OT- advice for 19mo old!

[2greatkids]

Hi all! I need some advice...sorry for the long post! My 19mo old had a major out break of fever blisters in her mouth/throat and face and was pretty out of it for almost 2 weeks. We had her sleep in our bed because she would wake up crying all night and she had trouble swallowing so I wanted her near us. She was never the greatest sleeper but never really slept in our bed before. We are trying to get her back in her crib and it is not going well. She will go in her crib at nap and bed time and fall asleep on her own without crying. She will take a 3 hour nap and be fine but at night she is up constantly. She will go back to sleep if you pick her up but wakes if you lay her back down. We have tried to let her cry (actually scream) but we also have a 4 year old so we don't want to wake him. If we bring her in our bed she goes right to sleep. She will sleep in there without us so it is not like she just wants us next to her. Our son went into a toddler bed right after he turned 2. I am not sure if I should try her in her own bed. I am afraid she will no longer fall asleep on her own and be getting out bed constantly. Anyone have any advice??? Thank you!!

 

[Lisa_M]

I need the same advice. My 18 month old has only slept through the night twice in May 2008. I'm starting to think she likes my mattress better than her firm crib mattress.

 

[Mrs. Bradbury]

My first got in the habit of sleeping with us; he had chronic ear infections and I worked a full time job and had a very unsympathetic boss so I did whatever I had to do to get a good night's sleep so that I could function at work. When he passed the ear infection stage and I wanted him to sleep in his own bed, my pediatrician told me to give him benadryl for several nights in a row to make him sleepy, to help with the transition. It worked.

That was 20 years ago, and probably very few doctors would tell you to do that today. They're telling mothers not to give their babies baby food until they're 6 months old, for goodness sake, so I'm sure most wouldn't dare suggest this. But benadryl is still benadryl, and parents still need to have their beds to themselves.

 

[mjkacmom]

Flame suit on - with my kids, if something got them out of a sleep cycle, I'd give them benedryl for one or two nights, and they got right back into sleeping on their own again. I'm also a person who medicates my children very infrequently - motrin for pain, and only high fevers, maybe cold medication once a year. I know benedryl doesn't have a sleepy effect for all children, but does for mine.

 

[annagirl]

We have tried to let her cry (actually scream) but we also have a 4 year old so we don't want to wake him. If we bring her in our bed she goes right to sleep.

Break this habit fast. She has her own bed and needs to sleep in her own bed.

She understands more language than she can speak at this moment. I used a 5/5/10 rule here. Put her to bed and tell her in simple terms that she is to sleep in her own bed and she will not be allowed to sleep in your bed. Hugs and kisses then leave her. If she fusses, go back after 5 minutes - reassure her that you are still in the home but that she must sleep in her own bed. 5 more minutes and repeat if necessary. 10 minutes and then tell her that this is the last time you are coming in and good night. No matter what, never take her our of her room, or else she wins.

It's way way way hard but it must be done or she will learn that if she fusses enough you will cave in.


Don't worry about the 4 year old - he'll sleep thru it.

 

[Mrs. Bradbury]

Flame suit on - with my kids, if something got them out of a sleep cycle, I'd give them benedryl for one or two nights, and they got right back into sleeping on their own again. I'm also a person who medicates my children very infrequently - motrin for pain, and only high fevers, maybe cold medication once a year. I know benedryl doesn't have a sleepy effect for all children, but does for mine.

Clearly we have the same philosphy. I want my kids to be comfortable, as I want to be comfortable, within reason. Just wanted you to know you have at least one kindred spirit!

 

[la79al]

My DD has never STTN. She still nurses and that's more than likely why and well, honestly I will run to her everytime she wakes up, but anyhow...In March we took a trip to Florida and DD slept in bed with me every night. Somehow we got lucky and when we got home, she transitioned back to her bed with no problems. A few weeks ago we spent a week at the beach where DD again slept in bed with me every night. When we got back, it was horrible. She would wake up every 20-30 minutes all night long. I finally let her cry for about 10 minutes the one night and the next night she was back to up every 2 hours. It took almost a week of craziness though.
I have 2 stepkids whose rooms are right next to DDs and they very rarely even hear her at night. By only letting her cry/scream a little, you are teaching her that if she cries and screams she will get what she wants (to come to your bed). Wait until a time when your 4 year old and both of you are able to be woken up at night (like a Friday night) and just let her cry. Obviously check on her here and there but don't give in and bring her into your bed. I'm anti CIO but I have figured out that if I lay DD down with her paci and she pops back up after a minute or 2, if I leave the room and let her cry for 3-4 minutes then return, stick paci back in and lay her down, she tends to go to sleep quickly and sleeps better.
Good luck. I honestly have to say, the sleeping thing is what drives me most crazy about babies/toddlers.

