OT: Help, my daughter is getting overweight!

[Mouse House Mama]

Well thank you for clarifying where you are coming from. I can understand what you mean a lot better. With family history etc. it makes sense that this is a very important topic for your immediate family. I can totally respect that.

I misunderstood where you were coming from. The curtness of it made it seem to me that it was not so much a health issue as it was a "fat people" issue. I see now that isn't the case. I do think you can forbid certain eating habits etc. but the point I was making was that you can't forbid food as a whole. Obviously we all need food to survive. I do agree with you there though because we do forbid certain foods (processed junk).

Now I will give you my reasons why I don't like the word "fat". That word is all kinds of negative. It is rarely used to demonstrate positive anything. I know it is an attention getting word and I can say that if someone that I love was in a life or death situation and I knew that I could help them and that would do it then I would use that word. Other than that I would not. The word "fat" is commonly used in phrases like "fat pig", "fat ***", "fat and lazy", "fat slob" etc. I don't think those phrases always apply to someone who is indeed overweight. The word "fat" has negative connotations to it.
Perhaps it is my own hangup but I know how that word affected me as a young teen (and I wasn't fat at all) so I just don't like it.

I am glad though that you take healthy eating very seriously. We take it very seriously here too. I'd be willing to bet that we are more on the same page than you think. After all, we all just want our kids to be healthy and happy. Wouldn't you agree?

 

[hockeymomNS]

Wow, this post has brought out alot of opinions.

I posted earlier and forgot to say that first and foremost, I would check out any medical issues. I'm pretty sure that if she is inactive and short in stature, there is probably nothing wrong....she sounds like she is built like myself.

I think the bottom line here is health above all else. You can have a frank discussion with her about her body and not mention weight. Fats, too much sugar, inactivity etc kills. A well balanced diet not only keeps us in a good range weight wise, it keeps our immune system in top notch shape, keeps our mental state even and so much more. I have a 16 year old hockey, football and track star in the house. I'm sure that I have been less than kind in some of his choices. He burns it off, but I have still have had his cholesterol checked because he would eat an entire farm in a week.

I believe and so far had success with my kids in approaching it from a whole healthy body attitude.

 

[brergnat]

Maybe you can explain something to me that I've wondered about with my own son... Why is it that overweight is an objective benchmark for adults but relative for kids/teens on the BMI scale? If my DS11 were his height & weight as an adult, he'd have a healthy BMI of 20.4, but because he's a kid, it classifies him as overwight because he's in the 85% percentile. It seems the OP's daughter is in the same position - her BMI would be normal for an adult but is considered overweight for a teen with the same height/weight balance.

From CDC.gov page:


How is BMI used with children and teens?

BMI is used as a screening tool to identify possible weight problems for children. CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommend the use of BMI to screen for overweight and obesity in children beginning at 2 years old.

For children, BMI is used to screen for obesity, overweight, healthy weight, or underweight. However, BMI is not a diagnostic tool. For example, a child may have a high BMI for age and sex, but to determine if excess fat is a problem, a health care provider would need to perform further assessments. These assessments might include skinfold thickness measurements, evaluations of diet, physical activity, family history, and other appropriate health screenings.

How is BMI calculated and interpreted for children and teens?

Calculating and interpreting BMI using the BMI Percentile Calculator involves the following steps:

1. Before calculating BMI, obtain accurate height and weight measurements.

2. Calculate the BMI and percentile using the Child and Teen BMI Calculator. The BMI number is calculated using standard formulas.

3. Review the calculated BMI-for-age percentile and results. The BMI-for-age percentile is used to interpret the BMI number because BMI is both age-and sex-specific for children and teens. These criteria are different from those used to interpret BMI for adults — which do not take into account age or sex. Age and sex are considered for children and teens for two reasons:

* The amount of body fat changes with age. (BMI for children and teens is often referred to as BMI-for-age.)
* The amount of body fat differs between girls and boys.

The CDC BMI-for-age growth charts for girls and boys take into account these differences and allow translation of a BMI number into a percentile for a child's or teen's sex and age.

Is BMI interpreted the same way for children and teens as it is for adults?

Although the BMI number is calculated the same way for children and adults, the criteria used to interpret the meaning of the BMI number for children and teens are different from those used for adults. For children and teens, BMI age- and sex-specific percentiles are used for two reasons:

* The amount of body fat changes with age.
* The amount of body fat differs between girls and boys.

