Okay...........now it's Weight Watchers Here I go again!

[A1A1]

Doe----I agree that I have to own everything that I choose to eat. I appreciate your advice and assistance. I will be posting everything that goes in my mouth.

Zera's----I am surprising myself by not beating up on myself. I took my dd to the movies today, and had about half of a small popcorn. I chose to eat it, and I am okay with that. I hadn't had any significant carbs before it, and didn't have any after it. Even though my weight loss has been very slow this time, I think my whole outlook has changed more. I am more at peace. I realize that I can't go back to eating carbs the way I did before. It took almost all I had to stop myself from ordering a pizza tonight. I ate some ham salad and had a soda water/Atkins syrup drink. It helped me get through the craving.

I wish I could do as well as both of you. I am a mess of a person, so any improvements, even the small ones, are good. I have so many other issues............that the weight is just one of many. I am not feeling sorry for myself, just accepting things in order to deal with them. I am not sure which items to address first.

I hoped I hadn't been forgotten while I was away. It is amazing that others would actually look for my posts. It makes me feel special, not so alone. Thank you so very much. I don't feel like I have much to offer to others yet, but hopefully I can make someone else feel as good as you both have made me feel.

Food for today:

Breakfast: Low carb bar
Snack: 1/2 small Movie popcorn, large bottle of water
Lunch: Low carb bar
Dinner: TGIFridays--Atkins Salmon, 6 Atkins chicken wings, decaf coffee with cream, two or three large glasses of water.
Snack: 1/4-1/2 cup of ham salad, and soda water with Atkins syrup in it.

edit----another snack: cheese stick



Evaluation of food for the day---could have done better, but could have done a whole lot worse.

I forgot to pick up my thyroid medicine today. I have been off it for one week. Not a good idea. I will remember to pick it up tomorrow.

I have a new hobby--------knitting!!!!!!! I love it. I am almost done with my first scarf. I absolutely love that I have learned a new skill. It's wonderfully relaxing and fun, I might add. I can't wait to go the the knitting store tomorrow and show the lady what I have accomplished. I need a little assistance with the other scarf I started. Got mixed up somewhere and made some mistakes. She will help me get back on track.

 

[lulu201]

Good morning, A1A1! Sending some good thoughts and your way for your healthy living day! I read that you've taken up knitting! That is so funny. . . last night in my journal I asked if anyone was knitting out there. I've started doing scarves for some of the teen girls I know (after paying $25 for one that I know I could've made! ). Anyway, check out your local yarn place for some "cha cha" yarn. It's this fun, fuzzy stuff that works up into a soft, funky scarf. You can make them for everyone you know for next year's holidays! Well, at least that's MY plan!

Have a good day, and remember: if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. So, forge ahead into the new year making a NEW life for yourself by changing those eating and exercise habits. You can do this if you go one day at a time.

Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

You are doing great! You're making positive changes! My new favorite phrase is "progress, not perfection!" I know that I'll never be able to live perfectly, eat perfectly, exercise perfectly all the time. That's just not realistic. My goal is simply to make today a little better than yesterday. Your food choices show that you are making each day a little better - you're on the right track! Congrats on eating that ham salad instead of ordering junk food!!

Please don't feel like you're the only one you are helping! Reading about your day to day struggles helps me know that I'm not alone. We can both make progress together. If you think I'm strong all the time and have a perfect life - think again! It's easier to walk this healthy living walk when we do it together! :happy1:

Glad to hear about your new hobby! I haven't knitted anything in YEARS! I've been crocheting lately. The scarf sounds like fun, though! I may have to try one as soon as I finish the afghan I'm working on!

Hope you have a wonderful day!!

 

[A1A1]

I am wearing my new scarf. Funny thing, I am wearing it and my undergarments. Nothing else. Purple scarf goes with everything. Sorry about that.

Anyway---I spent a couple of hours in the knitting store. This is the hottest place in town. There were so many people in there knitting and talking.....what a great thing. I am going to make a scarf for every person I can think of. I fixed the other scarf myself, and started another one. The newest will be beautiful, but I made a mistake and can't fix it. I don't know where the missing link is......the yarn is a very soft type--alpaca and wool, I think. It's so fuzzy, it's hard to see the pattern.

I had a big food blunder tonight. I had a good day otherwise.

