Open Marriage

[Thundergod]

I'm married but my wife isn't....



We are quite happy

 

[scbelleatheart]

I guess I am stupid or I just do not get your points. Men are men by nature. Let them screw around. They always come home.
Those that questioned "Open marriage", that is not what your perception is. It's not sharing a house or a spouse. It is getting something a little different once in awhile. No exchange of emotions, just sex.

 

[MoonFaerie]

As long as all involved are informed, consenting adults, then whatever works for them.

Even in an open marriage, there can still be cheating.

The only couple I ever knew of in an "open marriage' are divorced. Not surprising. Most couples who do this end up divorced because one of individuals ALWAYS falls in love with someone else.

Our marriage (30 years) is a commitment we made to each other and that never involves anyone else and never will.

BTW, we are not apes and I don't believe in evolution.

I love my DH and he loves me and there is no acceptable reason to go anywhere else. It's called in sickness and in health, not until I feel like I want to do something different.

Explain where drug resistant bacteria come from then. Like, you seriously don't believe in adaptation at all?!?!?!

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't share.
Neither does my husband.

We're selfish people over here.

 

[DaParkers]

As long as all involved are informed, consenting adults, then whatever works for them.

Even in an open marriage, there can still be cheating.



Explain where drug resistant bacteria come from then. Like, you seriously don't believe in adaptation at all?!?!?!

No! Leave it alone. Don't go down that path.

 

[Kimberly]

As long as all involved are informed, consenting adults, then whatever works for them.

Even in an open marriage, there can still be cheating.



Explain where drug resistant bacteria come from then. Like, you seriously don't believe in adaptation at all?!?!?!

Agreed on all counts. As someone who has had a lot of open relationships, cheating can merely be considered when trust is lost between the two in the relationship.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So the husband decided that having his wife get a boy toy was better than "putting effort into it", if you know what I mean?

 

[bdcp]

As long as all involved are informed, consenting adults, then whatever works for them.

Even in an open marriage, there can still be cheating.



Explain where drug resistant bacteria come from then. Like, you seriously don't believe in adaptation at all?!?!?!

You can believe what you want, but I am not an ape not did I "evolve' from one. You really don't want to start a discussion about my beliefs or my faith, or this will get shut down. There have to be societal norms, or society will fail as a whole. You cannot have "whatever works for them". Many societies have failed when they went down that path.

Drug resistant bacteria is not "evolution".

Regardless, the vast majority of people do not think open marriage works.

Interesting you ignored the part of my post about the relationships that are ruined by open marriage.

I always love people who think they are so "open minded". They actually are so closed minded that they cant' see other's opinions at all. My experience is that people who tend to be open minded have their own agendas. And being "elitist" does not make one smarter than everyone else.

 

[cm8]

[/B]


Yikes! I am guessing it must be your stepfather inlaw?

yes, he adopted my husband's sisters and my husband refused to be adopted by him so that is his step father, but his sister's father

And his Mom see's nothing wrong with it either

 

[MoonFaerie]

You can believe what you want, but I am not an ape not did I "evolve' from one. You really don't want to start a discussion about my beliefs or my faith, or this will get shut down. There have to be societal norms, or society will fail as a whole. You cannot have "whatever works for them". Many societies have failed when they went down that path.

Drug resistant bacteria is not "evolution".

Regardless, the vast majority of people do not think open marriage works.

Interesting you ignored the part of my post about the relationships that are ruined by open marriage.

I always love people who think they are so "open minded". They actually are so closed minded that they cant' see other's opinions at all. My experience is that people who tend to be open minded have their own agendas. And being "elitist" does not make one smarter than everyone else.

Evolution does NOT say we came from apes. It is a common misconception though. Our science education mostly is crappy, which is why so many people have a false impression about what evolution is. It's really not incompatible with religion. And yes, drug resistant bacteria do come from evolution.

I don't doubt that relationships are marriages are ruined by open relationships. Relationships are ruined by a lot of things. There are relationships that would end because one or both of the spouses likes to occasionally have a girls/boys night. Some couples wouldn't be able to make it if both partners were employed outside the home. Some would fail without a stay at home parent. Etc. That doesn't make it wrong for everyone. It makes it wrong for those couples that it doesn't work for.

Societal norms can, and do, change over time. After all, multiple wives wasn't exactly unheard of in biblical times. Personally, I don't think the nuclear family is really that fantastic for society. The more successful and happy families I know are ones that often function as a larger family, whether it's extended family or close friends. If the economy doesn't recover, I think we'll see more and more large family units forming out of financial necessity. YMMV, obviously.

I guess I just don't see the point in getting worked up about how other people run their relationships. As long as my relationship is good and strong and works for us, that's what matters to me.

ETA: I have no idea what your elitist comment means. I'm also not sure what my agenda might be. I've been in a very happy, monogamous relationship for over 14 years, and I'm only 31. As far the traditional nuclear family thing, we could pretty much be the poster family.

 

[Aisling]

I don't agree with open marriage because it goes against my religious beliefs. Also, I want my husband for only me and vice versa. A close family member has an open marriage and it works for them, but it turns my stomach. I don't judge them, though. I just know it ain't for me.

 

[Tink888]

I couldn't see DH and I in a open marriage.

I couldn't see us in a sexless one either.

If it works for them, more power to them. For me though, I could never do the whole living together, all three spending time together thing. The "in your face" of that would hurt in my opinion.