The CDC BMI-for-age growth charts take into account these differences and allow translation of a BMI number into a percentile for a child's sex and age.

For adults, on the other hand, BMI is interpreted through categories that do not take into account sex or age.

Why can't healthy weight ranges be provided for children and teens?

Healthy weight ranges cannot be provided for children and teens for the following reasons:

* Healthy weight ranges change with each month of age for each sex.
* Healthy weight ranges change as height increases.

Can I determine if my child or teen is obese by using an adult BMI calculator?

No. The adult calculator provides only the BMI number and not the BMI age- and sex-specific percentile that is used to interpret BMI and determine the weight category for children and teens. It is not appropriate to use the BMI categories for adults to interpret BMI numbers for children and teens.

My two children have the same BMI values, but one is considered obese and the other is not. Why is that?

The interpretation of BMI-for-age varies by age and sex so if the children are not exactly the same age and of the same sex, the BMI numbers have different meanings. Calculating BMI-for-age for children of different ages and sexes may yield the same numeric result, but that number will fall at a different percentile for each child for one or both of the following reasons:

* The normal BMI-related changes that take place as children age and as growth occurs.
* The normal BMI-related differences between sexes.

 

[bellebud]

There's a book called something like "eat this, not that", that gives real life examples of what brands to eat and which to avoid. It also talks about high fructose corn syrup, and how it's in almost everything. I can't remember if it's from this book or somewhere else I read, but it said how this ingredient has changed the foods we eat for the worse... most foods from the 70's (when I was a kid) didn't have hfcs, but now the same food does, and it's causing weight gain. So the food that didn't cause us parents any weight gain back then, can cause it now for our kids. I don't know how true this really is, maybe someone educated in nutrition can chime in about it.

I do notice that all the girls in my dd9's 4th grade class have little bellies... they're not overweight anywhere else, just the belly. My dd9 has the same belly. I started looking into this, and my dd and I now read labels and talk about the health implications of ingredients (we try to avoid hfcs), fat grams per serving, sugar grams per serving, what a sugar gram really is, what a serving size should really look like (your fist, right?), etc. Just the other day, we were in the airport, and dd9 and ds7 wanted a snack for the plane ride, they wanted a candy bar, and in picking them out, they picked out the JUMBO size ones. I looked around, found the normal size ones, and the kids protested that they were the 'mini' ones... I was telling them that this was not 'mini', and when I was a kid, it was the regular size. Now they have jumbo everything, and the kids think that's a 'normal' size. I had dd read the fat grams for the jumbo candy bar she picked - I can't remember what it was, but it was a surprisingly huge amount, and she put it right back. She happily took the regular size bar, and a pack of gum.

Anyway, I wanted to provide the OP w/ another angle to approach her dd. I totally understand op's concern, it's a health issue. I don't think OP thinks of it as a vanity issue.

Also, with anorexia and bulemia (sp?), aren't eating disorders more to do w/ control and psychological issues than actual weight issues? Maybe someone educated in this field can chime in on that too. The OP seems like a loving, supportive, concerned parent. She's not saying to her dd "you're fat and I think it's ugly". She's looking for real life advice from other parents on a message board, like all the other posts on here. Asking her dd's ped is fine, but I bet she doesn't get too far w/ that. I asked my dd's ped, and she said something like "eating healthy and staying active is important, because weight put on now is hard to take off"... ok... generic advice that was no help whatsoever. I'd also rather talk to other parents about it - see what worked for them and what didn't. Until it becomes a real medical issue, asking the pediatrician isn't going to do much. What can they really do or say? It's more of a parenting/family issue than a medical issue at this point. And let's just say hfcs is a culprit (and maybe it's not), but let's just pretend it is... until it's conclusive and a fact and the ped's get the 'report' from the American Academy place, they can't/won't really talk about it. But other parents may have researched it, and can offer advice to look into it. So asking on a family message board is a good idea to me.

Good luck OP - I think your concern is totally valid and I think asking this on a message board is totally fine.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...I am glad though that you take healthy eating very seriously. We take it very seriously here too. I'd be willing to bet that we are more on the same page than you think. After all, we all just want our kids to be healthy and happy. Wouldn't you agree?

Agreed - I think that many families in America will begin to feel as I do as they start to see their loved ones die at shockingly young ages - that is, the ones who are not busy blaming McDonalds for their problems. This is not something new in my family. We have been dealing with obesity for many generations. Well, with current eating habits in America, more and more families that never struggled with obesity now face it.