Breakfast: low carb bar

lunch: cheese stick

dinner: beef souvlaki salad with feta and greek dressing. two caffeine free diet cokes.

snack: uh oh..................here it comes........soda water with Atkins syrup; one cheese stick; and


5 mini chocolate bars..........they are some fancy chocolates with marzipan filling that I got for Christmas. There are 20 carbs in 3 of them, so I had almost 34 carbs worth of chocolate and sugar. I wish I hadn't done it, but I did.

The salad I had for dinner was huge. I think it was much too much of everything.

I wore my smaller jeans, but they choke the daylights out of me. I think they used to choke me a little more previously, so that's a good sign.

I have so many issues in my life, I don't know which thing to fix first.

1. I have financial issues. I can't stop spending money. I spend money I don't have, and have maxed out the charge cards. It is a coping mechanism, I'm sure. I know it makes me more unhappy even though it is something I do to try to fill the void.

2. My home is a wreck. I have no storage space for all the junk I have accumulated. I will not have anyone over, because of the clutter everywhere.

3. My weight.

4. My disorganization----has to do with managing paperwork and finances.

Any suggestions? I already feel horrible about these, so I hope I don't feel any worse by admitting them. I figure the way to get them taken care of is to first admit that I am a disaster.

I wonder what is wrong with me......I am so scattered. I never stick with one thing long enough to finish it. (I did finish my scarf, though.)

Is it that all these things are symptoms of something bigger?

 

[DoeWDW]

I was you, about 14 years ago. I felt like EVERYTHING was messed up - and it was! Finances, house, weight, paperwork, disorganized - totally overwhelmed and NO CLUE where to start! I feel for you - here's a !

What to do about it? Sadly, you'll have to find what works for you. I know that my best friend was a timer. I could do just about anything for 10 minutes. Once I realized I didn't have to tackle something in one sitting, it became easier. Set the timer for 10 minutes and work on the paperwork. When it goes off, give yourself a pat on the back for sticking with it that long and go do something else.

It works for cleaning too! I HATE to clean, but I can handle 10 minutes in one room. I found a website that talked about living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) - that was me!! My house still isn't perfect but it's better - if someone unexpectedly came to visit, I feel like I could invite them in and not feel bad. The one big lesson I learned was that I can't organize clutter. I got rid of everything that didn't get used or make me smile. Makes it MUCH easier to keep things neat and clean.

Finances are a tough one! It took us years to pay back our debt but we are now debt-free except for the car and the house. If you're really in deep you may want to consider Consumer Credit Counseling. It's a company that helps you for free. They talk to the credit card companies and often can reduce the interest rates that you're paying. They take over your debt payments and you give them ONE check a month to cover all your payments. There are other companies who do this but they charge a fee - Consumer Credit Counseling is a non-profit company that does it for free.

It all comes down to baby-steps. Whatever problem you have can almost always be broken down into small manageable steps that will add up to progress in the right direction. Once you start, you'll be surprised how the burden feels easier to manage and you can take bigger steps without feeling overwhelmed.

Is this a symptom of something bigger? Maybe. My son has an Attention Deficit. I have all the same symptoms. I don't take medicine for it, but I have done research into what helps people with Attention Deficit get through daily life with the least amount of hassle, like routines and lists. You may want to do some web searches too.

I almost sent this via PM, but I thought it might help someone else who may be reading your journal, or you may need to come back and reread it later.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Know that you are not alone. You are stronger than you know. If you'd rather chat via PM feel free to send me PMs.

Here's some extra ! Everything looks better by the light of day!

 

[A1A1]

Thanks Doe..........I am glad you posted. Since I try to remain fairly anonymous--I don't post my name or my city--I feel comfortable posting many things that I wouldn't post otherwise. I guess my immediate family would be the only ones to figure out who I am. I have opened up about many things on this site. I appreciate your input. I hope that my issues can help someone else.

I will research the things that you posted above. Thank you for your kind suggestions. I feel that you are a wonderful and genuine person who cares about others. Thank you!


Update: I forgot about the massive scale of my food blunder last night until I walked by the kitchen garbage. Inside was the package from the turkey breakfast sausage I ate last night along with the chocolate. I also ate one small zucchini and ranch dressing. Much worse than the chocolate alone due to the late hour at which all that junk was eaten. Surprisingly, I didn't register as a gain on the scale this morning. I figure I may have had a loss without the binge.

Off I go. I hope everyone has a super day and achieves their goals.

