Opinions needed...stressed out

[ilovecoasters]

DH, Ds8 and I have reservations for POR 8/5-8/8. I received a call from my father in NJ today and he wants to come down for a visit...on those exact dates. He first asked that I cancel our trip. Sorry, paid in full and planned for months. He then said, "That's ok. Get another room for me and we(he and his wife) will just join you". OMG! The problem is they do not go to the parks at all and we promised Ds8 that we would spend at least one day at a water park, then stay for all EMHs. What would you do? I have never heard of anyone inviting themselves on a vacation, family or not. They are not people that go to the parks or can even be talked into walking around DTD. I'm completely stressed. DH and I are both teachers and this is our last bit of fun before school starts. Opinions please.

 

[KingdomHearts]

Man you are between a rock anmd a hard place. I would simply explain to your father that this is something that you have been planning for a while and is very special to you and your family. And explain to him that you will be going to the parks, and doing all the EMH's, and you have a lot of things planned that you wont have time to just sit and hang out in the hotel room. If he then says that he is cool with going to the parks and not "hold you guys down" then I say invite him. If he is set on not going to the parks even after you have explained everything to him, then I would tell him that maybe he could go with you on another trip, this is just going to be a mommy, daddy, son trip and hopfully he can go on another trip. If you dont want him to go either way is to tell him that there were no other rooms available, which in all honesty there might not be. But either way good luck, and if you just dont want him to go then tell him, that this is just you guys, and reschedule another time he can come visit. Good luck! And be strong!

 

[crazy_for_the_dis]

You may be in luck. I tried putting in those dates on the Disney website, and nothing is available at POR or POFQ. So, first check yourself, but if this is true, then you can say "wow that sounds like it would be a great time, but unfortunately all the resorts are full at this short notice".

 

[jenseib]

I feel for you! That would be horrble! LOL! But I agree with the other poster and tell him that you have plans for every day and they are welcome to come ,but you guys will be on the move ALL the time. I would also say that they need to do the hotel planning for themselves. Tell them which hotel you are staying at and that Disney has so many different options with dining plans and tickets that they would have to do it themselves and decide whats best for them. Maybe after seeing the prices they will wait and visit you later on. LOL! But you guys don't look to be staying very long ( we did a 3 night trip too, and we were on the go all the time and didn't get to do everything, but we had fun.)so make sure they know that you will be leaving the hotel at like 7AM and being gone till midnight, or whatever your plans are.

 

[Cinderaven]

What nerve. I took my father down 1.5 yrs. ago. that was great, my mother on the other hand would be a total drag. She is the type to hold you back, wait for me, I can't walk that far, it's too hot etc...

I would just tell them that we have had this planned for a long time and we'll see you when we get home. Not that you don't love them, but, you need to enjoy YOUR time with your family, especially now that your DS is 8.

Our DS is 16, He first went when he was 8. They just grow up so fast from now on. Enjoy what time you have with him while he's still little.

 

[mjy]

DH, Ds8 and I have reservations for POR 8/5-8/8. I received a call from my father in NJ today and he wants to come down for a visit...on those exact dates. He first asked that I cancel our trip. Sorry, paid in full and planned for months. He then said, "That's ok. Get another room for me and we(he and his wife) will just join you". OMG! The problem is they do not go to the parks at all and we promised Ds8 that we would spend at least one day at a water park, then stay for all EMHs. What would you do? I have never heard of anyone inviting themselves on a vacation, family or not. They are not people that go to the parks or can even be talked into walking around DTD. I'm completely stressed. DH and I are both teachers and this is our last bit of fun before school starts. Opinions please.

Since you're teachers, send him a pair of scissors (the blunt ones, so he cannot stab you! ) and tell him, "These are the scissors that I used to cut the ol' apron strings."

