OT - Acknowledging Separation/Divorce

[jensen]

I've just found out that some old friends are going through a separation/divorce. She's a high school classmate and he was a couple of years ahead of us. We aren't close friends, but we've stayed in touch with Xmas cards and Facebook.

Is there a proper way to acknowledge this situation? I don't know the details... and it's none of my business, so I really don't want to come off as being nosy. I just want them to know that I'm hoping for the best for both of them, whether it's working things out or moving ahead separately.

This is the first of our friends to get divorced, so I'm at a complete loss.

 

[divabydisney]

I would just tell them what you just wrote. You're happy for both of them and hope to continue being friends without hurting the other person's feelings. I've been in this situation and it's the best thing to hear that. Sometimes you expect some friends to pick sides and others just tend to not be friends with either party to avoid hurt feelings.

 

[krcit]

A few years ago, a couple we were friends with seperated. I called the wife just to say that I was there if she needed anything. They got back together(yay) and she has since told me that my phone call meant so much to her and that noone else called.

 

[Celidh]

I think it would depend on the situation. Of course, as you said you don't know the situation and really don't feel it is your place to ask.

For myself, when H and I split up, it was my choice. I was unhappy for many reasons and after many years in this situation it was time for me to go. I had many people express their sympathies. My comment was that there was no need for sympathy. It was/is tough being a single mom but apart from some rough days and nights, on the whole I was far happier!!

I agree with a pp, just make it known that you will be there if needed. Leave the ball in his/her court so to speak.

 

[jensen]

I think it would depend on the situation. Of course, as you said you don't know the situation and really don't feel it is your place to ask.

For myself, when H and I split up, it was my choice. I was unhappy for many reasons and after many years in this situation it was time for me to go. I had many people express their sympathies. My comment was that there was no need for sympathy. It was/is tough being a single mom but apart from some rough days and nights, on the whole I was far happier!!

I agree with a pp, just make it known that you will be there if needed. Leave the ball in his/her court so to speak.

This is exactly why I came here... I knew it wouldn't be right to express "sympathy" because no one died... though a marriage did "die" and I feel really sad for them. But, it's very possible that she's happy like you were and expressing sympathy would make me look foolish.

Anyway, I appreciate the feedback that you were happy when friends aknowledged it. I think I'll just send her a note and say I'm sorry to hear about it and I'm here if she needs anything.

 

[luckyfin]

Haven't been divorced or separated myself, but my parents divorced after I reached adulthood so I am very aware of what was helpful for my mother. She was very lonely because her friends were still happily married and she was blindsided by my father leaving. It meant so much to her for people to ask her to do stuff, because she wouldn't have asked, thinking that she didn't want to be a burden. If I were you I would leave a message on facebook to see if she wanted to go out for drinks or to dinner. The worst that could happen is she could say no, but you reached out either way.