 

[tonilea]

This is what worked for us:

1st few nights - we put DS in his crib and I stood by the crib and rubbed his back, sang, whatever it took until he fell asleep. If he stood up, I hugged him without picking him up and gently laid him back down. He never really cried - he definitely fussed, but didn't out and out cry. If he had I would have picked him up, cuddled him until he calmed down and started over again.

the next few nights - I stood by the crib, but didn't touch him. I sang a song or two and just comforted him until he fell asleep.

the next few nights after that - I stood half way to the door and only comforted him with my voice.

a few more nights - I stood at the door - again, comforting him with my voice

the last couple of nights - I stood right out side his door and comforted him with my voice.

Then it was done. It wasn't easy, but I just could not do the cry it out thing - it broke my heart.

ETA: the first few nights are the hardest, then it gets progressively easier. I can also see each step taking a different amount of time for different kids, some might go much faster....or some steps might be slower.

 

[DisTwix]

Hi there!

It sounds like you've gotten some great advice - and it will be hard, but you'll find the right solution in one of these excellent posts.

I have nothing real to add, but to say that it is so important for infants/toddlers to learn to put themselves to sleep/self soothing. It's one of the most important things we ever learn!! I meet so many people with wacky sleep problems, and always wish I could ask their Mom how they were as infants/toddlers, and how she dealt with it. It would be a very interesting study.

Meanwhile, my 7 year old nephew STILL wants his Mom to sleep with him.... she did every night for 2 years, then finally managed to break away, but not totally. So. Beware. LOL.

 

[sameyeyam]

I am a parent that also used Benadryl, but beware that Benadryl can make some people hyperactive instead of sleepy (one of my kids and myself are that way). So I gave him a half dose instead, using the liquid type of Benadryl. Works good.

When my DD was little she always wanted to sleep with us and it was difficult to break the habit. I worked with a nice older lady (who was probably mid 60's at the time). She had 3 daughters and I asked her advice. She told me, geez I don't know what I would do now...when my kids were babies we lived in Canada and you could get cough syrup with codeine over the counter, knocked them right out!

You might also try wearing the child out before sticking them into bed. Take a walk after dinner, go to the park or do something to make them tired before they get to bed.

 

[DisTwix]

OH! I just remember this whole thing I read and then later heard on public radio.... to further Sameyeyam's point... a study was done regarding sleep habits for kids vs physical activity, and how kids who were more physically active slept better (this seems like a big Duh, but well, it's a problem!)... more to the point of the study, it was how the brain stays active post playing certain kinds of games, watching TV, playing on the computer --- some of these things can activate the brain and keep it active for a couple hours after leaving that activity behind!!!

I wish I could find the study! Urgh!

Basically, the recommendation was no TV, no video games, no computer within 1-2 hours of bedtime for anyone who is struggling with sleep.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Maybe try cutting back her nap. 3 hours is a long nap. Also I would be very sure her mouth is healed. No help for crying it out. I was not good at that & let DS just sleep with us as does DGS. sorry.

 

[akcire]

I second the shortening the nap.

 

[Mrs. Bradbury]

When my DD was little she always wanted to sleep with us and it was difficult to break the habit. I worked with a nice older lady (who was probably mid 60's at the time). She had 3 daughters and I asked her advice. She told me, geez I don't know what I would do now...when my kids were babies we lived in Canada and you could get cough syrup with codeine over the counter, knocked them right out!

That's hilarious!

There is a reason why my kids are spaced so far apart - after my firstborn, I wasn't sure if I could handle motherhood again! Before his ear infections, from the time he was a few weeks old, he had colic 24/7. It was horrible. We went to the 3rd level of treatment (first being the OTC anti-gas, then something prescription, and finally a stronger prescription) and still sometimes he would cry and cry. I asked my mother what to do, and she said, kind of sheepishly, "Well, when I was having babies, if they were fussy, you could give them a little paregoric . . ." And this is what wikipedia has to say about paregoric:

Paregoric, or camphorated tincture of opium, also known as tinctura opii camphorata, is a medication known for its antidiarrheal, antitussive, and analgesic properties. It was a household remedy in the 18th and 19th centuries, when it was widely used to calm fretful children.

No wonder she sounded sheepish!