OT: Help, my daughter is getting overweight!

[RN01]

No this isn't a joke, it's real. All my DD15 wants to do is lay around all day either watching tv or being on the computer. She is about 4'11" so any amount of weight she puts on could be bad. I guessing she weighs around 120 but that's just a guess. The rest of our family exercises, hardly ever watches tv and eats healthy. I never have junk food in the house unless it's made from scratch which we don't do very often. When she makes cookies she will eat probably 10 throughout the day. I don't know how to say anything without it causing problems. First she's going to be defensive if anything is said and I don't want it to lead to eating problems later. DH says all we can do is be a good role model which I feel like we are doing. Should anything be said? THe only thing I have said so far was "that it's easier to put weight on than it is to take it off." There are so many unhealthy overweight kids anymore and I don't want her to fall into that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also I have signed her up for a gym which she wanted, then never went so that is out. I have also suggested her many times going outside with us but she doesn't want to do that either.

 

[scottish mum]

Personally I wouldn't make too many comments about her weight as you wouldn't want her thinking she was fat and then she would go to the other extreme and develop an eating problem.

You mentioned that the rest of the family exercise often, why don't you make a family rule that once a week everyone in the family have to do and activity together that involves some form of exercise.

I think that your DH is right you just need to be good role models. I also think that a lot of teenage girls put on "puppy fat" but it soon disappears when she grows.

i wouldn't worry and I bet in a few months she will have grown several inches and will have a lovely figure.

 

[RN01]

Personally I wouldn't make too many comments about her weight as you wouldn't want her thinking she was fat and then she would go to the other extreme and develop an eating problem.

You mentioned that the rest of the family exercise often, why don't you make a family rule that once a week everyone in the family have to do and activity together that involves some form of exercise.

I think that your DH is right you just need to be good role models. I also think that a lot of teenage girls put on "puppy fat" but it soon disappears when she grows.

i wouldn't worry and I bet in a few months she will have grown several inches and will have a lovely figure.

Unfortunatly she is done growing. This was said by a dr. She has back problems/ metals and screws in her back and this also worries me with putting on weight.

 

[dchi]

If you are worried about the extra weight being a health issue I would replace the cookie ingredients in the house with fresh oranges, celery sticks, low fat cottage cheese etc.

 

[tlh0726]

Limit the tv, computer, video games ect. Set a time allowed for each per day.

Does she have chores to do? Yardwork, ect? (even the 3 and 4 year old will be helping with mulch this weekend at our house)

Can you ask her to be your walking buddy?

Do not mention anything about her weight to her. Just keep her as active as you possible can.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm sorry but the title of this thread screams all sorts of negative things to me. I wonder if your dd picks up on the fact that you think she is fat?
Instead of exercising ask her to do things with you like garden, mow the lawn, go for a bike ride. Then it is not exercise persay but it actually is. Tell her the tv has to be off and so does the computer. Make an effort to spend time with her doing things together that are physical without the typical situps, pushups etc.
I don't think you are meaning to but you come across (at least to me) as someone who is making the weight thing an issue for her. It seems to me as if she is in her own way telling you to back off without actually saying it. So I personally think you should not say anything but instead involve yourself and her in activities you all enjoy.
I also would be hurt beyond words if I knew my Mom posted on a message board that I was fat. Even if she did that now and I am a grown woman.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

When my older son gained weight, we talked about it in very frank terms. It took some time, but his eating habits have changed. He will never be as active as his brother, but he now pays more attention to what he puts in his body (and how much). We are very open and honest with one another in my family.

If a child begins to get fat, they cannot hide from it - nor should we protect them from the attitude that it is unhealthy. Using terms like "pooh sized" doesn't change a thing. Fat is fat - and it kills.

Be frank. If you love her and accept her as she is, she will accept the criticism in the way that it is intended. JMHO...

