Opinions please on eloping!

[Jennasis]

As long as you let everyone know I don't see the problem. Just let people know ahead of time.

I won't mind if my kids want to "elope", But I would like to be invited to their wedding ceremony.

Correct me if I am wrong, but both of these comments fly directly in the face of the notion of eloping.

Ahem:

–verb (used without object), e⋅loped, e⋅lop⋅ing.
1. to run off secretly to be married, usually without the consent or knowledge of one's parents.
2. to run away with a lover.
3. to leave without permission or notification; escape.

Eloping means you go without telling anyone or inviting anyone.

 

[perla75]

My brother & his wife eloped 2 years ago. My family did not even know that he was in a relationship!!

My brother & his wife are both extremely shy (and my brother has major anxiety issues) and he knew my parents would plan a huge wedding & there would be a load of drama if/when they protested against it.

They opted for city hall in San Francisco, where they live. My parents were devastated at first but they got over it & planned a big dramatic reception the following year that my brother and his wife sucked it up and attended.

They did what was right for them and I know they don't regret it.

 

[Darsa]

I think it's prefectly FINE to elope if that's what you two want! It drives me crazy to see people plan their weddings around what other people want for them. I mean, really, who is it that's getting married here???

Personally, I can see eloping, then having a nice party at another time. I can absolutely see my DD and her current boyfriend doing something like that; they're not the "spotlight" types. Though it'll be many, MANY years before we have to worry about that

 

[minkydog]

You can still walk down an aisle and have your day, who says it has to be in a church with hundreds of people? My dh and I went to Jamaica, to a Sandals resort, to get married, 9yrs ago. Just the two of us. Nobody was helping us pay for the wedding, there were already issues while we started planning it (with remarks from family) and we had planned on going to that destination for our honeymoon. So, we decided screw it! It's our day and if anyone wants to hop a plane and join us in Jamaica for our wedding that is great. No one hopped the plane but us! It was still wonderful though. The second day there we picked out our location (out on a pier under a gazebo), my flowers, the cake etc. I still walked down "the aisle" of a white sandy beach wearing my wedding dress, I had my day. It just wasn't filled with bickering family members, stress, stress and more stress.

We wouldn't mind at all if our boys decide to that one day, but they better know that we will be hopping a plane to be there, unlike our parents!

\

I have been telling DD16 to consider this very thing. She's several years away from getting married, but I want to plant that seed early. She has mentioned several times that she wants to get married at Disney World, which would thrill us. But even if she decided to get married somewhere else that would be okay. We don't have a lot of money to put toward a wedding, and really, I think that if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to pay your own way.

Your Jamaica wedding sounds divine! I can only hope for such a nice wedding for my kids.

 

[daisax]

My FIL is a minister. DH, being a guy, was more than happy to elope. My only regret is that my family is so disfunctional that I couldn't have a nice wedding if I had wanted to. And I worry that when my kids do get married, two of my kids are engaged, that my parents will cause problems by not acting right, or fighting over who sits where like they did at my brother's wedding.

Have an engagement party as an audition (without telling them). If they can behave in the same room, they can be invited to the wedding. If they don't behave, don't invite them, and you don't have to feel the least bit bad about explaining why.

That's assuming that they haven't pulled similar stunts SINCE your brother's wedding, which I assume was quite a while ago. If they do it at every gathering, just skip the audition and just go ahead with the wedding without them and know that whatever grief they feel is just karma coming back for the grief they've caused over the years.

 

[bumbershoot]

Holy cow. I'm just shaking my head. I would never NEVER take over my daughter's wedding, or my son's for that matter. I planned my own wedding down the the rice baggies and I loved it. All my mother had to do was show up. She did try to change some music ("You HAVE to have a soloist!" Um, no I don't.) I wanted instrumental--my roommate was playing and she was a piano major. The music was beautiful.

Parents, the quickest way to alienate your children is to take over "their day." You've had yours, now stand down!