 

[flamingglobessigmund]

This sounds like the plot from the movie: The Man from Elysian Fields. It didn't go very well for Andy Garcia.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Shall we make it three?

Counting me there are at least 4

You can believe what you want, but I am not an ape not did I "evolve' from one. You really don't want to start a discussion about my beliefs or my faith, or this will get shut down. There have to be societal norms, or society will fail as a whole. You cannot have "whatever works for them". Many societies have failed when they went down that path.

Drug resistant bacteria is not "evolution".

Regardless, the vast majority of people do not think open marriage works.

Interesting you ignored the part of my post about the relationships that are ruined by open marriage.

I always love people who think they are so "open minded". They actually are so closed minded that they cant' see other's opinions at all. My experience is that people who tend to be open minded have their own agendas. And being "elitist" does not make one smarter than everyone else.

Well, I am only aware of two relationships that have tried it where both couples were truly on board (as opposed to one pushing heavily for it and one agreeing to try it out of desperation to try to hang onto an already failing marriage). In one of those it is a couple who live together as one unit but are both free to have relationships on the side and do so fairly often. They have been married over 30 years and are some of the most caring and loving people I know. The other is four people who live together and consider themselves all one group (I believe legally they are two married couples). I have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and would have never presumed to ask such a nosy question, but in public simple PDA (like hand holding, very small kisses, etc) happened among all of them and they all refereed to the others as "wife" or "spouse." We knew them for about 7 years and in that time never saw any indication of issues. Just from taking about old trips they had taken, etc I think they had been together at least a decade when we met them.

I would hazard to guess, that in this society that still frowns on such things, people are not so likely to talk about their arrangements (unless their IS trouble, and then one spouse nearly always talks about the whys of that no matter what the why is). They are probably even less likely to talk about it with someone like yourself who is pretty clear about being critical of such things. Soooo, it is very possible that the reason you only hear about the times it fails is that when it works people do not want to hear from you about how wrong they are so they do not share their personal lives with you.

 

[CIA]

Good lord, it was hard enough training ONE man. There is no way I'd want another one underfoot.

What a terribly insulting post.

 

[CIA]

My question is if you want to have an open relationship, why even get married? Why not just seriously date each other, and fool around on the side? Seems like a better option. Personally, if you have children, I think it's incredibly unfair to them to be sleeping around with multiple people. Teaches them horrible values!

On top of that, what I find interesting about open relationships, is that at least from the open couples I know, they tend to be above average looking. I'm sure some of you will point out that you know open couples who aren't that attractive but my experience has been different. Which leads me to believe that better looking people know they can get lots of action anytime they want so they don't want to limit their options. But people who didn't get as lucky in the genes department, tend to value the stable relationships with one partner and expect each other to stay monogomous because they don't have as many options.

 

[Family Fun Mom]

My question is if you want to have an open relationship, why even get married? Why not just seriously date each other, and fool around on the side? Seems like a better option. Personally, if you have children, I think it's incredibly unfair to them to be sleeping around with multiple people. Teaches them horrible values!

On top of that, what I find interesting about open relationships, is that at least from the open couples I know, they tend to be above average looking. I'm sure some of you will point out that you know open couples who aren't that attractive but my experience has been different. Which leads me to believe that better looking people know they can get lots of action anytime they want so they don't want to limit their options. But people who didn't get as lucky in the genes department, tend to value the stable relationships with one partner and expect each other to stay monogomous because they don't have as many options.

That's an odd observation. I happen to disagree. Most swinger type people I've known, or know of, were quite average looking or frankly not good looking at all. I'm guessing it has much less to do with looks and more to do with values and self esteem.

 

[sparklynails23]

I don't think it's good for society, and I wouldn't let my kids go to someone's house where that relationship existed. At least they don't want to get married--yet. There's that old slippery slope. Let's define marriage as any old arrangement between consenting adults.

 

[tasha99]

Counting me there are at least 4

Well, I am only aware of two relationships that have tried it where both couples were truly on board (as opposed to one pushing heavily for it and one agreeing to try it out of desperation to try to hang onto an already failing marriage). In one of those it is a couple who live together as one unit but are both free to have relationships on the side and do so fairly often. They have been married over 30 years and are some of the most caring and loving people I know. The other is four people who live together and consider themselves all one group (I believe legally they are two married couples). I have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and would have never presumed to ask such a nosy question, but in public simple PDA (like hand holding, very small kisses, etc) happened among all of them and they all refereed to the others as "wife" or "spouse." We knew them for about 7 years and in that time never saw any indication of issues. Just from taking about old trips they had taken, etc I think they had been together at least a decade when we met them.

I would hazard to guess, that in this society that still frowns on such things, people are not so likely to talk about their arrangements (unless their IS trouble, and then one spouse nearly always talks about the whys of that no matter what the why is). They are probably even less likely to talk about it with someone like yourself who is pretty clear about being critical of such things. Soooo, it is very possible that the reason you only hear about the times it fails is that when it works people do not want to hear from you about how wrong they are so they do not share their personal lives with you.

I agree with this and think it's really more common than many people believe. It doesn't have to be "swinging" either (as some posts have described)--there seem to be many flavors of polyamory.

 

[bicker]

Really.

Surely - did you read the post I was replying to? The point is that it isn't anyone else's business what agreement is made between consenting adults, in this regard.

What a terribly insulting post.

Another valid reaction to the same post.