I'm so very sorry.. I lost my dad to cancer and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of him.. Cancer has robbed so many of us of our loved ones..
This past Sunday it was 5 years since my DH passed away - from cancer and a host of other health problems.. Of course I was thinking about him all day long, but for the very first time it felt "different".. I think I've finally turned some sort of corner.. It wasn't a day of sadness for us - we spent quite a bit of time talking about the "fun" things we missed about him; his "secret recipes" that he took to the grave with him; how he used M&M's to "bribe" my DD when she was being potty trained; his love of tv and how the engraving on his headstone should have read, "Remotely Yours"..
Yes - there are still times that I get sad, but I no longer dwell on how unfair it was; the "could haves"; the "what if's"; the "if only we had___"; etc..
They say that "time heals all wounds" and while that isn't really true, it does change the way we manage these "anniversaries".. Until that day comes for you, all I can offer is this: