OT - Grandparents!

[SharpMomOfTwo]

I know this is off topic, but I'm just so upset about this - DD2 had her first day of soccer instruction today at this little community place. DH called his parents and asked them if they wanted to come, and of course they did. Now, DD is only 2, and she is a bit shy, and it takes her time to open up to things. She got there, kicked around with daddy for a bit, but when the instructors came out, she said that she didn't want to play anymore. With that, the inlaws just started going after her in a way. About every 30 seconds they would ask her if she was ready to get out there, no matter what I said. Finally, I tured to them and told them that shes a bit shy, it takes her time to open up, she will do it at her own pace, so leave her alone already! They quieted down for a bit (like 90 seconds), but then started in again, going and getting a soccer ball FOR HER and telling her to go out and play again. I was so upset, I just totally walked out (maybe not the thing I should have done, but if I stayed there, I don't know what I would have said)! I mean, if you push and push a child into something they are scared of, theres no way they will ever do it willingly. After I came back in, they left, and are now mad at us... What are we suposed to do now? And advice?


BTW - About 10 minutes after they left, and my baby girl was left alone to just watch and get comforatble with everything, she did go out and play, and had a great time.

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

I know this is off topic, but I'm just so upset about this - DD2 had her first day of soccer instruction today at this little community place. DH called his parents and asked them if they wanted to come, and of course they did. Now, DD is only 2, and she is a bit shy, and it takes her time to open up to things. She got there, kicked around with daddy for a bit, but when the instructors came out, she said that she didn't want to play anymore. With that, the inlaws just started going after her in a way. About every 30 seconds they would ask her if she was ready to get out there, no matter what I said. Finally, I tured to them and told them that shes a bit shy, it takes her time to open up, she will do it at her own pace, so leave her alone already! They quieted down for a bit (like 90 seconds), but then started in again, going and getting a soccer ball FOR HER and telling her to go out and play again. I was so upset, I just totally walked out (maybe not the thing I should have done, but if I stayed there, I don't know what I would have said)! I mean, if you push and push a child into something they are scared of, theres no way they will ever do it willingly. After I came back in, they left, and are now mad at us... What are we suposed to do now? And advice?


BTW - About 10 minutes after they left, and my baby girl was left alone to just watch and get comforatble with everything, she did go out and play, and had a great time.

I can see your point of view, but I really don't think the grandparents meant any harm. Every generation is different and I'm sure that no matter what you said to them - they wouldn't have changed. I really do think that they were just trying to help and I'd leave it at that. No reason for family squabbles over something so trivial.

 

[toesmom]

I know this is off topic, but I'm just so upset about this - DD2 had her first day of soccer instruction today at this little community place. DH called his parents and asked them if they wanted to come, and of course they did. Now, DD is only 2, and she is a bit shy, and it takes her time to open up to things. She got there, kicked around with daddy for a bit, but when the instructors came out, she said that she didn't want to play anymore. With that, the inlaws just started going after her in a way. About every 30 seconds they would ask her if she was ready to get out there, no matter what I said. Finally, I tured to them and told them that shes a bit shy, it takes her time to open up, she will do it at her own pace, so leave her alone already! They quieted down for a bit (like 90 seconds), but then started in again, going and getting a soccer ball FOR HER and telling her to go out and play again. I was so upset, I just totally walked out (maybe not the thing I should have done, but if I stayed there, I don't know what I would have said)! I mean, if you push and push a child into something they are scared of, theres no way they will ever do it willingly. After I came back in, they left, and are now mad at us... What are we suposed to do now? And advice?


BTW - About 10 minutes after they left, and my baby girl was left alone to just watch and get comforatble with everything, she did go out and play, and had a great time.

I do see your point, but I think it is great that they came to watch your daughter start this sport. Some grandparents wouldn't bother. And you know, everyone does things differently; doesn't mean they are wrong. But usually mom knows kid best. Try to look at it differently - they just wanted her to enjoy the experience.

 

[Nicolepa]

I have learned to not invite the grandparents for the every day things. It is too distracting for my children. The big things (recitals, games, etc) I may or may not. It depends on how distracting I feel they will be. My mom's husband is very distracting, doesn't understand he can't play with them. My mom is one who comments on everything they don't do right. Not necessarily putting them down, but laughing etc at their mistakes. She thinks it's cute, but I still remember her doing it to me when I was a kid. That was why I never did a sport more than 1 season. I hated being told how bad I was at stuff.

Call me a horrible daughter but life has been a lot less stressful if they are not around.

 

[daisyduck123]

What are we suposed to do now? And advice?

Pull her out of it...I can't believe there is even a program for 2 year olds.

I don't mean to sound mean at all....just wanted to say I'm a 1st grade teacher & think that preschoolers are way too young for organized sports. IMO, she should just have fun kicking a ball around with mom & dad in the backyard.

 

[Mkrop]

I would proabably have waited until the child was more comfortable playing before I invited others to watch, but hey hindsight is 20/20. I dont think they meant any harm either. And I cant believe a 2 year old is playing soccer. They usually dont start around here until 3 and even then it is more like practices with little mini scrimmages

ETA I just read that it was her first day! No way would I have anyone else there except us. No wonder she was unsure abut going out on the field with or w/o GPs there.

 

[SplashMountainMama]

I do see your point, but I think it is great that they came to watch your daughter start this sport. Some grandparents wouldn't bother. And you know, everyone does things differently; doesn't mean they are wrong. But usually mom knows kid best. Try to look at it differently - they just wanted her to enjoy the experience.

