OT: Help, my daughter is getting overweight!

[DisneyBamaFan]

I don't think everyone understands. I wanted advice on what,if anything, I can do or say to help my daughter understand that she is getting a little heavy and do something about it before it is too late. 75% of Americans are overweight now so I don't understand why everyone is taking offense to this...

To be completely frank, consider this - because most of the people in America are fat, you can bet that most of the people replying to your post are fat. They don't like the word. It is offensive to them. They prefer to think of themselves as "Pooh sized" or some such nonsense.

Fat people die young. Most would give almost anything to be a more healthy weight. Do what you need to do to wake up your daughter. You can make a difference, but not if you are afraid to be honest with her...

 

[MSSANDRA]

As a healthy weight adult that was overweight as a teen I think your concerns are justified. I would stress "heathy" rather than weight. She KNOWS her weight is creeping up whether she mentions it or not. Your family's healthy lifestyle will make it hard for her to resist being on board. I agree to replace the cookie making items and limit tv. Also try to include activities that make her feel good about herself. Treat her to having her nails done or a new summer outfit as the budget allows.
the only other mention is to question that if this is new behavior whether there may be an underlying cause. A boyfreind situation? girlfriend issues, school trouble?

Just keep caring and supporting and she will be ok.

 

[MiMi2Three]

I wanted to post, but 1st went back to read original post.OP never used the word fat in her post, she said overweight. To the OP I applaud you for taking a pro-active approach to your daughters weight gain. More parents should recognize the health hazards being overweight present. Talk honestly and compassionately with your daughter, about developing healthy habits for the future. Tell her you need a walking or exercise partner, somebody to hold you accountable. Get the bake goods out, bring in fruit. Limit TV time and computer time. Be sensitive to the whole teenage body image issue, but don't over look this as "puppy fat" she is way past that age.

 

[katyjeka]

Noone in our immediate family(dh, myself, 3 dd's) are "pooh" sized, so your statement is not entirely correct. I stand by my statement that one should talk to their doctor about this problem, and not ask a group of people on a message board.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...I stand by my statement that one should talk to their doctor about this problem, and not ask a group of people on a message board.

I certainly respect this opinion...

 

[brergnat]

According to the CDC.gov page for BMI calculator for TEENS, and entering in for an EXACTLY 15 year old girl (accounting for a birthday TODAY) and EXACTLY 120 lbs, and EXACTLY 4'11", this was the result, and I quote:

Based on the height and weight entered, the BMI is 24.2 , placing the BMI-for-age at the 85th percentile for girls aged 15 years 0 months. This teen is overweight.

I apogize, my first figure of 124.2 was off. It should have read 24.2, but I stand by the original assesment that she is borderline overweight. This result from the CDC.gov page supports that.

As for discussing this with a doctor...sadly, too many doctors will adopt the "she'll outgrow it" attitude. That's dangerous. TOO MANY teens are overweight and obese in this country and it's the PARENTS who need to take control. Don't "wait" for your doctor to tell you that your child is overweight...it's easy enough to plug in numbers into a calculator provided by the government health agencies and get an answer for yourself. It appears your daughter IS overweight. You need to take control of the situation and get her on board as well. It's HER health at stake and HER future.

 

[taitai]

I don't see anything in your title that is cause for concern. I am amazed at how many people are chastising you for it. It reminds of the furor over the whole school BMI posts a couple weeks ago. I think a lot of people either have their heads in the sand or are afraid to look in the mirror when it comes to weight issues.

It sounds like you are right for being concerned and figuring out how to approach the problem. Clearly, if you are already patterning healthy behavior and eating and your daughter is not responding, then you need to step up your efforts. Limiting computer and video game time is a first step. I like the idea of family activities on the weekends for her to join. A family hike or tennis match could be a start. Does she have any friends who exercise? Maybe you could encourage her to have a standing work out date with one of them. Offer to buy her some cute new work out stuff to wear. If none of these suggestions or the other fine suggestions of people here help, then you probably do need to have a more direct intervention. You would do it if her health problem was substance abuse or depression or heart disease so do it for this. There are so many negative health outcomes for children and adults who are overweight that it is in her best health interest to do what you can to stem the tide.

Good luck
Taitai

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I have been there and I feel for your daughter and I feel for you too. I am 4'11. I was an overweight kid. I fear that so much for my daughters. I took the weight off at 21, but only because i was ready too. No on e will lose weight unless they are absolutely ready too. No matter what you say, it won't help. My mothers negative comments have lasted a lifetime. It only breeds low self esteem. I am 37 and still struggling with what she has said to me. Beleive me your daughter doesn't need to hear anything negative from you. It only will make it worse. She looks in the mirror, but the reflection is ten times worse in her eyes.
She is 15 and 15 years olds are already going through alot. Just be postive for her, as much as this bothers you. I know it's hard. Maybe just asking her to walk with you or go to the gym with you. Maybe she will want to go. But pushing the issue might only push her away and you don't want to do that. I can tell you love her very much. You're in a tough position. Just be there for her, just love her!!! I wish you luck and her too!

