Omg...my friend's dad hit on me

[boomhauer]

well none of us know for sure, and its not really our job to judge her
if you dont believe her ignore the thread
if you do it sounds like its over so....

Very well said.

Sadly, many people feel as though it IS their job to judge. It stinks, but if you're gonna post personal issues on a message board, you're bound to get some judgemental replies. I make that mistake all the time. Something's bothering you and you just want to get it off your chest sometimes. I make the mistake of forgetting that posts on message boards can read alot differently than what the OP has intended.

In any event, to the OP, don't worry about people not believing you. Message boards are like movie critics - They can be taken way too seriously. Do what you feel is inyour best interest, what makes you feel most comfortable and everything will be fine.

 

[JerseyBallerina]

Thank you to everyone who is standing up for me and for those who doubt me, I really hope your daughter/sister/friend never goes through what I did because it sounds as if the man's actions don't fit your time table, you're not going to believe them.

On a side note, he has had no contact with me so I would be surprised if anything happens today.

Again, thank you for all the advice and support from some of you.

 

[MagicalMom]

Thank you to everyone who is standing up for me and for those who doubt me, I really hope your daughter/sister/friend never goes through what I did because it sounds as if the man's actions don't fit your time table, you're not going to believe them.

Honey, true or not, you were hit on. That's it, plain & simple, a man hit on you. I've got a feeling it has happened to many of us before. He didn't grab you & kiss you, he didn't rape you, he hit on you.

 

[CheshireVal]

Honey, true or not, you were hit on. That's it, plain & simple, a man hit on you. I've got a feeling it has happened to many of us before. He didn't grab you & kiss you, he didn't rape you, he hit on you.

Exactly.

That was kind of my point early on in the thread, too. I'm actually quite surprised at how many people are acting all shocked and appalled by this story. Maybe I'm missing something, but it just doesn't seem all that horrific to me.

 

[MushyMushy]

Sexual abuse? Oh for the love...in 24 hours, this went from sleezy Dad making sexual innuendo with her at dinner to to raving, stalking sexual abuser who is going to prevent her from ever finding employment. Give me a break.

It's just semantics. I couldn't come up with a better word for it right after I woke up this morning.

And the response was to someone who suggested that this type of thing doesn't "just happen," and my point was that it can and it does.

 

[iggbees]

deleted by me.

 

[Amberle3]

Honey, true or not, you were hit on. That's it, plain & simple, a man hit on you. I've got a feeling it has happened to many of us before. He didn't grab you & kiss you, he didn't rape you, he hit on you.

Does that make it right, or acceptable? Is it perfectly fine for the father of one of her friends to make sexual remarks and advances toward her and then offer her a job as enticement?

And seriously when did it become acceptable to make blatant sexual remarks in casual conversation? Would it be okay for a coworker to say to you "Your breasts are looking really perky today, let me know if you need some company"? Or for a woman to say "Honey your *** looks so good to me, I wouldn't mind getting my hands on you for a while"? What happened to respect?

 

[JerseyBallerina]

Don't make this out to be like I was overreacting (which is exactly what he said). From the beginning I said I was hit on. I never called it sexual abuse and I never even called it harrassment. But this is the first time someone that much older than me in a position of authority did something like this to me, so excuse me if I got freaked out.

Maybe when I'm older and wiser like you, I will be able to let stuff like this roll off my back but I didn't know how to handle it. Don't tell me that I shouldn't have felt the way I did.

 

[MushyMushy]

Don't make this out to be like I was overreacting (which is exactly what he said). From the beginning I said I was hit on. I never called it sexual abuse and I never even called it harrassment. But this is the first time someone that much older than me in a position of authority did something like this to me, so excuse me if I got freaked out.

Maybe when I'm older and wiser like you, I will be able to let stuff like this roll off my back but I didn't know how to handle it. Don't tell me that I shouldn't have felt the way I did.

Don't let anybody downplay your experience.

If this was a matter of one woman's husband hitting on the grown woman's best friend, everyone would be crying for his blood.

 

[oxfordcircus]

But this is the first time someone that much older than me in a position of authority did something like this to me, so excuse me if I got freaked out.

Maybe when I'm older and wiser like you, I will be able to let stuff like this roll off my back but I didn't know how to handle it. Don't tell me that I shouldn't have felt the way I did.

He's not in a position of authority.

 

[horseshowmom]

Don't make this out to be like I was overreacting (which is exactly what he said). From the beginning I said I was hit on. I never called it sexual abuse and I never even called it harrassment. But this is the first time someone that much older than me in a position of authority did something like this to me, so excuse me if I got freaked out.

Maybe when I'm older and wiser like you, I will be able to let stuff like this roll off my back but I didn't know how to handle it. Don't tell me that I shouldn't have felt the way I did.

You did not overreact, and you had every right to feel the way you did. I'm the parent of a DD not much younger than you, and it makes me angry. This wasn't some guy at McD's or at school "hitting on you". This was a different situation, and you had every right to be uncomfortable. If it happened to the vast majority of people the same way it happened to you, their skins would crawl too.

Don't let anybody downplay your experience.

If this was a matter of one woman's husband hitting on the grown woman's best friend, everyone would be crying for his blood.

Amen to that!

 

[horseshowmom]

He's not in a position of authority.

