OT....BFF Marries on my Birthday

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Wow, you guys are being mean. I asked for an opinion and ok, whatever but let me tell you somethings about the situation.

1. When we reconnected, we were BOTH planning weddings, so yes, I do know what is involved in planning a wedding. When mine fell through, I helped her plan her wedding. I know the church, vendors, ect were free the week before and the week after.
2. I've never celebrated a birthday on any other day besides my birthday. My moms philosophy was we celebrate on your birthday or not at all; so if my birthday fell during the week (Sun-Fri) we did not celebrate!
3. That goes for extended families grandma and great aunts. BTW my paternal grandmother died when I was a sophomore in high school and 3 more of her sisters died in quick succession up until 2007. The only time my family actually "gets" together to is because of a death.

There are many reasons that my birthday is a sacred day to me. Including the ones listed above. My daughter's birthday is a sacred day to me. Middle of the week or not. I'd have to of the most important women in my life tell me that getting married on their birthdays or anyone else's was the biggest mistake of their life.My mom and my boss. They both married on their birthdays and regret it. I see now that it may be a difference of cultures of family dynamics that has this board disagreeing with my POV.

But honestly it wasn't an "Oh crap, my birthday is ruined" more like "Oh crap, it'll be another 7 years before I get to celebrate again". Who knows if I'll even be on earth another 7 years? That's where I am coming from. They had a DJ play a song for me at the reception...that 50 cent song. I was embarrassed to no end for that.

You're an adult. Your mother's edict that you're only allowed to celebrate on the day was only an issue when you were a child and not in control of your own life. You are a grownup, now, you can celebrate your birthday whenever you choose to celebrate it.

My best friend is a wedding planner-there is no way all the churches and vendors and everything else was available "that week or the week after" unless you were helping her plan far, far in advance. And THAT point is moot because it's still ludicrous to ask her to move it to accomodate your personal birthday issue.

I bet your mom and boss were bummed that they got married on their birthdays-there's one less gift-giving opportunity!

All of us, every single last one of us who has posted on here, has days that are sacred or significant to us. So far, I haven't seen one person, other than yourself, require that other people change their lives to accomodate a number on a calendar.

Because that's all it really is; an arbitrary number on a calendar, a calendar that Julius Caesar dreamed up during the Roman empire to keep better track of when taxes were due.

Think about it this way, on the Mayan calendar, you probably WON'T have an issue with the dates falling on the same day. There, problem solved.

Well, that problem, at least..

 

[PinkRhombus]

I do miss her but do not miss the drama or the fact that she wouldn't push her wedding back on Saturday or forward one Saturday. I'm still mad about it. What should I do?!

You know...I bet she's the one saying good riddance.

Grow up.

 

[LuvBaloo]

Its interesting to read this thread and all the different birthday/wedding overlaps.

OP - I can't understand why this is a big deal to you, and it seems that it would be best not to continue the friendship.

In my family, birthday parties were generally on weekends, with a smaller immediate family only dinner with cake on the actual day.
My mom's birthday is Christmas, so growing up, we always did normal present opening in the morning, and after dinner, mom would open her birthday presents and we'd have cake.
My sister has 3 kids, the first one and last one are born on the same day, just 7 years apart. So the oldest one's 7th birthday got postponed a couple days, to wait for his mom to come home from the hospital.

When I had my first DD, I went into labour very early on my sister's birthday; my sister-in-law's birthday was the next day and she told me to slow down so the baby could be born on her birthday The darn kid listened For my DD's 1st birthday, both her aunts were there, so I made a cake for my DD and another cake for the 2 aunts to share.

I got married the day before DH's aunt's anniversary. We made sure to play their wedding song at our reception.

I just felt like sharing all the fun that happens in my family. Now people having to share birthdays is not controllable, picking a wedding date is.
Now back to the original issue, if you and BFF had been celebrating your birthday together for years with special traditions, that's the only way I could see caring that she chose to get married on your birthday. But that isn't the case here, so I really don't understand why you cared enough to ask her to move her wedding

 

[Steph9072]

I was born on Thanksgiving. So every 7 years, my birthday falls on Thanksgiving again. My dad is an Easter baby and my son was due on Christmas day but came 2 days early.

My dd's Birthday falls on Thanksgiving some years and dh's fall on Easter some years.



OP you said: “Wow, you guys are being mean. I asked for an opinion and ok, whatever but let me tell you somethings about the situation.” We have expressed our opinions. Everyone has opinions and they are not all going to be the same as yours. If all you wanted was confirmation that you are acting appropriately, sorry I can’t give you this.

You also said “Who knows if I'll even be on earth another 7 years” on the other who knows if she will be. Why not just let it go. Life is too short to hold grudges over something like this.

 

[LWatson]

DS1 shares a birthday w/ his Uncle
DS2 shares a birthday w/ his Great Grandma

I thought that those were kind of cool.

 

[PrincessMickey]

My brother has you all beat. His birthday is 9/11. The nerve of them to ruin his birthday. My youngest DS was born on Friday the the 13th.

