OT - DS Having Yet More Problems At School...UPDATE 5/29: New Issue...

[mikymouse]

Some Suggestions or food for thought

1.) Formally request the school to evaluate your son offically with a LD, before the end of the school year. This should put you first in line for the evaluation in Aug/Sept and on your way to qualify for special services. My son who is also dyslexic and in 1st grade is receiving daily tudoring on the Wilson System and is making GREAT progress but we had to go through the formal evaluation progess to get there. The previous definition of a LD is a gap between IQ (Potential) and test scores (Performance) and there is a process to determine if this gap exist for your son.

2.) Put your request for seperate classrooms in writing and follow up in early August to make sure your request is honored

3.) I see some "red flags" in your O.P. too. Something to investigate further. I would find out about resources from your local child advocacy center which might be connected with your local children's hospital.

 

[swkmom]

I have a close friend who teaches a class for teachers and school adminstration on how to identify victims of sexual abuse in their classes, and the child that is picking on your child seems like a perfect example. Sexually abused children learn the tactics of their abuser and then act them out on someone younger or more vulerable (ie-your child). As a parent I would immediately make sure that there was no more contact between your son and that child. I don't want to alarm you, but I have seen this type of abuse happen to a close friend's son recently and I would do anything to spare another parent the pain that she as a mother has been through.

I agree with this post. As a social worker who used to work with children who became sexual offenders after being offended on... what you described in your original post about "DJ" has many red flags. As a parent I would definitely want the boys separated. I only hope the school made the appropriate referral to social services for DJ.

 

[RyJMom]

No advice - just wanted to say I think you are doing a great job!! You seem like a great Mom who is trying everything she can think of to get this under control. In a week or so school will be out and this will be a memory. 10 yrs from now you'll laugh about it.

 

[dis75ney]

Update from yesterday...

DH had to pick up DS from school early yesterday because of a doctor's appointment. While on the ride down to the MD, DS complained that he wasn't allowed to talk to Nathan O. all day. When DH asked why that was, DS said that his teacher kept pulling either himself or DJ away when it looked like the two were trying to get together. DS wasn't around DJ all day AND got some bonus reading/writing done! Sweet!!! No incident reports either!

DH, DS, and I went to our community theater building last night to help with the big theater cleanup before the next show opens tomorrow. DS was a HUGE help - he actually volunteered to clean the toilets in the boys room! At which point I handed him the scrub brush and said "Go at it!" I put the blue stuff in the toilet, though...didn't trust him THAT much. He did a great job and was rewarded with Dairy Queen on the way home.

Today is the class picnic, that I believe he is going to miss out on because he has to eat lunch in the office through the rest of the school year. We're thinking of taking him on a picnic dinner before our worship team rehearsal tonight if he has a good day today (aside from the crying he'll do when he remembers that he won't be able to go to the picnic today)...provided it warms up enough to do so...

 

[badblackpug]

The advice I can offer is to try your hardest to nip the "follower" behavior in the bud. My oldest is a follwer and she has followed her way into some very bad choices. Continue to reward independent and "leader" behavior, and maybe over the summer nurture some friendships with some more appropriate boys that will be in his class next year.

I'm not sure I would do the picnic thing, though. He did lose the picnic for innappropriate behavior in school, and that punishment should stick. (just like his 6 Flags reward for reading, he earned it) He needs to understand consequences for actions. Find some other ways to reward positive behaviors.

Maybe an "end of school" party with the more appropriate friends if he has positive reports and behaviors until the end of school.

 

[surfgirl]

one day at a time.... one day at a time...

one day less until summer break

You might consider explaining why he isn't playing with other child. Not because he's a bad kid, because sometimes he makes bad choices. And your son follows him into those choices. Even talk about missing the picnic and the day that he didn't play with other child, he had a good day and got bonus time! And Dairy Queen b/c he helped his familiy. What would he rather have ? Office lunch or DQ ? Help him learn to make good choices.

Having said that, be prepared for it all to be repeated... to the other kid. If his parents are truly checked out, they won't care, but be prepared.

 

[dis75ney]

The advice I can offer is to try your hardest to nip the "follower" behavior in the bud. My oldest is a follwer and she has followed her way into some very bad choices. Continue to reward independent and "leader" behavior, and maybe over the summer nurture some friendships with some more appropriate boys that will be in his class next year.

I'm not sure I would do the picnic thing, though. He did lose the picnic for innappropriate behavior in school, and that punishment should stick. (just like his 6 Flags reward for reading, he earned it) He needs to understand consequences for actions. Find some other ways to reward positive behaviors.

Maybe an "end of school" party with the more appropriate friends if he has positive reports and behaviors until the end of school.

DS's follower behavior really has to do with the other child in question. DS has several friends at church that he is the definite leader of...now that I really think about it, DJ is the only child (that I know of, anyway) that DS follows into bad behavior...

