One more baby..or Disney??!!

[Blessed_wth_Triplets]

Okay..please don't flame me. I know this sounds crazy...but we're (I'm) really struggeling here on whether or not to have a fourth child. We ALWAYS thought we'd have one more..and even had two miscarriages this past year ...but now after just returning from our first trip to WDW...I think I want to be done..heck..I don't know.

We were supposed to start trying again right when we got back...but that would mean no WDW for a few years . I know...Disney will always be there...but of course the crying babies/toddlers didn't help my urge much . We just had such a wonderful time and our boys are at the PERFECT age for Disney and it's only going to get better I asssume as the years go by.

I realize how silly I sound..can't count on strangers to make the decision..I guess I'm just venting. Thanks for listening!!

 

[Disney Pal]

I have 4 year old girl triplets also and I know the feeling! Why don't you wait and see. You never know what is planned out for you. If it's meant to be it's meant to be.

 

[ajk912]

I have three kids, and I can tell you that I am done. I am glad that my youngest is 3 and no more diapers or baby days or sleepless weeks (though we do have the sleepless night here and there!!!!!!) I am glad that my oldest is 8, then 6 then 3- only 15 more years till they are all adults- heck, my child rearing days are 1/3 over! That's both a blessing and a disguise, of course! I babysit kids before and after school, and let me tell you, it seems like a HUGE jump from 3 to 4 kids. I can kind of watch three kids easily, 4 kids seem so overwhelming and you can't really watch them all well! I can't imagine taking four kids to the pool or Busch Gardens by myself. I do that with my three no problem! Plus, with after school sport fees and dental bills and all that- I can't imagine affording 4!

 

[lighttech]

Don't feel silly. I'm sure you are not REALLY weighing Disney vs. child. It's the whole feeling that Disney gave you. Also, it just made ya' think about the craziness. Anyone w/ a child who's considering another has been through it! If you have any doubts, you come up w/ some of the craziest reasons to try or not try. No worries. You'll get it all sorted out and figure out your true feelings. I can't imagine that having *3* little ones makes it any easier! When was the last time you had little to no work to do? Disney must have seemed like Heaven. (I have one 2yr old, and I feel overwhelmed some days.)

Honestly, you are not alone, we've talked about trying for #2, and I've thought about things as silly as not being able to go on rides while pregnant, or the fact that we just started making a batch of wine and I wouldn't be comfortable drinking any of it (and I'm no big drinker... I'll go months w/o any and not think anything of it.) I think it has to do w/ being a woman and a Mom, anything that could run thru your head does.

Just talk it over w/ your hubby and figure out what your real feelings are. Don't rush in, but remember that, as everyone keeps telling me, you're probably never truly "ready" to have a baby either. Let things settle a little. You'll figure it all out.

Pixie dust your way...

 

[3littleHalls]

GLad you had a great trip!! Must have been a very special time. I am thrilled with the 3 I have. And for us, a fourth would be too many. Not that I don't long for a 4th. It took 4+yrs to get pg with our first, more treatments and we were blessed with 2 more. So it is hard for me to let that part of my life go, but we are at a point in our lives where we would all be spread too thin. I have the occaissional twinges for another, but in my heart I know we are done. I hope your heart guides you to either another child or gives you peace and doesn't leave you in limbo.

 

[tinker&belle]

Wow...I'm probably the worst person to ask right now since I am caring for a one month old...she is beautiful, sweet, precious and I love her more than anything in the world, but every night when she won't sleep she is talking us out of having brothers and sisters! We wanted three and I'm sure we might want some more one day, but now is probaby not the best time to make this decision for us...maybe give yourself time and see how you feel in a bit.

 

[Mickeys_n_me]

If you have doubt I would AT LEAST wait a bit before trying, until you are sure. I know it is hard, I have been struggling with infertility for 5 years now. So going through 2 miscarriages I am sure is tough! Sometimes (for me anyway) it is easier to just say "forget it" then to go on, even though you never really do move on.

Maybe you are fealing like this because you are afraid of putting in the emotional attatchment again (if that makes sence) since "break time" is over?. For me, I love that I am on "break" until after we get back from vacation. These couple months without the letdown have been so wonderful (even though I would rather trade this feeling in with a surprise positive)! Getting back to the struggle when we return is not "fun" ... and half of me kind of is not looking forward to it.. (Guess I needed a bit of a vent too)

Anyway...
You don't need to make this huge decision today. So think about it some. You bring up some great and valid ponts on why adding another may not be right for your family, but there is always the other side as well. Talk it all over and be sure you can be happy with any decision that you make. I am sure you will make the right choice for your family!

 

[NY Disney fan]

I realize how silly I sound..

Its not silly because your vent is not necessarily about Disney, per se. It sounds like a quality of life issue, a sanity issue and a comfort issue. You reasons are valid and not to be ignored.

