OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[Luv2Scrap]

I'm not sure if this is true or not, but DH once told DS that if you fart outside when it is super cold out, you can SEE the fart cloud. Well this morning it was -20 with -47 windchills. You better believe I was holding everything in - just in case!


And on the subject of fart clouds, my aunt, my cousin, and I once had a very interesting conversation about how interesting the world would be if fart clouds were colorful. You'd know how bad it smelled according to what color it was, and you could know to avoid the particularly bad ones.

Oh, and if each person had their own individual color, you could never deny that YOU DID IT!

 

[Luv2Scrap]

I'm not sure if this is true or not, but DH once told DS that if you fart outside when it is super cold out, you can SEE the fart cloud. Well this morning it was -20 with -47 windchills. You better believe I was holding everything in - just in case!


And on the subject of fart clouds, my aunt, my cousin, and I once had a very interesting conversation about how interesting the world would be if fart clouds were colorful. You'd know how bad it smelled according to what color it was, and you could know to avoid the particularly bad ones.

Oh, and if each person had their own individual color, you could never deny that YOU DID IT!

Forgot to say, the conversation must have left quite an impression on me, because for a while I was totally afraid to fart in public because I was convinced it was going to be colorful!

 

[Todd&Copper]

Man, I have had a rumble in my tummy for about 2 hours now. I REALLY have to fart, but everytime I go into the bathroom, someone is in there and I tense up and just can't do it. Reading this thread is so not helping!
Going to check for an empty bathroom AGAIN.

 

[winkers]

Oh my heck!!! I just laughed till I cried and ruined my make-up!

A couple of years ago my mom and younger brother were visiting me and we went to wal-mart. My mom is the very proper type who NEVER farts or burps or anything unlady like. My brother on the other hand is a gas machine.
The 3 of us were standing in the nylon isle when all of a sudden there was a loud pop and a horrendous smell. Assuming it was my lil brother I looked at my mom and said "MOM!!!!! I can't believe you did that!" She scurried around the other side of the isle and my brother began to make a wheezing noise. I looked at him and said "what"?

He said " that wasn't me! It was mom!"

I ws mortified! She was so ticked off at me! My brother and I still laugh about that one!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

A few weeks ago, my sisters took me to Foxwoods for my birthday. We ate at the Hard Rock Cafe, and then we hit the bathroom before heading back to gambling. The three of us were in there, and I let one go. I AM in the bathroom, right? My sister yells, MARIE!

So, I say "What? I am on the toilet."
My sister says "Yeah, but it is a PUBLIC toilet."

What does that mean? LOL I can't fart in public, and now I guess I can't fart on a public toilet.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I looked at my mom and said "MOM!!!!! I can't believe you did that!" She scurried around the other side of the isle and my brother began to make a wheezing noise. I looked at him and said "what"?

He said " that wasn't me! It was mom!"

I ws mortified! She was so ticked off at me! My brother and I still laugh about that one!

Your poor mom!

 

[flipflop]

This thread is hilarious. I had to close my office door b/c I am laughing so loud.

 

[hogwartsdropout]

I've just spent about 2 hours reading this whole thread, it's hilarious!!

 

[cinmell]

Thought I would bump this up again with a funny link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofn8-3SWd8M

I just forwarded that link to quite a few people. VERY VERY funny!

 

[TigerKat]

Thought I would bump this up again with a funny link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofn8-3SWd8M

OMG, that was hilarious!!!!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Thought I would bump this up again with a funny link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofn8-3SWd8M

I tell you, some people are just so darn talented!!!

 

[Kycha]

Thought I would bump this up again with a funny link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofn8-3SWd8M

Oh! That is Mr. Methane. I've heard him on the Howard Stern show a number of times. Here is his website:

http://www.mrmethane.com/

 

[3guysandagal]

OK, after the Mr Methane post I had to recount an incedent in WDW.

My fart story, and I hope its as funny in print as it was that night.

Setting the scene, WDW, DTD, Dec. 1/07. myself, DW, DS4 and DS10. A dear friend (male) had joined us for a week and had wanted to eat at a seafood type restaurant.
So DW makes ressies at Fultons Crab House at DTD. Long story short I had been extremely gaseous that day.
Well, at the end of a very expensive and very good meal we are relaxing with a beer (my friend and I, not the kids).
Paid the bill and tipped our waiter (generously, I might add! Man I'd love to work at Disney!)
DF is 3/4 way through his beer and announces "lets go".
I say "what about your beer?"
"leave it".
"Dont waste the beer, man, thats stupid".
A minute of bickering about the beer, and then I let go. It just happened, really.
Had to be THE WORST in my life.
Packed restaurant, and under the a/c vent, just to give it the flow.
I giggle and smile.
His eyes open wide and he says "NOOOOOO!!"
Of course, I blame the wife and start getting all the gear together..QUICKLY!
People are starting to stare. Now we are all laughing (yes even the wife) and make a bee line to the exit.
We all get outside and through the crowds waiting to get in, and then all start laughing hysterically.
All of a sudden DF says "Oh my god, I left all my Harley stuff under the table!" (souveniers for a friend back home, about $100 worth.)
Well, I buck up, turn and start running for the door and past all the crowd and tell the doorman I left something under the table.
I start laughing thinking about everything else I had left behind, and laugh all the way, worried about what I will get back to.
I get back to the table and grab the bag, all the while feeling the stares at my back, and trying not to laugh.
I get back outside, laughing, and so are my family and friend.
I look at them and proclaim myself in my best Arnie voice...
"THE FULTONATOR....I'LL BE BACK"
This also brought out FULTONIZED, FULTONATION, A FULTON FLOWER, A FULTONIAN, Eau de FULTON, ETC, ETC.
We laughed for a whole week on that.
We are still all laughing about it and the "FULTONATOR" has stuck with me.

