opinions needed about gifts split between adult daughters

[seven dwarfs]

I just wanted to get opinions from others:

Mom has two daughters and both are adults. One daughter is not married and has no children. The other daughter is married with six children. Would you spend say $500 on gifts each. This would mean the 1st one gets $500 worth of goods. The 2ND daughter would have to split the $500 worth of goods to all eight (or just to the six kids and parents go without). Or would you give more money to the 2ND daughter. Which is most fair?

I am just curious what others think.

 

[Pakey]

We have a similar situation. We have two sons married, one unmarried. One of the married sons has children.

We spend the same amount per adult person. So the single son gets a gift of the same value as the married son with children. We spend the same on our daughters in law as we do our sons.

 

[indimom]

Does the "mom" give nothing for her grandchildren? If she is giving them gifts also, then $500 each is fine. If not, I think it's unfair.

My parents always do '$50 per person' gifts of cash.
My family has four people, so we get a check for $200.
Another sister with a family of four gets the same.
Third sister has a family of 3, they get a check for $150.
Another sister has a family of 6, they get a check for $300.
Every individual child, son in-law and grandchild get the same amount.

I prefer my parents method to what you described.

 

[jen0610]

For both sides of the family, we all spend the same amount for each other. If one of the neices has a child, the amount we spend on her will not lower because there is now a grand-niece to buy for.

 

[mom2travel]

My parents treat the grandchildren equally and separately treat the children/spouses equally. Although none of us are counting - I am only familiar because mother has mentioned her general budgets to me.

 

[MIGrandma]

I spend the same amount on each child, son/daughter in-law and grandchild. Usually $50 each. Our DD is married with 2 children, so $200 on them. Our DS is currently single with 3 children so $200 on them. Plus I do stockings for all 5 grands and I don't "keep track" of the amount spent on gifts for those. I just buy what I think they would like, and keep buying until the stockings are full to the brim.

This year, for the first time, we also gave our DS and DD a larger gift of money (early) for Christmas. DS's had a stipulation attached, to get a vehicle. But DD's had no stipulation. She could choose to spend it on herself, or share with her husband and children, her choice.

 

[seven dwarfs]

The first daughter gets $500 worth of gifts and the 2nd daughter and her husband and her six kids get $500 total worth of gifts. Which means the mom and dad get nothing (their choice) so the kids have more money for themselves. I hope this makes it more clear.

It isn't that both girls get same amount spent on them and then the kids get something in addition too.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I wouldn't consider, for a second, the amount spent on an item to be material. I have two boys. We buy them things. We do not think about whether or not they are equal in cost. We never will.

She should feel free to buy each person in her life whatever she wants with no thought of cost beyond whether or not she can afford it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just wanted to get opinions from others:

Mom has two daughters and both are adults. One daughter is not married and has no children. The other daughter is married with six children. Would you spend say $500 on gifts each. This would mean the 1st one gets $500 worth of goods. The 2ND daughter would have to split the $500 worth of goods to all eight (or just to the six kids and parents go without). Or would you give more money to the 2ND daughter. Which is most fair?

I am just curious what others think.

Well, I would spend equal amounts on the dd's and would not include the grandchildren in the equation.

How much is the mom spending on the grandkids vs the adult dd's? If this is to balance out what mom spends on the grandkids, then I do not agree with that.

 

[Jason@dvcstore]

I wouldn't consider, for a second, the amount spent on an item to be material. I have two boys. We buy them things. We do not think about whether or not they are equal in cost. We never will.

She should feel free to buy each person in her life whatever she wants with no thought of cost beyond whether or not she can afford it.

I agree with this post. I don't think you should think about whether or not they are equal in cost. I think you should be able to buy what you want with no thought of cost or if it is equal.

Jason

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The first daughter gets $500 worth of gifts and the 2nd daughter and her husband and her six kids get $500 total worth of gifts. Which means the mom and dad get nothing (their choice) so the kids have more money for themselves. I hope this makes it more clear.

It isn't that both girls get same amount spent on them and then the kids get something in addition too.

I would not allow my dd's to tell me how to puchase gifts for them, period, the end.

In other words "mom and dad" don't get "their choice" in the matter.

 

[SC Minnie]

My parents always give the grandchildren equal gifts. The adults also get equal type gifts. My brother has 3 kids and I have 1. His 3 kids get the same kinds of things DD does. And DB gets the 'same' as I do.

In other words its not broken equally by family but by person.

 

[seven dwarfs]

I agree with this post. I don't think you should think about whether or not they are equal in cost. I think you should be able to buy what you want with no thought of cost or if it is equal.

