Open Marriage

[DisneyScraps]

The Love and cheating poll made me think about a friends relationship. I know that most of you are not going to agree with this or like it but it seems to work for her.

I have a friend that has been married for 18 years. Her husband is at least 15 years older than she is. She is in her early 40's.

She has an open marriage.

When she explained it to me what she said was she loves her husband dearly and he is one of the most wonderful men she knows. I know him and i think he is pretty terrific. Apparently he is on some kind of medication that prohibits him from having sex. I never asked what it was.

She said that at her age the thought of never having passion on her life again was impossible to accept so she negotiated wi her husband that she be allowed to date openly and to have an intimate relationship if she wanted.

I have watched her date. I never asked what she tells the men and when she tells them. But they all know.

Last year she met someone that she started to see regularly. It got serious.

Serious enough that he met her husband.

They hit it off.

The boyfriend now lives with them. They live like one family. Sometimes they all go out socially....together.

I never asked her whom she sleeps with at night or anything too intrusive.

Of course you never know but everyone seems happy. They are planing on buying a house together the 3 of them.

So this is one example of being able to love your spouse and another person at the same time.

I know it's crazy. I could never do it but I don't judge them for their lifestyle.

 

[snapppyd]

It's sort of like sister wives in reverse. Whatever floats their boat.

 

[Pigeon]

I've known a few people in this kind of relationship. But it always went south eventually, which of course you can say about many traditional relationships. Personally, I think being married to a single person is complicated enough.

 

[Kimberly]

I've done the open relationship thing with several boyfriends. Usually requires a great deal of trust and friendship before even starting it, and you still can "cheat."

Humans are not monogamous by nature. Religion is what made us monogamous. We just simply aren't wired that way.

 

[DaParkers]

I've done the open relationship thing with several boyfriends. Usually requires a great deal of trust and friendship before even starting it, and you still can "cheat."

Humans are not monogamous by nature. Religion is what made us monogamous. We just simply aren't wired that way.

 

[indimom]

I'm with snappyd and pigeon. Whatever works for them, but WAY WAY too complicated for me.

 

[ohiomom28]

The Love and cheating poll made me think about a friends relationship. I know that most of you are not going to agree with this or like it but it seems to work for her.

I have a friend that has been married for 18 years. Her husband is at least 15 years older than she is. She is in her early 40's.

She has an open marriage.

When she explained it to me what she said was she loves her husband dearly and he is one of the most wonderful men she knows. I know him and i think he is pretty terrific. Apparently he is on some kind of medication that prohibits him from having sex. I never asked what it was.

She said that at her age the thought of never having passion on her life again was impossible to accept so she negotiated wi her husband that she be allowed to date openly and to have an intimate relationship if she wanted.

I have watched her date. I never asked what she tells the men and when she tells them. But they all know.

Last year she met someone that she started to see regularly. It got serious.

Serious enough that he met her husband.

They hit it off.

The boyfriend now lives with them. They live like one family. Sometimes they all go out socially....together.

I never asked her whom she sleeps with at night or anything too intrusive.

Of course you never know but everyone seems happy. They are planing on buying a house together the 3 of them.

So this is one example of being able to love your spouse and another person at the same time.

I know it's crazy. I could never do it but I don't judge them for their lifestyle.

I know a couple that are swingers. I don't get it but I don't judge them. They are very much in love and have been married for 10 years. I could never do it.

 

[Kimberly]

I'm ready for whatever people throw at me!

 

[tlbwriter]

As long as everyone involved knows exactly what's going on... more power to them.

 

[JessicaR]

I've done the open relationship thing with several boyfriends. Usually requires a great deal of trust and friendship before even starting it, and you still can "cheat."

Humans are not monogamous by nature. Religion is what made us monogamous. We just simply aren't wired that way.

Open relationships when dating is just dating isn't it? I don't consider it cheating unless you are married or dating with the stipulation that it is monogamous.

I heard the swans aren't either. Who woulda thunk it after all those years of believing it.

 

[Buckalew11]

I think "three's a crowd." Eventually, it seems someone would get hurt.

Would not work for us. But hey, three incomes for a house payment sound pretty good.

 

[FireDancer]

Open relationships when dating is just dating isn't it?

That's my take. Most of the time I'm going out with a couple of people, none of it is serious. If it becomes serious enough then it would become monogamous. I don't really consider that an open relationship.

Whatever works for them. I think most of the time it ends up backfiring in the end but if you want to make a go of it then go.

 

[ols386]

As long as everything is out in the open, I have no problem with it. Nor would it matter if I had a problem with it. Most people are going to do what makes them happy, regardless of the opinion of others.

I couldn't live that way, but if others want to, that's their business.

 

[LukenDC]

If it works for them, then so be it.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Humans are not monogamous by nature. Religion is what made us monogamous. We just simply aren't wired that way.

We're wired to be sinners. Not saying having an open marriage is a sin, per se. But it sure doesn't make sense from a romantic, legal, financial standpoint. Just becasue you can, doesn't mean you should.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I don't get it and it's not something that would work for me and my husband (I would kill him if he ever suggested it).

If if works for someone else, I don't care.

Postscript
I had a thread a few weeks ago about someone telling me about his open marriage. The consensus of the thread was I was being propositioned and didn't know it.

He said he and his wife call each other to get approval before they sleep with someone else. I thought that was odd.

 

[cm8]

I'm selfish and would not want to share my bed or man with anyone else. Those things you do when you are SINGLE. Why get married to sleep around, I know it better to marry than to burn, but I'm thinking you're going to be burning in a different fire

My In laws are Swinger's and I'm never sleeping over to their house.

Her husband has tried to put the moves on me before

 

[FireDancer]

We're wired to be sinners. Not saying having an open marriage is a sin, per se. But it sure doesn't make sense from a romantic, legal, financial standpoint. Just becasue you can, doesn't mean you should.

Those are all societal things. I believe the other poster was talking about from a raw evolutionary perspective. Humans are not all that different from other animals. In other animals the main focus of their entire lives is procreating, not legal living arrangements, tax breaks, societal norms, or what other people think about them or their situation. Males want to impregnate as many mates as they possibly can while females try to select the males with the best features (depending on the species) to mate with and make for a stronger species. Humans are really not wired any different, we just have societal pressures that pull us a different way.

Many of the things we do on a societal level are at conflict with our natural tenancies.

 

[3boymthr]

I also know someone in an open marriage - not quite as open as OPs friend, but still they're happy. I consider it cheating and wouldn't do it, but I guess to each his own.

And seriously, in OP's friend's situation - isn't that what viagra is for??

 

[tlbwriter]

He said he and his wife call each other to get approval before they sleep with someone else. I thought that was odd.

Well, if I were going to be in an open relationship, there would have to be some guidelines. Can't have your guy sleeping with your coworker or best friend and saying "hey, I thought we were open!"