I humbly apologize to anyone that was sitting nearby, if I spoiled their meal.
Honestly, it just came out!

And just to add, Larry, our waiter, was THE BEST!!!
Kept the kids busy, and all the tables around us, entertained throughout the meal.
That is, until the "Fultonization".

Long live the fart thread.......a lot of good laughs in the last 35 pages.

ETA: HEY!! I just became a MOUSEKETEER!!! 75 posts!!

 

[Disneymommom]

THAT is funny! Just the opposite of the commercial I was talking about!! This thread is killing me!!!

This is too funny. I just found this thread, my daughter found it and posted a link on our thread and it's making me laugh out loud.

I had to share a story about myself, lol. DH had made this cabbage dish with his mother's recipe and we ate it one night and there was a little left in the fridge. We aren't big on leftover so it sat there all week. Well I was in the kitchen and DH was out in the family room and I let one rip, you know the type,silent but deadly, well it was wicked. He comes out in the kitchen a few minutes later so I quickly opened the container of left over cabbage and as he commented on how it stunk in the kitchen and accused me of farting, I pulled out the container of left over cooked cabbage and said do NOT eat this, it has gone bad! I just had it opened and OMG it stinks horrible, it must be bad! He said oh that stinks bad, throw the whole thing away, container and all! So I did, It was days before I told him, I finally couldn't keep it to myself, everything I thought about it, I'd burst out laughing and he caught me laughing so hard one night I had to tell him,

 

[Trentmom]

I started reading this thread last night at like midnight and almost woke up my dh from laughing so hard


Here is a story I have:

When I was younger, my mom workied in our local courthouse as court recorder.

My dad would take my brother and I up to sit in the audience when she worked to see my mom and for a little bit of entertainment(small town)

So, one night, we are sitting there and my dad really had to fart. He tried to hold it in, but couldn't any longer and just let it rip. It was loud and stunk!!

There was an older gentleman who was in court every week, town drunk.

So, my dad decided to blame it on him.

He kept looking at Mr. Hopper and pointing to him trying to blame it on the old drunk, when my brother and I both chimed in and real loudly and indignant said "OMG Dad!!!! That's horrible!" and he turned bright red and every one looked at him and we all started laughing

 

[Todd&Copper]

DH and I got a new puppy, and I was squatting down playing with him and our other dogs. The puppy starts sniffing at my butt, and I let one go. Well, he pulls his head back from my hiney, shakes his head, and walks away.
What does that mean, when a dog won't even sniff you butt?

 

[Chim Chiminy]

Every one of my guys is gassy. DH, DS and DD.
DH can peel the paint off of walls...........
DS is 14 and quite proud of the stench he produces, which doesn't make any sense to me...
And DD8 is just as bad as the two of them.
One of her nicknames is Gassy McPassy. When I wake her for school, every morning she rips off a big one. I call it starting her engine.

On Sunday, we were sitting around watching a movie. DH is on the couch, his legs tucked up under him and he is leaning onto the armrest. The dog is laying between us, his head near DHs butt. DH lets one fly and the dogs head pops up, nose heads straight in to ground zero........then he rears back, shakes his head and lays back down. I started laughing until tears were rolling...............

 

[Disneymommom]

Two of my favorite fart stories is one Christmas my close friend and neighbor had come over and was helping me wrap the kids gifts (sorry Sharky it was me, not Santa, lol). Anyway we are both kneeling on the floor wrapping when I smelled this horrible, offense, putrid smell! I thought OMG how disgusting so I wanted to embarass my DH for doing that in front of my friend! Well I went on and on and on...."OMG that's disgusting, how rude and ignorant to do that in front of Linda, that stinks, what crawled up your butt and died up there? How could you!, etc." Well I look over at Linda and her face is scarlet red, she was so mortified, she could barely speak and said in this tiny little voice, "I'm sorry, that was me!" I was so embarased I couldn't stop apologizing and of course DH is standing there all indignant and just smiled and said, "now here you are trying to embarass me and look what you did to Linda!" LOL

The other was the same situation years later but it was another friend, lol, you'd have thought we'd have learned!

 

[Trentmom]

Two of my favorite fart stories is one Christmas my close friend and neighbor had come over and was helping me wrap the kids gifts (sorry Sharky it was me, not Santa, lol). Anyway we are both kneeling on the floor wrapping when I smelled this horrible, offense, putrid smell! I thought OMG how disgusting so I wanted to embarass my DH for doing that in front of my friend! Well I went on and on and on...."OMG that's disgusting, how rude and ignorant to do that in front of Linda, that stinks, what crawled up your butt and died up there? How could you!, etc." Well I look over at Linda and her face is scarlet red, she was so mortified, she could barely speak and said in this tiny little voice, "I'm sorry, that was me!" I was so embarased I couldn't stop apologizing and of course DH is standing there all indignant and just smiled and said, "now here you are trying to embarass me and look what you did to Linda!" LOL

The other was the same situation years later but it was another friend, lol, you'd have thought we'd have learned!

Too funy

 

[Disneymommom]

Too funy

The 2nd time was up in Bear Creek and Judy and Arnold had come to visit and we were walking around the lake and Judy and I were walking and DH and Arnold were walking behind us and I smelled this offensive odor and I turned around and just glared at DH and Arnold and they both said what are you looking at us for? Then Judy turned red and said, "it was me!" LOL, I'll never do this again, never ever comment on an offensive odor till I'm sure where or who it came from, lol.!