OMG!!!Parents are blind to their snowflake children!!! Long

[Tink888]

We live in a very nice neighborhood right around the corner from the elementary school that everyone wants to attend. So there are many children that live around us. My oldest DD12 is in 6th grade at the school. She has probably 15 friends that live around us and they walk around the neighborhood in the afternoon and hang out until dark. There are a couple of kids that like to "ding dong ditch." My DD is forbidden from it because DH and I don't like it. It is harmless, but so aggravating and so I don't allow her to do it. There is one particular girl who loves to do it and most of the kids just stand back and watch her. Also we have known this girl and her family since kindergarten and she is a very straight, goody goody girl at school, never in trouble. She just likes to DDD.

Today, my DH was in our upper hallway that looks out over our foyer through a big upper window and out to the front yard and street. He heard the herd of kids (my DD was out there too) laughing so he went down stairs and then he heard one of the kids yell "ooohh it's dog poop." DH looks outside and sees this. My daughter was with some other girls in the distance and didn't really see what was going on and one of the boys yelled the dog poop comment. Well, DH sees the girl walk up on our porch tracking the poop. DH is thinking why is she coming up here if DD is outside??? Maybe she wants help with the dog poop on her shoe??? The she walks up to our front porch and wipes the bottom of her shoe on our porch to get it off. She then ding dong ditches us all the while DH is watching.

DH runs to the door she runs, as do the observers. DD has walked off because she didn't see it. He yells to the girl not to do that again. He then walks to our garage, which is open and faces the area they ran to and gets a mop bucket to clean it up, yelling at the girl "yeah, I'm cleaning up your poop!" DH cleans it up.

Then DH is mad, he calls the girl's mom and leaves a message. She doesn't call back. He waits about an hour and calls again and speaks to the mom and tells. Mom says "we'll take care of it." DH leaves to take younger DD to swim practice. Right after he leaves Mom and girl show up on our door step with paper towels, cleaner, etc. I told them DH had already cleaned it up. The girl is crying, sniffling. Mom says do you have something to say, girl says "sorry." Mom says "she didn't mean to do it." I told Mom that we know she didn't step in the poop on purpose, but she did intentionally wipe it off on our porch and then DDD us. Mom starts to say something, but doesn't and asks girls if she had something else to say, girl shook her head in the negative. I told them it was okay and thanks for coming.

DH comes home, I tell him, we feel good girl apologized and all is well....for about 5 minutes. DH's phone rings. It is girl's father yelling at DH that his daughter would never do this, my DD was out there too and they wouldn't be around us any longer. DH started to respond and father hangs up on him.

About 2 minutes later he calls DH back and apologizes for hanging up on him. DH begins to tell him what he saw her do. The father says his daugher was upset, that there was no poop on her shoe, he checked it out. DH remained calm and told him he could ask the many 6th grade witnesses that saw her do this. Father is still saying she didn't do it. DH finally says that father could come look at the dog turd that he had in a bag in our garbage that his daughter stepped in. Father declined Father then said "well, it wasn't malicious." DH said he didn't think it was but to wipe dog poop on our porch and then DDD was just a bit much. The father disagreed and thought DDD was fine and she didn't mean to get poop on our porch so we shouldn't have upset her by calling.

Girl is now on FB posting how mad she is. I'm sure my DD will pay for this at school somehow. I can not believe this father believes his obvioulsy lying DD over my DH. That is crazy! Vent over....I feel better after typing this all out. Thanks for reading.

I don't know.......it just seems like a whole lot of drama on all fronts. I can understand your DH being mad, I would've been mad also, but in a way he I think he over-reacted a little bit. I don't understand how if he was in the upstairs window facing the front of your house, how he'd be able to see the girl intentionally smear the poop on your porch. Is it possible the girl thought it was off when she went up there to DDD you and unintentionally tracked it up there? Maybe that was what the Mom was going to say and then stopped and that's why the Dad called (which I think he blew out of proportion too).

