OT- 20m old STILL not sleeping all night (UPDATE PG 5)

[LWatson]

My DS is 20m old and is still waking up 1-2x a night minimum. We are in a 2bdrm house, so it wakes up my 3yr old too. I havent slept an entire night in almost 2yrs and I'm exhausted all the time. I've tried CIO, but he continues to scream for over 20min (of course waking the 3yr old). I dont know what to do. Shouldnt he be sleeping at night by now??? OH and all he wants is me to hold him all night...he doesnt get anything to drink an he is dry so that isnt the problem...just that he wants me.

 

[frtchr]

I don't have any great advice, but I'm so sorry. I have an 11 month old and one who will be 3 in January, so I know how exhausting it is. Having no sleep just makes everything worse!

I wish I had some words of wisdom. Is he in his own room?

 

[LWatson]

I don't have any great advice, but I'm so sorry. I have an 11 month old and one who will be 3 in January, so I know how exhausting it is. Having no sleep just makes everything worse!

I wish I had some words of wisdom. Is he in his own room?

No he shares a room w/ his brother because we were only authorized a 2bdrm since our kids are the same gender.

 

[Jenvenza]

I am right there with ya! Our little girl will turn 2 in a few weeks and still wakes up 1x2 times a night. I asked our pediatrician about it and she told me it has become a habit and that is why she still is. I have no idea how to break this cycle though. I just keep thinking it cannot last much longer!!

 

[Jennia]

Just wanted to sympathize! Our dd just turned two and has only been sleeping through the night for about a month now. So hopefully it'll end soon for you, too!

 

[malibuconlee]

No advice, just wanted to say hello. We moved to El Paso at the end of April.

 

[Mommy2Julia&Brynn]

Have you tried the "pick up put down method?" It's in a book called The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Sleep Problems, or something close to that. My 16 month old still wakes up 1 or 2 times a night sometimes, but it's gotten a lot better since we used a version of this method, but modified. It is definitely NOT CIO, but reassures them you are there, while helping them settle themselves. We don't believe in CIO, and we started this only a month ago, though they recommend starting at birth (I just can't see doing that!). It will take a few nights of hard work, but DD went from waking up every hour to hour and a half to only waking up once or twice a night, if that. And during those times, she's easy to just go pat her on the back and she goes back to sleep. Many nights she sleeps right though. Now if I could just get her to sleep later...

 

[jodifla]

Sorry you are going through this.

Unfortunately, the best way to do it is some version of the CIO method. You've trained the child that if he protests longly/loudly enough you'll do what he wants (hold him).

My DS slept through the night at 6 weeks by using advice in The Contented Little Baby Book.

But when we moved when he was 3, DH made the fatal mistake of having him sleep with us in the beginning. My child is a thrasher, so now we're not getting any sleep.

I had to march him back to his room for a week and tell him, sorry, you're a big boy now, you can't sleep with us. I'd do it two or three times a night if necessary.

 

[disneyatl]

How late does he sleep in the morning and does he sleep a lot during the day?

 

[LWatson]

How late does he sleep in the morning and does he sleep a lot during the day?

He is up by 630am and gets one nap of about 1-1.5hr during the day.

 

[stacy6552]

Crying it out only works if you let him cry it out for as long as it takes. Send your older child to Grandma's for a weekend and really do it. If your child knows or suspects that he can outlast you he will never learn to self comfort.

 

[PollyannaMom]

...just that he wants me.

Is he clingy during the day, too? If not, maybe he's just scared of the dark, and you could try a night light.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I'd suggest moving your 3 yo temporarily to your room. Make him a pallet on the floor or put a tent in there or something so he thinks it's fun. Then sleep train your little guy. CIO doesn't work for everyone, but if you're going to do it letting him cry for 20 minutes and then giving in isn't going to work. Read some recommended books (a good one is Healthy Sleep Happy Child or something like that). Choose a method that works for you. And then do it...but do it ALL the way. Accept that you, dh AND your 3 yo might have some completely sleepless nights but know that if you REALLY follow through it will work and then much better nights will be coming along after.

 

[momx2]

CIO will only work if you do it until...

My youngest DD was the best sleeper. Didn't rock her, didn't take a bottle before bed, just wanted to go to sleep. Fast forward 18 months old. She is having a horrible time teething, I start putting her to bed with us to sooth her back to sleep, well she really liked it. She started waking every night, so finally we did the CIO method.