 

[saremca]

My degree is in nutrition. My advice on the nutrition front is to rid your house of as much packaged/processed food as possible. Don't make a big deal out of it, just gradually stop buying it. Keep stuff that is healthy and convenient to snack on available for her. Apples and natural peanut butter, carrots and hummus, sugar snap peas are a favorite of my girls. Although you're going to clean things up, don't make anything forbidden. That will only set her up for cheating/sneaking the "bad" stuff. If my kids specifically ask for something I buy it for them, I just don't keep my pantry stocked with snack food.

When she does have something like chips or snack food, encourage her to dole out a portion as opposed to eating out of the bag. We tend to eat mindlessly (especially in front of the TV or computer) and eat much more than we think we are. I have some 1-cup serving size Ziploc containers and my kids use those to portion out snacks. I ask them to use the bowls so "you don't make a big mess," they don't know they're learning proper portion sizes.

Do you have a dog? My kids love to take the dog for a walk with me. I think they really enjoy spending one-on-one time doing pretty much anything, so take advantage of that and do something active with her.

I know this is a sensitive situation. It's good that you are aware of the potential for a problem. I wish you luck. If you have any other nutrition type questions, feel free to PM me.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

To be completely frank, consider this - because most of the people in America are fat, you can bet that most of the people replying to your post are fat. They don't like the word. It is offensive to them. They prefer to think of themselves as "Pooh sized" or some such nonsense.

Fat people die young. Most would give almost anything to be a more healthy weight. Do what you need to do to wake up your daughter. You can make a difference, but not if you are afraid to be honest with her...

Well I am not "Pooh sized" and I think your approach is a recipe for disaster. Keep harping on a child about their weight and you can guarantee there will be food issues and eating disorders in her future. Being honest and saying that exercise and healthy eating are important because you love her and want her to be healthy is one thing. Saying that "fat people die young" so wake up and smell the coffee chubby! is not really going to be any help unless you want to make your kid miserable. Perhaps that is not what you are trying to say but that is how you are coming across.

OP-
I understand your concern even if I don't agree with the choice of words. Do you have other children? If so then maybe one night a week you can make it "family night" and then make obstacle courses in the backyard. See if you can get your dd to "teach" you the latest dance (like the cha cha slide type dances). Tell her that YOU want to train for a marathon, get healthier, raise your endurance etc. and wanted to know if maybe she could help you because you could use a cheerleader. So say you are a runner, have her ride her bicycle next to you and track the mileage. Make it about you trying to take care of your body so that you stay healthy and bring her into it as your moral support. Tell her that you bet you can do more situps than her, and then see who can! Make it fun and not about food and losing weight. Are there any activities that she would like to join? Most towns have different programs that are not expensive like tennis, golf, dance, swimming etc. They are usually 6 or 8 week programs so she doesn't have to commit to something for months and months.
In the meantime, eliminate processed foods from your home. Try to have a "clean" house. Meaning, don't buy foods full of chemicals. Buy whole foods. If you don't know what the ingredient is then don't buy it. At first it may seem a little more expensive but I can tell you that you and the kids will eat less of it and the price will even out. Have cut up fruit readily available. I buy watermelon and cut it up and put it in the fridge. I also cut up the celery, strawberries, cantaloupe etc. Hummus is a good dip too for the celery and also for baby carrots. I always have bananas in the house. They are easy to grab. The biggest challenge is to have a variety of choices that are healthy. This way you (and the kids) don't feel like they can only have the same foods over and over again.
I have also learned to make treats that are actually pretty healthy. I make a banana oatmeal bread type treat that only has bananas, oatmeal, cinnamon, nutmeg, eggs, milk(any kind you like), and brown sugar to your taste. The kids love it and I have tried it with apples and it is really good with that too.

I am sorry if I came off as rude earlier but I do have a big issue with calling a child fat. I know that wasn't your intent but I would have been devastated if my Mom put that on a message board or anywhere about me when I was a kid.
I wish you good luck and I hope you are able to help your dd get healthier.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

Use this as an opportunity for some mommy/daughter time!

Find a local Curves gym and drag her with you under the excuse that you don't want to go alone and need a workout buddy. Take a spinning class together. Sign up for a dance class and tell her you need a partner. Check out local martial arts studios for self-defense classes or exercise classes - both are fun and can come in handy for women.