DDD is harmless but it's also stupid. I don't get why all the parents in the neighborhood condone it. I mean, I realize kids are going to do stupid, silly things but that doesn't mean parents should give them the go ahead to do it. And in a way, even though you don't allow your DD to do it, you're kind of condoning it to because you know she's with a group that's doing it. Kind of like guilt by association whether she's ringing a bell or not.

The Facebook thing I understand and I wouldn't let it bother me, the girl was mad. Even though it was her own fault she got in trouble, she was mad, that's a human reaction and she vented on FB about it - she's allowed to do that, just like you're venting here.

On the plus side maybe the kids will quit playing the game now. Or at least leave your house alone.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since you saw your dd there & she did nothing here is my approach.

My own dd would be cleaning up the poop for not stopping the girl.

Probably not going to be the most popular opinion however my dd's know that you protect the homefront. To allow that is just not right.

On top of which you said you didn't allow your dd to DDD and yet she gets to hang with people that do it. That is the same as doing it imo.

There is more than one snowflake here.

 

[minkydog]

Since you saw your dd there & she did nothing here is my approach.

My own dd would be cleaning up the poop for not stopping the girl.

Probably not going to be the most popular opinion however my dd's know that you protect the homefront. To allow that is just not right.

On top of which you said you didn't allow your dd to DDD and yet she gets to hang with people that do it. That is the same as doing it imo.

There is more than one snowflake here.

 

[Tink888]

Since you saw your dd there & she did nothing here is my approach.

My own dd would be cleaning up the poop for not stopping the girl.

Probably not going to be the most popular opinion however my dd's know that you protect the homefront. To allow that is just not right.

On top of which you said you didn't allow your dd to DDD and yet she gets to hang with people that do it. That is the same as doing it imo.

There is more than one snowflake here.

Not an unpopular opinion at all. That's exactly how it would've went down at my house too!

 

[momx2]

Not an unpopular opinion at all. That's exactly how it would've went down at my house too!

That's what I said would have happened too. My DD and a few other friends had walked off in the other direction before the girl approached the house. MY DH had seen her do that with his own eyes. I tried to blame her for it, but he said she had walked off and the DDD girl and a few others stayed to watch.

Sorry you think mine is a snowflake too, but you would be wrong.

 

[Buckalew11]

I don't know why your DH, when he went outside, didn't tell the girl to clean up the dog poop she got on your porch? If a kid put dogpoop on my porch and I caught them doing it, you'd better believe they'd be cleaning up their mess.

We had a HS boy try to egg the house next to us from a distance and missed by a lot, lol, and the egg landed steps in front of my shop door. DH was outside when it happened and walked down the driveway and the kid started to run away, he called him over and told him to get up there and clean the egg off the driveway.

I'd also be finding new, productive things for my dd to do that run around the neighborhood with a bunch of kids playing TRICK or treat in January.

 

[Bluestars]

I don't think your daughter is a snowflake and don't see why anyone is trying to blame her. As far as her hanging out with kids who do it, so what? None of my kids' friends were perfect. Although I wouldn't let my own kids DDD or TP someone's house, I would not forbid them from being friends with kids who do. Now if the kids were doing drugs or something like that, it's a different story.

I think you and your husband handled things just fine.

 

[bumbershoot]

The kids she hangs around with are all the "good kids." The kids that make straight As or close to it, play all the sports and are in all the clubs. The girl who did the ditching is actually on the Leadership team at school.

Oh the good kids are the worst! Well, a certain kind of good kid; the kids with connections. My brother was in the AP classes at his huge HS in Miami, he hung out with all the other ridiculously smart kids. And they got away with so so much. Our dad shares a name with a famous person who came to speak at his HS. He told his teacher "my dad is blah blah. So I'm going to take the rest of the day off after blah blah speaks". And the teacher didn't realize that my brother wasn't actually saying "THAT blah blah is my father and I'm going to hang out with him". One of his friends was left at home alone for about 2 weeks senior year with a certain amount of money for food. The last couple mornings he was out of milk and money, and had his cereal with beer, then went to school. Did not get in trouble! They didn't even think to wonder about him.

