OT: Am I overreacting?

[FoundMyPrince]

I had to read the OP a couple times to get a handle on all this. So, your husband's naked drinking buddy had your DD sign a contract where she cannot tell their secrets? I don't think you are overreacting.

 

[irishbacker92]

I don't think posting this is overreacting at all. I also would not think that putting a for sale sign in your front yard, packing up and moving, with or without your husband would be overreacting either.

Good Luck

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I don't think posting this is overreacting at all. I also would not think that putting a for sale sign in your front yard, packing up and moving, with or without your husband would be overreacting either.

Good Luck

Well said...

 

[MissyDVC]

I don't think posting this is overreacting at all. I also would not think that putting a for sale sign in your front yard, packing up and moving, with or without your husband would be overreacting either.

Good Luck

Agreed And forget about my husband(who would react like a crazy man over someone even speaking to his child in that manner)), they'd have to find someone to hold ME back from doing something to that neighbor.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

I don't think posting this is overreacting at all. I also would not think that putting a for sale sign in your front yard, packing up and moving, with or without your husband would be overreacting either.

Good Luck

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing!

OP, I hope you will contact your local police department, so they can at least have this guy on their radar.

 

[DISNEYNUTS]

Agreed And forget about my husband(who would react like a crazy man over someone even speaking to his child in that manner)), they'd have to find someone to hold ME back from doing something to that neighbor.

agreed, My husband who has never been in a fight in his life, calm, natured man, who rarely even raises his voice, and we have teenagers, would blow a gasket, it wouldn't matter who the individual was friend or not, he would never stand for that being done to any of his children.

if we don't advocate for our children who will. Call the Police.

blessings to you!!

 

[nicki.momof3]

I don't care how friendly there were in the past with your DH. It is time for the friendship to END. This family is to weird. I am all for calling the police. There people have a secret they are trying to hide and for the safety of all the police should at least be aware.

 

[#1 Pocahontas]

I don't think posting this is overreacting at all. I also would not think that putting a for sale sign in your front yard, packing up and moving, with or without your husband would be overreacting either.

Good Luck

I had thought that as well!

 

[MDMOUSE]

I have been reading the responses and thought that I could keep quiet because all has been said. But, I need to vent. When you are a mother, and your radar goes off, never ever second guess yourself. Children should never be told to keep secrets from their parents, only surprises. If any adult ever suggests that a child keep a secret without talking to you first, that is a huge flashing red sign that is screaming danger. Kick your husband in the pants and call the police. You are not overreacting. Even if you were, your daughter comes first. I would make a fool out of myself if I thought I could stop someone from being inappropriate with children. His comment on prostitution is inappropriate, but even if sexual content wasn't involved, his actions are beyond normal and acceptable. I would be filled with rage. Your husband is probably in some state of shock and not able to process clearly. It sounds like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders and do not let her think that people should treat children this way. I am a member of the bar in another state so I can't say what laws were broken, but his conduct was beyond the scope of what is appropriate anywhere. Best wishes and tell your daughter she did a brave thing.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

Any update from the OP? Thinking of you.... Hoping your DH got his mind in order.

 

[Missin'Disney]

I agree - beyond strange and def. a little scary. What is being protected by this "contract" is what would have me worried. I don't like the sound of it at all. I don't think you are overreacting, in fact, your DH is under-reacting IMO. Please don't just brush this off. I wouldn't trust this family with a 2-yard pole.

 

[DisneyAprilFool]

I just have to say- I think it's wonderful that YOU are such a warm hearted, open woman that you allowed your child to play with this man's daughter, given their lifestyle (whether it's just being nudists or nudists with swinging going on)- and I hate that he has put you in the position of having to stop the children from playing together.

Are you overreacting? Heck no! This is awful crazy and freaky at the same time- to say the least!

 

[Tinkin]

Of course you aren't overreacting. If anything you're underreacting.

A grown man suggested to your teenage daughter that prostitution was ok and she might want to do it one day.......that is NOT OK, that is CRAZY!!

I guess I'm the only thinking this so I will say it......if your neighbors are "swingers" then your husband may be getting more than beer at their house and that could explain some of his behavior.

 

[Tinker74]

I am stunned to read this, and I hope I do not offend you, but it's only partly by the creepy neighbor.

Yes, he is disgusting, just sick. I don't care what you do in your personal life, but to let impressional teenagers know about it is just wrong. There is no reason for kids to know about adults sexual pratices. I totally believe you should be open with kids about the birds and the bees, but they don't need those kinds of details. But I don't live in a cave, you hear stories about creeps every day, sad but true.

My biggest concern is your husband. Gosh, I think if this was my family, I'd be worried about my husband's reaction to this and not because he'd take it lightly. My DH is a mild tempered man until you mess with his family, then you'd better watch out. I can't get over your DH's reaction, that is what is really bothering me.

You totally need to contact the police. So often you hear of bad things happening and there were signs that went overlooked. This to me is a giant, glowing neon sign. Don't look back on this moment with regret. Keep your DD far away, and keep a good eye on her, I know it's hard to do when they get older, but you have to. I personally would rather assume he has bad intentions and be wrong, then assume it was nothing and be wrong.

I too feel bad for their daughter, by notifying the police hopefully they will insure her safety, right now you have to take care of your daughter.

Overreacting, not even close....

I hope i don't offend also ..I agree with the poster above .

Why does your DH keep going over to a house were you suspect nudism and swinging is going on....?..That is what I wouldbe asking myself. Is it really just the free booze.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

I agree with everyone on the contacting the authorities. And kudos to the OP and her daughter. They make a great team and she is right to be upset. But I am with others who wonder about the DH. I have too many friends whose marriages have been ruined by the "party neighbors". The drinking is bad enough, but when they are pretty much advertising free sex, I would have had an issue with my DH going there to do anything but give them mail that was mis-delivered. Is he cheating? For her sake I hope not. But it's not 1970 anymore and free love ain't that free these days.

