OT: Caught 15 year old smoking! How to punish?

[black562]

If you could find someone to come talk to the child, someone who is dying of cancer right now because of smoking? Something powerful about someone sitting down and telling you they won't be around much longer and this is the reason.

I knew someone who had an eating disorder and her parents arranged a visit to a hospital where they had an entire floor of people who were suffering from the same thing. It was an eye opener to see all these people who did exactly what she had been doing, what it had done to them....and that it wasn't the attractive thing it was made out to be.

Just a thought...

 

[tytydane]

Sounds like two good ideas. Can his mom get in trouble for the chain smoking punishment? I think it would be very effective!

Yeah, effective and MEAN. You want to inflict something like that on a child, so nice!

 

[mamacatnv]

Send him to me - I quit 3 weeks ago after 20+ years (less time off for 2 pregnancies) according to my family I am the B from heck these days. Send him my way, I'll fix him

BTW the dangers, the pictures and the scary stories don't get to me, I don't think they would have much affect on a defiant teen. Being made to smoke til you puke IMO would be very effective and I think it is not an unreasonable consequence.
No one punishment is a guarantee that he won't do it again. The reason I finally decided enough was enough - the cost and the fact that being a smoker has become a social liability but mainly the cost.

 

[BigGoofyFan]

Kids at this age are concerned about appearance. They think that they will live forever, so focusing on lung cancer only might not be the best approach. I would have them do a research paper on the effects of smoking, including how it effects your skin and teeth. Even focusing on how bad it makes you and your breath smell might be helpful.

 

[Ravenphile]

When I was 10 years old my dad forced me to smoke a cigarette to show me what it was all about. One puff later and I was gasping for air and nearly passed out. It was at that point that I decided that I really enjoyed breathing and that I was never going to do that again, regardless of how "cool" it was.

The same thing was done with my 3 other siblings and none of us has even thought about starting the habit.

If they've already started smoking I'd say making them smoke until they puke might do the trick.

/Breathing, highly recommended by 4 of 5 doctors.

 

[TheRatPack]

You can get in to trouble for the chain smoking, chain drinking...etc. Not too long ago I saw on a news station some parents that were getting sent to jail for killing their child by this method of punishment. The child took a siblings drink, so the mom or dad? made the child drink water till it made them sick. Well, they died from it, it's called water intoxication. I think they had some arguments in the trial that something else might have been wrong in this family, but still they said that the water causes the brain to swell...etc when you take in that much.

Then there was the parent that made their foster kids run around the house (laps) for punishment for doing something? They were also in trouble for inflicting this line of punishment. You can die of alcohol poisoning and I'm assuming you could probably die of smoking/cig poisoning too....so I would be very leary of doing anything like this to a child.

 

[Matt'nMeg'sMom]

Hi all,

I'm the OP, and I really appreciate the broad spectrum of opinions on this. I can tell you that this kid is not the type that can be "scared" into not smoking. His grandfather died a horrible, drawn-out, lung cancer death just recently -- living for months in his home hospice just a half mile away. The horror was front and center in his life, and yet it didn't scare my nephew. His own dad uses chew.

His mother is beside herself because she can't scare him or convince him. The only thing that will work is punishment and consequences.

Currently, he's completely grounded, has lost his license, and his money has been frozen (no access to his money, allowance, or bank account.) What more can she do when she catches him smoking in the garage?

I have shared with (and SIL really likes) the following great suggestions:
** Have him smoke in front of his grandmother/coach/youth minister. This is a good, humiliating thing to have to do. Kind of like wearing a sign board on the side of the road. [ooooooh, note to self: I like that one too!]
** Make him sleep on plastic sheets, ban him from sitting on furniture, and take away most of his clothes because of the smell. When he no longer smokes or smells, he can have his stuff back.


If he were my own kid, I would also do the "chain smoke 'em till they're gone" method. I think that's a highly effective consequence. I'd like to hear from a person that was forced to do that as a teen, and still smoked anyway.

Thanks again for all the suggestions!

 

[ksunnenberg@hotmail.]

My MIL passed away from lung cancer and my FIL is very ill with emphasymia (and yep, spelled it totally wrong) so after MANY years of transpoting both to appointments, we have decided if we ever catch our kids, the punishement will be helping out in a cancer clinic and at the VA for our kids so they can see first hand what smoking will do. We have even kept her x-rays to show the kids what the tumor looked like. I used to smoke MANY years ago and after watching my MIL suffer and then holding her while she passed...there in NO WAY on this earth I would touch another one! I can't stand the smell of it! The fear of what can happen is just too great!

This is EXACTLY what I was about to post, when I saw your response, The Moonk's Mom!! My maternal grandmother smoked from age 12 to age 75, when her emphysema (from the smoking, obviously) and congestive heart failure (secondary to smoking) basically left her bedridden. I mean, she had been in poor health (from the smoking) since her forties, apparently. But from age 75 on (for just a few years) she basically suffocated to death as a result of the emphysema. She ended up getting lung cancer as well, but that was not as significant as the emphysema! She only stopped smoking at age 75 because she was, like i said, bedridden and on OXYGEN 24/7. She gasped for every breath, all day and night. It was sad. (My dad was her oncologist, but again, the cancer took a backseat to the pulmonary issues). EVERY SINGLE FRIEND that my sister and I had during those years (we were middle school, high school age) said they were 100% convinced that they would never be interested in touching a cigarette. That was almost 15 years ago, I'm in my 30's now, and none of them smoke. They all still cite my grammy as the reason they were too freaked out to consider it! I loved my grammy, but am glad that others have been able to learn a lesson from that.

