Okay... Think I Could Use Some PD Now

[Lorix2]

Magix - I'm truly sorry for what you and your family is going thru. This has to be extremely difficult for you. You do not sound selfish at all...you're scared, anxious, sad and worried, all real human emotions.

I agree that you might be surprised just how much you're mom would love to open up to you. As a mother myself, I think I would hold everything back unless my kids wanted to know for fear I'd scare them even more. She needs you and your dad now.

((HUGS)) to you.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Magix,

You will find the inner strength to get through this. Doctors don't know when someone will die they just give estimates. My father lived 8 months longer than they said he would. At the end I was ready to let him go home because no one wants to see a loved one suffer. You will find peace. The only advice I can give you is to plan her funeral now. Talk to her about her wishes. Our family went to the funeral home and planned everything months before Dad died. It made things much easier on us. I would love to give you a great big hug. I have a feeling your Dad will be grateful that you are still living at home. Cats are great listeners.

Lori

 

[Magix]

Thanks, Lori for your suggestions (I still love your user name!). Mom and I went together (she couldn't stand to have dad do it) to the funeral home and made her plans earlier this year. I think it was just after she'd been told her cancer was back for the third time (it always came back just a few months after completing the latest treatments) and had spread. Which leads me to floridafam's question: yes, it's in her liver, also her lungs and somewhere near her pancreas and, I think, near her aorta (it all gets so confusing). About a year and a half ago, mom's doctor told her that people in her condition usually lived about 4 mos to 4 years, with 1 year being the average. She's already outlived that average, so I'm hopeful we have more than the 2-3 months he's told her now. Still, it won't be long enough...

Though I have to say that planning mom's funeral service was actually kind of funny. I deal with stress best by laughing and I did an awful lot of that while we were there. I think the lady helping us thought I was a little weird, but it was probably one of the more entertaining planning sessions she's had! It did make me think, though, that it could be a lot of fun to plan your own funeral, if you did it when you were healthy. You could come up with the perfect invites, things you want read out loud to your friends and family, music that you loved, etc. What terrific possibilities there are for making your memorial service perfectly reflective of who you were. Think I'll do that for myself sometime and write it all down... just so it's there.

By the way... thanks again, everyone, for your kindness. I can't get over what a great place the DIS CB is!

 

[debster812]

Though I have to say that planning mom's funeral service was actually kind of funny. I deal with stress best by laughing and I did an awful lot of that while we were there. I think the lady helping us thought I was a little weird, but it was probably one of the more entertaining planning sessions she's had! It did make me think, though, that it could be a lot of fun to plan your own funeral, if you did it when you were healthy. You could come up with the perfect invites, things you want read out loud to your friends and family, music that you loved, etc. What terrific possibilities there are for making your memorial service perfectly reflective of who you were. Think I'll do that for myself sometime and write it all down... just so it's there.

See!!! Right there. That is one of those oh so precious (albeit a tad morbid) but what a memory for you to carry, and what a service you did for you mom, going with her, and helping her plan things 'her way'

I suspect you are quite a bit stronger than you are giving yourself credit for!!

Keep chugging along, baby steps, and one day at a time.

 

[believe]

Prayers for you and your family. My Mom has terminal lung cancer, she has been fighting it for the last 14 months and we are near the stage of no treatment. We will know more next week after a CAT scan. I really pray that you and your family grow closer in this time. I know I couldn't make it without my family. As for selfish, everyone goes through this differently. I have one sister that has the same thoughts as you, you are not alone. We are letting my Mom make her decisions, but are insisting on the doctor giving her enough information to make an informed decision. Currently I am occassionally reading the book 'Final Gifts'. You may want to look into this book.

 

[figment95]

I am so sorry. I have no words of comfort except that I am praying for you and your family.

 

[Curly Q]

I'm so sorry Magix Maybe you could try writing a letter to your Mom or Dad. I know I have a very tough time expressing my true feelings to people. No matter how much I love them. I am always too embarrassed. I can write all my feelings and thoughts in a letter and not be embarrassed.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Thanks! I lurked on these boards for many months because I couldn't figure out a good user name! Crazy, I know.

My siblings and I thought we were the only family to laugh so much while planning a funeral. We discussed them not using so much make-up and making him look like a huge powder puff hit him in the face. Dad had gorgeous white and silver hair. We arranged for his floral spray to have burnt orange and lots of fall colors because he went to Clemson and was a huge fan. We were able to laugh during this time of crisis because he was still alive. I often think we were told Dad was going to die because God wanted to give us time to prepare. I don't know how people get over the shock of losing a loved one suddenly. It has to knock the wind right out of your sails. You take care and enjoy your Mom!

Lori

 

[Magix]

Well... things seem to be moving much faster than I expected. Mom is now sleeping in a hospital bed which was brought by the home hospice care people. Dad had them place it in the living room. She's still able to get up and she can walk with the help of a walker to keep her steady. Just in the last two days, though, she's begun to become disoriented, which the hospice care nurse told my dad is an expected part of this process (and I had just read the same online the day it started). Dad is now working from home so he can be there to take care of her when she needs it. It's hard for me to come home from work every night not quite knowing what I'm going to find when I get there.

Our vintage racing club had it's awards banquet last weekend and they gave my mom an award called the "Ironman". Mom & dad couldn't come to the banquet, so I picked up the award for her. The woman who nominated her, and presented the award, is a cancer survivor who has been keeping in touch with my mom through all this. It was quite touching to hear her talk about how much my mom's strength has helped her get through her own battle. They gave a second "Ironman" award to a driver who was just diagnosed with bone and liver cancer before Thanksgiving. His friends were there to accept his award. Apparently, he is already is such serious condition that personal visits with him are impossible. I spoke with one of his friends and we both agreed that all of this just plain sucks - there's no other way to put it.

I don't expect it to be very long now before mom is gone. Honestly, I think we'll be lucky if we get a couple of weeks. I kind of expect it any day, but maybe that's just because I'm trying to make myself ready for it (as if I ever could be).

I so appreciate everyone here at the DIS for all the support you've shown so far. It is very comforting to know I can come here and type the things I just can't seem to say out loud. You are a truly amazing and very special group of people and I'm glad to be a part of this community.

Thanks for listening again.

 

[mickey65]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Dan Murphy]

Anytime you need/want to talk, Magix.

 

[Blondie]

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[nativetxn]

<b>Magix</b> What a difficult and scary time for all of you. I have your mother and <i>you</i> in my prayers. I pray that your mother's pain is controlled.

I almost lost my own mother last July. I know how you are feeling and I'm so sorry.

Katholyn

 

[chell]

Thanks for the update Magix. I'm sorry to hear things are not going so well. Please let us know if we can do anything for you.



I wish I had some wise words for you or just anything that will help you get through this. But I don't. But I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.