My husband went to her and laid her back down every 30 minutes, because she was too attached to me and told her she could not come to our bed and then left the room. Well the first night she screamed for 2 1/2 hours. It was horrible. The second night she only screamed 20 minutes. The third night she did not scream at all. Problem solved. You have to wait them out as bad as it is, it's better for you and them in the long run.

 

[LWatson]

I read online somewhere to only let them cry 20min at a time and then go lay them back down. I really want to get this figured out in the next couple of months so that when DH gets back he can adjust easier...I dont think it would help if DS2 was crying all night. I think I might just give this a try again. I really hate hearing him cry though.

 

[brymolmom]

How does he go to sleep when you first put him down?

Making sure that he knows how to put himself to sleep all on his own is a good starting point. Make sure you are putting him down AWAKE. If he is used to being rocked to sleep or other- there will likely be tears at first. Just put him down earlier than the other one and let the other one watch TV to drown out the crying.

Then, I agree with the others - basically what picking him up after 20 min of crying is doing is telling him 'if you cry for 20 minutes you'll get me'. Make sure to tell him before bed 'if you cry tonight - mommy will come tuck you back in - but that's it - I will not hold you' - and then you have to stick with it.

The crying time will shorten. Yes - it will upset big brother for awhile, but in the long run you'll ALL sleep better.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[jerenaud]

I personally don't think it's necessarily been 'trained' into him to want you, or that he's being manipulative because he's 'gotten away' with getting what he wants. I think that there are a lot of personality differences between children and that one method won't work for all of them.

My 5 year old started to sleep well at around 3 years - she'd previously been a very restless sleeper and needed parenting to sleep, comforting in the night, etc. In retro spect I think that a dairy intolerance contributed to this.

My just about 3 year old has been sleeping much better the past few weeks. She is very much my cuddly baby - she loved to be snuggled in the sling, held, etc. She would sleep fine as long as I or dh were with her - we had a double bed in her room and one of us generally ended up there at some point during the night. I was starting to think I'd never get a night in my own bed again, but she's generally sleep through now. She just had a high need for touch. She actually also slept well when her big sister would sleep with her, but the oldest didn't like that - she likes her space.

My 5 month old has put herself to sleep from birth and will fuss if she's being held when she wants to sleep.

My point is that all three were different, with different needs. When their needs were met, they were able to learn to sleep on their own.

YMMV, but I hope that helps.

Erica

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

Are you sure there isn't something waking him up that coud be bothering him such as constipation or being hungry? If he's hungry he may just need a snack before bed, my DS did that. Does he have a cold or allergies, if so he could be having trouble breathing? Or could he be getting teeth? I can't remember what age they get what teeth anymore.

 

[LWatson]

I have a feeling its the way I put him to bed. I usually do bath, book, rocking then bed. But, he is asleep when I put him down. I tried letting him cry AT bedtime and it made me sooooo sad to hear him cry "Momma me out me out." He is in a toddler bed because he was climbing out of his Crib (even on the lowest setting with no bumpers or pillows...we figured this out when my oldest would scream "MOMMY CURTIS IS HANGING OVER THE CRIB"). So I guess I will have to try a few things to see what will work with him.

 

[barnaby1]

I have a feeling its the way I put him to bed. I usually do bath, book, rocking then bed. But, he is asleep when I put him down. I tried letting him cry AT bedtime and it made me sooooo sad to hear him cry "Momma me out me out." He is in a toddler bed because he was climbing out of his Crib (even on the lowest setting with no bumpers or pillows...we figured this out when my oldest would scream "MOMMY CURTIS IS HANGING OVER THE CRIB"). So I guess I will have to try a few things to see what will work with him.

I think you have just answered your own problem. He must go down awake. I know it is hard but a bit of tough love now (CIO or whatever method you choose) will save your sanity later on and the transition is usually fast. It takes 3 days to make a bad habit and 3 to break one (mass genralisation I know but a fairly accurate one in most situations).
At 20 months he understands almost everything you tell him. When ever my dd got into a bad sleeping habit (after holiday or sickness etc) I would actually spend time telling her about what would happen when she woke up in the night etc - mummy will come in but I wont hold her etc. Used to work a treat.
Good luck with it all.