OT- DD's school making a mountain out of a mole hill????

[DVCJones]

My dd just started kindergarten this year and has been doing very well. Last week I received a note from her teacher wanting to discuss my DD's toileting issues.

After contacting the teacher I learned that my DD does not like to flush the toilet. She says she is afraid of how loud the toilet is. I guess she isn't used to industrial toilet. Anyway, I was also told she is afraid of the fire drill alarm.

So, at first, I was like...what's the big deal. It is all new and she will get used to it with time.

My DD told me that she cries when they make her flush the toilet. So, we had a little discussion on why she needed to do it and perhaps her teacher and DD could work on it together. I know my DD told her teacher that she was afraid and I thought it would be handled correctly. GENTLY!!!! After all, my DD couldn't be the only child afraid of loud toilets and fire alarms ever to go to school there. I thought it was pretty common.

Anyway, a long story short. It didn't go well and DD started "holding it" and developed UTI symptoms and this has become a huge mess with my DD being referred the school counselor for her "issues"

The more I think of this, the more upset I am getting. I don't think it was handled correctly in the beginning and now it is out of hand. The bathroom is in the classroom so it is not like someone needs to take her far to help her.
I think they could have helped her get used to it by maybe just being int the bathroom for the flushing part to let her get used to the noise.

Anyone else have a child that was afraid of loud toilets and fire alarms? How long did it take them to get over it? What did your school do?
Ugh!!!!!

 

[genius118899]

Not of loud toilets, but automatic ones... when I was 8 or 9 was when I really started seeing them- I would hold it until I found another one, or I would only go in a handicapped stall, so I had room to jump away from it! WDW was one of the first places I saw them, and those were some LONG days for me. I don't think your DD's odd- I was older than her then!

 

[HeatherSue]

I can understand why the teacher doesn't go into the bathroom to help her flush. That's a lot to ask of a teacher with a lot of other kids in the class. Plus, it could be viewed as inappropriate for her to go into the bathroom with her.

But, she certainly could have been nicer about trying to help your daughter overcome her fears! Maybe you could go in after school and help your daughter get used to the noise of the toilet?

We're having issues with my DD's kindergarten teacher being very insensitive (bordering on mean), too. So, I know where you're coming from!

 

[BridetobeDisney]

My son is not in school yet. He's only 18 months. However, I am certified in general and special ed and I am currently getting my masters to be a media specialist. Honestly, I think it is so silly that your DD's teacher would not help her get over the fear of flushing the toilet. Some of those toilets are loud and I was scared of all that stuff when I was little. I completely agree with your idea. It would be good if the teacher or parapro would stand in the bathroom and let your DD flush so that she had support but still did it on her own. That way eventually she would feel comfortable that nothing bad would happen when she flushed and would not need support from the teacher. I have seen little ones who still needed help being wiped in first grade. Needing help flushing is not a big deal. Her teacher doesn't sound like she is very compassionate or supportive. Plus, of course your DD is going to hold it in if she is scared and no one at the school will support her and let her know the sound won't hurt her. I guess when you talk to the counselor, tell him/her that you feel that the teacher did not put forth support or effort to ease your child's fears so that your DD could work towards independence and ask what strategies did your teacher implement to help your child.

 

[tmarquez]

My DD is in K too. I haven't heard anything from the school about her being afraid of the toilets, but then again I don't know what kind they have either. She IS afraid of the super loud ones...and especially the automatic ones. She doesn't cry...she's just not a crier.

We've practiced alot. She is still afraid...but has learned to "flush and run". It works for her!

I guess the flush is a skill they want them to have down before entering K? Maybe this is the issue?

 

[debbi801]

Does she have any other sensory issues? I have 3 kids. Only one of them was afraid of flushing toilets, fire alarms, etc. Loud noises bothered him fro a very early age. But, he also has sensory issues with bright lights, camera flashes, smells, tastes, etc.

The teacher may have been concerned and that is why she was saying something.