 

[Strings]

So, I'm not the only one living in CHAOS? Phew, I feel better. A1A1, I also have to recommend the CCC. They really dd help my sister out. Please remember that each day is a new beginning. If you have a bad day, the next will be better. We all screw up sometimes. Have a awonderful day, and a happy new year.
Beth

 

[A1A1]

Breakfast today: low carb bar

Lunch: deli turkey slices and some cheese


DINNER:

I resisted my huge craving for pancakes tonight. Took DD out for dinner, and had the car headed for the pancake restaurant. I could almost taste them..............I will stop that now, because I will get the craving again.

I went to a different restaurant instead, one that served lots of different stuff, but also has good pancakes. I decided what I was going to order---the strawberry pancakes. When the server arrived to take my order, "Roasted Chicken" came out. Not only did roasted chicken come out, but so did "a salad with ranch, and broccoli on the side".

I was so proud of myself when all was said and done. I did have 1 1/2 glasses of diet Coke. I haven't had any for months. It didn't really taste very good. I also had two large glasses of water. I am quite a drinker.


Yesterday------that was a little different. I did well during the day, having had almost the same meal as I had today. Dinner I had an omelet but had the side of pancakes that came with I it. They were the smaller 5 inch size. I had three with about two tablespoons of syrup. They were so good. I am doomed. Now I have such hankerings for them. I hope that I can cope and forgo any further temptations for the devil's cakes.

I used a ketostick today. It registered in ketosis, so I was glad.

Please God-------release me from the grip of the devil cakes!!!!!!

 

[A1A1]

Weighed myself this morning----207. I have only lost 9 pounds since I started in mid-October. I have done fairly well, with only a few slip-ups.

I think it must be time to add the exercise. That has got to be the key. I don't think I could do much more in terms of the eating plan.

January 5th has always been a good day for resolutions in the past. Today is the day!



Goal: Exercise 3 times per week. I am using only 3 days, because I want to be realistic. I have done no exercise at all, so 3 days should be better than none. I will either walk outside or use my treadmill.

Goal: Take my thyroid medicine every day. I took it this morning already.

Goal: Stick to the eating plan as much as possible. Cook more meals for my dd.

Goal: begin to repair my financial picture.

Goal: unclutter my house and my life by getting rid of the junk and not buying more. Stay on top of the bills. Keep it simple.

 

[DoeWDW]

I love your daily goals! They sound great and you sound determined. Good for you! Step by step, you'll get things under control. You've already made some great progress, just getting mentally ready to make changes and deal with all these things! You should be very proud of you!!

Congratulations on 9 pounds gone!!

That is a great accomplishment! Think about carrying around 2 5 pound bags of flour all day - that would be exhausting! Now you have less to carry around and you're working on losing more.

You're definitely on the right track! Keep it up - you're blazing new trails, girlfriend!!

 

[Strings]

Great job on losing 9 pounds. You are on your way to getting your weight/health on track. If you keep up with the synthroid, the weight should come off with exercise. Before the meds, you were fighting an uphill battle. Keep up the good work. Small steps will get you where you want to go. We're here to help.
Beth

 

[A1A1]

I am so tired that my eyes are closing as I sit here. Making it brief so I can get up to sleep:


Breakfast---meds.
lettuce with sliced turkey 3-4 slices and sliced swiss 1-2 slices. Ranch dressing.


Lunch---low carb bar


snack---low carb bar


Dinner---6 turkey meatballs. lettuce with ranch.

I am exhausted. Going to bed. An emotionally draining day.

 

[Castillo Mom]

Hello A1A1! I just finished reading your journal and I wanted to say that I can relate to a lot of what you've gone through, the self-doubt, low self esteem, feelings of hopelessness. And of course my house isn't always up to par. Finances are really looking up but three years ago we were barely making it. What others have posted is absolutely true, baby steps is the way to go. I really admire your persistence in the face of many challenges, you're a great example to us. Keep up the good work and don't give up. Take care!

 

[A1A1]

Thanks Castillo Mom. I appreciate your kind words. I have such moments of despair sometimes. I have this new technique lately. I try to block my troubles right out of my head. It is bad because I end up denying my husband, but it seems that if I don't block it all out, I will just break down.

Sometimes, I really feel like I am alone in this world, except for some fellow posters on this board.

I am very proud of myself, because I have been reading about this half marathon, and decided to get on my treadmill for the first time in about a year. I wanted to see how far I coud walk in 16 minutes. I think that is some kind of required pace. I went .78 miles. A little shy of the pace, but I really feel positive that I might be able to do it in a year. Is that a possibility, or very unrealistic, seeing as I need to lose at least 50 more pounds. I really don't have any idea. I've never trained for anything before.

I need to drink more water. I've been short on water lately.

