Online Dating

[disneychrista]

Due to the conversation here today about giving chances to guys you thought wouldn't be / weren't interested I reached out to a guy I THOUGHT wasn't interested because he hadn't responded to my last message to him. I am glad I did because we are meeting tomorrow.


I actually reached out to two guys, I had previously chatted with. One hasn't responded.

 

[Rick195275]

It seems most guys that wanted to meet have said "hey here's my number" I don't have an issue with it. But it seems like that is supposed to be one of the rules "stay on site, don't give your number out."

The way I see it I can always block a phone number. I suppose it wouldn’t stop someone from using other numbers etc, but I guess I’m not overly concerned about it? I have a tendency to be kind of lax like that and not really worry about things like that. I also don’t find the messaging on some apps to not be the best so if I’m actually meeting someone I would prefer to be able to reach out directly in case an issues were to arise and same for them. I think by them giving you their number the ball is in your court if you feel comfortable to use it. If I’m just getting to know someone, sometimes I do exactly that and preface it with something like “if you feel comfortable chatting off app my number is...”

 

[disneychrista]

The way I see it I can always block a phone number. I suppose it wouldn’t stop someone from using other numbers etc, but I guess I’m not overly concerned about it? I have a tendency to be kind of lax like that and not really worry about things like that. I also don’t find the messaging on some apps to not be the best so if I’m actually meeting someone I would prefer to be able to reach out directly in case an issues were to arise and same for them. I think by them giving you their number the ball is in your court if you feel comfortable to use it. If I’m just getting to know someone, sometimes I do exactly that and preface it with something like “if you feel comfortable chatting off app my number is...”

There are a couple that I said, let's just keep it on the app for now. But others that I did end up texting. The first time it took a couple days for me to be okay with it. He was the first one I really connected with.

If it is between a guy wanting to text off site vs a guy who wants me to meet at this house after messaging for 5 minutes, I'll take the guy who want to take it off site. Both of course could be perfectly great guys. But if you don't want to meet me for a drink/coffee/ice cream in public, I have to wonder why?

 

[Rick195275]

There are a couple that I said, let's just keep it on the app for now. But others that I did end up texting. The first time it took a couple days for me to be okay with it. He was the first one I really connected with.

If it is between a guy wanting to text off site vs a guy who wants me to meet at this house after messaging for 5 minutes, I'll take the guy who want to take it off site. Both of course could be perfectly great guys. But if you don't want to meet me for a drink/coffee/ice cream in public, I have to wonder why?

I have only once met someone at my house on first meeting and it was just a meet me at my house and we will go grab a drink. My house was just the meeting point and we never actually entered the house. Probably not my greatest choice but I’m still here to tell the tale.

 

[disneychrista]

I have only once met someone at my house on first meeting and it was just a meet me at my house and we will go grab a drink. My house was just the meeting point and we never actually entered the house. Probably not my greatest choice but I’m still here to tell the tale.

See that is different. Both times a guy asked this it was only meet at his house. No plans to go somewhere from there. Just hang out at his house. Not even let me make you a meal.

 

[Skywalker]

You are assuming that we are passing up on someone SOLELY because of assumptions. Somethings just led themselves to not be a good fit. I know at least I am not. There just needs to be something that I personally CONNECT with to make first contact. If I see a profile full of workout photos and the list of hobbies/interests all leaning toward things I have no interest I am not going to contact them. I am not going to go through and contact every guy on the app regardless of what I see, that would be foolish and a waste of time.

Not using it as a scapegoat at all or saying well they didn't contact me so there you go, they aren't interested. Just meaning that if I saw a profile and didn't contact the person because I didn't think they were a match but they saw mine and did contact me that I would be open to exploring it.

As I see it, its hard to "CONNECT" with a 2-D computer screen profile. Sometimes you don't know if the connection is there until you meet the person, and see if the chemistry is there. That's why, someone who seems like a perfect candidate on a site can turn out to be a nope once you actually meet up, but by the same token someone else who seems like their interests are too different, could actually be a wow.

Of course I am not talking about your deal-breaker things, like drug use or he's only looking for blondes and you're not one....just other things that probably won't matter in the least. That doesn't mean "come one, come all!" it just means maybe being more open where you would write someone off before.

Also remember the guy on the other end of the profile is a person just like you are, and he may not contact you because of something silly in your profile too. Like maybe a guy is thinking, oh she goes to breweries, I know nothing about beer, she is going to think I'm a doofus...so he doesn't initiate anything. Meanwhile you two silly lovebirds would be perfect for each other!

