Open Marriage

[daisax]

Well the reason that I say it's teaching the kids poor values is because only a small percentage of people engage in this type of relationship. So I don't feel it's right to pass that onto kids who are going to grow up thinking its the norm and will probably expect all their relationships to be that way because they're going to find out that most people aren't very receptive to that idea.

I think the concept of a nuclear family is pretty well represented in just about every television show, book and movie out there, as well as the homes of most of the people they will get to know in life, so they should be okay

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think the concept of a nuclear family is pretty well represented in just about every television show, book and movie out there, as well as the homes of most of the people they will get to know in life, so they should be okay

This.

I doubt my kids are growing up expecting that most people move every few years and have family in mulitple countries. Or even something as simple as thinking most people will know what they mean if they say "federation" when calling a poker game. They are perfectly capable of knowing we are oddballs and being okay with that.

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

That is just a lame excuse people use to get away with doing whatever they want. Humans beings can control themselves if they want to. I'm wired that way. My husband is my one and only and even after 16 years of marriage (been together 20) I've never been tempted to stray, because I refuse to even entertain the thought. I hate it when people use the "evolution" excuse. As if we have no control over our actions.

Anyone can be monogamous. I'd never take part in an "open" lifestyle but I can at least respect someone who's honest and just says flat out they don't want monogamy. But when they use evolution as an excuse my eyes start rolling.

I guess you could say that's a pet peev of mine.

ITA. If you can't control yourself, don't get married.

I knew a man who claimed to love two women equally and didn't want to choose. One of the women involved loved him enough to be willing to "share" him, figuring that having some of him to love some of the time was better than none of him all of the time. The other woman didn't want to share him. He chose the one who didn't want to share. Go figure. Guess there was a choice to be made.

Guess he figured out that the one who wouldn't share would be the more committed one.

I guess I am stupid or I just do not get your points. Men are men by nature. Let them screw around. They always come home.
Those that questioned "Open marriage", that is not what your perception is. It's not sharing a house or a spouse. It is getting something a little different once in awhile. No exchange of emotions, just sex.

What??? I don't give a flying pigs booty whether my husband comes home every night after cheating. If he decided to cheat he could STAY OUT. And no matter how much we women think we can just have sex without getting emotionally involved, we can't. It doesn't happen. When women have sex, we form attachments due to chemicals released during orgasm. Like OP's friend, she began a sexual relationship with this guy and got attached. I wonder what goes on in the husband's head? Do you think he loves his wife so much that he fakes his happiness with the situation just for her? That's a sad thing to think about.

I don't share.
Neither does my husband.

We're selfish people over here.

yes, he adopted my husband's sisters and my husband refused to be adopted by him so that is his step father, but his sister's father

And his Mom see's nothing wrong with it either

My question is if you want to have an open relationship, why even get married? Why not just seriously date each other, and fool around on the side? Seems like a better option. Personally, if you have children, I think it's incredibly unfair to them to be sleeping around with multiple people. Teaches them horrible values!

I want my daughter to have a husband who thinks the world of her, who loves her and cherishes her and would never want to be with anyone else but her. What message would I be sending her if I let her Dad date other women and I was ok with it?

I personally could not do it. When I met her it wasn't disclosed early. I always thought she was single and dating the guy I would see her with. I got a Christmas Card from her and her husband, when I asked her who the guy on the card was, she said that is my husband I don't ask a lot of questions about it.

She got pregnant with the boyfriend, had the baby. Named it after her husband and her husband is on the birth certificate. That was a different man from the boyfriend that she is living with now.

Both men seem to be parenting the boy. The boyfriend seems to be as involved with his as his father is. I think for him, it's nice he has 3 people looking out for him. He is young enough that it's going to be all he knows.

What kind of confidence will that boy grow up with? I think this type of situation would make him grow up thinking he alone is not worthy of a girl's love.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

ITA. If you can't control yourself, don't get married.

But are you the marriage police that should say what people do in their marriage?

 

[CIA]

But are you the marriage police that should say what people do in their marriage?

nowadays, everyone is the police on at least one societal issue.

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

But are you the marriage police that should say what people do in their marriage?

No, I most definitely am not. It is my opinion and I'm entitled to have one.

Now, here's something else to think about and maybe the OP can help with this. If her friend's husband is sick to the point where he couldn't perform his husbandly duties, I would THINK (my opinion) he's getting some sort of disability benefit from the government (this may or may not be true). Now if it is true, OP's friend and BF had a baby together, but yet, the husband gets put on the birth certificate, so IF the husband gets benefits, now the baby is entitled to them. Is that right?

Just saying how a situation like this can go haywire.

 

[lizanne]

Years ago my husband had a business partner who had an arrangement with his wife.

Each one would take a separate vacation every year. No questions asked. They had two beautiful children and appeared to have a happy life.

I haven't seen them in years and don't know if their still together.

I guess I'm old fashioned. It wouldn't work for me.

 

[bicker]

nowadays, everyone is the police on at least one societal issue.

Marriage, though, is a personal issue. Care-taking of children is a societal issue. People need to get this distinction straight.

