one child family

[weswife]

Hello,

Like others have said, its a personal decision. I am only child, I have 3 kids. I enjoy having 3 kids! They are 14, 20 and 25 now! The youngest is a boy, he has a wonderful relationship with his sisters! My DD 20 is disabled and her siblings are wonderful to her! Growing up I had/have a ton of cousins!

All the best in what ever you decide!

 

[RMulieri]

On the flip side , there is NOTHING WRONG with having an only.My DD is an only child(a very difficult pregnancy and health issues made that decision for us) and it is wonderful.Contrary to the negative stereotypes she is not spoiled, weird or maladjusted.She gets our attention , we can focus on her needs , and has plenty of friends and sees her cousins all the time.She has never had any issues socializing or sharing ..You need to do what is best for you and your situation

 

[angelmom27]

We have had no issues involving our kids doing extra activities or spending time with each of them.

If you want another child you will find a way to do what needs to be done for each. We wanted a large family. I stay home, I homeschool, and we always make things work for everyone. Just because families have more then one child doesn't mean those options are out the window. In fact every large family I know the mom stays home and they have extra activities the kids do. Not saying to have a large family I just wanted to point out to those who made comments that when you have more than one you can't do those things. When you definitely can. I know what you mean about a bad birth experience causing you to want to get that back. I know several moms who had that experience but after having the birth they always wanted they fill that void. I can't say I had bad experiences but I most definitely wish I had learned about home birth with my first six kids. My 7 th was a home birth and was the most amazing experience. I can't wait for this baby to be born to feel that all over again.

 

[honeybunches]

Thanks for everyones experiences, im so happy to hear familys with large age gaps and well as those with just one child. Do parents with large gaps find it easy to do activities all children enjoy?
Im still so undecided, my sister in law is pregnant with her second and i cant help but feel at little jealous but in the same breath i secretly am happy not to deal with nappies etc. I think im trying to replace the 'lost' first year of my daughters life - i had a terrible birth, ended up with a crash csection and was very very ill for 3/4months and felt left out of DD life, ended up with PND and basically only starting being a proper parent when she turned a year. Oddly im not frightened of it happening again, but i think, deep down, i want another child to gain what i lost. This is not the only reason i desire a second child, obviously, but i wonder if it robbing me of my logic.

My kids are 5 years apart almost to the day. I have a daughter (9) and son (4). We waited until we'd been married 6 years to even decide if we wanted children. We were okay with having just one, but as my daughter got to be around 2.5 years old we felt like we wanted another. We had difficulty conceiving and then had a miscarriage. Eventually it all worked out and we had DS. I have friends who must be very fertile because they have zero problems getting preggo at the drop of a hat. The point is, you just never know what direction your life will take. We aren't super wealthy but we do just fine. In those early marriage yeas, we didn't have ANY extra money. I understand where you're coming from. Our incomes got bigger but then so did our expenses and lifestyle, so it all evened out. DH even surprised me by saying that if we could afford it and if I didn't have so much trouble with pregnancy, he would maybe want a third. I was shocked since he was adamantly finished after the 2nd. There were complications with both pregnancies (preterm labor both times, and then I had gestational diabetes with my son) but that's just how it goes with babies sometimes. I had c-sections with both. The first was emergency but the 2nd time I opted for a c-section. It went SO much better the 2nd time around, esp since I knew what to expect.

My SIL has a DD who is a year younger than mine. She desperately wanted another baby but her DH said absolutely not. I can see the longing in her eyes every time she sees my son. She is almost 40 so I think her window has passed, but it's a hole that is clearly in her heart.

As far as the activities, since my kids are so far apart they tend to have their own friend groups and activities for certain things. As in, they go to birthday parties separately. I find that it's helpful so they don't always have the same peer group to compete between. Then we do things they both enjoy, like swimming and riding bikes. You'll figure it out if you have two (or more!) and it will be fine. My DD is so very helpful with my son and he just adores her. If I had to do it over, I wouldn't change a thing. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[MissHippy]

There is 15 years between my brother and I. Unfortunately our mother is not very maternal and I pretty much raised him. Now he is 26, married with a child of his own. We have always been extremely close, even if my role with him is more as a mother than a sibling.
My dh and his brother are 2 years apart and don't speak, ever. So I guess it's not so much the age gap, but the personality that counts.

 

[DisneyWalle]

Just wanted to share the flip side...I have only have one, DS6. And only having one is amazing! We can focus all of our attention on him whether that's listening to him talk about grand house building plans when he is an architectural engineer, helping him with his homework, practicing soccer, whatever and there's no competition. He's the center of our universe. I recently asked him if he was happy being an only child and it was resounding yes. While we could afford more children, it would be more them going to state college rather than DS6 who if he decides he wants to go to Cornell or Princeton, we can tell him to go for it. I always worried him being an introvert since every only child I knew was but he is so NOT and feels comfortable talking to adults as well as kids. So in my opinion one is so much more fun!

This is us as well. My DS is also an only child and he would have it no other way. My husband and I love being able to spend time with him and focus that attention on his activities and interests. Since he is the only child, we have more money and resources to devote towards his schooling and future. In fact, next summer he is planning on attending two summer camps. One will be a week long church camp in NC and the other is a week long engineering camp at Auburn University. DS loves being with his friends and cousins, but since he is an only child, he also loves his alone time.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I agree on the personality thing--my oldest and youngest are 11 years apart, but have very similar temperaments. They have a very special bond, it's sweet to see, although I do have to remind DD18 that DS7 already HAS a mother, thankyouverymuch!

And right or wrong, our emotions DO play a huge role in having kids. After going through secondary infertility, I really felt we were tempting the fates, trying for a fourth. DH felt certain that we had a fourth that was meant to be, and was willing to endure anything (I'm a lousy pregnant person, he signed up for a nightly mid-night bottle). So, while I can't directly relate to your birth story, I can understand the emotion behind it.

I also wanted to mention that there's absolutely nothing wrong with having one child, or two, or ten, if that's what suits you. It's the most personal of decisions, and there are really good arguments/reasons for any number.
An exercise that might help is, spend a few days imagining that the doctor told you that you couldn't have any more kids. Do you feel shattered? Relieved? Accepting? Then spend a few days imagining that you just found out you were having twins. Again, see how your emotions go for a few days. Excited? Scared? Thrilled? Any and all are okay--you just need to find out what you really think.

 

[Sheepdog23]

I just wanted to say that no matter what you choose, it will be great. My first two are 2,5 years apart and they love each other but also want to kill each other. I had a horrible time with my second. Severe morning sickness, pelvic separation and then I was depressed for his first year. I felt awful about having missed so much and not enjoying everything but we have a great relationship now and he is six. I wanted a third and we waited four years. It is tough to go back to baby but it is also so much fun to see our little guy from sept 2011 try to be like his big sis and bro. He tries to play paper jam guitar and sing, tries to ride a bike, play video games and even cook. It makes every day an adventure and I am thankful that i waited because he may just kill me from all his spiderman tricks! We do not have a lot of money and we sometimes struggle, but if you want one, you can make it work. Just don't get hung up on age spacing. I am thinking about my poor little one with no close sibling but then
I remember that he is too busy with the others to notice!

 

[Theaberdeenkid]

There is never a perfect time to have kids, you either do or don't.
I also must call BS on your use of the word cruel. Keep things in perspective, 25k people die of starvation a day worldwide, unless you believe your kids will be one of them, then what is cruel about giving a child the chance at life.
Stop waiting for life to be perfect and just live it, it's not a dress rehearsal.