I understand what you mean, but I think most girls her age would view their friend's dad, their parents' friend, a somewhat influential member of the community as being in a position of authority. I know my DD would look at it like that.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

I understand what you mean, but I think most girls her age would view their friend's dad, their parents' friend, a somewhat influential member of the community as being in a position of authority. I know my DD would look at it like that.

I agree with you, and since OP stated that he's trying to push her into taking the iternship with his firm, then he is using his position as an "authority figure" to get to her.

 

[RickinNYC]

OP, if the facts as you stated them are true, good for you for taking action in the manner in which you have. Hold onto those voice mail messages in the meantime, and when you get a copy of your bill that notes incoming calls. hold onto it. But that's really all you can do. He hasn't done anything illegal, simply unethical and immoral. I'm afraid there's not a heck of a lot more you can do at this point so you should simply move on.

As for those that are now putting you under the DISmicroscope, ignore them. Life is too short to worry about what folks you don't even truly know are saying or thinking about you. They are entitled to their thoughts but it doesn't make it gospel.

 

[MushyMushy]

I understand what you mean, but I think most girls her age would view their friend's dad, their parents' friend, a somewhat influential member of the community as being in a position of authority. I know my DD would look at it like that.

Heh. I'm 40 years old and I still view some of my friends parents as being in a position of authority! At my age, I'd know how to put them in their place. At 22, I would have felt victimized.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I read a pervasive sexism coming from women which is very disturbing. We are not playthings for men and to trivialize aggression against women is just off the wall to me. For goodness sake, men don't even need to come up with their own excuses for inappropriate behavior when its plain there are women lining up to make up excuses for them. Women who don't even know the guy are protecting him???? ???No wonder it played out with his wife & daughter the way it did. I bet he didn't even have to say a word in his defense if the women here are any indication of what is out there. Even your friend was more comfortable turning it around on you. We are one messed up society, How sad.

My DH is my DH (and best friend in the world) because he always treats me with respect & dignity. Anything less is unacceptable. There are no acceptable excuses for debasing anyone ever.

Think about it: If you don't think you deserve respect why would anyone disagree with you.

 

[CheshireVal]

I read a pervasive sexism coming from women which is very disturbing. We are not playthings for men and to trivialize aggression against women is just off the wall to me. For goodness sake, men don't even need to come up with their own excuses for inappropriate behavior when its plain there are women lining up to make up excuses for them. Women who don't even know the guy are protecting him???? ???

Oh puh-leeze.

I happen to think that if you're hit on by a creepy guy, it's not the end of the world. I'm not advocating that his behavior is appropriate, because it's not. He's married.

But it happens, and he didn't touch her and he didn't rape her. He just used some cheesy lines.

 

[JerseyBallerina]

It wasn't a one time thing - if it stopped after the dinne conversation, I wouldn't have been fine with it but I could have gotten over it. The fact is, he called me multiple times and god knows what would have happened if I hadn't gotten other people involved.

What if your husband/boyfriend/whatever hit on a younger girl in a similar way? Would you be okay with that? I mean, he didn't rape her so he must not have done anything wrong, right? Let's give all creepy old men free reign to talk however they want to whoever they want because no real damage is done if they don't actually touch them. Give me a break.

 

[oxfordcircus]

I understand what you mean, but I think most girls her age would view their friend's dad, their parents' friend, a somewhat influential member of the community as being in a position of authority. I know my DD would look at it like that.

I agree with you, and since OP stated that he's trying to push her into taking the iternship with his firm, then he is using his position as an "authority figure" to get to her.

Heh. I'm 40 years old and I still view some of my friends parents as being in a position of authority! At my age, I'd know how to put them in their place. At 22, I would have felt victimized.

I understand what y'all are saying as well. But perception and reality are two different things in this situation. I'd prefer not to push the age of childhood too far. We're talking about a college graduate here. The only authority this guy has over the adult-woman-OP is what she GIVES him. That's it. I understand the desire to sympathize and understand that she may feel like he's an authority figure, but that's not helpful to her because it encourages a view that isn't real. Early in this thread, I thought I may have a helpful insight, being in the legal field myself. I tried to dispell the misperception that the guy can somehow make or break the OP's theoretical legal career. He can't. So that should NOT BE A FACTOR in how she reacts to him. There are other factors - family, friends, self. But let's not manufacture any additional, fake considerations.

 

[Crankyshank]

I have taken the LSATS and gotten into two law schools so far, waiting to hear from two more. I know how the legal world works, espeically in the area I am interested in working. Young female lawyers have a hard enough time getting jobs without someone saying they're a slut or a tease or a *****.

I know a lot of female lawyers and quite a few women currently in law school. Unless NJ suddenly became part of a John Grisham book, resisting the advances of one creepy lawyer is not going to be the end of your legal career- even in your own town and you don't get called a slut or a tease or whatever anymore for being a female lawyer .

He has power over your because you are choosing to give it to him. A vast majority of young women are hit on by a sleezy guy at some point that won't take no for an answer. Be firm and unwavering and don't give him any power. Don't make excuses and don't apologize. No means No, and move on. The more of an issue you make of it is what's going to make the difference in how the legal world reacts to you in the future. If he truly harrassed or assaulted you, that's one thing. This just seems to be a horny mid life crisis sufferer that thinks he's the bees knees. Say no and move on.