Find some local places to go hiking or birdwatching - anything that gets you moving and doesn't involve food.

Working out together is also a good time to chat about what's going on in her life which can keep you in the loop to what kind of stress she's under.

Do things that make her feel good about herself as that tends to snowball into other aspects of life. Take her for a manicure or pedicure, have a pro show you how to choose and apply makeup that's right for her coloring, that kind of thing. Doing something that makes you feel pretty can make you want to take better care of yourself as it makes you feel good about yourself.

What a wonderful idea. It sounds like a great way to spend time with you daughter,

 

[princessmom29]

To be completely frank, consider this - because most of the people in America are fat, you can bet that most of the people replying to your post are fat. They don't like the word. It is offensive to them. They prefer to think of themselves as "Pooh sized" or some such nonsense.

Fat people die young. Most would give almost anything to be a more healthy weight. Do what you need to do to wake up your daughter. You can make a difference, but not if you are afraid to be honest with her...

If you have never been overweight you cannot possibly understand the psychological damage talking like this to an overweight teen can do. The emotional scars last a lifetime and make actuallly doing something about the weight that much more difficult. It's not like having a big nose or ears that stick out. When you call someone fat you imply that the conciously made the choice to be that way and that they are necessairly also lazy and apethetic about it. There is am implicit judgement made about the quality of a person, and believe a teen is aware of that. People who have never had weight porblems DO NOT GET IT. We , and yes i say we, are NOT lazy slobs. Soe of us do the best we can with what we have and still can't get the weight off. Mabye this child has a medical condition causing fatigue and weight gain, like hypothyroidism which I developed after having my kid. The docs now suspect that low thyriod hormone contributed to my weight as a child, but was never diagnosed. It makes it much, much harder to shed weight when your body refuses to burn fat, and I get so tired of complete strangers judging me.

 

[SLK1]

If you have never been overweight you cannot possibly understand the psychological damage talking like this to an overweight teen can do. The emotional scars last a lifetime and make actuallly doing something about the weight that much more difficult. It's not like having a big nose or ears that stick out. When you call someone fat you imply that the conciously made the choice to be that way and that they are necessairly also lazy and apethetic about it. There is am implicit judgement made about the quality of a person, and believe a teen is aware of that. People who have never had weight porblems DO NOT GET IT. We , and yes i say we, are NOT lazy slobs. Soe of us do the best we can with what we have and still can't get the weight off. Mabye this child has a medical condition causing fatigue and weight gain, like hypothyroidism which I developed after having my kid. The docs now suspect that low thyriod hormone contributed to my weight as a child, but was never diagnosed. It makes it much, much harder to shed weight when your body refuses to burn fat, and I get so tired of complete strangers judging me.

I haven't read the entire thread, but from what OP stated, I don't think her DD is fat, genetically speaking. I think she is saying that her habits and behavior are going to lead her daughter to become overweight and how can she prevent that. We all want what's absolutely best for our children, and being overweight is NOT the best thing for our children. I don't think OP would stand over her kid and say, "Hey, you're fat". I think she wants help in finding a way to get her daughter moving, to be active, and to be happier - or at least, have a chance at a healthier lifestyle. There is certainly NOTHING wrong with that.

 

[~Kristina~]

I'm 5'3" and weight 135lbs (normally) and if your dd is 4'11" and 120, that sounds normal to me. I put the information you gave and the BMI index says normal. I agree with many of the PP. <--ETA, those that are giving you activity suggestions.

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

 

[~Kristina~]

It may just be a growth spurt..or her "time of the month" I remember when I was fifteen, I was lazy because my body kept changing. You should make sure shes not depressed or stressed out with anything..because overeating and not exersice can be a sign of it. Otherwise, its a good idea not to mention anything about weight

15 is when I went through my "chunky" stage and I also noticed it with my SIL. She is 18 now and shrunk, she's 120 and a size 6.

 

[dansamy]

Remember that on a 4'11" girl, 2 pounds is gonna like 5 or even more. There's not a lot of length to distribute that weight along. She's not overweight...yet, but the described habits are leading her in that direction. If OP has noticed that she's gained weight in the past few weeks, the girl's lifestyle is what's putting it on her. If it were my child, I would turn off the TV and the PC, get her up off the couch and take her with me to swim class or martial arts or Curves or even just the walking track at the mall.