It breaks my heart to see children obese. They really have no chance at a healthy life, so entrenched are their eating habits by the time they reach adulthood. Consider how hard it is to stop smoking. Well, correcting poor eating habits is much more difficult - and you don't face the same social stigmas. Examples - you decide to swing the family into Burger King for a Whopper (smiles) - light up in front of your children (disgust).

If America would begin to stagmatize obesity in the same way that it does smoking, we might have a chance - but everyone is afraid to discuss the topic. We are afraid to hurt one another's feelings.

If a virus was killing as many people in America as obesity, we would DEMAND as solution - there would be marches in the streets. Millions of people are dying every year. Well, the solution is in our hands. But it will take more than words to halt this epidemic. It will take a realization that obesity is not an image issue - it is a plague.

I apologize if I have offended anyone. It was certainly not my intent. My intent was simply to provide a different viewpoint...

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

DisneyBamaMan, no flames here. I agree with your idea, but I do not think you are hearing where other people are coming from.

Obesity kills, no-one is disagreeing with that... but so do Bulimia, Anorexia and Depression. It would be a tragedy to save a kid from one to lose him or her to another.

Agreed, and I do understand the alternative view point - which is why it is important to know your children. A positive self image is the most important gift that a parent can give their children (IMO). But, if faced with a known issue (obesity) and a possible side effect of treatment, I'll face the known issue head-on and keep an eye out for the possible side effects. I would not skimp on my approach to the known issue because there is a slim possibility that it might create other issues. It is like deciding not to take blood pressure medicine because it might create other complications.

IMO, you take the meds and keep a watchful eye - even if the meds taste disgusting. And the medicine of choice is dependant on the patient...

 

[Colleen27]

It breaks my heart to see children obese. They really have no chance at a healthy life, so entrenched are their eating habits by the time they reach adulthood. Consider how hard it is to stop smoking. Well, correcting poor eating habits is much more difficult - and you don't face the same social stigmas. Examples - you decide to swing the family into Burger King for a Whopper (smiles) - light up in front of your children (disgust).

If America would begin to stagmatize obesity in the same way that it does smoking, we might have a chance - but everyone is afraid to discuss the topic. We are afraid to hurt one another's feelings.

If a virus was killing as many people in America as obesity, we would DEMAND as solution - there would be marches in the streets. Millions of people are dying every year. Well, the solution is in our hands. But it will take more than words to halt this epidemic. It will take a realization that obesity is not an image issue - it is a plague.

I think we do stigmatize obesity, and it doesn't help at all. Someone who is overweight or obese has a whole slew of personal assumptions and prejudices to deal with in all aspects of life, none of them positive. How many happily fat people do you know, especially young people? At every turn, they're made to feel like they aren't as good as thinner people - they're less likely to get jobs, promotions, romance. Shopping is an exercise in humiliation. People think nothing of judging and commenting on the contents of a fat person's grocery cart, but if a thinner person has a cart full of junk no one bats an eye.

I do think there needs to be more honest talk about nutrition and activity, but it shouldn't be focused on weight. Poor diet and a sedentary lifestyle kills, whether you gain weight from it or not.

I also think there needs to be more oversight regarding food additives and such, in light of the growing body of research that shows connections between various chemically altered food products (like HCFS and artifical sweeteners) and changes in metabolism and appetite. Thankfully, more manufacturers are responding to consumer pressure by removing certain additives from foods, but the crap is everywhere, not just in things that you'd think of as being sweetened.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think we do stigmatize obesity, and it doesn't help at all. Someone who is overweight or obese has a whole slew of personal assumptions and prejudices to deal with in all aspects of life, none of them positive. How many happily fat people do you know, especially young people? At every turn, they're made to feel like they aren't as good as thinner people - they're less likely to get jobs, promotions, romance. Shopping is an exercise in humiliation. People think nothing of judging and commenting on the contents of a fat person's grocery cart, but if a thinner person has a cart full of junk no one bats an eye.

I do think there needs to be more honest talk about nutrition and activity, but it shouldn't be focused on weight. Poor diet and a sedentary lifestyle kills, whether you gain weight from it or not.