On a more serious note, being teachers we tell our students all the time that the best way, the only way, is to tell the truth. Fess up that this is a vacation planned for your family -- that is, the two of you and your child -- and that it has been planned in such a way as to not be able to include them at such a late date. You might want to throw in an olive branch and tell him that you would all be willing to plan a vacation together there in the future; again, of course, only if you are.

Good luck. This is a tough one!

 

[Kriii]

I think I read on another thread that WDW resorts are booked up for August so mabey you can make Disney the bad guy and tell him no rooms available? Otherwise, tell him flat out that the visit won't work but offer dates when you would be available to have him visit. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[kirbydog48]

In a kind and loving voice, say"That is so sweet that you want to go with us, but that just won't work for us. We have every moment planned out and we have so been looking forward to this special time, just the three of us. I'm sure you understand, Dad. Let's all plan something on (fill in the blank....Labor Day, Columbus Day, etc.)" Good luck! It's okay to set limits with our families and tell the truth in a non-confrontational way. You guys deserve this time together before the school year starts and things get crazy! I had to do this with my SIL last February.

 

[ilovecoasters]

Ok. Just an update. I called Disney, actually explained the situation and no there aren't any rooms on Property except YC for $1299.00 for the three nights. I called my father's wife and explained and stressed again that this is our vacation. We aren't world travelers. We don't do expensive cruises and trips (They've been to Africa, France, Italy...). Her response "I'll find a room, but it sounds like you just don't want to see us". I DO want to see them, just not on our vacation. Lucky me, she called back and said that she found a room at the Ramada Inn off property and we can just "Spend time with them at their hotel". Dear woman, we have told you for months about this trip. We have plans to be at TL at 8am for EMH then park hop. She replies that we live so close that we can just go back and do all of those things another time. DH is beyond livid. He tried to talk sense into her and all he got in return is being hung up on. I try to remember that you can't pick your family (or step mothers LOL) I have a feeling that this will escalate into such a fight that we are thinking about going and keeping our phones OFF. We just want to spend time with DS8. I greatly appreciate everyone's insight and opinions. Most of our friends are not Disney people and frankly, they just don't get it.

 

[jenseib]

I can't beleive how RUDE they are being. I would jsut not answer the phone if it's them from now on. ( I assume you have caller ID) It's one thing to invite themselves on a vacation, but to tell you how to do your vacation is even worse~!!! I can't beleive they think this is OK. I mean don't they have a clue how much Disney cost? And that when you are "ON PROPERTY" ypu are there for a reason and want to live the Disney experience.

Now here is a suggestion, Is it possible to extend your stay an day or two and get a hotel off property after your Disney stay and then visit with them a day or two that way? And maybe even suggest that you would like to do that, but it's not in your planned budget, so perhaps they will flip the bill for that as well, since they REALLY seem to want to see you! LOL!

 

[The Disney Dude]

Most of our friends are not Disney people and frankly, they just don't get it.

This goes beyond being a Disney thing. In my opinion, it's rude to invite yourself anywhere. And it's even worse by throwing in a guilt trip. You certainely don't need this hanging over your head during your trip. Have you tried talking to your father about this again, since it seems that step mom isn't going to budge?

 

[lunalibre]

OP, boy can I sympathize with you! It's ugly, but you're just going to HAVE to tell them that you are unable to include them in your plans at this late date. Yes, keep your phones off if you have to.

Remember that THEY are the ones being unreasonable, and if THEY choose to make a big issue out of it, then it is THEIR problem. Give them other dates where you can be available, and leave the ball in their court.

Having just had a huge argument with my own parents over such boundary issues, I am totally fed up with adults who behave like 2-year-olds.

