Online Dating

[Scouter]

er thing that was helpful was realizing that guys are so dang cute on first dates. They try so hard. It is like watching a puppy take its first steps. So, first dates are enjoyable even if they don't work out.

Another thing that people say but people almost never do. Be yourself. Don't be who you think they want you to be. That is lose-lose because the person you are meant to be with, won't like the fake you, and the person wanting the fake you will learn the truth eventually. I had that realization while in college. I went on a date with the guy from work just because he asked me to dinner and I had no money for food. I knew I wasn't in any danger, but that was it. So, I didn't give a flip what he thought of me. At one point he asked me a question, and I gave him a truthful answer. He was stunned because it was something people don't say, but it was perfect. We had such a great date, that he took a PTO day the next evening so that we could have part B of date 1.

But..... I've been counseled by guy friends not to be too much myself on dates, because I tell everything, I'm very chatty and divulge all kinds of stuff. So one has advised me, and also my therapist, to talk with them before going on dates for pep talks.

 

[Scouter]

I hope that you can find it again... and it will be all the sweeter... The fact that you are open to them, makes it all the more precious..

These type of feelings kinda come out of nowhere... and for me were startling, scary, and wonderful all at the same time. Still to this day after 20 years we still act like love sick teenagers, just much more mature love sick teenagers... LOL...

Well, I'm not exactly open, I appear to be but hold a lot back in real closeness, years of issues causes one to be jaded.
But, yeah, that came out of nowhere and !
It would be fun again!

And boy, that sounds really nice to be in love that long!
I only know 2 couples like that.
They're my role models.

 

[shawthorne44]

Also, I'd deliberately keep the first meeting brief

But..... I've been counseled by guy friends not to be too much myself on dates, because I tell everything, I'm very chatty and divulge all kinds of stuff. So one has advised me, and also my therapist, to talk with them before going on dates for pep talks.

I'd say be chatty but don't tell secrets. You want a guy that likes chatty. Your guy friends are advising you to be more like their ideal woman. That comes from a good place. But what happens on the 4th date when you relax and go chatty?

One time when I was young I had a girl tell me I should get a tattoo 'because guys like tattoos'. I said, "I don't want a guy who likes a girl with tattoos." DH and I both hate them. We don't even like ink marks on skin.

 

[BrianL]

But..... I've been counseled by guy friends not to be too much myself on dates, because I tell everything, I'm very chatty and divulge all kinds of stuff. So one has advised me, and also my therapist, to talk with them before going on dates for pep talks.

I like chatty - it's way better than sitting there silently, letting me talk at them and not responding. Even just chatting online with ladies, I see so often where they will just reply, "Okay," and that's it. That's not how conversations work.

 

[Micca]

I met a few nice guys but one wouldn't even buy me a drink after I bought him one.

I don't really have any advice, but hearing about this kinda makes me sick to my stomach. How anyone would behave like that EVER, much less on a date???

 

[Scouter]

I like chatty - it's way better than sitting there silently, letting me talk at them and not responding. Even just chatting online with ladies, I see so often where they will just reply, "Okay," and that's it. That's not how conversations work.

Well, I was divulge all tell all and there was some stuff that my guy friend said, don't.

 

[BrianL]

Well, I was divulge all tell all and there was some stuff that my guy friend said, don't.

Well, I wouldn't mind - as long as you want to share it, then why not?

 

[LIPeter]

I always like to go out, and meet as friends first. This way there is no pressure. Go grab a cup of coffee, and talk and get to know a little about each other first. JMO.

 

[disneychrista]

I always like to go out, and meet as friends first. This way there is no pressure. Go grab a cup of coffee, and talk and get to know a little about each other first. JMO.

How is meeting someone for the first time as a “friend” or as a “date” any different?

 

[ronandannette]

Well, I was divulge all tell all and there was some stuff that my guy friend said, don't.

