OT:4+ year difference between siblings

[GoinToDisney]

I have a 3 yo dd and have been trying for #2. It's 14 months and 2 miscarriages later, and there is no baby in sight. I am now at the point where my kids will be 4 years apart, and I was wondering how many Dis parents have kids 4+ years apart. I need some encouragement. Just feeling a bit down today.

Update: I took another pregnancy test this morning, and the line is getting darker. I am praying that this is a healthy pregnancy!! I had blood drawn yesterday, and will probably go again on Monday. Once I have those results, I will know whether my levels are doubling. The line is much darker today than yesterday, so it looks good. Thanks again for helping me to be at peace with the age gap. It really took some of the pressure off, and now I am pregnant! I would appreciate any prayers that my levels double and that this baby is healthy and makes it to full term. My due date is July 13, 2008. Thank you for all the support.

 

[Frantasmic]

My two children are 6 years apart. We had the daughter. We had a miscarriage and then thought we couldn't have anymore. Then, we were blessed with a son.

I have the cutest pictures of a 6 year old girl with her front teeth missing holding her little brother as a child who just adores her.

They have some problems sometimes, but for the most part they really get along.

 

[suffolkprincess]

I am 3.5 years older than my older-younger brother and 4.5 years older than my younger-younger brother. We never played much as kids... but I can say a few GREAT things about it:

1) I was very independent by the time they were born. This made the transition MUCH easier for my mother than the experience she had with the boys being one year apart.

2) I gained a great sense of responsibility from being an older sister.

3) In school, we were far enough apart that they were considered separately from me. I was very academically oriented and participated in chorus and drama. They were into sports and "politics." By the time they got the the high school (at that time freshmen didn't go to high school in our city) I was gone and there was very little reputation overlap. I KNOW that my younger brother was frustrated by the reputation overlap thing with our middle brother (only one year older.)

4) As young adults, I was able to be a GREAT resource to them! We went to the same college away from home, and when they got there I was off campus, with a car and job-- which helped them a lot. After college, I have been able to help them with job hunting and resumes and such things because I had a little experience to share. I had an apartment when they were living home after college and they could hang out there to get out of the house!

5) As adults, we are now all in the same place, total peers. Their wives are a little younger than I am, but not so much that we don't relate as friends. And our kids are all close enough in age to have fun together.

Its not so bad. It won't be the ideal if by ideal you mean that they are playmates through young childhood-- but by the time they are school age they might not play nicely together even if they are close in age.

 

[DVCLiz]

My girls are 5 years and 2 months apart. I love it!!!! No real competition because they were always in different stages, but such friendship and love between them!! Now they are 18 and 13 and best friends - when DD18 comes home from college she and DD13 plan lots of "Sister Days" and off they go.

A baby will happen when it happens for you, and that will be the right time!

 

[PrincessasMommy]

Sorry you are feeling down.

On a positive, my oldest daughter is 7 years older than the next one, and it took a little while to adjust but I am so glad. Her sisters idolize her, and despite the age gap they play beautifully together, sometimes she will play Barbies, she's almost 12, it's not her thing but she will for them because she loves them that much. And then she teaches them Webkinz and how to work an iPod. As long as everyone feels valued I think the age gap really doesn't matter. And, having my 2nd 2 17 months apart, let me tell you it is soooo much easier when you don't have to dress everyone yourself!!

Cheer up!!!

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Just thank God that you'll have a little "helper". My kids were both in diapers at the same time- not too fun.

 

[scrapquitler]

My DD is 6 1/2 years older than my DS. I was worried about the age difference, but it has worked out nicely for us. She was always old enough to be somewhat helpful with him, and has always entertained him when I needed a few minutes to myself (like so I could shower or use the bathroom).
He idolizes her in a way that I never imagined. Mostly they play nicely together. It was actually nice because she was in school when he was tiny and so he got a lot of one on one time with me inspite of having a big sister.

I think that really, they could get along well or not at all...the age difference is not the big determination of how well siblings get along, personalities is the big thing... I've known siblings close in age that get along great, and others that are close in age that hate one another. Ditto for siblings of widely different ages.

Oh, and there will be days that you curse the age difference, and other days when you think it is fabulous.

