we go to bed. It doesn't matter if I let her stay up later or not, she will wake up around the same time every morning.

I even told her that she doesn't have to go to sleep but she has to stay in bed. My dh works out of town, so I am on my own with this. When he is home, she goes to bed great for him....

I think that what you have to ask yourself is what is she getting out of doing this. She has to be getting something or she wouldn't keep doing it. Find out what that is and eliminate it and the behavior will stop. If she is looking for attention (which is what it sounds like to me) don't give it to her. When you do the supernanny technique do you speak to her at all after the 1st time? If you are interacting with her in ANY way it can sabotauge the techniuqe. The fact that she goes down for Hubby says to me that she can do it but chooses not to when it is you. What does hubby do differently than you? mabye that could be a good place to start looking for her motivation.

 

[emmababy]

I will keep trying. I admit sometimes I lose it because I will put her in her bed and she is up before I even leave the room. What do I do then? I am afraid if I start the cd thing, she will need that even when we are out of town....

As a side note, I started giving her nuk to her again at bed and naptimes about 6 months ago.... No flames please, I was 8 months pregnant and just needed her to sleep. So, now I need to break this, any tips? We are going to Disney soon and I thought that we could give it to one of the characters on our last day??

 

[my*2*angels]

No flames here, my 2yo still has a paci! Sometimes you have to do what you have to do! I believe you said that once she is asleep, she stays asleep? Just wondering if you have tried sitting with her until she falls asleep? I sit with my kids at night until they are asleep, which takes about 5 minutes, and they always sleep all night! It is worth a try, even if it takes her a bit to fall asleep, it is better than getting up a million times IMO! I hope you find something that helps, you both need some rest!

 

[rbork]

Be consistent. Do the same thing EVERYTIME.
As long as her room is child proof, I would walk away. Doesn't matter if she gets out of bed before your even at the door. Just walk away. She might cry, yell, have a tantrum but unless it's unsafe...walk away. I used to set the timer just to get myself through the tough times. DS used to get out of bed in the middle of the night too, turn on the light, play and fall asleep on the floor. Didn't bother me as I knew he was safe and was able to sneak peaks to make sure he was safe. I never spoke to him at night. Eventually, they will find it more comfortable in their beds. We had a bedtime routine which included bathtime, story time and tuck in (once) everynight. And he used to shut the door too, I simply hung around quietly outside the door until he was distracted and cracked the door open so I could see him.
Good Luck. It WILL eventually get better. ...and then they'll find a new thing to get a reaction.

 

[puffkin]

I agree about the super nanny approach and giving her no reaction. We have BTDT and it does work, but boy is it hard and you have to be consistent.

I also agree about making sure the room is baby proofed and just let her do her thing at night. Eventually she will get tired of it (and of getting no reaction from you) and will start sleeping in her bed.

 

[jjhardy]

why do they always behave for daddy and make us look insane? I would prob. baby proof and just let to do her thing and eventually she'll pass out. That's what I plan on doing when we get ready to move DD back to her room. I can't wait to do it but DH wants to wait until spring because it will be warmer. She so has him wrapped around her finger huh?!?

Good luck!

 

[tlh0726]

Does she take a nap in the afternoon? How long is the nap?

My kids dd4 and ds2 (will be 3 on the 22nd) both stopped taking naps a long time ago. DD was 18 months when DS was born, I cannot remember her napping then. DS stopped just after turning 2. They go nonstop from morning to night. If we go somewhere and DS falls asleep in the car, he is up until after midnight.

As for the pacifer, does she put it at a specific place? I had to take bottles and pacifers from the kids while my husband was out of town for business, the softy would have given in to them. Both around age 1. Anyhow, when my daughter was down to the last pacifer, I told her if she loses it that is it no more. So one day, She put it down, when she was not looking, it disappeared. When she went for it again, she can running to me, we looked and looked and of course couldn't find it. Took a couple of times of me rocking her to sleep, but that was it. For DS, he bit a hole in his, I showed him the hole, said it was broken, we put it in the trash can, told him I did not have anymore, and when sleep time I rocked him a few times too.

 

[jms531]

I agree with everyone else with the Supernanny technique! Your little one (as strong willed as you say) will eventually tucker out!

As for the paci I've got a great tip. Cut the ends of the nipple part off. They realize that they can't really suck it anymore and lose interest. Good luck!! I remember how exhausting it was to get DD to bed myself (DH works 3rd shift so I was always on my own, too!) but just think after a few really rough night it should be smooth sailing

 

[Relish]

First, I think you need to separate the two things:
1. bed time
2. breaking the nuk habit

I do not reccomend trying the two things at once.

