OT:Crazy family feud

[lovinpoohbear]

Wow I feel for you. I really do.

One question, what about the child? Where does he go during the day? What would it be like for HIM to be awakened at 2 am to be driven and hour to home just to turn around and come back to your town in the morning?

I think she is selfish NOT you. When does she even see her child?

Good luck

The four year old boy is NOT in preschool, never has been. SIL says "Its too expensive" LOL, So they think its perfectly acceptable for the little boy to hang out at the family business, he sits in front of a TV from what I hear.
In September, he will begin Kindergarten an hour away from where they work.
MIL and SIL are NOT speaking to me or DH now, which is fine with me. I still cannot believe the nerve that they have!!
For the record, after DH told them that it wouldn't work out, they had the idea of him picking up MIL and DN at 5 pm. and HIM driving them an hour away to the McMansion. He flat out told them NO, after work is HIS time with us!! When would we eat dinner? When would he go to DS soccer games?? LOL This family is so demanding, We should move out of state!!

 

[tomthebarncat]

before the storm that will be coming. I predict that your SIL will not make a dent in her financial mess and that everything should come to a halt in 3-6 months. She is not making enough to keep her head above water, when she is forced to face reality, and we all know how that goes! she will then realize that the her son should be her main priority not an expensive lifestyle!! Of course, this will be your fault because you refused to feed into this situation and so far are the only voice of reason. You are at least smart enough to figure out that she is putting a bandaid where major surgery is required. I am often blessed to be living in europe where these types of poor choices and decisions don't impact my daily life. Family drama can be like bad tv, but it is not that easy to turn off!

 

[flipflop]

Ouch. I feel for you. Stay strong. Family issues can cause lots of tension on a marriage even when the partners are united in a decision.

One of my biggest fears is that something will happen to my FIL - we would be in a very similar situation with the guilt/drama/expectations.

 

[barkley]

The four year old boy is NOT in preschool, never has been. SIL says "Its too expensive" LOL, So they think its perfectly acceptable for the little boy to hang out at the family business, he sits in front of a TV from what I hear.
In September, he will begin Kindergarten an hour away from where they work.
MIL and SIL are NOT speaking to me or DH now, which is fine with me. I still cannot believe the nerve that they have!!
For the record, after DH told them that it wouldn't work out, they had the idea of him picking up MIL and DN at 5 pm. and HIM driving them an hour away to the McMansion. He flat out told them NO, after work is HIS time with us!! When would we eat dinner? When would he go to DS soccer games?? LOL This family is so demanding, We should move out of state!!

gotta wonder whose address (the buisness maybe???) that they will use to have the child attend a school out of the district they attend (keep your eyes open for mail in event you're the only relative in the district).

if it's o.k. for the kiddo to be at the work site during the day why don't they 'just' do as my former hairdresser did when her dd's childcare fell through (dd was an employee)? since the kiddo spent hours there previously when the daycare provider was sick, she just let the situation continue when her dd decided her mom was obligated to do childcare so she could volunteer to do nite shifts but did'nt want to pay childcare (and her dh 'should'nt be expected' after 'a long days' work' to 'babysit' his own son).

can you say 'it lasted a couple of weeks'? yup, when her 'dd' realized she had to deal with feeding the child, getting his homework/bathing done, handling a psycho sleeping arangement ALL ON HER OWN-she decided that what she thought she wanted was'nt worth the hassle.

 

[mom2alix]

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, DH will come around, I am just so upset, we never argue like this!! DH doesn't like to be in conflict with them, they are the type of people that if they don't get their way or win, they hold a grudge and won't speak to you for like 6 months. My other SIL isn't talking to me because we went to Disney over spring break and we missed her daughters birthday party. I gave her a gift card and a card prior to our trip. A month later it is my DS birthday and she leaves a message on my machine that since I didn't make it to her daughters party, than she cannot make it to mine. Also, she added that her daughter really didn't need a $50 TRU giftcard, a giftcard to purchase clothing would have been better. THese people really need to grow up!!

Next year get the kid a book on etiquette. I recommend Emily Post. She'll obviously need to learn that an invitation is not the same thing as a subpeona and how to write a gracious thank you note from a book - it won't be taught by a parent like that! Geesh! The nerve of some people. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll decide to never speak to you again.

 

[GothTink]

We should move out of state!!

That's what we did. Best damn move we ever made.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

gotta wonder whose address (the buisness maybe???) that they will use to have the child attend a school out of the district they attend (keep your eyes open for mail in event you're the only relative in the district).

The OP never said they were sending him out of the district he lives in, as in fraud. She said his school is an hour away from where they work. Her work is an hour from where they live, that's why they want to stay at OP's house 6 days/week.