I also think there needs to be more oversight regarding food additives and such, in light of the growing body of research that shows connections between various chemically altered food products (like HCFS and artifical sweeteners) and changes in metabolism and appetite. Thankfully, more manufacturers are responding to consumer pressure by removing certain additives from foods, but the crap is everywhere, not just in things that you'd think of as being sweetened.[/QUOTE]

This is so true! They put commercials on tv about hfcs saying that in moderation it is okay. Too bad it is in EVERYTHING! How can it be in moderation if it is in just about every common product? We don't buy any foods that have HFCS in it. I cannot justify feeding anyone chemicals. You would not go to the diner and order a burger with a side of chemicals, so I will not cook them at home. It drives me crazy that the food companies use all this junk in their foods so it is cheaper to produce and then charge us more! I buy as much organic and whole foods as possible. I love how now it is called "organic" or "natural" when it is nothing spectacular. It is the same food I ate as a kid that didn't have crap in it except they have now given it a fancy name and price tag. I always tell people who look at me funny that I am not foraging for nuts and berries, I am simply trying to feed my family the way that I was fed growing up. We had healthy, non chemical produced food. I think that most people don't realize that. We ate really well growing up. I want that for my family.

 

[KitKat_Tink]

to the OP
I'm a 16 year old girl who is getting on the track to being healthier.
Whenever my mom would say something about my weight I would tune it out. I didn't want to hear that. It eventually took my peers making a comment on my belly that got me to start getting fit. Really at 15 her friends opinons mean more then yours. The reason behind me gaining weight was i was depressed. I had a severe knee injury and had to stop cheering at 13 and that upset me terribly since cheering was all i had done since i was in 1st grade. Then my parents divorced and my friends started moving away and i just couldn't take it. I slowly figured everything out and have stoped eating a bowl of ice cream every night and replaced chips with apple slices. It may take time but relize she probably knows she's overweight. She'll bring it up to you later for help. Start a family walk after dinner. Just 10 minutes or something. Make it mandatory. She'll probably complain at first but it does wonders. Offer her some insentive for reaching her goals. Like if you lose X amount of weight you can get a new dress. If you really are concerned that she will never bring it up, make an appointment with a nutrionist or schedual her check up. Her doctor will bring it up then if she truley is over weight

 

[Colleen27]

This is so true! They put commercials on tv about hfcs saying that in moderation it is okay. Too bad it is in EVERYTHING! How can it be in moderation if it is in just about every common product? We don't buy any foods that have HFCS in it. I cannot justify feeding anyone chemicals. You would not go to the diner and order a burger with a side of chemicals, so I will not cook them at home. It drives me crazy that the food companies use all this junk in their foods so it is cheaper to produce and then charge us more! I buy as much organic and whole foods as possible. I love how now it is called "organic" or "natural" when it is nothing spectacular. It is the same food I ate as a kid that didn't have crap in it except they have now given it a fancy name and price tag. I always tell people who look at me funny that I am not foraging for nuts and berries, I am simply trying to feed my family the way that I was fed growing up. We had healthy, non chemical produced food. I think that most people don't realize that. We ate really well growing up. I want that for my family.

Same here. There are certain things I remember tasting better when I was a kid - ketchup, Coke, moon pies, a few other things. For a long time, I chalked it up to me getting older, changes in packaging (Coke in a glass bottle tasted way better than Coke does now! same for Hunts ketchup), etc. It wasn't until becoming a parent and reading/researching food issues that I realized the true difference - Coke when I was a kid was sugar sweetened (Remember the disaster that was "new Coke"? The switch took place when they returned to the "original" Coke, which wasn't really original at all but a similar formulation made with cheaper HFCS instead of sugar). Ketchup when I was a kid was sugar sweetened. Now all those things are HFCS sweetened and I have to buy organic/natural to give my kids the things that were just normal 20 years ago when I was their age.

As a completely random aside to this - Mexican Coke is still sugar sweetened, and it tastes just like I remember! There's a small, family-owned Mexican restaurant in my mother's neighborhood that imports their Coke from "back home", and I've been known to stop in there just for a taco and a Coke when I'm in the area. In Jewish communities, you can also sometimes find kosher Coke, Pepsi, or other sodas, which have to be grain-free to meet kosher standards and are thus made with sugar rather than HFCS.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Just so you know Jones soda is sweetened with cane sugar. We don't drink much soda but when we do that is what I buy. They even sell it at Kmart!