I disagree with previous posters. Clearly, after 7 months, the supernanny thing isn't working. If she feels like she needs more of your love and affection, then ignoring her at bedtime isn't going to help her feel more comfortable and fall asleep any faster.

In your shoes, I would ask myself what do I really care about here. What is most important outcome for me?
Do I actually need her to fall asleep at that exact bed time?
Is it that I am tired and need a break at the end of the day?
What do I gain by trying to force her to stay in bed right then? Is it so that I 'win' as the parent?
My own goals would be to get a break and make bedtime pleasant for both of us.

With a very strong willed child I would be inclined to try two different things.

1. At the end of the bedtime routine, I would let the child read books in bed/listen to music/play quietly and then go to sleep when s/he is ready. You do not have to be present for this, and there are rules on making noise, but you give her the power to go to sleep when ready. She might go a bit crazy for a few nights staying up, but she'll probably settle into going to sleep pretty quick on her own within a week or two. Compared to 7 months that isn't long.

2. End our evening by watching a video together. I could zone out, Dd could snuggle with me, and would likely be calm and ready to sleep at the end.

3. Adjust the day and bedtime routine or the time itself. Does she need help finding ways to relax? Is she just not really worn out at bedtime? Is her bedtime 30min too early? When DS doesn't get enough exercise in the afternoon or if he eats any chocolate, he has a much harder time falling asleep.

The first two options help end the struggle. In #1 I get a break and Dd gets to play more/chose when to go to sleep. In #2 I can have a mental break and Dd gets some close physical time before bed. #3 is more about looking at other things that may happen way before bed time, but still have an effect on falling asleep.

Good luck.

 

[luapgib]

My son who just turned three has never been a good sleeper. We have tried everything. For a while my wife or I would lay with him for a few minutes till he fell asleep or asked us to leave. However recently he decided that he no longer wanted to wear diapers to bed so we felt we needed to remove his gate. We wanted him to be able to go to the bathroom at night (so far he has only had 2 accidents in a month). With the removal of the gate he has realized that he is now free to leave his room when he wants. So what we are trying is after stories we let him play in his room till he is tired. He can then ask us to tuck him in but once he is in bed he is not allowed to get up (we were having problems with continually going up stairs for him). And in the morning he has a digital clock in his room and knows that he is allowed to leave his room after the first number is a 7. I know people may think that is extreme but many mornings of pre 6 wakeups followed by a cranky day cause he won't go back to sleep have made this a necessity. All that being said he usually finds one reason to get out of his room but once we put him back he stays for the night. Hope this helps.

 

[TxRabbit]

In the interest of just sharing ideas, here is what we did to help our young man fall asleep.

We did our bedtime routine, DS in bed, turned the light out and using a small light (we used a candle actually ) we read the Bible to him. We read from the Living Bible which was written by a man that wanted to write the Bible in language/sentences that his children could understand. Generally, we just read the New Testament. Being in the room with him, hearing our voice, it just helped him to settle down and fall asleep.

If your DD is wanting to continue to have attention from you, which is what it sounds like, then this might be something to try. It sounds like you would have to explain that your nighttime routine is changing so that she doesn't just jump right out of bed when you are trying to turn out the light. We used to light the candle first, then get up and turn out the light. This might provide enough distraction to catch her attention and through her off the new routine that she has in her mind.

You could, of course, pick whatever book to read makes the most sense for your family. I would just advise that it be something already familiar so that she doesn't get caught up in the story. DS liked that we read the Bible because it was a Big Book and we appreciated that there was a lot to read before starting over, so that each night would be slightly different.

I wish you well...

 

[aidtrismommy]

I bought both my kids sound machines from target and they are the same. I think they are homedics, they are round-ish and sort of flat so great for packing to Disney. I had to do the night time thing all on my own too (and while pregnant) I know how hard it is and that you just want your child to sleep. Hang in there, be persistent. Maybe go in every ten minutes, not right as she gets to the door. (thats what I did to get my baby out of my bed, let him cry for ten minutes then go in and tuck him back in) Does she have a special animal or blankie or something? Sounds like your doing everything right, you have a real fighter!! Keep trying.

 

[emmababy]

Wow, thanks for all the great responses. I have no idea how to do the multi-quote thing, so I will just do a general response.

I did the supernanny thing last night. I laid her down and she was up before I left the room. I didn't talk to her or even make eye contact with her. It took about 15 minutes and she stayed in bed. She tried to play games, shutting the door on me, throwing her nuk in the hallway, but I gave her no reaction.

To those who say just let her play...She isn't wanting to play. If I don't go up to her, she will scream or push the gate down.....

I thought last night was a marked improvement, so keep your fingers crossed!