 

[HappieMommie]

My dd just started kindergarten this year and has been doing very well. Last week I received a note from her teacher wanting to discuss my DD's toileting issues.

After contacting the teacher I learned that my DD does not like to flush the toilet. She says she is afraid of how loud the toilet is. I guess she isn't used to industrial toilet. Anyway, I was also told she is afraid of the fire drill alarm.

So, at first, I was like...what's the big deal. It is all new and she will get used to it with time.

My DD told me that she cries when they make her flush the toilet. So, we had a little discussion on why she needed to do it and perhaps her teacher and DD could work on it together. I know my DD told her teacher that she was afraid and I thought it would be handled correctly. GENTLY!!!! After all, my DD couldn't be the only child afraid of loud toilets and fire alarms ever to go to school there. I thought it was pretty common.

Anyway, a long story short. It didn't go well and DD started "holding it" and developed UTI symptoms and this has become a huge mess with my DD being referred the school councilor for her "issues"

The more I think of this, the more upset I am getting. I don't think it was handled correctly in the beginning and now it is out of hand. The bathroom is in the classroom so it is not like someone needs to take her far to help her.
I think they could have helped her get used to it by maybe just being int the bathroom for the flushing part to let her get used to the noise.

Anyone else have a child that was afraid of loud toilets and fire alarms? How long did it take them to get over it? What did your school do?
Ugh!!!!!

I have worked in Pre-K and K classes, and I don't think a specialist was neccessary at all. Industrial toilets are loud. So is that fire alarm, it even hurts MY ears. Obviously your child was not exposed to industrial noises at home (unless you live in a factory!). I think she simply needs to become accustomed to the noises. I would take her to the mall or another location where she can practice with you. I would NOT do it with her in school. She can do it!!

Perhaps the teacher should try some positive reinforcement, like a chart. Every time your child goes and flushes, she tells the teacher, who then checks the toilet. Then's she awarded a sticker. At the end of the week, she can have a bigger sticker, or even a balloon. What a great way to teach "learning" and coping to the entire class. There's nothing to be ashamed of - I bet other kids in the class would be encouraged by the example.

You don't have to permit visits to the counselor. Just tell her teacher that she's fine and you don't need to stigmatize her because she doesn't like to flush.

She's just a baby! Good luck to you!

 

[bookwormde]

I would say the school did not handle it well at all. Whether it is a transient thing or real sensory issues a simple set of hearing protectors might well have done the job if someone at the school was thinking.

bookwormde

 

[BridetobeDisney]

Perhaps the teacher should try some positive reinforcement, like a chart. Every time your child goes and flushes, she tells the teacher, who then checks the toilet. Then's she awarded a sticker. At the end of the week, she can have a bigger sticker, or even a balloon. What a great way to teach "learning" and coping to the entire class. There's nothing to be ashamed of - I bet other kids in the class would be encouraged by the example.

You don't have to permit visits to the counselor. Just tell her teacher that she's fine and you don't need to stigmatize her because she doesn't like to flush.

She's just a baby! Good luck to you!

What a great idea!

 

[bonybroad]

My DS - 5 hates the flush and the fire alarm, too.
He is very sensitive to loud noises. He just plugs his ears and flushes with his foot.

 

[Debbie7452]

I think the the ear protector idea is a great one. It might not be too late for that to work now! What a cold and insensitive teacher...to not even try to help her. Fooey!

When my DD was little she was afraid of the sound of the toaster popping up! She also hated the vacuum noise and the sound of the canned biscuit can popping. Come to think of it, she still makes me pop open the canned biscuits and will usually leave the room and she's 14 now!

