Okay...I've Called the Late Night DISers, Now I'm Calling the Single DISers (Part 2)

[legs22]

Thanks MDP! It's great to get your perspective on this as you grew up as a child of divorced parents. As we are now looking ahead, you can look back and tell us from the child's perspective what matters most. It sounds like your parents did a great job.

 

[TigerBear]

Originally posted by Serena
I don't know if it's just him I don't want to go out with, or I'm just not ready to go out with anyone.

Maybe you should give this situation a little more thought. Once you are ready to date, do you think you might be interested in this guy? If the answer is yes but you not ready, just tell him that: "You seem like an interesting guy, but I'm not ready to date". If you don't think you would be interested in him anyway, what if you just tell him that you don't think it is a good idea since your daughters are friends? That may sting the least.

If you find a general way to turn a guy down without hurting his feelings, please let me know. Any of the guys want to chime in on this? If a woman is going to turn you down, what is the easiest thing for you to hear?

I recently really hurt a man that I thought to be only a friend - it turns out he had other intentions. My perception was that I had made it absolutely, perfectly clear that we were just friends (I even told him about my dates) but in his head he thought we would end up together.

Good Luck Serena! The dating world is definitely not easy.

 

[Serena]

I've been trying to read some of the background of this thread and I hope you all know that I wish you the best in whatever you are going through.
I feel sort of weird jumping in at this late date.

TigerBear, I'm sorry you hurt your friend. Will you two be able to stay friends, or is he hurt too much.

I don't think I would want to go out with him anyway. I don't like that he gets drunk every weekend. It's his recreation. And I am not attracted to him enough to think or even want to do anything about that.
But truly, I'm not divorced yet, although I have the appointment set next week to get the papers filed. I've got too much going on in my head to really want to deal with him.
I don't know. We'll see if I can tell him no nicely and it not hurt the girls.

 

[legs22]

It sounds like this guy has some challenges with alcohol. I would steer clear of him. Red flag, red flag!
No wonder you don't feel ready to date- you're not divorced yet!!! Give yourself some time girl! It took me a couple years to get right. I'm not saying you need to take that long. That's just me. From what I've read/heard they suggest waiting one year for every 5 yrs you were married. I was married 14 yrs.. I felt ready to date after 2 1/2 yrs. I didn't plan to follow this suggestion. That just happened to be when I truly felt ready to be in a relationship and it just happened to follow that timeline.

 

[Serena]

Well, this sept, we would have been married 22 years. We've been seperated almost 2 years now.

So simply telling him "I'm not ready" should be enough? He seems to think I've waited long enough.

 

[legs22]

I think it's enough for him. You may be separated but you're still not divorced yet. Hmmm....but then he'll keep asking if you're ready. Are you really interested in going out with a guy who is drunk every weekend? What you see, is what you get. Don't think you can change his drinking. Do what Tiger Bear said: "If you don't think you would be interested in him anyway, what if you just tell him that you don't think it is a good idea since your daughters are friends? That may sting the least."
There are better fish out there.

 

[TigerBear]

Serena, you will know when you are ready to date. Wednesday will only be a year since my divorce was finalized. In May, I'll be celebrating my first anniversary with my new guy! My ex and I had led parallel lives for so many years. What I came to realize was that I had actually grieved for the break-up of my marriage while I was still married. It took me only one week after he left before my over-riding emotion was relief. I was so happy he was gone - I was so happy he had the courage to leave. And I was so excited to get back in the dating game. My therapist was even happy to terminate me the week after my divorce. She said I was about "to bloom"!

Serena, take my story together with Legs story....there is no right time to be ready to date. But you will know when you are. I'm glad you jumped in on our thread! And of course telling him you are not ready to date should be enough. If it is not, I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings - he is not worth it. But if you do tell him that, expect him to ask you out at a later date....

 

[Serena]

Ok, I'll say that. The last thing I want is him asking me every week if I'm ready yet.

 

[TigerBear]

I'm with Legs on this one - I wouldn't even consider dating a man who gets drunk every weekend.

 

[TigerBear]

Speaking of my anniversary coming up, I'm trying decide what gift to buy him. Any thoughts/feedback on this key ring?:

http://www.tiffany.com/shopping/item.asp?channel=&CategoryId=121&c_id=WEB1&c_it=99V2&start_id=21&

 

[Serena]

It looks really nice. Is there any sentiment attached?

 

[TigerBear]

No sentiment, except I wanted to get him something that would remind him of me when he saw it. I have tried to think of something that would be meaningful in and of itself and am coming up blank. I've already bought him a nice watch, DVD player, DVDs, a picture frame with our pic, and quite a bit of clothing. I originally wanted to find something that I could engrave with the nickname I call him. This can only be initials, so it wouldn't work. He doesn't wear jewelry. Any suggestions??

 

[Serena]

I'll have to think about this. Is there a key ring similar that has a bigger place to ingrave what you want on it?

btw, happy anniversary. for both

 

[legs22]

Woooooo...... Tiffanys
I wish I could see the pic of the key ring but the link just takes me to a Tiffany general info page. Engraved key ring sounds nice.
Or-
A hot Glamour Shot photo of you? Buy him a star in the sky?
I don't know.
Happy Anniversary!

 

[Serena]

Originally posted by Serena
I'll have to think about this. Is there a key ring similar that has a bigger place to engrave what you want on it?

btw, happy anniversary. for both

Sheesh, when did I learn how to spell. edited to correct engrave.

 

[TigerBear]

Thanks you guys. I'm not sure why you can't see the key chain as its still showing up for me. Maybe I will make a trip to Tiffany's to see if they can help me. PW actually gave me the idea for the key ring. PW, we still miss you! I hope you are getting settled in.

Suzanne, are things over with the detective?

 

[Costumesaremylife]

Hey all, it's me. The artist formerly known as SuprGro78. I have been keeping up, but for a long time I couldn't register. I don't know what was going on, but oh well. I am back.

 

[floridaminnie]

Serena....If you don't feel like it's the right time to date, don't. Especially when you have a child and the divorce isn't finalized yet, it's hard to move on. I know it took me over five years to date again and sometimes I ask myself why. Still haven't found Mr. Right and hopefully one day he'll find me in my little tiny corner of the world.

TB...Dectective guy is HISTORY. I haven't even checked eharmony in a couple of days. It's boring me.

SuperGro...you weren't banned were you. Glad that you made it back!

 

[BarryHom]

Hmmm...Serena and floridaminnie are single again? Hmmm...

 

[floridaminnie]

Are you visiting Barry or joining us?