ITA with this. My inlaws take very little interest in our kids. When they come for a visit, which is about once or twice a year, they barely even interact with them except for when the kids initiate it. If they call and one of the kids answers the phone they almost immediately ask to speak to my DH. It used to bother me a lot when we were first married, but after a while you just have to let that stuff go. It's their issue, not ours and in the end it'll be their loss.

 

[wilderness01]

Pull her out of it...I can't believe there is even a program for 2 year olds.

I don't mean to sound mean at all....just wanted to say I'm a 1st grade teacher & think that preschoolers are way too young for organized sports. IMO, she should just have fun kicking a ball around with mom & dad in the backyard.

I totally agree. If is more for the parents at this age than for the child, that's for sure.

 

[mickeymel]

It may be considered a program similar to what is near me called "soccer tots". It really isn't soccer as an organized sport. They play with soccer balls, but it is more of coordination building, learning to follow directions, and basically organized play time with a soccer ball.

 

[disykat]

I would proabably have waited until the child was more comfortable playing before I invited others to watch.

ITA. I think you sort of set yourself up for this one. Call it a live a learn and wait to invite them to watch until it is something you a pretty sure she'll be participating in.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

DD is 2, but she will be 3 in 2 weeks, and the program is for 3-4 year olds. The soccer that shes playing in isn't a team or anything, its just them running around really and the coaches just watch them and try to help them out, though there is some structure to it. The parents are interacting the whole time. Next week, the inlaws will not be allowed to come, and it will just be DD and DH since DD1 wanted to play the whole time, and she wasn't able to. As I said, I did NOT invite the inlaws, and I didn't really want them to come for all the above reasons. Oh well, they wont be coming again after today.

 

[disykat]

Oh, I just realized your dh invited them. It sounds like your beef should be with him.

 

[DevilDuckie]

It may be considered a program similar to what is near me called "soccer tots". It really isn't soccer as an organized sport. They play with soccer balls, but it is more of coordination building, learning to follow directions, and basically organized play time with a soccer ball.

We have one of those here- it's more of a playgroup with balls than anything else. It gets kids comfortable with basic ball skills (and I mean BASIC) in a group environment, it's not some hardcore sports program.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

I think it is nice that your husband invited his parents, and that they came to a soccer tot play time.

I understand your view point, as others have noted, but it doesn't sound like the grandparents meant any harm. It sounds like they were persuading her to play, not bullying her in any way.

It sounds like they have an active interest in their grandchild, and that is very nice.

 

[GoinToDisney]

Yeah, reading this, my first thought, before you even got into what actually happened when you went was, "Dh would be in soooo much trouble if he invited his parents to the fist class of anything without checking with me." I think that it is easy for people to say, they were just taking an interest when you don't live the scenario of pushy grandparents. It is not their place to parent the child in the activity, it is the same as disciplining the child when the parents are right there. Leave the parenting to the parents. I would have a talk with them and let them know where you were coming from and what happened when they finally left her alone... I would do it or make dh do it in the most respectful way possible.

 

[SplashMountainMama]

Yeah, reading this, my first thought, before you even got into what actually happened when you went was, "Dh would be in soooo much trouble if he invited his parents to the fist class of anything without checking with me." I think that it is easy for people to say, they were just taking an interest when you don't live the scenario of pushy grandparents. It is not their place to parent the child in the activity, it is the same as disciplining the child when the parents are right there. Leave the parenting to the parents. I would have a talk with them and let them know where you were coming from and what happened when they finally left her alone... I would do it or make dh do it in the most respectful way possible.

If this is the first time it has happened I would let it go. It could be that you were also really anxious for your DD that day because it was her first day and so emotions were running high to start. If they do want to come along and watch your daughter at other times and it continues to happen then maybe I would consider speaking to them, BUT if anyone's going to talk to them it should be DH. They are his parents, he should deal with them. They will likely take it much better from him then they would from you.

 

[jngwright]

Some kids are not fortunate enough to have grandparents-either living, or they live far away. How wonderful that your children are blessed with grandparents who take an interest in them.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Yeah, reading this, my first thought, before you even got into what actually happened when you went was, "Dh would be in soooo much trouble if he invited his parents to the fist class of anything without checking with me." I think that it is easy for people to say, they were just taking an interest when you don't live the scenario of pushy grandparents.

We can only go on what is described. There are so many conflicts in life, this just didn't sound malicious or ill-intended.

 

[Aristomommy]

This reminds me of my MIL. When DD has had skating "competitions" (we don't do it seriously, more for fun and personal achievement), she has come along and then loudly bad mouths the judges if DD doesn't place 1st. After the 1st time, DH had a conversation with her and 2nd time was better, but still outrageous in my book. Let's just say that now I forget to mention when events are held within a driving distance from her....

To the OP: sounds like this is a fun program for preschoolers, and letting your DD warm up to the situation was the right thing to do. Don't let other people force her into a situation she isn't comfortable with. Let DD go with just one parent for a couple weeks and if she seems more comfortable there, then invite the grandparents back.

 

[autumnbaby9]

Pull her out of it...I can't believe there is even a program for 2 year olds.

I don't mean to sound mean at all....just wanted to say I'm a 1st grade teacher & think that preschoolers are way too young for organized sports. IMO, she should just have fun kicking a ball around with mom & dad in the backyard.

Last I checked it was good for children to play with kids of their own age. I highly doubt they are forcing them to play a structured game.