 

[L107ANGEL]

only on the dis can a discussion go from an open marriage and at least one partner having sex with others to relegion to evolution and all the way back again.

Carry on.

so true

 

[DaParkers]

Marriage, though, is a personal issue. Care-taking of children is a societal issue. People need to get this distinction straight.

Doesn't the marriage affect the care taking of children?

 

[bicker]

Doesn't the marriage affect the care taking of children?

Only sometimes. That was my point.

Beyond that, divorce with remarriage affects the care-taking of children far more than open marriages, yet we allow divorce with remarriage. Why?

 

[Planogirl]

I personally don't care what consenting adults do. If they want to marry more than one person or have open marriages or whatever, it's not my decision. I would only exclude children and animals from being in these relationships.

None of it is for me though. Relationships are a lot of work when it just involves two people. I can't imagine how it would be if it involved several. As for open marriages, I never did particularly enjoy dating and I don't see that changing just because I'm married.

 

[DaParkers]

Only sometimes. That was my point.

Beyond that, divorce with remarriage affects the care-taking of children far more than open marriages, yet we allow divorce with remarriage. Why?

Your statement is misleading. It's like saying that people have more heat strokes in the summer vs winter. Duh! I don't have any statistics to back this up (just like you don't) but I believe there are a lot more 2nd marriages than open ones, just like there is more heat in the summer than the winter..........Therefore more people affected. Also, 2nd marriages aren't usually based on sex whereas open marriages usually are. That's why most kids don't know that their parents have an open marriage.

 

[DisneyScraps]

No, I most definitely am not. It is my opinion and I'm entitled to have one.

Now, here's something else to think about and maybe the OP can help with this. If her friend's husband is sick to the point where he couldn't perform his husbandly duties, I would THINK (my opinion) he's getting some sort of disability benefit from the government (this may or may not be true). Now if it is true, OP's friend and BF had a baby together, but yet, the husband gets put on the birth certificate, so IF the husband gets benefits, now the baby is entitled to them. Is that right?

Just saying how a situation like this can go haywire.

The husband is not sick. Whatever the issue is caused by medication. He works for the government so if it was a disability type thing they would take care of him.

Any time I see him he looks just fine. He is a really nice guy

My only thought about the son and the birth certificate is are they going to tell him who his father really is or let him grow up believing a lie?

I saw her Friday with the boyfriend. Today she is going fishing with the husband and the boyfriend is watching the little boy.

It seems to work for them and I think it's an interesting discussion.

 

[bicker]

Your statement is misleadin

You've made some wild assumptions there about things (like you said, without statistics to back it up) but more importantly, you must have misread my message. First, the only statement I made was the word "sometimes" and I don't think you seriously have an objection to that statement. Many marriages are childless. Such marriage affects the care-taking of children not-at-all. So "sometimes" is unequivocally accurate.

Beyond that, I asked a question which you didn't answer: Why is allowing divorce okay? Please answer that first, and then we can dig deeper into the distinctions between divorce and open marriage, in terms of overall impact on the raising of children, if you can show that there actually are any.

 

[frijolefrito]

Shinanigans topic, shinanigans all round... I CALL SHINANIGANS!

 

[CIA]

You've made some wild assumptions there about things (like you said, without statistics to back it up) but more importantly, you must have misread my message. First, the only statement I made was the word "sometimes" and I don't think you seriously have an objection to that statement. Many marriages are childless. Such marriage affects the care-taking of children not-at-all. So "sometimes" is unequivocally accurate.

Beyond that, I asked a question which you didn't answer: Why is allowing divorce okay? Please answer that first, and then we can dig deeper into the distinctions between divorce and open marriage, in terms of overall impact on the raising of children, if you can show that there actually are any.

I'm not who you are addressing that question to but I will still answer. Divorce is okay because two grown adults should not be forced to live together if they no longer desire it.

 

[DaParkers]

Only sometimes. That was my point.

Beyond that, divorce with remarriage affects the care-taking of children far more than open marriages, yet we allow divorce with remarriage. Why?

Read that. Do you not see far more?

You've made some wild assumptions there about things (like you said, without statistics to back it up) but more importantly, you must have misread my message. First, the only statement I made was the word "sometimes" and I don't think you seriously have an objection to that statement. Many marriages are childless. Such marriage affects the care-taking of children not-at-all. So "sometimes" is unequivocally accurate.

Beyond that, I asked a question which you didn't answer: Why is allowing divorce okay? Please answer that first, and then we can dig deeper into the distinctions between divorce and open marriage, in terms of overall impact on the raising of children, if you can show that there actually are any.

Last time I checked..Far more meant more than sometimes.
You speak about not having any "backup" when you have brought none either. Maybe you're making "Wild" assumptions. You may be smart, but your opinion is still just that. An opinion, not law. Finally, why ask me about divorce being allowed? Did I ever suggest that open marriages shouldn't be allowed?

 

[Aisling]

You may be smart, but your opinion is still just that. An opinion, not law.

Sometimes people get so firm in their own personal ideologies that they forget what an opinion is.

 

[CIA]

Sometimes people get so firm in their own personal ideologies that they forget what an opinion is.

An opinion can be more right than another opinion.