 

[themudd4]

Must just be something Parent's like to do to their grown kids...
My Mom and dad are great and I love them more than anything, but a few years back they decided to drive down and surprise my kids while we were at Disney. They wanted to be part of one of their disney trips...etc. So I called to check in with them to let them know we had made the trip safe and we were all checked in, and I was imformed they were heading down the next morning. Needless to say they got their own room, but it really seemed to slow us down alot. But we made due.
When I told my mom and dad of our upcoming Fall trip my mom asked if she could hitch a ride down to my aunts house in GA. No problem. Well within the last week their plans have changed. Now, My mom and dad are both going and driving down themselves, picking up my aunt, then going to the beach for a few days then they are going to meet up with us at WDW. So not only did they invite themselves along (again) which I can live with, but they also invited my aunt along this time.
My thing is we already have our plans...were staying at SSR, were only going to be in the park 2 full days and 2 half days, we have our ADR's made for just us, and we already have our tickets to MNSSHP. I feel like I am spposed to go back and include them in everything now. But I tried to nicely tell my mom that we already had everything planned and ressies made and that I wasn't sure I could change them this close to time. She said she understood that, but still makes me feel guilty!
So just like in poker...I will see your parent and raise you a aunt!

Maybe you can just tell them that you do not plan on leaving the WDW resort area at all, but if they wanted to meet up with you all for breakfast/lunch/dinner/ etc, in the food court of your hotel you can set aside an hour or so, but for the rest of the time you are booked solid!

 

[ilovecoasters]

Must just be something Parent's like to do to their grown kids...
My Mom and dad are great and I love them more than anything, but a few years back they decided to drive down and surprise my kids while we were at Disney. They wanted to be part of one of their disney trips...etc. So I called to check in with them to let them know we had made the trip safe and we were all checked in, and I was imformed they were heading down the next morning. Needless to say they got their own room, but it really seemed to slow us down alot. But we made due.
When I told my mom and dad of our upcoming Fall trip my mom asked if she could hitch a ride down to my aunts house in GA. No problem. Well within the last week their plans have changed. Now, My mom and dad are both going and driving down themselves, picking up my aunt, then going to the beach for a few days then they are going to meet up with us at WDW. So not only did they invite themselves along (again) which I can live with, but they also invited my aunt along this time.
My thing is we already have our plans...were staying at SSR, were only going to be in the park 2 full days and 2 half days, we have our ADR's made for just us, and we already have our tickets to MNSSHP. I feel like I am spposed to go back and include them in everything now. But I tried to nicely tell my mom that we already had everything planned and ressies made and that I wasn't sure I could change them this close to time. She said she understood that, but still makes me feel guilty!
So just like in poker...I will see your parent and raise you a aunt!

Maybe you can just tell them that you do not plan on leaving the WDW resort area at all, but if they wanted to meet up with you all for breakfast/lunch/dinner/ etc, in the food court of your hotel you can set aside an hour or so, but for the rest of the time you are booked solid!

It's all or nothing with them. My father's wife is a piece of work. She has no people skills. She bullies everyone until they give in. At more than 350 lbs, she won't go anywhere. You have to go to her. Everything is on her terms. Normally we give in to her demands as I love my father, but not this time. I had a good cry over this and I've just accepted the fact that it will probably take a while for them to get over this, which is really sad for my ds8. It just ticks me off. I'm 37, not 5. Again, I so appreciate everyone's input.

 

[Cee]

Sorry, Pop. Maybe next time.

 

[yankeepenny]

DH, Ds8 and I have reservations for POR 8/5-8/8. I received a call from my father in NJ today and he wants to come down for a visit...on those exact dates. He first asked that I cancel our trip. Sorry, paid in full and planned for months. He then said, "That's ok. Get another room for me and we(he and his wife) will just join you". OMG! The problem is they do not go to the parks at all and we promised Ds8 that we would spend at least one day at a water park, then stay for all EMHs. What would you do? I have never heard of anyone inviting themselves on a vacation, family or not. They are not people that go to the parks or can even be talked into walking around DTD. I'm completely stressed. DH and I are both teachers and this is our last bit of fun before school starts. Opinions please.

PLease have a better day.....I can only keep my fingers crossed that your father will understand and drop the matter. Hang in there. AND- you have a good trip!