Most nudists DO NOT advertise this fact to the neighborhood, let alone 13 year old girls. Seriously, this neighbor family (both parents) could be investigated for sex abuse of minors just based on what happened to your daughter, even if she says nothing happened (intent, grooming, even outright soliciting). Please, OP let us know what's happening. My heart goes out to you. Be strong and do the right thing. Your daughter, and the girls all around you are watching. You will make these kids stronger by being strong yourself.

 

[MiniGirl]

You know, when I se the "Am I overreacting" thread title, I often think (even if I don't post) "Yeah, you are overreaction." Not this time though. In fact, I find it quite disturbing. Makes me feel certain that they had their own dd sign a similar "contract" and what secrets she may be keeping.

Op, I feel bad tha you and your dd went through this, but my heart breaks for the other girl who thinks this is "normal" behavior.

 

[vcr]

I really appreciate everyone's support. I took DD to EPCOT for the weekend for some time together. I also asked a friend's DH who is an officer what to do and he said that no laws were broken, but to get the contract back and he would look at it. I asked the wife for the contracts and she said she didn't know where they were (her hubby was out of town) and she would ask him when he came home (her DD told my child they were in the safe). I talked to the other mom involved today and she told me he told them he burned the contracts, but when she asked to see a copy, he brought it over. I will be going over there later to see it. I won't bother contacting CPS, because I've dealt with them before because of a cousin who's a drug addict and it's a joke. This man is in a really nasty feud with another neighbor and I don't want to bring this on myself or my kids when I know nothing will be done. I've called all 3 of my children's schools to make sure that they aren't to pick my kids up ever, and I am bringing a notarized paper in Monday to my daughter's school to that affect, because I know they let the mom pick her up before when she not on the approved list.

As for my DH, I really wish that I were in a position to leave him, but I'm about a year away from being able to make that move if things don't improve. I don't think he's cheated on me, because the husband is not the type to let his wife have her "fun" without him having an even exchange so to speak. The neighbors have never been naked (that I know of) when guests are over or I wouldn't have tolerated it. He's also always had at least one of my kids with him over there, although that has now stopped. I can't stop him if he decides to do that, I can only prepare myself to be able to leave and support my kids when the time comes. My DH had problems with alcohol before and I filed for a divorce and he turned his life around. Right now I really think that he's going through a midlife crisisand I'm really praying that he realizes whats important before he ruins all of our lives. Thanks again for the support. Anne

 

[disneymarie]

DD (13) came to me and while we were talking, she says (out of the blue) I can't tell any of ###'s secrets or they can sue me. I immediately asked what she was talking about and she said her friends parents had her sign a contract that she wouldn't tell any of theirs or their daughters secrets. When she saw how upset I was, she said but it works both ways, they won't tell any of my secrets. The she tells me the example the girls father gave her was that if she became a prostitute (CAN I REMIND YOU SHE'S 13) he wouldn't tell anyone. These are good drinking buddies of my DH, they supply him with free drinks, way too many lately, but that's another issue, and he sticks up for them always. When I told him about the "contract", I conveniently left out who it was and he flipped out ranting and raving, but the minute I told him who, he calmed down and said, "Well that's weird". I know these people are nudists (and I think swingers), and I have told DD before not to mention it at school, because it's not the girls fault. I think if they were worried about my daughter saying something at school, they should have talked to me or DH. I told my daughter that she could play with the girl (who lives across the street) but couldn't go in their house anymore. I also asked my DD's best friends parents if they were aware of their DD signing this contract, and they were upset also. Today my DD came home and said the girl isn't allowed at our house anymore and when I asked my DH, he said they were mad my DD couldn't come over and that I had informed the other girls parent. When I called the other girls mom, she told me that they told her they thought the parents knew (then why would they get mad I mentioned it?) and that it only involved their daughter (then why was it 2 seperate contracts, one for the kid and one for the parents)

I am so furious about them putting my DD in this situation and they really (especially the controlling husband) disgust me. I don't want anything to do with them and I don't want my kids around them either. I am also angry at DH for putting his drinking above our DD's safety and well-being. Thanks if you got through all this for letting me vent. Am I overreacting?

As law enforcement I think this is part of "conditioning a child" this is not right and the child of theirs is bodering on a child endangerment because while they can do adult activities to their own desires, they can not submit it to the children or especially friends of children.

What if this guy like my dd friends father got to the point he would be out with the firls at the pool and say to them to pull down their bathing suit tops.
If he conditions the girls to not telling, some girls would do it.

I am glad your dd has recognised that adults are not to tell children ever to keep secrets. I think this is worth athorities to figure it out. The parents should be accountable to this irresponsible contract behavior.

It is NOT normal or acceptable to anyone! Their daughter is being endangered by this mental and physical behavior. They need parenting and maybe the dd needs to be removed until they are able to parent her properly and not expose her to this adult environment.
Di

 

[denegate]

Take care and be strong. You are a good mom and your kids are very lucky they have you.

 

[tonilea]

I didn't read all the posts, but I would be very, very concerned they are setting your daughter up for something.

The lines they are trying to feed your and your gullible DH sound smell like a big steaming pile of horse hockey!

I am also former law enforcement and this definitely feels hinkey to me.

ETA: If no one has already mentioned this, be sure to tell your daughter that because she is underage any contract would be null and void. She does not have to worry about being sued.

Also, there needs to be some type of police report about this, even if it is for information purposes only. Have you checked out your states registry of sex offenders?