 

[Scouter]

For those with experience. How common is it for others to give you there number to contact them before meeting in person? Do you exchange numbers with those you are chatting with before you meet in person?

Does this fall into the "give a chance" or "run screaming"?

I believe with 4 I met up with and 2 others I kept communication with but then didn't go out with. I kept messaging them through POF, which I was using then. I wasn't about to give them my
cell.

 

[Scouter]

It seems most guys that wanted to meet have said "hey here's my number" I don't have an issue with it. But it seems like that is supposed to be one of the rules "stay on site, don't give your number out."

Not in my experiences. Only with one that I went out with more than once.

 

[La Tomate]

For those with experience. How common is it for others to give you there number to contact them before meeting in person? Do you exchange numbers with those you are chatting with before you meet in person?

Does this fall into the "give a chance" or "run screaming"?

I do exchange - it's another "check" for me. Someone who isn't cheating will be more inclined to share his digits. Whereas someone who is trying to hide that? Will not be so eager to dish out a number when I COULD be a crazy chick and may actually CALL the number - and the the wife asks questions etc etc ... so for me? I won't go on a date without a number, generally. Unless my super sleuthing didn't pick up any other red flags.
Oh, and I get a guy could have a number through an app etc etc. Nothing is full proof - but I at least try for a move from the app to text/email/******* just so I can establish that they are potentially human.

a borderline stalker.

It was me who asked for the tales from the other side

Drunk people are awesome aren't they?

FTR - I am not a stalker ... ;-) hahahahaha. I sleuth - I don't stalk
... and I have other stories that I'd forgotten about until I starting dragging these memories up. BWAHAHAHAHA! Did I tell you about the Mexican wrestler? OH! And I ONCE got contacted by Idris Elba!!! ON TINDER!!!

 

[La Tomate]

The way I see it I can always block a phone number. I suppose it wouldn’t stop someone from using other numbers etc, but I guess I’m not overly concerned about it? I have a tendency to be kind of lax like that and not really worry about things like that. I also don’t find the messaging on some apps to not be the best so if I’m actually meeting someone I would prefer to be able to reach out directly in case an issues were to arise and same for them. I think by them giving you their number the ball is in your court if you feel comfortable to use it. If I’m just getting to know someone, sometimes I do exactly that and preface it with something like “if you feel comfortable chatting off app my number is...”

YASSS!!!! THIS! so much this. the messaging on the apps is usually SHOCKING. The ones that insist I have GPS on just to send messages drove me BONKERS (my phone was l'ancient and wouldn't hold a charge - turning on GPS was a battery suck).

... and also... sleuthing. Cos.

 

[La Tomate]

See that is different. Both times a guy asked this it was only meet at his house. No plans to go somewhere from there. Just hang out at his house. Not even let me make you a meal.

Yah. No. Safety aside - and that's the first red flag - it's effing lazy.
If I'm trying to date - it's a two way street for effort. I want to feel wanted - even in a "let's hang out" sense. Meeting at his house to Netflix & Chill? Nah. At least make the effort to leave your street, mate.

 

[Rick195275]

I do exchange - it's another "check" for me. Someone who isn't cheating will be more inclined to share his digits. Whereas someone who is trying to hide that? Will not be so eager to dish out a number when I COULD be a crazy chick and may actually CALL the number - and the the wife asks questions etc etc ... so for me? I won't go on a date without a number, generally. Unless my super sleuthing didn't pick up any other red flags.
Oh, and I get a guy could have a number through an app etc etc. Nothing is full proof - but I at least try for a move from the app to text/email/******* just so I can establish that they are potentially human.




It was me who asked for the tales from the other side

Drunk people are awesome aren't they?

FTR - I am not a stalker ... ;-) hahahahaha. I sleuth - I don't stalk
... and I have other stories that I'd forgotten about until I starting dragging these memories up. BWAHAHAHAHA! Did I tell you about the Mexican wrestler? OH! And I ONCE got contacted by Idris Elba!!! ON TINDER!!!

I used to think my internet dating experiences were interesting…. Then I heard yours on this thread! I think I speak for most here in wanting the rest of these tales

 

[shawthorne44]

I actually reached out to two guys, I had previously chatted with. One hasn't responded.