Anyway, I've never heard of only being able to celebrate on the actual birthday and only being able to have a party if it's on the weekend. To me that doesn't sound sacred to me, because then the date is really only sacred 2 years out of every 7 years. I agree with everyone else it just doesn't make sense to me.

My advice would be to forget about the frienship. Obviously the two of you have different beliefs and different points of view and can not see eye to eye with each other. It would be too much work for both of you to mke it worthwhile.

 

[Mom2Nick]

Put on your big girl pants and get over yourself. You are behaving like a spoiled brat.

I suspect your friend is mighty thankful at this turn of events when it comes to this friendship. I honestly cannot believe you had the nerve to ask her to change her wedding date and actually got mad when she refused. It's astounding.

 

[littlbugmom]

The fact that you are still thinking about your friend not changing her wedding plans for your birthday says a lot. The fact that it bothers you at all is very confusing to me but that it *still* bothers you tells me you need to just led the friendship go. For her sake, let the friendship fade away.


"You're an adult. Your mother's edict that you're only allowed to celebrate on the day was only an issue when you were a child and not in control of your own life. You are a grownup, now, you can celebrate your birthday whenever you choose to celebrate it."


Uh huh! This.

 

[NMAmy]

I'd have to of the most important women in my life tell me that getting married on their birthdays or anyone else's was the biggest mistake of their life. My mom and my boss. They both married on their birthdays and regret it.

I'm curious--why do they regret it? As I said before, I got married on my birthday and haven't had an issue. It ranks no where near the biggest mistake of my life.

As others have said, you're now an adult and you're not beholden to adhere to your mother's birthday rules. If you were intent on celebrating with your friend, you could have done it the weekend before her wedding or a week later or any day the two of you decided upon. That's one of the joys of being an adult--you now make the rules.

 

[deedeetoo]

This is so unbelievable that I don't know where to start.

No one over the age of 6 should make such a fuss about their birthday. No one over six should expect people to change plans because of their birthday. Even six year olds can understand that sometimes people have other plans and can't do what they want when they want it. It seems the OP has yet to learn this lesson.

BTW, my dd11 had her birthday a month ago and she spent her actual birthday on an airplane. We had the party the next day. She didn't care a bit.

 

[lindsmom]

My brother has you all beat. His birthday is 9/11. The nerve of them to ruin his birthday. My youngest DS was born on Friday the the 13th.

I'm right there with you. DD was born on 9/11/01. The nerve of those terrorists! How dare they premeditate to cause my poor daughter to hear "Aw.... that's too bad" every time I tell her birthday (i.e. doctor's office).

What's ironic for our family is I was going to be induced on that Thursday, which was September 13th. But I asked the doctor to do it on Friday because I didn't want her to be saddled with a birthday that would fall on a Friday the 13th. LOL! Instead of a once every four or five year occasion of friday the 13th, we ended up with 9/11/01. Gah.

 

[DWGal210]

OP, I am sorry that you feel people are being mean, but I honestly don't know what response you expected. (I read the responses and I don't think they are mean, just honest).

I have to say, if I was your friend, I would be hurt that you felt your birthday eclipsed my wedding. From your post, it sounds like she is trying to put distance between you two, and I understand where she is coming from. At this point, I would let it go and move on.

 

[clori]

my sister was married on her inlaws grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. We thought it was an honor. Even though my sister divorced after two years 20 years later we still think of it as an honor to be married on the same date that a couple was happily married for 50 years even though they were too fragile to attend the wedding.

My uncle was born on Thanksgiving Day and my mom said he never cared. He passed away on Independence Day. Many kids have birthdays that fall on holidays such as Christmas - does that make their birthdays less special?

One nice thing about being an adult is that you can choose which family traditions to follow, which not to follow and create new tradtions that work for you now. It sounds like you don't enjoy only celebrating your birthday if it falls on a Saturday so why not create a new tradition.

I guess I don't fully understand what you mean by celebrating a birthday. Does that just mean a big gathering/party. When my dd turned 9 in May we together decided to get her a cell phone and not do a friend birthday party. On the weeknight of her actual birthday we still said happy birthday and gave her a present to open only it was at home with just immediate family. Does the fact that she didn't have a big gathering/party/go anywhere special mean that we didn't celebrate her birthday. Oh she got her birthday cake about two weeks later when we did a combined family party for her and my dd5 which was just lunch with birthday cake over their aunt/uncles on a day my parents visited to attend a wedding. Oh as an adult dh and I don't do much for our own birthdays since we mutually prefer to save our money for vacations.

 

[tjbaggott]

Ok, everyone, it's time to stop.
This OP has been told by many posters:

"you're ideas are insane"
"Grow up"
"completely nutters"
"are you for real?"
"make an appointment with a therapist"
"she's better of without you"
"you are self centered"
"I'm worried about her 5yr old daughter"
"I hope OP is better at taking care of her child"
The list goes on with a lot more.