I don't know why your DH, when he went outside, didn't tell the girl to clean up the dog poop she got on your porch? If a kid put dogpoop on my porch and I caught them doing it, you'd better believe they'd be cleaning up their mess.

She said "DH runs to the door she runs, as do the observers. DD has walked off because she didn't see it. He yells to the girl not to do that again." Sounds like the girl wouldn't have come back, if she even heard him yell.



I will admit that sometimes we're perhaps a bit soft on DS, explaining things more than other parents might, so there could be some that think we think of him as a snowflake. Regardless of that, what I see in his gymnastics and homeschool PE classes is astonishing! There are these boys at his gym class that are constantly being put into time out by the teacher because of their behaviour, who distract the other kids (thankfully DS has stopped paying attention to their antics), etc etc. Their moms are there! And they aren't sitting there, heads in hands, yanking the kids out after the third timeout...they're just sitting there, chatting away, while their kids take over the class for minutes at a time...

 

[momx2]

I don't know.......it just seems like a whole lot of drama on all fronts. I can understand your DH being mad, I would've been mad also, but in a way he I think he over-reacted a little bit. I don't understand how if he was in the upstairs window facing the front of your house, how he'd be able to see the girl intentionally smear the poop on your porch. Is it possible the girl thought it was off when she went up there to DDD you and unintentionally tracked it up there? Maybe that was what the Mom was going to say and then stopped and that's why the Dad called (which I think he blew out of proportion too).

DDD is harmless but it's also stupid. I don't get why all the parents in the neighborhood condone it. I mean, I realize kids are going to do stupid, silly things but that doesn't mean parents should give them the go ahead to do it. And in a way, even though you don't allow your DD to do it, you're kind of condoning it to because you know she's with a group that's doing it. Kind of like guilt by association whether she's ringing a bell or not.

The Facebook thing I understand and I wouldn't let it bother me, the girl was mad. Even though it was her own fault she got in trouble, she was mad, that's a human reaction and she vented on FB about it - she's allowed to do that, just like you're venting here.

On the plus side maybe the kids will quit playing the game now. Or at least leave your house alone.

The way my house is that my front has a huge window in the foyer that looks directly onto the front yard, street and street that intersects with my street. You can hear everything in our front yard and the streets in front of us upstairs because the upstairs hallway is open to the foyer. When he heard them making noise out front he was upstairs in the hallway, which is open to the foyer. He looked out the window and saw them, then went downstairs the stairs are also open to the foyer. As he got down to the foyer he heard a boy say "oohh dog poop." That's when he went to our dining room window right next to our foyer and watched her walk up on or sidewalk tracking dog poop. She then took her foot and scraped it a few times on the porch, intentionally, and then rang our doorbell and ran. I don't think she intentionally stepped in poop to smear on our porch and we told her father and mother that, but she did intentionally scrape it on the porch.

We would not have called for just DDD. She's done it before as have others and we don't like it, but don't tell on the kids. He was upset that after she scraped the poop on our porch she still did the DDD. It was like adding insult to injury and very gross.

He called and told the mom. The mom took care of it appropriately and then the dad went nuts. We didn't call him back, he called us. My DH didn't even get mad when he was basically calling him a liar. He just asked if he wanted to see the poop his daughter stepped in.

I'm not upset about Facebook. I just hope she doesn't start trouble for my DD on Monday.

I guess we're wrong for not wanting to clean up poop.

 

[momx2]

I don't know why your DH, when he went outside, didn't tell the girl to clean up the dog poop she got on your porch? If a kid put dogpoop on my porch and I caught them doing it, you'd better believe they'd be cleaning up their mess.