So tell your nephew how my grandmother was attached to an oxygen tank via a little tube... a tube that was hundreds of feet long and was running through the hallways in our house for years. When the tube got kinked or stepped on my grandmother would start choking. Tell your nephew how my grammy was able to go out to shop, eat dinner, go to a show, but she was always on a portable oxygen tank that made a constant "puff puff puff" noise was disruptive at restaurants and quiet theaters. It affected not only her, but all of us. Again, I loved my grammy but had some resentment during those years, since smoking was a personal choice and has carried a warning from the Surgeon General for decades!

I'm sorry, I hope I havent' gone to far and said anything that is personally offensive. As you can tell, this is a tender topic for me. Please do all that you can to hit the message home to your nephew, whether it is scare tactics like my story, or whether it is some other method.

 

[momlady]

The thing is, kids will see this and think it won't happen to them. It sounds like the OP's nephew has seen firsthand the consequences and still smokes. It's really hard to get through to a teen who thinks he is invincible (and smarter than his parents! LOL).

I have no suggestions, unfortunately. I don't know that the chain smoking thing would be looked on favourably by "authorities" but I don't have anything to offer. I think talking to someone struggling to quit (for maybe the 4th or 5th time) might be an effective message -- that tobacco addiction is one of the HARDEST ones to kick. But again, he is a teen and that will NEVER happen to him....

 

[Vijoge]

I don't know that the chain smoking thing would be looked on favourably by "authorities"

In two words. . .Child Abuse!!! I don'r care how many people here think it's a good idea (that so many seem to approve is frightening in itself) or how many were forced to do it themselves- it's still child abuse.

 

[Pirates4me]

Education will do far more than any punishment you can hand out. My father died from 60 years of smoking and I remind my 11 yearold every time we see someone smoking. Good Luck

 

[Matt'nMeg'sMom]

Education will do far more than any punishment you can hand out. My father died from 60 years of smoking and I remind my 11 yearold every time we see someone smoking. Good Luck

Thanks. I wish that were actually true in our case. I'm glad it's working for your son!

 

[delmar411]

I'm sorry OP that your SIL is going through this. But I'll be brutally honest. It might be too late. Remember how hard it is for adults to quit who have children and spouses begging them to quit? Once you are addicted that is that. And since he's been smoking a while it will have to be him that makes the choice to quit. No amount of crying moms or embarrassment will do it. I smoked until I was 20 (from age 15) and quit when I was pregnant with my first. 4yrs later and a messy breakup and impending lay offs I was smoking again. And I was a chain smoker FWIW, I could have easily taken the carton punishment and then asked for more. I quit by 3 or 4mths pregnant with my following 3 kids but was started up again after they were born right away. But I FINALLY (TG!!) managed to quit for good with my last child. I still want to smoke like nothing else I've ever craved in my life. If it didn't cost so much money I know I still would too (I ensure I get ugly whiffs of it now and then to remind me it stinks). I didn't care that my mom was disappointed in me (and I *really* care what she thinks about everything else) and everyone knew I smoked. And the scare tactics to a teen? They think they are invincible and trying to convince them otherwise is a battle best left for other things.

Seriously I hope that taking his money will do it but I'm sure his father really doesn't care from what you've described and will probably give him money and let him go out. It will become a battle ground between and that's not right.

Another FWIW, my baby sister used to do the fake coughing and holding her nose whenever she was around me smoking....turn around a decade later and I find out from my mom that she's now smoking! Even knowing I finally managed to quit and everything.

 

[TheRatPack]

I just wanted to add that my husband smokes, so I know what it's like to really really want someone you love to stop. Sadly it just doesn't work like that. He's watched his uncle be put on oxygen and slowly die from this. He was a first responder, firefighter for 15 years so he's seen his share of people on oxygen...etc that were not family (young, old...etc). Nothing phases him, and nothing will until he wants to quit.

I tried for years to get him to quit, for his kids...for me...for whatever reason I could think of. But, the person who has the addiction has convinced themselves that it's okay....most of them always say "we're all going to die of something".

He doesn't smoke around us, he never smokes in the car, the house or anything we're around. He smokes at work and out in his workshop at the house. He walks away from us at Disney to smoking areas when he needs to smoke...etc. So, he is very respectful of our health and for that I'm glad.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say all that to say this......we all have bad habits, caffeine, overeating, alcohol...etc. You can not make a person stop, and everyone thinks that they are the exception to the rule and they'll be the one that it won't kill, give a heart attack, stroke...etc.

I would be sure that the boy knew it was illegal at his age and if he was caught he could be in big trouble with the authorities...etc. I would also let him know that it wouldn't be tolerated around me, in my house/garage and it wouldn't be bought with allowances or money that I gave him for lunches...etc. Truthfully, I just don't think a lot of things can be done once a child starts smoking unless he or she wants to quit for themselves.

 

[angelat]

Hi all,

If he were my own kid, I would also do the "chain smoke 'em till they're gone" method. I think that's a highly effective consequence. I'd like to hear from a person that was forced to do that as a teen, and still smoked anyway.

Thanks again for all the suggestions!

As I said in my previous post, my brother was forced to chain smoke when he was a young teenager, along with some of my cousins. He continued smoking until he died at age 39 of esophogeal and lung cancer leaving behind a 15, 13 and 2 year old who will never remember his father. I would NEVER recommend that form of "punishment". I'm sorry.

 

[Laurabearz]

As someone who is struggling with quitting smoking on a daily basis, I sure hope he stops now.

((hugs))