 

[brergnat]

Your daughter is a normal weight, if she is indeed 120 lbs. Her BMI is 124.2, which is normal. Overweight is 125. She is getting close...

I would also start by limiting tv/computer time. She is still at an age where YOU are the boss, so you have the authority to do that. Limit to 1 hour of either, let her choose. Or make a rule...if there is daylight, NO t.v. or computer. Outdoor activity if weather permits, or suitable indoor activity could be READING. Kids are getting lazy, that is for sure, and they aren't getting any smarter while they sit in front of the computer or t.v. either...

Kudos to you for being an active family and keeping the junk food at bay. That's a great way to be in control of what your child has access to, at least in the house. Keep doing what you're doing...be a good role model with healthy eating/exercise habits. She'll pick up on that. Most of all, though, make sure she knows she is beautiful, no matter what she weighs. Healthy body image goes a LONG way. Don't ever put in her head that she is "fat". Don't even go there, and STOP any sort of comments, even if they seem harmless. What you've already said is too much, and could be construed as derogatory by her. Instead of focusing on her for the t.v./computer limits, make it a FAMILY WIDE rule, and be sure to hold EVERYONE (including yourself) accountable for it. Allow everyone the same amount of time daily, and use a timer if you have to. That would be my advice.

 

[ToriPeanut]

It may just be a growth spurt..or her "time of the month" I remember when I was fifteen, I was lazy because my body kept changing. You should make sure shes not depressed or stressed out with anything..because overeating and not exersice can be a sign of it. Otherwise, its a good idea not to mention anything about weight

 

[RN01]

I'm sorry but the title of this thread screams all sorts of negative things to me. I wonder if your dd picks up on the fact that you think she is fat?
Instead of exercising ask her to do things with you like garden, mow the lawn, go for a bike ride. Then it is not exercise persay but it actually is. Tell her the tv has to be off and so does the computer. Make an effort to spend time with her doing things together that are physical without the typical situps, pushups etc.
I don't think you are meaning to but you come across (at least to me) as someone who is making the weight thing an issue for her. It seems to me as if she is in her own way telling you to back off without actually saying it. So I personally think you should not say anything but instead involve yourself and her in activities you all enjoy.
I also would be hurt beyond words if I knew my Mom posted on a message board that I was fat. Even if she did that now and I am a grown woman.

My daughter is 15 and she doesn't have any interest in spending time with me doing the things you have said. I know it would hurt her to call her fat, that is why I would never say it to her face, instead asking advice for it on here. It's not like I'm going to tell her that I posted a question on disboards about her being fat. I am not meaning anything bad about it at all. I am worried about her health and the fact that she is starting to look "heavy".
Thanks for your advice anyways.

 

[kacaju]

Do you have a Wii?? If so if you do not have the Wii Fit I would get that. I have a DD 13 who does not like to exercise, yet I can challenge her to Wii fit and it gets her up moving.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I can relate, DD14 has been putting on weight too. I am worried for her, but also sad for her because it makes her sad. The one thing we did (at the encouragement of our doctor) is we got Wii and Wii Fit and DDR. It was pricey but now she can play video games and get some exercise. I am addicted to the WiiFit and she has been doing it more to try and beat my scores. (I have more time and better scores so this will keep her moving!) and she loves DDR. I try very carefully to choose my words because my mom was never and still isn't supportive of me ever. I was 6' tall and 125 pounds and still felt like she disaproved of me. Now after 3 kids I weigh more and she puts me down all the time for it. I don't want my kids to feel like she made me feel, BUT at the same time you do have to worry for her, so be encouraging and find fun ways to get her moving.

 

[pixiewings71]

Your daughter is a normal weight, if she is indeed 120 lbs. Her BMI is 124.2, which is normal. Overweight is 125. She is getting close...