We had a HS boy try to egg the house next to us from a distance and missed by a lot, lol, and the egg landed steps in front of my shop door. DH was outside when it happened and walked down the driveway and the kid started to run away, he called him over and told him to get up there and clean the egg off the driveway.

I'd also be finding new, productive things for my dd to do that run around the neighborhood with a bunch of kids playing TRICK or treat in January.

She ran off and hid behind bushes. At first I told him he should have got her and made her clean it up, but I'm glad he didn't. The dad would have probably had DH arrested for it or something.

 

[momx2]

I don't think your daughter is a snowflake and don't see why anyone is trying to blame her. As far as her hanging out with kids who do it, so what? None of my kids' friends were perfect. Although I wouldn't let my own kids DDD or TP someone's house, I would not forbid them from being friends with kids who do. Now if the kids were doing drugs or something like that, it's a different story.

I think you and your husband handled things just fine.

Thanks! I was beginning to wonder if the father of the DDDer was right and we were wrong??

 

[MinnieTink]

Sounds like the mom was trying to do the right thing and have the DD apologize and clean the mess. Then Pops has to get his hot head in it!

Last year my DD kept asking for lunch money entirely too many times during the week. I kept asking her if she was losing it or what the heck was going on. She said so and so is taking my money. (another 12 y/o girl). I told her she needs to handle it and tell her to stop, stick up for herself. It continued. The girl threatened her. Or if my DD put her change down on the tray this delightful little chestnut would just swipe it and run away. I said enough and called the mother. She apologized and said she would talk to her DD. Thank you! Well a day or two later we were at a school function and I see the father pointing at me and looking like he wanted to totally kick my butt. I was scared. My DH was not with me. The father said Why do you accuse my DSnowflake!?!! I was so intimidated. It really was my DDs word against his. But then the Snowflake/thief fully admitted to us all right there that she had been taking the money and when Daddy asked why she just shrugged. He mumbled some form of an "eating crow" apology and stomped off grumbling at his DD. My DD was afraid of repercussions afterward but they never came thank goodness.

 

[Tink888]

That's what I said would have happened too. My DD and a few other friends had walked off in the other direction before the girl approached the house. MY DH had seen her do that with his own eyes. I tried to blame her for it, but he said she had walked off and the DDD girl and a few others stayed to watch.

Sorry you think mine is a snowflake too, but you would be wrong.

When I quoted the post, I bolded the parts I quoted. I don't believe that I referred to your DD as a snowflake so please don't assume what I think

The way my house is that my front has a huge window in the foyer that looks directly onto the front yard, street and street that intersects with my street. You can hear everything in our front yard and the streets in front of us upstairs because the upstairs hallway is open to the foyer. When he heard them making noise out front he was upstairs in the hallway, which is open to the foyer. He looked out the window and saw them, then went downstairs the stairs are also open to the foyer. As he got down to the foyer he heard a boy say "oohh dog poop." That's when he went to our dining room window right next to our foyer and watched her walk up on or sidewalk tracking dog poop. She then took her foot and scraped it a few times on the porch, intentionally, and then rang our doorbell and ran. I don't think she intentionally stepped in poop to smear on our porch and we told her father and mother that, but she did intentionally scrape it on the porch.

We would not have called for just DDD. She's done it before as have others and we don't like it, but don't tell on the kids. He was upset that after she scraped the poop on our porch she still did the DDD. It was like adding insult to injury and very gross.

He called and told the mom. The mom took care of it appropriately and then the dad went nuts. We didn't call him back, he called us. My DH didn't even get mad when he was basically calling him a liar. He just asked if he wanted to see the poop his daughter stepped in.

I'm not upset about Facebook. I just hope she doesn't start trouble for my DD on Monday.

I guess we're wrong for not wanting to clean up poop.