 

[DoeWDW]

You got on your treadmill!!

Good for you!! I think .78 mile in 16 minutes is great for your first time on the treadie! If you just do that every day or even every other day, you'll amaze yourself by walking a little bit more and a little bit faster. It will take time, but you will feel such a sense of joy and accomplishment! It's one of those little things that you have control over and it's only 16 minutes, right?

Is the half-marathon a possibility? I think it is!! Baby steps will get you there. Just keep getting on that treadmill day by day and get your body used to moving again. It will help you drop the extra weight and have more energy to face your days.

Exercise is also a great way to help boost your mood - your body releases endorphins when you exercise. These endorphins are "feel good" hormones that signal a feeling of well-being in your brain. You'll feel more positive!!

I think your husband would want you to do whatever you have to do to keep going and make a home and family for your daughter. If that includes focusing your mind on the moment at hand, then so be it. I bet he would be proud of the changes you're making.

You're still hanging in there and doing just great! You are climbing uphill but you are not giving up! You should be proud of you! You will not always feel happy. You will not always feel like eating healthy or exercising. If you do these things anyway, even when you don't feel like it, it's a way of loving yourself and taking the best care of you that you can.

Stay strong - for you and for your daughter. You're on the right track!

 

[A1A1]

Thanks Doe..........I felt very good, no...I felt GREAT, about getting on the treadmonster. It has been eyeballing me for a year. I have to admit to a little knee pain today, though. I felt it last night right after I was done walking, but assumed it would be gone within minutes.



Goals for today!!!

1. Not to walk---rest the knee. I always start my exercise programs very strong, and then totally burn out. Then I stop althgether. I am going to try to pace myself and keep it to every other day. We'll see. That sounds kind of stupid.

2. Take my medication 1 hour before eating anything.

3. Eat five little meals.

4. No late night salads like last night!

5. Go to bed by midnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Last night I was up until 4:30 am. That is crazy. I don't make good decisions when I am very tired, and today, I am very tired.


Hope everyone has a great day!

 

[Strings]

Congratulations! You got on the treadmill. That is a huge 1st step. If you want to do the 1/2 marathon, we will all support you on that. You have a year. You can do this. I also have to say that exercise will do wonders for your mood. It will also give you a sense of accomplishment. You just walked .78 miles! Take care of yourself. Do some stretching before and after walking though.
Good for you.
Beth

 

[ZerasPride]

Hi A!

I just thought I'd check in with you. I think it's awesome that you are considering the marathon. We just don't have enough DVC points to go around to make the trip a possibility for me in 2005 but I am holding out for 2006.

Getting on the treadmill is a great way to make a start as others have mentioned. I am so sorry that you feel so alone sometimes but the people on this board are here for each other and we can help each other reach our goals. Please take care of yourself!!!!

 

[A1A1]

Boy, it would be great if we all lived near each other so that we could walk together. I would enjoy having others to exercise with.

Thanks for the encouragement on the marathon. I really think I can do it also. I would really have to commit to my lifestyle change.

I have to admit that I have been discouraged with the rate at which I have lost weight on the Atkins plan this time. I have been at a standstill for about a month. Maybe longer.

I don't think I can eat much less. Even last night when I had my binge----it was a salad with sliced turkey on it.

I don't know what is going on.


Maybe the exercise will jump start things again. I will give it a try.

Update on goals:

1. I didn't walk yet today. The knee feels better. I may still walk tonight.

2. I forgot to take my medicine this morning and I just ate two cheese sticks and some pepperoni for dinner. I will have to wait 2-3 hours to take it.

3. I think I ate four little meals.

B--salad with sliced turkey and ranch
L--salad with turkey meatballs and ranch
S--low carb bar
D--2-3" of pepperoni, two cheese sticks, water

4. I will shoot for a cup of tea for my late night hunger.

5. I will try, try, try to go to bed earlier tonight. It is 9:30 pm now. I ended up going back to bed late this morning and sleeping until 1:30 pm. After so little sleep last night, I didn't feel well. That is really not good for me.

Thank you for posting in my journal. It means so much to me.

 

[A1A1]

Stayed up all night long. Didn't sleep at all.

Forgot to take my medicine again this morning.

Breakfast--------Ate wheat bread with scrambled egg on it. Scrambled egg sandwich. Also had 6-8 ounces of skim milk.

I am frustrated with the lack of weight loss, and am going to add some carbs into my diet as an experiment.

I don't want to go to bed now, because I will sleep away the whole day. I just have to go to bed on time tonight.