When guys go dark, it might be because they met someone they might be interested in. Particularly when you messaged them first. When I first went online, I was all excited about it and messaged some guys. None went anywhere and very few responded. I had a really pretty photo on my profile and I said when the photp was taken and it was recent. I think that was a key, a recent photo. I was in my early 30's then. So, I started to have guys message me and I just talked with them. After I fell in love with DH I went back to close down my profile. I few of those guys I'd messaged in the beginning had messaged me back apologizing for not responding saying that they'd been seeing how it went with someone. I'd also had several messages that I'd 'ignored' while DH and I were dating.

 

[shawthorne44]

Yah. No. Safety aside - and that's the first red flag - it's effing lazy.
If I'm trying to date - it's a two way street for effort. I want to feel wanted - even in a "let's hang out" sense. Meeting at his house to Netflix & Chill? Nah. At least make the effort to leave your street, mate.

And not only that, they should be trying to impress you. If watching Netflix on their couch is their version of impressive?

 

[disneychrista]

Yah. No. Safety aside - and that's the first red flag - it's effing lazy.
If I'm trying to date - it's a two way street for effort. I want to feel wanted - even in a "let's hang out" sense. Meeting at his house to Netflix & Chill? Nah. At least make the effort to leave your street, mate.

And not only that, they should be trying to impress you. If watching Netflix on their couch is their version of impressive?

I think it was a case of small town, know everybody, don’t want them in my business or at least that is what the second one mentioned. I told that guy I understand but I’m not going to be anyone’s dirty little secret. He is not one I’ll contact again. I’m really curious if this move works for them and just what the intention really is.

 

[Rick195275]

I think it was a case of small town, know everybody, don’t want them in my business or at least that is what the second one mentioned. I told that guy I understand but I’m not going to be anyone’s dirty little secret. He is not one I’ll contact again. I’m really curious if this move works for them and just what the intention really is.

So this actually reminded me of a story from online dating. I’m still friendly with one of the women I was seeing a couple years ago now. We happened to be talking one night and I asked how dating was going for her. She was currently on a break after making the mistake of agreeing to meet a guy at his house for the first time. She showed up and he was already visibly drunk and was requesting SHE make dinner for HIM! At his house! What?! She is a super sweet person and I know didn’t know what to do with herself at that point. She declined making dinner and tried to slip out casually shortly after…. I guess he picked up on it and became slightly aggressive. Needless to say this was a scary and uncomfortable situation for her to be in. I suggested maybe when she got back into dating avoiding situations like that again. Saw her on one of the dating sites a couple months ago so I guess she’s back but I haven’t reached out to see if it’s going any better lol.

 

[disneychrista]

Also remember the guy on the other end of the profile is a person just like you are, and he may not contact you because of something silly in your profile too. Like maybe a guy is thinking, oh she goes to breweries, I know nothing about beer, she is going to think I'm a doofus...so he doesn't initiate anything. Meanwhile you two silly lovebirds would be perfect for each other!

And there really is no way to know if a profile doesn’t peak someone’s interest and no contact is made. It’s just the way it is.

I’ve contacted several guys that mention wine/wine tasting which I know NOTHING about because I thought “hey this might be someone who I can go wine tasting with and learn.” A guy who knows nothing about beer but wants to learn might do the same.

I really do think it is important to have some common interests. Opposites may attract like magnets but they may also repel like oil and water.

 

[Scouter]

I do exchange - it's another "check" for me. Someone who isn't cheating will be more inclined to share his digits. Whereas someone who is trying to hide that? Will not be so eager to dish out a number when I COULD be a crazy chick and may actually CALL the number - and the the wife asks questions etc etc ... so for me? I won't go on a date without a number, generally. Unless my super sleuthing didn't pick up any other red flags.

Well, that is smart! I didn't think of it that way!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I always appreciate the advice and comments, even the ones I disagree with. It always makes me think and yes in some cases make me do something differently. I am very open to dating/chatting with guys that I don't think I have a lot in common and taking that chance. But when faced with a list of guys you can choose to contact, I think most are going to choose the ones they feel are best suited to you & your personality/life style. I think it would be rare for someone to say hey this guy has nothing in common with me and doesn't have any of the same interests or hobbies but let me contact them just for heck of it. Just not likely to happen. Of course that is just my opinion and maybe I am wrong (it does happen).

Thank you for the first part of the comment

To the bolded--And sometimes that's why people make the rounds year after year after year of online dating. My mom fits this to a T.

And it's not about not having nothing in common..Sure if you truly feel there's zero to work with you shouldn't feel pressured to engage just to engage..then again that isn't at all what I'm talking about

 

[Rick195275]

Well, that is smart! I didn't think of it that way!

Same! Never even considered they could be taken if they didn’t want to exchange numbers!