Only Child & Dealing with Holiday Guilt

[SOnotLayuh]

DH and I are both only children - it definitely makes things difficult on holidays!

 

[DisneyBeagle]

DH and I are both only children - it definitely makes things difficult on holidays!

I can see how that would make things hard on the two of you. Do you rotate holidays or try to get everyone together?

 

[Kitzka]

OP_i just wanted to say i am impressed with how much you think of your mom. I am not an only child but have an only child and i hope that she gives me and DH 1/2 the consideration you give yours.

You mentioned you don't have kids but DH and I do not travel for Christmas. If anyone wants to see us, they come to us.

My SIL lives about an hour away and we have gone to her house but if my MIL will be there we don't stay too long as MIL treats my SIL's children much differently than she treats my daughter.

Have you asked yuor mom how she would feel if you went away for thanksgiving? i know she is alone but maybe it will motivate her to accept an invitation from a freind?

Lara

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Not only am I an only child, but DH has 2 families to coordinate. How do we deal with it? Well, for the first few years it was hard. My mom wanted me for every conceivable holiday. That just couldn't be. Now, we've figured out a rotation schedule.

Whoever is first to request Thanksgiving gets Thanksgiving, but then they don't get first choice at Christmas. DH's mother's family comes to our house a couple days before or after Christmas for their family dinner, so they don't get a Christmas vote either. Whoever didn't get Thanksgiving gets to choose whether they prefer hosting us on Christmas Eve or for Christmas Day dinner. Christmas morning is alone at our house (DH insists upon it). We'll continue like this for a little while longer, but in a couple years we'll be having kids. Unless DH's half sisters (one married and living way out of state, one recently divorced and single, and one still in undergrad) randomly end up having kids before then, we're going to be the sole progenitors for all 3 families. Then, by the love of all that is holy, they can all come to ME for Christmas!!! Have grandkids and great-grandkids...will not travel.

Easter is not a big deal for DH's dad's side, DH's mom side does an annual brunch, my family usually does dinner, so seeing as how none of us have church services to worry about we catch brunch with DH's mom's family on our way down to my parents for the evening. DH's families don't really do birthdays, so those are usually with my parents, as is 4th of July, because my parents' club has special events. Anything else is a non-family holiday.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm an only child of a single mom and married to the oldest son and grandson and the families living 700 + miles from each other. It's not easy to figure this all out and almost 10 years later still have issues with it.

At first m mom wanted us there all the time and my husband didn't have an issue with not going to his families house but I'm big on fair and equal time, though not always possible. This past Christmas was the first holiday we weren't with any family and did not travel anywhere. There have been days we left our old house in TN, drove to IN/MI, left there and drove to AR all in one week and I said NEVER again.

I don't do guilt trips, it just pisses me off. I've made every offer including money and giving of cars to make sure our moms are set. My mother in law is flying to see us in May at our expense because we told her that we wouldn't be able to travel for a while due to our schedules. My mother and her friend are driving up here later this fall for a visit. If she can breathe and walk unassisted, she can travel.

It will just get worse if you decide to have children. I've already made it clear I will not be schlepping my children around the world come holiday time and living so far away from both moms they better get used to traveling.

 

[Wishing on a star]

... but I'm going to really try to quit stressing over things.

 

[PaulaSue]

We are both onlies, we split our holidays or invite both sides to our house. We also travel on vacations with all 9 of us often.

 

[luvsJack]

Okay but does your family make her welcome? I am a single Mom of an only son and every holiday his GF(they live together) has insisted it be at her families house. They do have a child.

So I get 15 minutes with them unless I go to her families house and I have to tell you they make me feel like an appendage. I have now stopped communicating with her & her mother altogether.

My DGD bday is this weekend, I have a huge house and plenty of room, her family is in a condo. So guess where they are cramming 20 people.

Slowly but surely I am losing my DS & DGD no matter how much I try to stay in contact. BTW I live closer to them than her, I have helped them more financially than her family, been there in every crisis when her family tells them to pound sand.

So think about how your his Mom feels being on the outside looking in. Think how you want to be treated if this happens to you.

I'm sorry that you feel so left out of your ds and dgd's lives.