Jason

The problem with this is on Christmas the 1st daughter has lots and lavish, while the 2nd daughter goes without. It is ovious the amount spent. It's not as if you can keep track and not know how much is spent. The kids also see the Aunt getting lots and lavish as well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My parents always give the grandchildren equal gifts. The adults also get equal type gifts. My brother has 3 kids and I have 1. His 3 kids get the same kinds of things DD does. And DB gets the 'same' as I do.

In other words its not broken equally by family but by person.

 

[Sandy V.]

The first daughter gets $500 worth of gifts and the 2nd daughter and her husband and her six kids get $500 total worth of gifts. Which means the mom and dad get nothing (their choice) so the kids have more money for themselves. I hope this makes it more clear.

It isn't that both girls get same amount spent on them and then the kids get something in addition too.

I disagree with it. Don't know if this is you or not as the mom, but in my opinion, if the single daughter is harping on the fact that her own mother would be spending more money in total on her married sister's family because she has a husband and kids too, then the single daughter seems to me to be MORE than a bit on the selfish side. YMMV.

I would spend the same amount for my daughters to be fair there and then buy presents for the husband and kids as I saw fit to. It's my money, and I guess I'd want to buy for everyone.

So, with your example of a $1,000 budget, I might spend $200-250 on each daughter and spend the remaining $500-$600 on the husband and six kids. That would divide up to aroudn $70-$85 per gift for them, which is a very nice gift.

I would not be bullied into spending the same amount PER FAMILY, but that's just me. Everyone makes choices in life, getting married, having kids, etc. So you can only spend the same amount per daughter - always?!?! Um, not gonna fly at my house.

If I'm mischaracterizing the situation, I apologize in advance.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

The problem with this is on Christmas the 1st daughter has lots and lavish, while the 2nd daughter goes without. It is ovious the amount spent. It's not as if you can keep track and not know how much is spent. The kids also see the Aunt getting lots and lavish as well.

If people are keeping track, even subconsciously, they have already missed the whole point of Christmas. The problem here has nothing to do with money.

 

[LisaR]

The first daughter gets $500 worth of gifts and the 2nd daughter and her husband and her six kids get $500 total worth of gifts. Which means the mom and dad get nothing (their choice) so the kids have more money for themselves. I hope this makes it more clear.

It isn't that both girls get same amount spent on them and then the kids get something in addition too.

It wouldn't work this way in our family. In your scenario, there are nine people in total. Your mom has $1000 to spend. That leaves just over $100 per person and that is how my mom would break it up.

My brother gets $100. He is single, without kids. I am married with two kids so we get $400. It is my mom's money and she can do with it as she pleases but I have to admit that I wouldn't be overly thrilled if my brother got $400 (the same amount as my family) just because he is divorced and never had children. I wouldn't say anything because it is her money but it would bug me.

 

[scrapquitler]

I just wanted to get opinions from others:

Mom has two daughters and both are adults. One daughter is not married and has no children. The other daughter is married with six children. Would you spend say $500 on gifts each. This would mean the 1st one gets $500 worth of goods. The 2ND daughter would have to split the $500 worth of goods to all eight (or just to the six kids and parents go without). Or would you give more money to the 2ND daughter. Which is most fair?

I am just curious what others think.

I would look at the TOTAL amount I wante to spend on Chrsitmas. Say that total is $1000 (Not $500 for each daughter, $1000 TOTAL). THen divide that by how many gifts I need to give: Two daughters, One Son In law and Six kids: 9 gifts. $100 per gift. Give the married daughter and her husband $200 worth of gifts between them. Give the other daughter a $100 gift and each of those kids a $100 gift eeach.

 

[seven dwarfs]

If people are keeping track, even subconsciously, they have already missed the whole point of Christmas. The problem here has nothing to do with money.

So you think daughter number 2 should suck it up?? How do you not let it hurt your feelings to watch one person get so much and the other to have nothing?

 

[seven dwarfs]

It wouldn't work this way in our family. In your scenario, there are nine people in total. Your mom has $1000 to spend. That leaves just over $100 per person and that is how my mom would break it up.

My brother gets $100. He is single, without kids. I am married with two kids so we get $400. It is my mom's money and she can do with it as she pleases but I have to admit that I wouldn't be overly thrilled if my brother got $400 (the same amount as my family) just because he is divorced and never had children. I wouldn't say anything because it is her money but it would bug me.

This is how daughter number 2 feels but wonders if it is wrong of her, selfish to feel this way? Daughter number 2 would never tell her Mom this is how she feels.