 

[asktriplets]

i'm so glad you had a great trip!!!

i am with you 100% on that struggle...i really think we want to be done having kids, but i still sometimes think, "well....maybe". i don't know about you, but my remaining "maybe" thoughts are generally focused on "missing out" on a singleton pregnancy and child (and i know there are no guarantees on a healthy, easy singleton). plus, i know we would all love and accept another baby into the family (just as we did with the first three and all the difficulties and chaos that came with a triplet pregnancy), so there is no definite factor in our lives (finances, life situation, spouse support) that says to "shut the door" on that part of our lives, which makes the choice harder.

and i also agree with you 100% that an excellent Disney vacation IS a motivator not to have more. it is one of the better examples in our life of how having just our 3 is just perfect for our family right now. truly, just like you, we think of it in the same terms as you are..."another baby would interefere with our vacation schedule (among other things)!". is that mean or selfish? no, because we know that if we did actually get pregnant, that thought would be out the window and we would be blissfully happy to welcome another one. but RIGHT NOW, while a potential baby is still only in the "planning stages", i think it is important to evaluate what you may want (or not want) in the future based on what you have (and appreciate) now.


good luck,

 

[tweedlemom]

We went through this decision-making 3 years ago. We already had 2 boys, and had always talked about just having 2 children. I think it's just the finality of it all. I looked at my boys and thought with pride, "This is it!", meaning 2 healthy children, just like we planned. but then I would also look at them and think, "This is it?, no little girl?", but that's OK! We are more than happy with our decision to remain at 2. Any major decision in life can be difficult, and the decision to have/not have children is absolutely an important one not taken lightly. Good luck!

 

[Colinsmom]

I know that it's hard, but you aren't dealing with absolutes, are you? No fourth baby this year doesn't mean no fourth baby ever, right? It's okay to delay the decision (I did that with our second, it took a while before I was ready to deal with IF tx again).

And a fourth baby doesn't mean no Disney for years. Babies can go to Disney (perhaps with a cousin, aunt or grandparent to help?) and it can still be fun for all.

It will all fall into place, and work out the way it was meant to be.

 

[ndgqccmiller]

I don't think its bad. I think you are at a different place then you were before. We have 3 kids and that is enough. Some of my friends have 1, 2, or 4. You know what is go for you and your family. I think when you get to the place where the kids are a little more self sufficent, and a little easier it makes the decision a little harder. We had our 3rd when we were almost to the that point, we love our third but since she is a lot younger she does get dragged EVERYWHERE... ball tournament, swim meets, big school trips, movies she may not like, etc. We did Disney when she was two. She did okay but now I get to use her to get a second trip. She'll be four in Sept 2008 and she is already all into princesses so we are planning on going Oct 2008. I'll say it again do what's best for you! Goodluck!

PS Our third is great and the older ones get annoyed by her, but they also adore her. My son gets her up every morning and he makes them breakfast and they start the morning together, just the two of them and my older daughter loves it when the little one lets her dress her up.

 

[mom2aredhead]

Disclaimer: I'm not looking to start trouble, get flamed, or second guess anyone's choices. I swear. It is not my intention to offend anyone.

I am the oldest of 3 and my sister and I were just discussing how hard it was to be 3 kids- when we went out for dinner, we were always the booth with the chair sticking out in the aisle, or the family that had the illegal rollaway bed on vacation.
More importantly, there seemed to always be an "odd man out" between the 3 of us - the 2 girls vs the boy or the 2 oldest vs the baby. Now that we are both parents ourselves, we were thinking that going from 1 kid to 2 maybe was not too bad, but juggling from 2 to 3 is much harder so a lot of people may stop there rather than have 4 (or more). BTW, this came up because even though we're all adults now, there is still an "odd man out".

I'm just curious why so many people feel that 3 is the right number as opposed to 2 or 4?

Edited to add: Sorry - I just realized that a lot of you are parents of triplets so the decision to have 3 was not "entirely" in your hands.

 

[ksumn1]

I think you are completely, totally normal. I think most Moms feel this way at some point. After I had my 1st DD, I really had that baby craving when she was around 2. Talked to DH, but we were really young (DD was a suprise), not very financially secure, I was working full time, as well as being a full time student and he wanted to wait. Mentally, I knew he was right. Emotionally, I was soooo ready/ Every time I'd see a baby, I'd melt. Smell that baby smell and I was hit with this pang of longing. When DD was 2 1/2, it really started to become an issue. I was ready, DH wasn't. I finally got him to agree that we would have another and that we would talk about it more seriously when I finished school. When she was 3, we had worked so hard (lots of overtime), were more financially stable, and school was great so we saved the $$ for WDW as reward for all our hard work. I had made my peace with waiting, really enjoyed the just the 3 of us time and had a great trip. Well, we brought home a little souvenir that was born exactly 9 months from our 1st day at WDW Life's funny that way.

Hope venting helps you feel a little better. Sounds like ya'll had a GREAT trip!!!

 

[3littleHalls]

Disclaimer: I'm not looking to start trouble, get flamed, or second guess anyone's choices. I swear. It is not my intention to offend anyone.

I am the oldest of 3 and my sister and I were just discussing how hard it was to be 3 kids- when we went out for dinner, we were always the booth with the chair sticking out in the aisle, or the family that had the illegal rollaway bed on vacation.
More importantly, there seemed to always be an "odd man out" between the 3 of us - the 2 girls vs the boy or the 2 oldest vs the baby. Now that we are both parents ourselves, we were thinking that going from 1 kid to 2 maybe was not too bad, but juggling from 2 to 3 is much harder so a lot of people may stop there rather than have 4 (or more). BTW, this came up because even though we're all adults now, there is still an "odd man out".

I'm just curious why so many people feel that 3 is the right number as opposed to 2 or 4?

Edited to add: Sorry - I just realized that a lot of you are parents of triplets so the decision to have 3 was not "entirely" in your hands.

I too am the oldest of 3. My husband and I had always said 2 or 4 never 3. I agree it was always 2 against 1 in our house growing up(all girls btw) and I thought that wouldn't be fair to have an odd #. Now that I have 3, I am also 36 yrs old, plus a fertility factor, and we live comfortably(can go on vacations, pay our bills, and save for college and retirement) we just think another would put a strain on all our activites. I am very blessed to have the 3 we have(2 from infertitilty treatments and one suprise) I wouldn't want it any other way It is more work, it is more frustrating, and it is worth it. Good luck to you on your decision.

 

[momof2n2]

BTDT!!

Before I convinced myself I could "handle" #3, I convinced myself a cruise would be better!!! I was totally trying to talk myself into all the travelling we could do as the boys were getting "older!" [A whopping 15mos and 3 y.o.]

But common sense prevailed and we jumped in to expecting #3...

then we played the same vacation v. baby game again...

and had #4.

Now we are done.








AND WE CAN'T AFFORD TO TRAVEL!!!!

 

[Kaler131]

I have 4 kids....and I LOVE it! I was the second child in a family with four kids, so it just seemed to come naturally to me. We didn't plan on having 4 and we actually discussed being done after our second (by then we had one girl and one boy), but then we just decided to see what happened. Another boy happened...LOL! Before we knew it, we were having yet another boy....So we FINALLY decided that we are done. Yes, it seems overwhelming sometimes, but that's parenthood. I saw the biggest difference going from two to three not three to four.
And yes, it is soooo much easier now that my oldest is 13 (but having a teenage girl is a whole lot of trouble itself... LOL!) and my youngest is 4. If I was asked about having my fourth a couple of years ago, my answer may have been quite different! LOL

 

[CastleCreations]

since you were blessed with 3 the first time...

who's to say next time you will only get one...LOL
Just remember the Gosslins. She wanted just one more, and she bought one, and got 5 free!!

 

[ndgqccmiller]

Wow this thread had gotten busy. When I first posted there was only the posters question. Anyway As I posted before I have 3 kids it just works for us. The third one is a little harder. But I think we are just used to the older ones doing stuff themselves.
I came from a family of 4 kids and I was the youngest of the 4 and there was 6 yrs between me and my older bro and 9 between me a my oldest sister, so by the time I came my parents were done. They had been the gs leader, the baseball coach the carpooler, they had done the driving tests etc.. They had gandbabies for goodness sakes. I was the girl who hitched rides from other moms to cheerleading comp, they were always working (mom was able to stay home when the others were young), my husband and I were dating and he taught me to drive. My parents loved me and are great, but by the time I came through they were done. Three is what we can handle, we have no family in town my husband is a firefighter so he works 24 hr shifts. When I had my second the minute she was born I said I can't wait for the third, the minute the third one was born I felt in my heart I was done. God gave me a calmness. Now all my other brothers and sister only have 1 or 2 kids go figure!
Sorry about going on and on!

 

[dougsmom98]

When my oldest was 4.5 and my twin boys were 3 years old we went to Disney. It was such a nice trip because it seemed so much easier than it had been in the past. We were out of the major toddler stage and they were so much more independent. We had planned on having four kids but after that trip, I second guessed what I wanted. Having multiples is tiring and it was nice not to feel so tired for once. For several months we decided we were "done," but then I started to wonder if we were making the right decision. The final straw for me was watching my oldest get on that big yellow school bus for the first time. I couldn't believe how quickly the time had gone. I knew at that minute that I wouldn't ever regret having another child, but I may regret not having one. We went for it and we have our DD. It is just amazing how she fits so well in our family. She goes everywhere and does everything that the older kids do. After the twins, having just one baby has been such a joy. Nighttime feedings weren't such a big deal and her crying didn't stress me out. We know she is our last so as she grows, we are slowly getting rid of baby stuff. It makes closing that chapter of our lives a little easier since we went into our pregnancy and birth knowing it was our last. Give it some time. If you continue to wonder if it is the right decision, that thought may never go away and perhaps you should have that fourth child. Best wishes.