 

[bonybroad]

OP, just a thought...
When I was that age, I hated everything my parents did, said or thought
If they had been fitness buffs and the like, I can guarantee I would have NEVER done it. Rebellious and all.
Also, maybe you should check for low thyroid. That is prevalent in females, and teenagers are certainly not immune.
(PS My mom and I are best friends now. I was young, and she wasn't nearly as "stupid" as I thought!)

 

[roscoepc1]

Pull the plugs. Lock up the cookies and hand the number to her she may have.

You're the one in control, not her.

 

[kirasmom]

Pull the plugs. Lock up the cookies and hand the number to her she may have.

You're the one in control, not her.

Obviously posted by someone who has no experience with eating disorders.

I recommend books by the dietician Ellyn Satter: Feeding Your Child With Love and Good Sense and How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much. She has chapters that cover babies through teens. Invaluable information... so helpful to me... one of three sisters: all overachievers, two anorexic, one bulimic. Brought on with no small part from parent criticism and "control." The fallacy: parents are not in control of our bodies and how much we eat-- that attitude is a road map to an eating disorder.(yes, I understand you control what you buy & what comes in the home, but that's it.)

In any case, I now have two daughters and Satters' books have become my "bibles" on how to raise two girls with healthy body images and healthy attitudes toward food.

I wish you luck!

 

[fussymonkey]

Be frank. If you love her and accept her as she is, she will accept the criticism in the way that it is intended. JMHO...

well, I am fat- like really fat- and I can tell you that totally didn't work for me. When I was a kid my mom expressed- daily- her concern about my weight. I had a family full of cousins who would all eat literally anything and were rail thin, that I was subtley compared to. My family was never cruel, and always well- meaning, but it was awful none the less. I was always aware of how huge I was compared to them. My mother would say things like, "you're not too fat now, but you can't gain any more weight". This while I was in the 6th grade. I thought I might as well just give up. I look back at pictures of myself in high school and I just want to cry. Sure, I was chubby, but no where near as fat as I believed I was. And I just gave up, I thought, if I'm already huge, I might as well just have another cupcake. Now, all these years later I am paying the price for it.

It sounds like the OPs daughter needs to be kicked off the couch. If the expectation in your family is lots of activity and she has a bad back that hurts, maybe you have to work with a PT or doc to find appropriate activities for her. I think I'd start with a swim club, since that wouldn't be too hard on her but would provide some activity. Bike riding, too, would be great.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Chiming in - I was not overweight as a kid, but as an adult I now am (5'5 and 150). My parents did not enforce good eating habits - no portion control, no veggies, etc and it's been rough doing a complete 180 on my diet now that I am no longer an active teen.

But - now that I am an adult and have put on weight, my parents have been very vocal in letting me know I am heavier. And that it doesn't look good.

It hurts no matter what the age, but I appreciate thier honesty. Sometimes we don't always see ourselves clearly and need someone else to point out issues.

 

[crisi]

You can set up some new household rules - for everyone - and not link it to her or weight, but more about how your family interacts with food.

First food rule in our house - ask if its candy or pop.

Second - this one is new to us - if food is going into your mouth, the TV is off. I want my kids to think about eating, not eat because its something to do with their hands while they watch TV. There were too many occasions of them sitting in front of the TV eating out of a box of cereal.

Second rule part two - eat sitting down at the kitchen table. If its an apple, cut it up and sit down. If its ice cream, sit down.

Third 'rule' - keep healthy snacks easily accessible - and the non-healthy stuff hard to get to. I keep cookies in the downstairs freezer. And all the soda is down there too. That means if you want cookies, you need to ask, go downstairs, get three cookies (our limit), bring them up, put them on a plate or napkin, sit at the table, and eat them. Grapes are in the fridge upstairs - you still need to sit at the table, put them on a plate or napkin - but you don't need to ask or go downstairs. Cookies last a LONG time in our house.....I do spend the gross national product of Liberia on grapes.

 

[PinkRhombus]

Obviously posted by someone who has no experience with eating disorders.

Or posted by someone who thinks it is ridiculous to make excuses for a child becoming inactive. The OP...as a parent...has the responsibility to guide her child to a healthier lifestyle.


Obesity DOES kill. It does not only increase your clothing size. Fat builds, also, around your organs, so it also affects how your body operates besides making your knees/feet hurt because of the extra weight.

 

[floydfamily4]

From 1 mom to another mom. You clearly love and are concerned for your daughter. Good luck and keep being proactive.

No other advice, I just wanted to encourage you.

Dawn