 

[Hannathy]

My kids are 6 1/2 yrs apart and it is great! I had all those yrs for my DD to be the baby of the family and just when she was fully hitting her stride for being independent her brother was born. She was in first grade all day so no jealousy when I would rock and feed him and as he got a bit older I could take a shower because she could come get me if he woke up or fussed, she could get wipes for me or a blanket, etc. My sister and I are 6 yrs apart also. The only time it bugs me is when I have to do all the silly elementary "projects" again! But it's great when trick or treat rolls around I get to stay home in the warm house and give candy while she does her sisterly duty taking her Brother around- of course it gives her an excuse to dress up and some houses give her sympathy candy! she doesn't go to the door but some so "Ah that's so nice of you take a candy bar".

I also have a great picture of my DD meeting her new brother in the hospital with a great big toothless grin, it is so cute.

 

[hkite]

I'm so sorry to hear of your two miscarriages. I lost my first baby at 11 weeks and it was incredibly hard.

My sister was in a similar situation as you about 10 years ago. She had a 5 year old son and lost 2 babies before she became pregnant with my niece. They are 5 years apart and this hasn't been a problem. They pick on each other just as much as any other siblings! She also had another "surprise" baby 4 years ago. So, her kids are 15, 9, and 4! They are all wonderful and dear to my heart! Here's a link to her website if you'd like to read her story: http://www.teresaspage.co.nr/

I am 5 years younger than my sister and we have always been best friends! I don't think the age difference matters.

 

[Suzanna1973]

My children are 5 years and 2 months apart. I love it! They love it! I have a dd(17) and a ds(12). My sister has two boys 11 years apart. They get along great!

 

[pigget74]

My kids are 13, 10, 2, and will be born on the 30th. My older 2 adore their little brother and they are excited about sister. We thought we were done after number 2--tried and lost and gave up. Then when my son was 11 and daughter 8 we had little man. We had another so he would not be by himself.

 

[mom2aredhead]

My son is almost 4 and her daughter just turned 3. We were talking about how nice it is to have them out of diapers, walking, talking, going to preschool and doing more things independently. Neither of us could imagine getting through the infant/toddler years with a newborn in tow - I know a lot of people do it, but it just wasn't the right choice for either of us.
My sister and I are 2.5 years apart, then my brother came 2 years later, so there were 3 of us under age 5. My mother referred to it as controlled chaos, and I think that may be why my sister and I made the choices we did - having an only child (me) or spacing siblings further apart (her).
There is no right age - it's whatever ends up working for your family. Close in age does not guarantee a close relationship, so I wouldn't worry about that - it just depends on their personalities and how you raise them.

And to respond to a few of the previous posts, I fell like I need to speak up for my fellow oldest children. PLEASE don't forget that even though they are "old" compared to your other kids, they are still, in a lot of cases, kids themselves and really shouldn't have the responsibility of watching the baby placed on them. 6 and 7 year olds are still kids and should not be used as a built in helper - we "oldest" siblings hate that!

 

[KimD]

My kids are 6 years apart. My DD will be 10 in two months and my DS is 16. Like all kids they have their moments but over all I love the age difference. They actually get along really well most of the time and her big brother definitely watches out for his little sis, he's very protective of her until she has a friend over (which they all seem to just LOVE DS, much to his detriment )

I think that I liked it so much because they are in different stages all the time and I can really enjoy each of them at their own stage and there isn't a lot of competition like that can happen when they're closer in age. I have three SIL's that range from 19, 18 & almost 16. Now there's some fun . For those wondering...(yes, my son has an aunt who is 4 months younger than he is...kind of a trip being preggo with your MIL...funny story for another thread). Sometimes we come home from my IL's and I'm just pleased as punch with our situation and to not have more than one teen to deal with at once! Don't get me wrong I love them all to pieces but I don't have to live with them. Poor FIL....he's the only male in that house.

So I really think each has it's own +'s & -'s and it's all how you look at it.

All that said, I am so sorry you're feeling down about it though, that is no fun at all

 

[atisikitabasket]

We are in the same boat. We have a DS4 1/2 and had a miscarriage last summer and no luck since then. I worry about them being too far apart but my parents had 4 of us spread out over 18 years. My sister was 18 when my brother was born. I am 4 yrs younger than my sister and the "golden child" is 6 years younger than me and then the baby who is going to be 20. ha-ha We do everything together. I don't think there is a perfect time apart. it really is what is right for your family and more important when it just happens.

I think for us if we had one sooner it would of been harder on us because just last summer is when DS was diagnosed on the autism spectrum and we were going thru some really challenging times and would of been even harder with all the emotional breakdowns I was already having. I wish we had another and I"m still keeping hope that it will happen. I also know that now DS will be a loving big brother and that alone will be worth it. My cousin had her 2 boys less than 2 yrs apart and all they do is fight and scream at each other all the time. I don't know if it is because they are too close in age or not but I would be pulling out my hair.