I think the problem right now is that in the past, it was traditional that the mothers plan the weddings. So grandmother's wedding was planned by great grandmother. Mother's wedding was planned by grandmother. And now...brides plan their own days, so there's this whole group of women who didn't get to plan their own, and now don't get to plan, or help plan, their daughter's wedding. I really feel for those women, but honestly, they should just plan their own renewal and be happy.

Anyway, I was engaged for a hundred million years (OK fine, 2 years) and planned 1.5 weddings (had half the wedding planned, ran into relationship problems, cancelled it all, then replanned for a different time, different feel etc), and spent most of my time on wedding planning message boards, and that's my take of what has been going on for about 10 years now.

That is so sweet! Thank you, Unfortunately what we want is the opposite of what our families both want. Our hearts are of course at WDW the most romantic place where we took our first vaca together We would like a small Disney Escape wedding,

...but the logistics of getting everyone to Fl seem like a lot of stress.

Our families both want big lavish type wedding which we cannot afford.

We did try to start planning a regular wedding, but it spun out of control so we had to take a step back and rethink it.

The one thing we are sure of, is we are not interested in a wedding full of relatives we cannot identify.

We thought about a nice BBQ wedding in my parents backyard, but our parents decided that it would look "too cheap". (to who?!)

Are you paying for it? Then just plan it, and invite people. Period.

Yes the logistics can be weird. But so can totally local weddings.

Sounds like the parents are looking at a pay-back wedding...they've gone to weddings all these years and gave gifts; now they want the parents of those couples to pay them back by giving you guys gifts! I attended a 300+ guest wedding that was like that...very lavish...very lovely, too, and the couple was very young and didn't really mind it at all. Not everyone wants to be part of that (see my sister in law's sister). Since you don't want to be a part of it, just say NO.

Just know you'll likely pay for it, and plan it, all. And that's what wedding planning message boards are for.


But if you want to just run away, do it. But do it because you WANT that...not just because you don't want the hassle of the other stuff. There's always ways around the hassle...

 

[m&m's mom]

I think weddings are wwaaayyy too big a deal. You two are the ones getting married therefore you should choose to do it anyway you want.

 

[melanie18]

1. If you eloped, do you regret it?Absolute not & we've been married 17 yrs. I've never once regretted the decision.
2. Was your family super upset? Not at all, we had a photographer & videographer to appease them.
3. If you have children and they elope will you be hurt or upset? Not at all.
4. If your siblings eloped, would you feel relieved, or be upset? My DSis eloped also and I wasn't upset at all.
5. Anyone wish they eloped? Our families knew we were getting married (at WDW no less) and were very supportive. I wasn't someone who needed/wanted a big traditional wedding.
6. ANyone married at city hall? Any regrets? In Florida, you can get married by a notary public (which is what we did). We just had her marry us on a balcony at the Grand Floridian.

 

[EthansMom]

Correct me if I am wrong, but both of these comments fly directly in the face of the notion of eloping.

Yes, traditionally, "eloping" means to go off and get married without ANYONE knowing.

However, as weddings get more lavish and over-the-top, I think you might include most any simple wedding of the variety where the bride and groom get married quietly and without a lot of fanfare in the term "elope".

I have two friends who had been living together for some time who called a few of us friends/family members and said, "We're getting married! Meet us at such-and-such address." The address was the local judge's house, where my friends were married with just a few friends/family present. We then went back to the friends' house where they cooked us a nice meal. I'd categorize that as eloping. But they did have some friends/family members present to help celebrate with them.

As a mother, I would understand if one or both of my kids didn't want the drama of a big celebration, but I would prefer if they at least gave me the opportunity to be present for the ceremony.

 

[dakcp2001]

I think you should have a Disney wedding if that is what you want! If your parents want to see you get married they will come. At least if you invite them, the ball is in your court!


Wedding planning makes people crazy, I can totally sympathize. We tried to plan a Disney wedding, our parents got upset, we tried to plan an at home wedding, they didn't like that either. You can not make them all happy! We have put our wedding off, and we are most likely going to elope as well due to the demands of the families.

No matter WHAT you choose to do, someone is going to be offended or think it is tacky, and someone is always going to complain so you might as well do what makes YOU TWO happy!

This is one time in your life where you can be selfish and make your dreams come true.