 

[Ellasgirls]

Oh man, I feel bad for you! I would suggest in your nicest tone possible that you would love to see them AFTER you get back from your family vacation and leave it at that. You have paid too much on this trip and deserve time with just you, dh and your son. Try not to let your step mom bully you (or guilt) you into a ruined vacation. If this really ruins your entire relationship with your dad and stepmom something is wrong that can be addressed when you get back. Trust me I have had to deal with guilt from family members because we wouldn't turn our family vacation into a grand gathering and go with everyone. Granted I don't know you or your family BUT I do know how important your dh and son are...they are your family and deserve this trip. Good luck and you will feel so much better when you finally stand up to your step mother. If they insist on following you to Florida then send them a copy of your itinerary (adding something...even make it up...to fill in any down times) and show them you will be VERY busy keeping up with ds and you would hate to waste their money and stick to your plan. Maybe invite them to dinner at DTD one night if they insist on coming but don't ruin your vacation with your family to please others (even if the others are also family). Sorry if this sounds too direct or pushy..I have been there, done that and won't do it anymore and it is nice to not let others guilt me into doing something I don't want to do.

 

[Leger13]

wow! I can't even imagine my parents doing this to me. My Mom loves the park but it's hard to get her to go and my Dad just doesn't do theme parks. I guess I'm lucky. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I agree with poster that said just be honest. The truth will come out in the end anyways so you may as well just rip the bandaid off and tell them you'd rather just have the family (not including them) vacation you had origionally planned and have them come see ya'll some other time. Or ya'll go see them. It will probably end up worse if you don't tell them the truth because ya'll will be miserable when you've paid so much $ and planned so much to be there and have one last hoorah before having to go back to work.

GL with the situation!!

 

[storzo]

I would let them know in no uncertain terms that although you love them and want to see them those dates are just not doable for your family. This is the last hurrah before everyone goes back to school and you will be at the parks everyday and that no you cannot go back anytime since you live close becuase you have responsibilities to home, work, school, etc. Give them a list of dates (two or three) that they can then choose from.

If they insist on coming down that is their choice and there's nothing you can do about it, don't stress. Maybe you can meet for a dinner or a breakfast or even a midnight snack at your hotel on your schedule if they absolutely refuse to go to a park or DTD.

As long as you lay out your schedule and times available for them to come to you the ball is their hands.

As a side note, is this something that they normally do? Not to be depressing, but is there a reason they are insisting on coming down at that time. I saw a TV movie once when the woman really wanted to see her dad and he didn't have time and she just insisted, turns out she had cancer. Just a movie and probably not the case but some food for thought.

 

[Floridagram]

I feel so sorry for you that you are having to go through this. Since I am probably closer to your dad's age than yours I did want to encourage you to stand your ground. Do not let their improper terms ruin your vacation. If you do not put your foot down now it will only get worse in the future. I know from more life experience than you have.

A suggestion if you feel like you need to do something else. Since your father's wife seems to be making the calls why not let your husband talk to her and tell her your trip is planned and you do not have time to come to their hotel. If you are staying on property do you have a rental car? If not, there is your out, you don't have any way to go visit them. I have had this issue come up in my family before and it seems easier for the blood family to blame it on the in law, so maybe if they think your husband is the one calling the shots they won't blame you and will handle it easier. My husband just wants our family Ok and doesn't mind standing up like this if necessary.

To her quip about you just don't want to see them; of course you do, you would love to give them you and your son's undivided attention, just not these days. There are over 360 other days in the year so surely they can visit you at another time. This just sounds like it has turned into a power struggle for her at this point. I know we don't have to walk in your shoes after the fact, but I would not let them ruin your trip any more than they already have.

Your son will be fine with 2 loving parents if the grandfather is out of the picture for a while. I would not want to subject him to their manipulative ways. You sure don't want him to think that is acceptable behavior.

I wish you lots of pixie dust and magical memories!