 

[Poohbug]

Every miscarriage is hard, but don't give up yet. I had three before I got my last son. All my boys are three and a half to four years apart and they are great with each other. My seven year old and four year old LOVE the baby. I find it nice to only have one in diapers at a time.

My little sister and I are five years apart and we are best friends-don't worry about the age difference.

 

[Elmo888]

My DDs are 4 years, 9 months apart, and I LOVE it! Now, they are 7 and 2, and they play together some. I just couldn't imagine (as others have said) having 2 in diapers, double stroller, etc. While it is fine for some, it wasn't for me! The age difference is for a number of reasons (financial, medical, etc.) in addition to the fact that I was convinced that DD7 would be an only child until she was about 3!

I am very happy with how things worked out. My oldest is in the 2nd grade now, so I feel like I have been able to spend a lot of one on one time with both of them. And it was so nice to have the oldest so self-sufficient by the time the next one came along (after my second, I told DH that I would have a child every 5 years if I didn't age!).

I'm from a family where there are 3 of us with less than 5 years between the oldest and youngest (my mom had 3 under 5, too). From experience, it doesn't guarantee that kids will have good relationships just because they are close in age.

It will work out no matter what the age difference. It just changes the dynamic - it doesn't diminish it. Their relationship will be just different.

I hope that things go well for you.

 

[squirrlygirl]

My oldest is 5 years older than my next. My youngest is 4 years younger than the previous. The middle two are 16 months apart. The last gap happened because of trouble conceiving, and a miscarriage. I, too, worried about the time slipping by, but really now that the baby is here it doesn't matter at all. DD just started kindergarten, and I'm getting that elusive "alone time" with the baby. The middle 2 are a handful-they fight over friends, toys, movies, booster seats (she claims his is more comfy than hers even though they're the same seat lol)--just about everything imaginable. FWIW, they ended up so close because we tried to "plan" DD--DS took months to conceive so we stupidly expected it again. I ended up pregnant days after stopping my birth control. Babies come when they want to. And we love them no matter what.

 

[Whosemom]

I am tw years younger than my sister, she lives in the same town and I see her at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and that's plenty.

I am 5 years older than my brother, he lives in another state, we talk weekly or more often. I cherish everytime we get together (6 times a year or so).

In the long run, it doesn't matter. I think we all as parents spend a great deal of time fretting about things that seem huge at the time, but later are trivial (when to start feeding, send to school vs. hold back...the list is endless).

YOu just keep trying, and your dear first child will be fine, and you will find a way it works for your unique family.

Lots of love!

 

[teresajoy]

I'm so sorry to hear of your two miscarriages. I lost my first baby at 11 weeks and it was incredibly hard.

My sister was in a similar situation as you about 10 years ago. She had a 5 year old son and lost 2 babies before she became pregnant with my niece. They are 5 years apart and this hasn't been a problem. They pick on each other just as much as any other siblings! She also had another "surprise" baby 4 years ago. So, her kids are 15, 9, and 4! They are all wonderful and dear to my heart! Here's a link to her website if you'd like to read her story: http://www.teresaspage.co.nr/

I am 5 years younger than my sister and we have always been best friends! I don't think the age difference matters.

I'm Heather's sister,(the one she's talking about) and that's pretty much what I was going to say! Corey and Arminda are actually almost 6 years apart, (just a few weeks under) and they do get along very well. They bicker just like any other set of siblings! Arminda and Lydia are 4 1/2 years apart. They are wonderful friends, as they say, "Just like Mommy and Aunt Heather!" Heather and I have ALWAYS been very close. I wouldn't worry about the age difference. I know how hard miscarriages are, and my heart goes out to you.

I always tell people they should have an older child before they have any others, because they are so much help!!!

 

[GoinToDisney]

You ladies are wonderful. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me your stories. We are just starting to try again after our break from the 2nd miscarriage, so I think the emotions are just creeping up on me today. I do feel better after reading so many happy stories. With my dd, I never expected to get pregnant right away. My cycles we irregular; my closest friend had been having trouble conceiving. I ended up pregnant the first month. I found out my friend was also pregnant at the time. Our kids are 6 weeks apart. Now, she already has her second. She paid her dues with the first child, so I am so glad she got pregnant right away with #2. It just shows that you can't plan these things. I just pray and wait.