 

[bellebud]

seriously, some teachers just should not be teaching the grade they're teaching. toileting issues ALWAYS come up in K classes - give me a break. In many school districts, many kids are 4yo entering K (my dd was). Do they really expect this age group to be 100% self reliant, 100% of the time? Most probably are, but there will be some that aren't - it's just a fact of life for many 4 and 5yo's. It's not like it's the end of the year and she's still not flushing - a little help probably would have helped a lot and cleared up the whole issue. I loved my kids K teacher, because she was always saying "they're still so young". she really understood, and she really taught them, and they all really liked her and did well with her. And our district is a Nov 30 cut off, so you could have tons of 4yo's in a K class, and she totally understood this.good luck! i like the idea of practicing at the mall. you can go get an ice cream then after she conquers the toilet monster!

 

[Miss LD]

Honestly, I'm 30 and when I kind of hate the loud flush of toilets. When I was little I was terrified of them, and I was one of those kids who didn't flush if it was loud. I didn't have sensory issues, and I wasn't afraid of other noises. And, still if I'm alone in the public washroom I kind of have to remind myself that I should really flush.
No therapy needed
So, yes, I think the school is making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Mind you, at DS's kindergarten some of the kids struggle with the bathroom/flushing thing. I know some of the moms stayed after school with their kids a few times to get used to the washroom. I don't know if it helped.

 

[cinderwannabe]

I am a teacher and my intial thought when the fire alarm goes off is to cry! I usually contain myself but sometimes it seems so loud and stressful that I tear up! The thing that really concerns me about this is that the bigger deal the school makes it the worse it will be for your daughter. Good luck

 

[DisneyKT]

My DS - 5 hates the flush and the fire alarm, too.
He is very sensitive to loud noises. He just plugs his ears and flushes with his foot.

Smart kid......

 

[DVCJones]

I have worked in Pre-K and K classes, and I don't think a specialist was neccessary at all. Industrial toilets are loud. So is that fire alarm, it even hurts MY ears. Obviously your child was not exposed to industrial noises at home (unless you live in a factory!). I think she simply needs to become accustomed to the noises. I would take her to the mall or another location where she can practice with you. I would NOT do it with her in school. She can do it!!

Perhaps the teacher should try some positive reinforcement, like a chart. Every time your child goes and flushes, she tells the teacher, who then checks the toilet. Then's she awarded a sticker. At the end of the week, she can have a bigger sticker, or even a balloon. What a great way to teach "learning" and coping to the entire class. There's nothing to be ashamed of - I bet other kids in the class would be encouraged by the example.

You don't have to permit visits to the counselor. Just tell her teacher that she's fine and you don't need to stigmatize her because she doesn't like to flush.

She's just a baby! Good luck to you!

Funny you should mention this....I did make a sticker chart for home. When she comes home from school , I ask her if she flushed today, then we put stickers on the chart. It works!!! She is getting better. I did meet with her teacher and she has made a huge effort this week too. I just wished she did this in the beginning. It may have prevented this from getting out of hand. My DD actually stopped "going" and stopped eating and drinking for fear of having to go. It ruined her whole day. Not to mention she developed a medical issue. I took her to the pedi twice to get to the bottom of her UTI symptoms. Thankfully, that seems to be resolving too.

DD is in a room with two teachers at all times and the bathroom is located right in the classroom. I know teachers are busy, but would it really take that much to stand at the door (after she did her business) while she flushed.

I really like her teacher and my DD simply loves school. That is why I was so shocked it was handled this way.

 

[karliebug]

I am a first grade teacher. I have a bathroom in my room, which the children can use whenever they want. They don't even have to ask, they can just go if no one is in there. In all honesty, I don't have time to stop teaching my math lesson to go to the bathroom and check that "Johnny" flushes the toilet. Even though it may only take a minute or two, it woud disrupt the flow of my lesson. I don't want to sound hard-hearted about it, but I think it is something your child will have to get used to. Is she afraid of the toilet at home? I disagree that she is "just a baby". She is not a baby, and she needs to somehow cope with this. Little foam earplugs may help. As far as a fire alarm, ours is very scary. Lights flash, doors close automatically and some children do get frightened. If drills are announced at your school, the teacher can prep her ahead of time that they will happen. At our school, teachers who have children with sensory issues are told ahead of time of drills. The rest of us don't know when they are coming.