I would also start by limiting tv/computer time. She is still at an age where YOU are the boss, so you have the authority to do that. Limit to 1 hour of either, let her choose. Or make a rule...if there is daylight, NO t.v. or computer. Outdoor activity if weather permits, or suitable indoor activity could be READING. Kids are getting lazy, that is for sure, and they aren't getting any smarter while they sit in front of the computer or t.v. either...

Kudos to you for being an active family and keeping the junk food at bay. That's a great way to be in control of what your child has access to, at least in the house. Keep doing what you're doing...be a good role model with healthy eating/exercise habits. She'll pick up on that. Most of all, though, make sure she knows she is beautiful, no matter what she weighs. Healthy body image goes a LONG way. Don't ever put in her head that she is "fat". Don't even go there, and STOP any sort of comments, even if they seem harmless. What you've already said is too much, and could be construed as derogatory by her. Instead of focusing on her for the t.v./computer limits, make it a FAMILY WIDE rule, and be sure to hold EVERYONE (including yourself) accountable for it. Allow everyone the same amount of time daily, and use a timer if you have to. That would be my advice.

I'm sorry but that is way too much BMI. My BMI is under 25 and I am 37 and weigh 140 lbs or so. I'm trying to get my BMI down to about 22-23 and me weight down to 120. I'm sure you added a 1 by mistake but wanted to point that out.

Do you have a Wii?? If so if you do not have the Wii Fit I would get that. I have a DD 13 who does not like to exercise, yet I can challenge her to Wii fit and it gets her up moving.

OP, I was going to ask if you have a Wii as well. We have one and we have the Wii Fit. I use it most but my girls both love the Wii and using balance board games. We do it together after I get home from work and we try to improve our scores as a family. I highly recommend it! When I first started it took me little to no time to lose a few lbs, then life took over and I neglected my Fit time and now I've gained it back. BUT I'm back on the wagon and seeing a difference every day. Good luck to you!

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

Use this as an opportunity for some mommy/daughter time!

Find a local Curves gym and drag her with you under the excuse that you don't want to go alone and need a workout buddy. Take a spinning class together. Sign up for a dance class and tell her you need a partner. Check out local martial arts studios for self-defense classes or exercise classes - both are fun and can come in handy for women.

Find some local places to go hiking or birdwatching - anything that gets you moving and doesn't involve food.

Working out together is also a good time to chat about what's going on in her life which can keep you in the loop to what kind of stress she's under.

Do things that make her feel good about herself as that tends to snowball into other aspects of life. Take her for a manicure or pedicure, have a pro show you how to choose and apply makeup that's right for her coloring, that kind of thing. Doing something that makes you feel pretty can make you want to take better care of yourself as it makes you feel good about yourself.

 

[AliceinHalloweentown]

I'm a 15 year old, and personally I'm a little put-off by the way you worded the title. I'm sure (at least, I hope so) that you didn't mean it as it sounds.
Fat is very harsh word, in my opinion, and as someone who is still struggling to stay in a normal BMI range, it would hurt so much to have my mom look at me in that way. All I can say is do not make a big deal out of it- she will resent you.

I guess I don't really know what to say, since my parents are more out of shape than I am- it took my own motivation to lose weight. If my mom told me I was fat or I should work out, etc. I would just blow it off and be very upset and hurt and probably make me pretty insecure. Whatever you do, do it gently. I know so many girls with eating disorders nowadays and unrealistic views of their body and sometimes you can peg it on the parents' pressure.

In the end, it could be just a phase, but your daughter needs to want to work out, eat healthy, etc. Forcing her to exercise might only make her build an adversity to it.

I tried to word this carefully so as to not offend, good luck with your daughter, I'm sure it will all turn out well in the end.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm a 15 year old, and personally I'm a little put-off by the way you worded the title. I'm sure (at least, I hope so) that you didn't mean it as it sounds.
Fat is very harsh word, in my opinion, and as someone who is still struggling to stay in a normal BMI range, it would hurt so much to have my mom look at me in that way. All I can say is do not make a big deal out of it- she will resent you.