 

[lovinpoohbear]

Guess where SIL have been dropping off MIL and DN? At my other SIL's house for the past two nights, tonight is making the third. This is at the Mean SIL's house (the one that left me the mean message about the birthdays) Anyway, this SIL's house is about a twenty minute drive from here and I guess that is where they will be staying. So heres hoping SIL and BIL will be enjoying their company along with taking care of the three little ones that they have!
I really DO feel bad for DN, this is no kind of a life for him. He was used to going home each day and riding his bike, playing in his playroom etc.
Who would want to be living like this?
Just for the sake of having a HUGE house, what is the point if they are never there

 

[lovinpoohbear]

The OP never said they were sending him out of the district he lives in, as in fraud. She said his school is an hour away from where they work. Her work is an hour from where they live, that's why they want to stay at OP's house 6 days/week.

Correct. I know its hard to keep up, this is a confusing mess.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Guess where SIL have been dropping off MIL and DN? At my other SIL's house for the past two nights, tonight is making the third. This is at the Mean SIL's house (the one that left me the mean message about the birthdays) Anyway, this SIL's house is about a twenty minute drive from here and I guess that is where they will be staying. So heres hoping SIL and BIL will be enjoying their company along with taking care of the three little ones that they have!
I really DO feel bad for DN, this is no kind of a life for him. He was used to going home each day and riding his bike, playing in his playroom etc.
Who would want to be living like this?
Just for the sake of having a HUGE house, what is the point if they are never there

Good for you! Give it a month and then see how great it's working out. Trust me - the working SIL will magically find a new job closer to home. They will never tell you it was a stupid idea.

 

[DVC Sadie]

That's what we did. Best damn move we ever made.

Us, too!

OP, I feel for you and your family. Your in laws are trying to make their problems yours.

I am all for helping family members when they try to help themselves but your SIL is need of a reality check. It is time for your SIL,DN, and MIL to move out of the house they cannot afford and move closer to work.

 

[sunnyday123]

Guess where SIL have been dropping off MIL and DN? At my other SIL's house for the past two nights, tonight is making the third. This is at the Mean SIL's house (the one that left me the mean message about the birthdays) Anyway, this SIL's house is about a twenty minute drive from here and I guess that is where they will be staying. So heres hoping SIL and BIL will be enjoying their company along with taking care of the three little ones that they have!
I really DO feel bad for DN, this is no kind of a life for him. He was used to going home each day and riding his bike, playing in his playroom etc.
Who would want to be living like this?
Just for the sake of having a HUGE house, what is the point if they are never there

And of course I'm sure they are having their nightly pow-wow's about how horrible you and DH were to not help out. Give them a month, they won't be talking to each other. I really don't see how someone can be so selfish to think they can crash at someone else's house 5 nights a week, and expect to be taken care of, and then ask for your DH to drive them 2 hours round trip!! Are you kidding me? I feel for you, I certainly hope it hasn't been like this the entire time you've been in the family.
I like my in-laws much better now that I am divorced!

 

[1stluvispooh]

Are we related??? Your In-laws sound like mine. We had a family situation 7 years ago that taught me to just tell DH my opinion and make him be the bad guy and when people are trying to suck me into the latest drama just stay out of it.

 

[DisneyFed]

That's what we did. Best damn move we ever made.

That's why 4 hours is close enough for me

But in support, that is INCREDIBLY RIDICULOUS for them to even ask you to do that...

 

[Sheaboys]

I would tell your husband, he is free to buy his mom a used car (cheaply) and save everyone's sanity, along with the fact your nephew does not have to be uprooted every day and every night. That is just way too much for any child or person.

 

[DevilDuckie]

(and her dh 'should'nt be expected' after 'a long days' work' to 'babysit' his own son).

Oh this attitude makes me so mad! A friend called me frantic at the last minute because she had an unexpected doctor's appointment and needed me to watch her infant and 4 year old. Come to find out THEIR DAD was there the whole time, asleep in the bedroom! I know he works nights and that's his usual sleep time but come ON! Who does that? I totally reorganized my life to bail her out when her husband was there all along!

 

[RMulieri]

Oh this attitude makes me so mad! A friend called me frantic at the last minute because she had an unexpected doctor's appointment and needed me to watch her infant and 4 year old. Come to find out THEIR DAD was there the whole time, asleep in the bedroom! I know he works nights and that's his usual sleep time but come ON! Who does that? I totally reorganized my life to bail her out when her husband was there all along!

I do see your point, but until you work nights you really can not relate.I have been a night shifter for 10 years.Trust me short of the house burning down, I do not like to be disturbed.A night shifter still does not have normal sleep and it is EXTREMELY HARD on the body.Would you want to be woken up at 200am and told you have to stay awake and coherent to watch your kids .I do agree that for a Drs appt , maybe he could have gotten up for a little while, but as a fellow night shifter I can also see his side of things.

 

[sunnyday123]

just wondering how it's all working out......hope the crazies have come to their senses!

 

[DawnM]

What good is that house? Sounds like they are never in it anyway.

Dawn

 

[DevilDuckie]

Would you want to be woken up at 200am and told you have to stay awake and coherent to watch your kids

Uh... that's part of being a parent. You walk the floor in the middle of the night with the colicy baby. You are out of bed and down the hall in half a second when the kid has a nightmare. Nobody *likes* it we just "man up" and DO it because that's what parenting requires.

If I'd been told that the father was home I would not have cancelled all my own plans to babysit. He made those babies, he can watch them once in a while.