 

[Stephres]

I am a first grade teacher. I have a bathroom in my room, which the children can use whenever they want. They don't even have to ask, they can just go if no one is in there. In all honesty, I don't have time to stop teaching my math lesson to go to the bathroom and check that "Johnny" flushes the toilet. Even though it may only take a minute or two, it woud disrupt the flow of my lesson. I don't want to sound hard-hearted about it, but I think it is something your child will have to get used to. Is she afraid of the toilet at home? I disagree that she is "just a baby". She is not a baby, and she needs to somehow cope with this. Little foam earplugs may help. As far as a fire alarm, ours is very scary. Lights flash, doors close automatically and some children do get frightened. If drills are announced at your school, the teacher can prep her ahead of time that they will happen. At our school, teachers who have children with sensory issues are told ahead of time of drills. The rest of us don't know when they are coming.

I do feel for the OP, but I can see where the teacher is coming from. When I help out in kindergarten I probably tied 6 pairs of shoes every time I was there, which was 3 hours once a week. Can you imagine if the teacher tied all those shoes all through the day? I caught on really quick and sent my kid in shoes without laces until they could tie them on their own.

I am saying that anything that causes a disruption or causes the teacher to divert attention from teaching is not fair to the class or the teacher. Definitely the teacher could have handled it better but she was probably thinking a little tough love was what the child needed. I really hope you can get it resolved and your little one ends up loving kindergarten as much as my two did!

 

[DVCJones]

I am a first grade teacher. I have a bathroom in my room, which the children can use whenever they want. They don't even have to ask, they can just go if no one is in there. In all honesty, I don't have time to stop teaching my math lesson to go to the bathroom and check that "Johnny" flushes the toilet. Even though it may only take a minute or two, it woud disrupt the flow of my lesson. I don't want to sound hard-hearted about it, but I think it is something your child will have to get used to. Is she afraid of the toilet at home? I disagree that she is "just a baby". She is not a baby, and she needs to somehow cope with this. Little foam earplugs may help. As far as a fire alarm, ours is very scary. Lights flash, doors close automatically and some children do get frightened. If drills are announced at your school, the teacher can prep her ahead of time that they will happen. At our school, teachers who have children with sensory issues are told ahead of time of drills. The rest of us don't know when they are coming.

There are two teachers in her classroom at all times. Flushing takes 2 seconds and it isn't something that is so pressing that the teacher should stop what she is doing. That would be silly. I still think they could have dealt with it differently. I suggested one of the teachers just stand there after she is done (pants up,) while she flushes. This could be done after a lesson if DD should leave without flushing. In all honesty, we are not talking a huge issue here. DD is already flushing on her own. My problem is... they made it into an issue by referring her to the school counselor. With a little help my DD is getting over it. Perhaps they should have tried dealing with the problem before passing her off the the counselor. It just seems extreme.

oh, she is not afraid of the toilet at home. Apparently, the school toilet is very loud and sprays a little.

 

[BridetobeDisney]

Yeah, there are two teachers, not one, so I know both teachers are not talking and teaching lessons at the same time. One is teaching and one is working on lessons, helping individuals, working with small groups, checking papers, working on folders, etc. She could definitely stop and help. It would not have to happen all year. It would take maybe a week to get her use to the sound. In the younger grades, especially kindergarten, it is just as much of a learning experience for kids to adapt to school life, rules, etc as the actual lessons. Teachers or parapros have to help the children adapt. I mean the bathroom is in the classroom not down the hall. It's not that hard to stand at the door for two seconds. That's part of kindergarten to help students conquer fears and become accustom to school life. Last year I was in an inclusion classroom everyday all day for a year with a general ed and special ed teacher who was also in the class all day. This was first grade. There were many times that one of the teachers had to help a student in the bathroom either because of accommodations or not. Sometimes you have to help unbutton pants that are difficult or something like that. It's part of it.