 

[brockash]

No this isn't a joke, it's real. All my DD15 wants to do is lay around all day either watching tv or being on the computer. She is about 4'11" so any amount of weight she puts on could be bad. I guessing she weighs around 120 but that's just a guess. The rest of our family exercises, hardly ever watches tv and eats healthy. I never have junk food in the house unless it's made from scratch which we don't do very often. When she makes cookies she will eat probably 10 throughout the day. I don't know how to say anything without it causing problems. First she's going to be defensive if anything is said and I don't want it to lead to eating problems later. DH says all we can do is be a good role model which I feel like we are doing. Should anything be said? THe only thing I have said so far was "that it's easier to put weight on than it is to take it off." There are so many unhealthy overweight kids anymore and I don't want her to fall into that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also I have signed her up for a gym which she wanted, then never went so that is out. I have also suggested her many times going outside with us but she doesn't want to do that either.

Ummm... no if it were me as the teen or the adult I wouldn't think any comments like that should be said by any means. Instead of making comments about her weight and making her feel like you're saying she's getting fat/gaining weight ect. at most I would have the comments something along the lines of what's healthy ect. I think making comments about the weight in general is going to just really go down the wrong road. I have to say I basically agree with your DH. She's 15 all you can really do is try to set a good example, which it sounds like you are. I don't find a 15 year old not wanting to go outside and exercise, especially with her family as all that odd. I mean, I'm sure that would be ideal, and I would love it if mine at 15 would want to do that, but she's a teenager...it's to be expected. I was a pretty "lazy" teenager as well (not overweight, but I wasn't out excersing either, and I think teens in general havea tendency to eat a lot of junk) Unless it's getting to a point where it's getting unhealthy ect., I'd leave it alone(I would guess it's somewhat of a stage.) If it is to the point of being pretty unhealthy, then again really all you can do is set a good example and possibly have little talks here and there about healthy choices, but no not about her putting on weight. I mean how would you feel if your mom started telling you, you were putting on too much weight, or that it's easier to put on then to take off...I don't know, I know I would be pretty offended, and wouldn't want to be around her, and remember teens are very self-conscious as is

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

If you have never been overweight you cannot possibly understand the psychological damage talking like this to an overweight teen can do. The emotional scars last a lifetime and make actuallly doing something about the weight that much more difficult. It's not like having a big nose or ears that stick out. When you call someone fat you imply that the conciously made the choice to be that way and that they are necessairly also lazy and apethetic about it. There is am implicit judgement made about the quality of a person, and believe a teen is aware of that. People who have never had weight porblems DO NOT GET IT. We , and yes i say we, are NOT lazy slobs. Soe of us do the best we can with what we have and still can't get the weight off. Mabye this child has a medical condition causing fatigue and weight gain, like hypothyroidism which I developed after having my kid. The docs now suspect that low thyriod hormone contributed to my weight as a child, but was never diagnosed. It makes it much, much harder to shed weight when your body refuses to burn fat, and I get so tired of complete strangers judging me.

I have fought weight problems my entire life. Most of my family is fat. I CHOOSE not to be fat, but I have to work my behind off to accomplish that. That would not be possible if I were to reduce the impact of weight gain in my own mind...

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Well I am not "Pooh sized" and I think your approach is a recipe for disaster. Keep harping on a child about their weight and you can guarantee there will be food issues and eating disorders in her future. Being honest and saying that exercise and healthy eating are important because you love her and want her to be healthy is one thing. Saying that "fat people die young" so wake up and smell the coffee chubby! is not really going to be any help unless you want to make your kid miserable. Perhaps that is not what you are trying to say but that is how you are coming across...

From personal experience, I can say it worked for me, and it worked for my son. Maybe we are just tougher mentally?

 

[brockash]

I'm a 15 year old, and personally I'm a little put-off by the way you worded the title. I'm sure (at least, I hope so) that you didn't mean it as it sounds.
Fat is very harsh word, in my opinion, and as someone who is still struggling to stay in a normal BMI range, it would hurt so much to have my mom look at me in that way. All I can say is do not make a big deal out of it- she will resent you.

I guess I don't really know what to say, since my parents are more out of shape than I am- it took my own motivation to lose weight. If my mom told me I was fat or I should work out, etc. I would just blow it off and be very upset and hurt and probably make me pretty insecure. Whatever you do, do it gently. I know so many girls with eating disorders nowadays and unrealistic views of their body and sometimes you can peg it on the parents' pressure.

In the end, it could be just a phase, but your daughter needs to want to work out, eat healthy, etc. Forcing her to exercise might only make her build an adversity to it.

I tried to word this carefully so as to not offend, good luck with your daughter, I'm sure it will all turn out well in the end.

OP, take it from a 15 year old. This is a very wise and informative post. Please be very careful with any comments you make. I know they're with good intentions, but again just be mindful of how hurtful it could/would come off to your DD. I agree with PP, make it about the tv time/computer time; suggest going and doing things (active things) as a family. Good luck to you!