The picnic is not a definite go...it depends on whether or not he didn't get to go on the class picnic. There was talk among DS's teacher and the lead teacher about letting DS go on the class picnic and move to the office for his alternative recess time. We'll see what happens when we pick him up from afterschool care. It may be a moot point anyway, depending on the weather...

one day at a time.... one day at a time...

one day less until summer break

You might consider explaining why he isn't playing with other child. Not because he's a bad kid, because sometimes he makes bad choices. And your son follows him into those choices. Even talk about missing the picnic and the day that he didn't play with other child, he had a good day and got bonus time! And Dairy Queen b/c he helped his familiy. What would he rather have ? Office lunch or DQ ? Help him learn to make good choices.

Having said that, be prepared for it all to be repeated... to the other kid. If his parents are truly checked out, they won't care, but be prepared.

One more day until three day weekend that we'll be spending with church friends - good influences abound there!

I'm looking forward to what DS has to say about school when we pick him up tonight...

 

[DawnM]

Because home is a safe environment to be himself and not have to follow to fit in.

Take it in a positive way.

Dawn

Now why can't DS be a follower at home...it'd make homework and bedtime SO much easier...

 

[dis75ney]

OK, things were going better last week and the beginning of this week (with the exception of Monday - I had to take DS out of school because he had conjunctivitis), and then I get a call this morning around 11 from the lead teacher. Apparently DS has been throwing a non-stop fit since 9am...to the point where it's distracting the teacher and DS's classmates. No one can calm him down, and I was told that someone needs to pick him up immediately, as they cannot supervise DS when he's in such a state...

DH is on the way to get DS, but now I am at a complete loss. I don't know what to do for DS except have a doctor see him, but the earliest appointment I've gotten so far is for the end of June. I don't know whether the school (or I) can handle DS until then. Granted, school ends next Friday...

Bottom line...I feel like a failure as a parent. I don't know of any other 7 year old that had to be pulled from school because he's throwing a temper tantrum. Has anyone else been through anything like this? I need help, but don't want to wait for four weeks to get it...we need help now!

Thanks for letting me vent...any help is greatly appreciated...

 

[RMulieri]

I have not been thru this.But here is a ...I can't imagine how you feel, but you are not a failure as a parent.Sometimes despite all the best parenting in the world kids have problems.I wish you luck.

 

[mikymouse]

Talk to him and get to the root of the problem.. doctor's won't be able to accomplish much without some background and history. Hang in there.

 

[buckler]

DH is on the way to get DS, but now I am at a complete loss. I don't know what to do for DS except have a doctor see him, but the earliest appointment I've gotten so far is for the end of June. I don't know whether the school (or I) can handle DS until then. Granted, school ends next Friday...

Call the doctor's office again and explain that things have gotten worse since you made the original appointment. Express to them how a temper tantrum of this magnitude is not normal behavior for your son and that you are very concerned that the situation is escalating. Ask if there is any way they can squeeze him in early next week. People like to help out nice people so be very polite, but let them know you are worried about your child's well being. Beg a bit if necessary but don't get mad. Anger turns people off. Ask to be put on a cancellation list if they can't squeeze you in.

I hope you can find a solution!

 

[Momto3Disneyprinces]

Bypass the front desk in the office, and ask to speak to the Triage Nurse...Explain the whole problem, and put an emphasis on how "out of norm" this is for your child....A nurse is much more likely to see the urgency and put him in right away...The front desk is not trained to triage. They just offer the first appointment that comes up in the computer.

Good luck!!! I can sympathsize some, I have an unruly 4 year old, we are still trying to figure out.....

 

[mommytobug]

I work for a community mental health center as an admin. Is your son in public school? We are in all the publice schools here. Call your local mental health center and ask for the admin if you have to in order to get him in quicker. We see private pay, private insurance and Medicaid. I know a lot of people lean towards private practices, but our staff is very knowledgeable. Has he had these behaviors before? Has he been around anyone out of the ordinary? Do you suspect sexual abuse of any kind? There are so many things to look at but I do agree that for a 7 year old to throw a tantrum and for this long is not normal. Hugs to you. You will get to the bottom. A bad parent would ignore and go on, you are a wonderful parent for caring enough to want to get him help!!

 

[thegrimdwarf]

You are NOT a bad parent - if you were, you wouldn't be searching for answers and advice.

I agree with the prior poster who advised calling the doc's office again, speaking directly with a nurse and stressing how the situation is quickly escalating and you're very concerned. I'm assuming this is a regular pediatrician, so certainly there would be sick visit/urgent care slots available.

Good luck! I'm a master of worrying about the health and welfare of my children (in fact, *I* have an appointment with my own doctor this afternoon, over the panic attacks I have if my youngest coughs, because he has asthma and a simple cold is a big deal ) - so I'm sure you're beside yourself with worry.