I guess I don't really know what to say, since my parents are more out of shape than I am- it took my own motivation to lose weight. If my mom told me I was fat or I should work out, etc. I would just blow it off and be very upset and hurt and probably make me pretty insecure. Whatever you do, do it gently. I know so many girls with eating disorders nowadays and unrealistic views of their body and sometimes you can peg it on the parents' pressure.

In the end, it could be just a phase, but your daughter needs to want to work out, eat healthy, etc. Forcing her to exercise might only make her build an adversity to it.

I tried to word this carefully so as to not offend, good luck with your daughter, I'm sure it will all turn out well in the end.

Thank you for posting this. This is exactly what I was trying to tell the OP.

 

[RN01]

I don't think everyone understands. I wanted advice on what,if anything, I can do or say to help my daughter understand that she is getting a little heavy and do something about it before it is too late. 75% of Americans are overweight now so I don't understand why everyone is taking offense to this. Is it just becoming the new normal? There are so many health problems that come from being overweight, not to mention her back problem and surgery she had 2 years ago. I would never, in a million years, call my daughter fat to her face or say anything that would hurt her feelings. That is why I was asking for advice on what I can do. I like the idea of the wii fit. The only problem right now is my husbands hours are cut so money needs to be conserved. But I will keep it in mind. I"m also going to start limiting her tv and computer time.

 

[katyjeka]

We have 3 dd's, the oldest is now 13, and is part of the teen boards. I understand you were asking for advice, but WOW, what a title. If one of our girls were starting to get heavy, I would ask our doctor for advice, and out of respect for our dd never post on a message board. Sorry, but from one mom to another, your title is way out of line.

 

[hockeymomNS]

Hi There, I do understand your title .........the severity of the word is only used to emphasize your fear.

I have a house full of teenagers. At 15, she is unlikely to grow anymore and at 4'11", she is little like myself. When you are short, your weight goes to your middle. I can show you pictures of a 17 day vacation where you can see my middle get larger from day 1 to day 17.

Being a good role model is very important. One thing other than Wii, that we find helpful is treating our bodies, mentally and physically as the only one that we get. I'm sure this won't come out right, but bear with me. Suggest a walk.......to get out the cobwebs say. If she resists, you can remind her how unhealthy sitting in front of a tv or comp. is. You don't even have to use the words food, weight or even exercise for that matter. Use "it's a nice day for....". Also remember that you are the parent and in general it is unacceptable to be inactive, like I said, weight doesn't ever have to be brought up.

So far, and they aren't all grown up yet, when being concious of your body as the only one you are going to get, the kids seem more aware of what they put in it IMO.

 

[princessmom29]

I don't think everyone understands. I wanted advice on what,if anything, I can do or say to help my daughter understand that she is getting a little heavy and do something about it before it is too late. 75% of Americans are overweight now so I don't understand why everyone is taking offense to this. Is it just becoming the new normal? There are so many health problems that come from being overweight, not to mention her back problem and surgery she had 2 years ago. I would never, in a million years, call my daughter fat to her face or say anything that would hurt her feelings. That is why I was asking for advice on what I can do. I like the idea of the wii fit. The only problem right now is my husbands hours are cut so money needs to be conserved. But I will keep it in mind. I"m also going to start limiting her tv and computer time.

Coming from an adult who has weight problems as a child, I think that the best thing to do is to set a good example and limit the availibilty of poor nutritional choices. Telling a child they need to exercise is the same as telling them they are fat in their mind. It think that there is really no good way to tell a teenage girl she is getting heavy. She is most likely going to go passive agressive and refuse to diet or exercise. At least that's what I did. It took me wanting to do it for my self to make any difference. I say you have to make HER want it by being that good example. Encourage family exercise, provide only healthy food choices, and give her the opportunity to make the right decision. I think that is all you can do because calling attention to the issue is only going to cause upset and anger.