OT: Caught 15 year old smoking! How to punish?

[DISNEYFOS]

My deal with dd is if she never has a cigarette ever, when she is 20 years old I will give her $5,000. Most kids start smoking at 14-15, they don't usually start at 20.

I really like this idea. Money really talks at that age..more so than health concerns.

I'm not so sure the smoke until you puke will work. The first time I smoked I puked. I was probably 15 at the time. But that didn't stop me from smoking until I was 30.

 

[Matt'nMeg'sMom]

Thank you so much for your excellent responses! I really really appreciate all the insight and ideas.

 

[nessz79]

I really like this idea. Money really talks at that age..more so than health concerns.

I'm not so sure the smoke until you puke will work. The first time I smoked I puked. I was probably 15 at the time. But that didn't stop me from smoking until I was 30.

I can see how this would be.

I never smoked habitually because when I had one bad experience with feeling sick and dizzy. That was it for my experimentation.

However, some people are more easily addicted to cigarettes. Either the high or the nicotine, I don't know. So I don't know if puking would work for all.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

I like the research idea. Also, research lung transplants. My mother had one 2 yrs ago at the age of 47!! She was on the list for 2 yrs, and suffered since her early 40's. Take a look at the disgusting lungs, photos of folks who have just come out of surgery (extremely scary)..

My grandmother told me EVERYDAY not to smoke, she suffered for 20 yrs with emphysema before dying. She could not walk up 5 steps without gasping for air. It was very, very, sad.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

I would have patients who have lung cancer and other medical problems from smoking talk to your nephew. I remember talking to a lady who had part of her mouth removed and she had a hole in her neck where she talked from a device (don't know medical term). That should scare him.

 

[quasar4legs]

I would go the education route.
We had friends in a similar situation and their dad that was a GP organised for their son to have a chat with several patients that had smoking related illnesses. Today their son is a 25 year old non-smoker.
Personally, I would never make my child smoke until he was physically sick and whileI know that many people think it's a great idea I consider this a form of child abuse...........but that's just me. There are lots of ways to teach children the lessons they need to learn and I'm a firm believer that they can be done withour physical punishment.

Best wishes to your family.
Trish

 

[Matt'nMeg'sMom]

Thanks. For this kid, the punishment method will be much more effective than trying to scare him into not smoking. He's a defiant, tough kid and thinks he's immortal.

Both my brothers were smokers. They started smoking as 14 year olds by stealing sigs from their aunt who was DYING of lunch cancer at the time. I kid you not. She was dying of lunch cancer in front of them, coughing up blood, and living in a hospital bed in our dining room -- and they still stole her cigs. No amount of "this could happen to you" scares them... Boys are especially hard to convince because they see themselves as immortal, believe it won't happen to them, or argue "you're gonna die anyway, why not enjoy it." Neither of my brothers could be scared into not-smoking. They quit recently because they have now ruined their health. The only thing that worked for them was Chantix.

For my 15 year old nephew, I like the suggestion of embarrassment. If he were my kid, I would make him light up his cigars in front of his youth minister, or his grandmother, or his coach -- whoever he respected. If it's cool enough to do it alone in the garage, then it's cool enough to do it in front of a disapproving audience.

 

[2Kds2K9]

15 years ago I did Smoke Enders to help me quit. I have a glass jar with smoked cigarettes in it that I'll be happy to ship off to him. One whiff of that should send him over the edge.

I agree completely. I think punishment is the only route for a defiant teen. I know, I was one. But, I had a mother who sat there with a cigarette in her hand yelling at me telling me not to smoke. My mother died from lung cancer 4 days before my DD was born. I can tell you honestly that I regret EVERY day that I smoked. Yet, at the time I would not have believed that anything would have happend to me or my parents. (My Dad is a lung cancer survivor. Very rare.)

Good luck and I hope your family is able to get him to stop now before he's truly addicted.

 

[Vijoge]

Making him smoke until he gets sick is likely to get you arrested for child abuse.

 

[Yen Sid]

The only thing to do is talk to them, punishing them will only make them smoke even more. We busted out 15 year old and we just sat down and talked to her, telling her all the evils of smoking and how we wish we would have never started because now we are having a heck of a time quiting. You have to remain as positive as possible or you may have the opposite effect you were looking for.

 

[powellrj]

My DS was caught smoking this year and to say DH and I were shocked is an understatement. As a child, just being around smoke made him sick.

Add to the fact that his DGF died of lung cancer in June and we figured he would be the last person to smoke.

DH was DGFs main caregiver. The hospice people came in once a day to check on him at lunch and then once a week to check on his condition and other than that we were it. We provided all of his care. DS saw him at the very end and while he wasn't with him at the actual moment he died, he was there for most of it. Nothing is more graphic than watching someone die of lung cancer and yet 3 weeks later the kid is smoking.

Getting in trouble at school seemed to work better for him than anything we did. I hope that he is not smoking, but I am afraid he has just gotten better at hiding it,

 

[Misty89]

i am sure someone has said this already ( I did not read the posts) but *I* WOULD strongly advise to avoid the " chain smoking" thing YUCK.
I am a smoker, who has desperatly tried to quit for over a year, and the things that helps me the most is knowing what happens to a body when ciggerettes are smoked. ( it IS really scary and disgusting)
Have yuor sister show him some things on the computer that show lung disease, cancer, etc. help him to understand he STINKS even if he cannot smell it!
i have no other words of wisdom, hopefully peer pressure or (a girl he likes) - there is nothing more hurtful than someone you like or love telling you you smell bad, or wont get near you until you clean up.
hopefully he will stop before his body gets addicted.