This all IMHO has been a needlessly critical, condesending, bullying attack on the OP as a person, a friend and a mother.

There is a way of saying something without namecalling, without putting someone down and I've seen very little of that kind of way here.
Have you all not had something you might have reacted to at 25 or younger (in some cases older), that you see now years later completely differently?
The point has been made, there is no longer any need for responses to the OP to continue
To do so, is plain out bullying! So I ask you all, out of respect for all dissers and these boards, to please stop.

 

[denegate]

Life is short, friends are a blessing.

 

[wdwfan16]

I know this may not be in the right forum but you guys are awesome at giving advice so here goes.

My ex-bff and I had lost touch from high school. She had started dating my boyfriends best friend at the time and became so involved with him, I got pushed to the side. Anyways we re-connect 5 yrs later (last year) and they have decided to get married. We were talking and and trying to catch up and never really discussed the date of the wedding. Turns out they decided to get married on October 11th. Now this is before the Save-the date cards or the invitations went out. It may sound selfish of me but I tried, really tired to get her to change the date. I wanted to be able to celebrate my birthday with her and not have to celebrate her wedding day also. She wouldn't, flat out refused too. I held resentment for it but I did my thing and was hostess at her wedding. Now, months after the wedding and the major drama that she went through with her new husband...I drifted away still mad that she got married on my birthday and mad that she wasn't really happy but forcing herself through the marriage because her parents paid for it.

My question is should I let bygones be bygones and try to reconnect again or just let it be? I do miss her but do not miss the drama or the fact that she wouldn't push her wedding back on Saturday or forward one Saturday. I'm still mad about it. What should I do?! Sorry so long but thanx for reading my rant.

What an odd way of celebrating birthdays. Just because your family has odd customs does not make a need on the rest of the world to comply.

I believe you were more upset by your wedding falling apart and you wanted your day come hell or highwater.

Do your BFF a favor and loss her phone number, email address and home address.

 

[tjbaggott]

bump

Ok, everyone, it's time to stop.
This OP has been told by many posters:

"you're ideas are insane"
"Grow up"
"completely nutters"
"are you for real?"
"make an appointment with a therapist"
"she's better of without you"
"you are self centered"
"I'm worried about her 5yr old daughter"
"I hope OP is better at taking care of her child"
The list goes on with a lot more.

This all IMHO has been a needlessly critical, condesending, bullying attack on the OP as a person, a friend and a mother.

There is a way of saying something without namecalling, without putting someone down and I've seen very little of that kind of way here.
Have you all not had something you might have reacted to at 25 or younger (in some cases older), that you see now years later completely differently?
The point has been made, there is no longer any need for responses to the OP to continue
To do so, is plain out bullying! So I ask you all, out of respect for all dissers and these boards, to please stop.

 

[wdwfan16]

I'm right there with you. DD was born on 9/11/01. The nerve of those terrorists! How dare they premeditate to cause my poor daughter to hear "Aw.... that's too bad" every time I tell her birthday (i.e. doctor's office).

What's ironic for our family is I was going to be induced on that Thursday, which was September 13th. But I asked the doctor to do it on Friday because I didn't want her to be saddled with a birthday that would fall on a Friday the 13th. LOL! Instead of a once every four or five year occasion of friday the 13th, we ended up with 9/11/01. Gah.

My uncle's birthday is 9/11 (but before 2001). About 1/365 of all US residents have that birthday.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Ok, everyone, it's time to stop.
This OP has been told by many posters:

"you're ideas are insane"
"Grow up"
"completely nutters"
"are you for real?"
"make an appointment with a therapist"
"she's better of without you"
"you are self centered"
"I'm worried about her 5yr old daughter"
"I hope OP is better at taking care of her child"
The list goes on with a lot more.

This all IMHO has been a needlessly critical, condesending, bullying attack on the OP as a person, a friend and a mother.

There is a way of saying something without namecalling, without putting someone down and I've seen very little of that kind of way here.
Have you all not had something you might have reacted to at 25 or younger (in some cases older), that you see now years later completely differently?
The point has been made, there is no longer any need for responses to the OP to continue
To do so, is plain out bullying! So I ask you all, out of respect for all dissers and these boards, to please stop.

I beg your pardon, but until you wear a cowboy hat, are called Webmaster Kathy, and have a moderator badge next to your name, I will continue to post where and when I feel it is appropriate.

If you are not enjoying the thread, you don't have to read it. I'm pretty sure the OP left long ago (because as it turns out we're evidently not "awesome for giving advice" )and it's just the rest of us sitting here scratching our heads going wooooowwwwww.....

 

[allison443]

[*]I've never celebrated a birthday on any other day besides my birthday. My moms philosophy was we celebrate on your birthday or not at all; so if my birthday fell during the week (Sun-Fri) we did not celebrate!

Wow, that doesn't sound like such a "sacred" day then if you only celebrate it every seven years when it falls on a Saturday! Isn't that special date "sacred" during the other years? Sorry, that just doesn't go along with you saying how important birthdays are to you and your family.