 

[maymom96]

I don't know if this has been mentioned yet, but you need to schedule his IEP meeting NOW. Request the meeting be held a few weeks before school starts. That way, he has the IEP for the first day of school.
My 12 year old son has dyslexia. We found out when he was in second grade. He was at a school that I had to chase down for IEP meetings. We switched schools for fourth grade and it has been wonderful. He is now in 6th grade at the middle school.
At the old school, I was told my son is borderline ******** and we couldn't expect much from him. I was appauled that the school would say that when he only has dyslexia. They refused to accept the dx of dyslexia and wouldn't help him learn.
The district he is in now is great. When I went to the IEP meeting a few weeks ago for next year, one of his teachers told me what a wonderful child I have and how he has made a mark on her heart. We both cried during the meeting. She cried because she will miss my son next year. I cried because I finally found a school and a teacher that knows the child I know.
Guess what, my son does the same work as everyone else. His work isn't reduced or different and he is never pulled out unless he is doing state testing. He struggles and has to work harder than his peers. But he is making honor roll. He's a great kid and I feel very honored to be his mommy!!!!

 

[ERMama]

First of all, I feel your pain. My son hasnt been kicked out of school but yes, at 7 he can still throw some major tantrums. I think the only thing that kept him from being kicked out last year was that he was on an IEP. Hes lucky and the school recognized they werent really doing all they could to help him so they increased his special ed services this year and hes had a great year.

Like others said, call the psych doc office again. Explain he had to be removed from school today for a 2 hr tantrum and see if they can get you in earlier. Maybe they have a cancellation or something from someone else and can sneak you in a bit earlier.

I ended up with horrible mothers guilt awhile back. I knew I hadnt been the parent I needed to be for his issues. I know I did things wrong and didnt really help. I saw a therapist who quickly got me to realize I wasnt a bad parent and that in fact, parenting a kid like my son was in fact harder than normal so I couldnt compare myself to all those other moms.
I try to remember every day now that although I may not ever be as good of a parent as I want to be, that the reality is, that I am in fact a much better parent than I think I am.


So take a deep breath and give yourself a pat on the back. Like a pp said, you are trying to get him help and figure out what the root cause of the issues are. A "bad" parent would be in denial and thinking everything is normal and blaming everyone else for causing your sons issues.

You dont know what exactly is going on but you know that its not normal. It could be lots of things. Anxiety, Aspergers, ADHD, bipolar, sensory issues just to name a few. I know finding out the reasoning is sometimes very scary in itself but for us it was also a huge stress reliever. We finally got a diagnosis that made sense and tuned us into how to better parent our child and make sure his positive side was able to shine thru.

(our 7 yo started spec ed at 3 with diagnosis of generalized developmental delay. at 5.5 he was diagnosed adhd. we chose to medicate. he has a LD in math but is otherwise doing normal classwork with mild/minimal behavioral issues in class.)

 

[dis75ney]

Talked to DH a while ago...his phone kept cutting in and out, but what I was able to understand was this: DS was upset because he was not able to use a clipboard during his writing assignment (apparently, there were only a certain number of clipboards available). He was taken to the office to calm down and was sent back to class, when something else set him off (no idea what, and DS won't tell us) and he was subsequently taken to the office and was not able to calm down, which was when the school called us. The only reason the lead teacher and principal are kicking him out of school today is because they have to attend off-site meetings this afternoon and there is no one else available to watch DS in an in-school "detention" room; otherwise, they would have kept him in the school and worked with him to calm down. We're lucky DH can work from home and that his boss is really understanding about these situations...

I was able to get an earlier appointment with a different therapist/psychiatrist's office - we'll be going for his first appointment a week from Monday. I already like this place...evening and weekend hours! And right down the road from Fuddruckers!

The lead teacher is theorizing that the summer will help DS calm down...the last few days of school are pretty hectic, plus with DS's teacher going on maternity leave, DS had to adjust to the new teacher, PLUS today was Teacher Swap Day, so there's ANOTHER adjustment...and top it off with dyslexia and it's a recipie for disaster!

 

[mikymouse]

How is he keeping up with the school work?

My son gets very fustrated when he is not keeping up with the class. He had some of problems last year (keeping hands to self, not listening, being disruptive) but this year he is doing great. We held him back, after much agony and debate, to repeat 1st grade and he is having a great year. He is now in line with his peers and doing grade level work. He did fall behind in one project this year, mostly due to being pulled out for reading tudoring, and he became very fustrated and mad. We were allowed to finish the work at home and no more problem. If you son has a learning disability(Learns differently) then the school work might be causing him some feeling he can't handle. Just a thought to consider, if this is the situation you need to push the school for the IEP to make accomodations for his learning style. Tudoring over the summer might help close a gap if any exists.

I am sure you will get to the bottom of things and turn the situation around. You are a GOOD parent because you are involved. Keep us posted.

 

[ERMama]

As a parent of a child who receives special ed services, Im always trying to learn about other issues.

I understand how a child with dyslexia could get frustrated with reading and writing and perhaps be made fun of because of those issue and affect their self esteem.
I understand undiagnosed learning disabilities can cause frustration and anger.

But Im not sure how having a known problem with dyslexia could cause a 2 hour tantrum?

I think kids have a hard time at the end of the year, but thats all kids and I dont think the rest of the kids in the class are having to be sent home because they cant calm themselves down at 7 years old?

And I understand how a teacher change can be very disruptive to kids, I do think most 7 yo can handle that without such fuss too.

I dont know much about dyslexia as I said but it still sounds to me like theres definately something else going on and this should not be brushed off as "just his dyslexia".