 

[luvmy3]

Personally I don't know that punishment is the way to address smoking. I started smoking around that age, and am now addicted. Punishment only made me want to "rebel" more....and unless the kid is under guard 24/7/365 if he wants to smoke he will.

Education or personal experience might have helped me. My parents were both smokers, and until they had heart attacks in their 50's (in the last 5 years) were healthy. I didn't see the dangers of smoking up close, until I had been doing it for 20 years. Now, after almost losing my mom, I want to quit, and it is very difficult.

Maybe their family can volunteer at a hospice (reading to patients or writing letters) where there is bound to be one or more lung cancer patients.

Sorry about your Mom Its hard to watch when a loved one is sick

I agree. I was a teen smoker and had been caught and punished MANY times. It never stopped me. I still continued to smoke because of course I was not under 24/7 supervision. It finally got to the point where I actually had permission to smoke, but I could not do it any where near my father.

I think that what the above poster said is a great form of "punishment". Teens have a hard time believing that smoking will effect them. If they see it with their own eyes that may get the point across.

 

[angelat]

Sounds like two good ideas. Can his mom get in trouble for the chain smoking punishment? I think it would be very effective!

I must say that I can't disagree with the chain smoking punishment enough!
My mother caught my oldest brother and two cousins smoking when they were teenagers and did this to them (with Camels nonetheless) it didn't stop them from continuing smoking. Although my one cousin did switch to "chew". He ended up with mouth cancer from that. And my brother died of esophogeal and lung cancer at age 39!

You wouldn't want that hanging over your head. I'm not sure my mother really thinks of that, but I do all the time.

 

[Matt'nMeg'sMom]

Update: My SIL wrote this disappointing update from last night.

SIL writes: I had a long talk with him last night and found out he has been smoking on a regular basis. Of course when I brought [his father] into the house to listen to this [his father] didn’t want to listen. He just kept saying “It’s late, let the kid go to bed.” Apparently [the kid] is getting this stuff from friends who have friends who are over 18. He refuses to tell me who it is so I told him I refuse to let him do anything until he does. [His father] actually had the nerve to sit in the living room while I was trying tell [the kid] how dangerous all of this was and put chew in his mouth. I told him not to because of the example he was giving our son. He just looked at me and made a big deal about putting it in his mouth. He then looked at our son and said "Are you going to do this anymore? Don’t do it anymore. Go to bed." Then walked out to the garage. After that I got really upset and talked to David some more. I don’t know if I got thru to him or not.

I want to smack the father.

 

[NotUrsula]

Not so much for punishment, but from a practical standpoint, I'd make him responsible for policing his own stink.

In my house, this would mean showering after every cigarette; washing his own clothes, towels, curtains and bedding; sleeping on a plastic-covered mattress; and not being allowed to sit on any upholstered furniture or ride in any of our automobiles unless he was freshly showered and wearing smoke-free clothing. Also, leaving his shoes outside.

Personally, I would also probably be debating forcing him to live in a tent in the yard. I am hideously sensitive to the odor of cigarettes; even a whiff gives me a migraine. I'm infamous as the mom who can sniff out a smoker (or someone who lives with one) at 50 yards. No way do I tolerate that stink in my home.

 

[The Moonk's Mom]

Not so much for punishment, but from a practical standpoint, I'd make him responsible for policing his own stink.

In my house, this would mean showering after every cigarette; washing his own clothes, towels, curtains and bedding; sleeping on a plastic-covered mattress; and not being allowed to sit on any upholstered furniture or ride in any of our automobiles unless he was freshly showered and wearing smoke-free clothing. Also, leaving his shoes outside.

Personally, I would also probably be debating forcing him to live in a tent in the yard. I am hideously sensitive to the odor of cigarettes; even a whiff gives me a migraine. I'm infamous as the mom who can sniff out a smoker (or someone who lives with one) at 50 yards. No way do I tolerate that stink in my home.

I LOVE YOUR IDEA!!!!

 

[WL Fan]

Could your sister in law offer him a "reward" for not smoking? If he's watching his dad in risky behavior, he's not going to be able to see the danger for himself, probably. And he's probably getting something from smoking, even if it's just a sense that he's growing up. I wonder if sitting down with him, and offering him something that he would really like to have if he promises not to smoke would nip the new habit?

Maybe?

 

[a1tinkfans]

ARGH! My SIL just caught my 15 year old nephew smoking for the 2nd time. How would you handle?? Looking for all advice!

Read the thread and have to say "punishment" by way of Forcing smoking till they puke, makes ME sick, UGH!

Why not a conversation about it, followed by loss of all "extra's" like tv, ipod, cell, etc for 7 days. To show that there was a consequence for getting caught 2nd time.
I think all kids experiment and the goal to get them to stop is even tougher with all the peer pressure and sense of wanting to "fit in"
Are there other issues going on here, dating started (self esteem)?
Where was he smoking? IN house? if that was case I think I'd go even harder with the consequences.
Personally I think I'd try the "serious" talk of the Health risks and THEN I'd try to get a hold of a video/literature (american cancer society) of someone suffering the ill effects, ie cancer and watch it together, "educate" him rather than just demanding he stop.
Parenting is SUCH a hard job!
Wanna just wish "good luck"
Forcing someone to smoke as punishment is even MORE exposure, scares me silly!
ALL CANCER SUCKS, I know first hand, unfortunately!

 

[BuckeyeGuy28]

My old health teacher caught a kid smoking and all she had to do was open up one of her textbooks and showed about how crappy it could be. You could get holes in your throat, lose your voice box, and be miserable for all your life if you become addicted. The kid who was caught switched to patches.

That's for tobacco though, if she was on pot or crack or something,...