Why? Whether on a first date or just getting to know a potential new friend, I'd be reeeeely uncomfortable with what you're describing. There are lots of other things besides yourselves to talk about when getting to know somebody. Common interests, current events, music, books, travel, non-controversial things you like and dislike. I could spend hours enjoying talking to practically anyone without feeling like I had to tell them very personal details.

 

[LIPeter]

How is meeting someone for the first time as a “friend” or as a “date” any different?

Well, for me, a “date” is usually defined by first impressions. Meaning, both people on the date make up their minds during the date whether or not they want another date. Meeting as “friends”, you don’t make any judgements that night. You go out a few times, and take it from there. Again, this is just my opinion. But I’ve had a better time with the “friends” route, then the “date” route. Both have had success and failures. And also, I’ve made friends from the “friends” route, but never with the “date” route.

 

[disneychrista]

Why? Whether on a first date or just getting to know a potential new friend, I'd be reeeeely uncomfortable with what you're describing. There are lots of other things besides yourselves to talk about when getting to know somebody. Common interests, current events, music, books, travel, non-controversial things you like and dislike. I could spend hours enjoying talking to practically anyone without feeling like I had to tell them very personal details.

I guess everyone is different. I see no reason to not be as open & honest as the conversation warrants. What is the point on hiding your true self?

 

[disneychrista]

Well, for me, a “date” is usually defined by first impressions. Meaning, both people on the date make up their minds during the date whether or not they want another date. Meeting as “friends”, you don’t make any judgements that night. You go out a few times, and take it from there. Again, this is just my opinion. But I’ve had a better time with the “friends” route, then the “date” route. Both have had success and failures. And also, I’ve made friends from the “friends” route, but never with the “date” route.

But why? If you are looking to date the person, why go into under the guise of "friends" first? I think if you are going to make a connection with someone you are going to whether it as a friend or a date.

 

[low-key]

a few little mysteries are good, plus as prince says "I was thinking of all the jockeys that was there before me", men could all kinds of stuff, and its cool, but when his women does its hurt to his soul, i am not saying this ok, but women are from venus and men from mars

 

[disneychrista]

women are from venus and men from mars

And the opposite sex are aliens.

 

[ronandannette]

I guess everyone is different. I see no reason to not be as open & honest as the conversation warrants. What is the point on hiding your true self?

You can't see the nuance between being "yourself" and telling a total stranger personal details that they probably aren't asking about and might make them feel uncomfortable? The poster I quoted, by her own admission, was over-sharing out of context and her close, genuine friends (who presumably know the kind of things she's disclosing) have advised her not to.

 

[LIPeter]

But why? If you are looking to date the person, why go into under the guise of "friends" first? I think if you are going to make a connection with someone you are going to whether it as a friend or a date.

Not always. I’ve met someone as friends, where we didn’t make a connection the first night. After hanging out a few times, we became good friends, and eventually we began dating. It we just had a “date”, we probably never would have met again.

 

[Buzz Rules]

And the opposite sex are aliens.

Soulmates shine like the stars.

 

[disneychrista]

You can't see the nuance between being "yourself" and telling a total stranger personal details that they probably aren't asking about and might make them feel uncomfortable? The poster I quoted, by her own admission, was over-sharing out of context and her close, genuine friends (who presumably know the kind of things she's disclosing) have advised her not to.

Yes that is different. But if I am talking with someone and getting to know them and they ask a personal question, I am going to answer it openly and honestly, unless it is too personal then I would tell them that. But I don't tend to have many things I am not willing to share. I don't see the point in hiding my truth.

 

[disneychrista]

Not always. I’ve met someone as friends, where we didn’t make a connection the first night. After hanging out a few times, we became good friends, and eventually we began dating. It we just had a “date”, we probably never would have met again.

I guess I don't see meeting as a friend or as a date any different. If I don't click with someone as a friend I am not going to see them again, the same as if I don't click with someone as a date. Maybe you see a date as needing instant chemistry, where a friend you just are looking for common interests. For me I am looking for the common interests and potential that it could develop into more.