Nope, you're not wrong. From your original post, it sounded as if your DH was viewing everything from your upstairs window. I can't see my front porch from my upstairs window and that's why I questioned it. Was it wrong to ask you to perhaps see the other parent's perspective?

FWIW, I don't think your daughter will have any trouble on Monday. In the life of Facebook and 12 year olds, that's an entire lifetime.

 

[Buckalew11]

But if this happened at another neighbor's house and your DD was "in the herd" (though not on the porch or even steps away from the porch) and your neighbor looked out and saw "the herd" they'd include your dd in the group. You know, the ol' "you're known by the company you keep" saying.

 

[Bluestars]

But if this happened at another neighbor's house and your DD was "in the herd" (though not on the porch or even steps away from the porch) and your neighbor looked out and saw "the herd" they'd include your dd in the group. You know, the ol' "you're known by the company you keep" saying.

I do agree with this. If my kid was physically present in a group where someone did this, then my kid would definitely be in trouble. That would be like sitting in the car while the rest of the kids are TPing a house. Definitely just as bad as doing it.

 

[RitaZ.]

But if this happened at another neighbor's house and your DD was "in the herd" (though not on the porch or even steps away from the porch) and your neighbor looked out and saw "the herd" they'd include your dd in the group. You know, the ol' "you're known by the company you keep" saying.

That's a good point.

OP, at this point, if you haven't already done so, I would have a conversation with your daughter addressing the above.

I think you and your husband handled the situation well. Some may have involved their child in the cleaning process. Others may not. When we look back on a situation, there are always things that we can do better. It's over now.

IMO, the girl's dad is in for a "fun ride" if he doesn't begin to think and behave rationally. He is going to be eating a whole lot of crow in the future.

 

[momx2]

When I quoted the post, I bolded the parts I quoted. I don't believe that I referred to your DD as a snowflake so please don't assume what I think



Nope, you're not wrong. From your original post, it sounded as if your DH was viewing everything from your upstairs window. I can't see my front porch from my upstairs window and that's why I questioned it. Was it wrong to ask you to perhaps see the other parent's perspective?

FWIW, I don't think your daughter will have any trouble on Monday. In the life of Facebook and 12 year olds, that's an entire lifetime.

I'm sorry I thought you were agreeing with the other post. My mistake.

You know I do see the other parents view. We all want to believe our children. I guess what is so troubling is that the father is taking his child's story over what my DH said he observed. If there had been a past history of problems between the families or girls I would understand. We were just shocked at how he believes his dd and why would he believe that my DH would make it up.

You are correct about the weekend being a lifetime away from Monday. Hopefully, it will all blow over.

 

[momx2]

I do agree with this. If my kid was physically present in a group where someone did this, then my kid would definitely be in trouble. That would be like sitting in the car while the rest of the kids are TPing a house. Definitely just as bad as doing it.

I agree with you and bucklew. It's funny. The girl who does the DDD will run and hide and so will some of the other kids after they realize she has done it. My DD and a few others don't because they didn't do it. One day it's going to get her in trouble I'm afraid. Hopefully this girl will stop as she is the only one that does this now.

 

[momx2]

That's a good point.

OP, at this point, if you haven't already done so, I would have a conversation with your daughter addressing the above.

I think you and your husband handled the situation well. Some may have involved their child in the cleaning process. Others may not. When we look back on a situation, there are always things that we can do better. It's over now.

IMO, the girl's dad is in for a "fun ride" if he doesn't begin to think and behave rationally. He is going to be eating a whole lot of crow in the future.

I think we are going to have that talk. I do have a feeling that this girl will stop now though.

I also agree about the dad and the future. DH and I were talking about that tonight. Is he really always going to believe her??? Scary!

 

[lillygator]

But if this happened at another neighbor's house and your DD was "in the herd" (though not on the porch or even steps away from the porch) and your neighbor looked out and saw "the herd" they'd include your dd in the group. You know, the ol' "you're known by the company you keep" saying.

bingo, I think that is being overlooked.