OK, super embarrassing, but so funny! AKA:The Fart Thread

[HollyTyler]

Hi Holly.

My DD, Molly was about 5 or so and she stepped on my mom's toe and my mom says "Molly, please say excuse me" DD says "why? I didn't fart"

I laughed as I typed this out, it cracks us up 5 years later

Hi Nan! You know I can usually be found here if I'm ever in the need for laughs!

Too funny what Molly said!

 

[luvflorida]

2 nights ago, I was lying in my DS5's bed reading his bedtime book to him. A silent one accidentally slipped out of me. We all know the saying, "silent but deadly". After a few seconds, I could hear him sniffing, looking around, thinking, and then he said, "Eeeewww! What smells ROTTEN in here?!" He has a stuffed bear that he carries everywhere with him. I told him, "It's your stinky old bear! We need to throw him in the washing machine!" The funny part is that he believed me!

Quick thinking on your part!

I've followed this thread from the very beginning and I have to say, it's the BEST thread ever! There are stories on here that have had me hysterically laughing with tears rolling down my cheeks!

 

[Princess_Michelle]

I've got two about my mom!!

1. We lived in Hawaii a few years ago and my parents came to visit. We took them to Pearl Harbor one day and we took a tour of the USS Missouri. When we got to the room where the sailors slept, my mom and dad wanted a picture of them in the bunks. My mom is short and "pooh-sized" so it took a bit of effort to get into the middle bunk. As she was climbing in, she totally let one rip and it echoed in the small place. The other people in the very tiny quarters high tailed it out of there, my dad said, "that's disgusting", and me and my mom couldn't stop laughing.....

2. We now live near Annapolis, MD, and once again the parents came for a visit. Me and my mom had dinner at a very small, very nice restaurant called the Treaty of Paris. There were only 2 or 3 groups besides us in there. We had this awesome waiter, the kind that you only get at upscale restaurants, you know, perfect posture, bows when he speaks, very congenial, says, "yes, ma'am, etc. Well, my mom had a few too many glasses of wine and we were laughing about something when the waiter brought the check. He stood there while my mom bent over to get her purse...and you guessed it, totally let one go, OMG, we bursted out laughing!!! The waiter didn't miss a beat, he smiled and said, "I didn't hear a thing". The other people in there were snooty and were HORRIFIED! Needless to say we left a guy a very generous tip.

 

[Ride Junkie]

Ok, I’ve got one!

When my brother was around 12, he comes home one day and exclaims, “Look what Bobby showed me!” Bobby was the oldest (and apparently the most influential) boy in the neighborhood. So my sister and I watch as my brother turns off all the lights in the room so it is totally dark. He the lies on the floor with his butt in the air, lights a lighter over his jeans, and lets one rip. The flame shot up about 6 inches!! As he’s furiously slapping at the residual sparks on his pants, my sister and I are rolling on the floor, trying not to wet ourselves. That was the day I learned the term “blue flamer”. To this day, it’s still the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so simple.

 

[DisGirlAllie]

Ok, I’ve got one!

When my brother was around 12, he comes home one day and exclaims, “Look what Bobby showed me!” Bobby was the oldest (and apparently the most influential) boy in the neighborhood. So my sister and I watch as my brother turns off all the lights in the room so it is totally dark. He the lies on the floor with his butt in the air, lights a lighter over his jeans, and lets one rip. The flame shot up about 6 inches!! As he’s furiously slapping at the residual sparks on his pants, my sister and I are rolling on the floor, trying not to wet ourselves. That was the day I learned the term “blue flamer”. To this day, it’s still the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so simple.

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

I've been telling DH that I should have known I was pregnant with a boy from day one because I've been EXTRA gassy. I can't help it - farts and burps just come out unexpectedly and have led to any number of embarassing and/or entertaining situations.

DH usually just looks at me with raised eyebrows and says "excuse you!", but on one occasion I had him laughing so hard he couldn't talk. We were out for a walk (or a waddle as it's come to be) and all of a sudden I started farting with every step. If I changed pace, the rate of toots also shifted! I couldn't stop it or control it, they just were coming at a rate of one per step, and this went on for almost an entire block!! At least they weren't smelly or super loud, but it was noisy enough that DH could hear it and he couldn't help laughing. Poor guy was crying he was laughing so hard, and we almost had to stop walking so he could catch his breath.

 

[laurie31]

Ok, I’ve got one!

When my brother was around 12, he comes home one day and exclaims, “Look what Bobby showed me!” Bobby was the oldest (and apparently the most influential) boy in the neighborhood. So my sister and I watch as my brother turns off all the lights in the room so it is totally dark. He the lies on the floor with his butt in the air, lights a lighter over his jeans, and lets one rip. The flame shot up about 6 inches!! As he’s furiously slapping at the residual sparks on his pants, my sister and I are rolling on the floor, trying not to wet ourselves. That was the day I learned the term “blue flamer”. To this day, it’s still the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so simple.

Years ago, I took care of a patient who was in the Burn Unit for doing this. Of course that wasn't funny, but we couldn't help but laugh - can you imagine what he had to tell his friends about why he was out of school? (I was lighting my farts, and caught my pants on fire) Wonder what the teacher thought of THAT excuse?! LOL

I'm LOL over the 'farting in the kids' faces' stories, and the stinky bear was a good save! LOL LOL

Thanks for reviving this thread!!

ETA - I just got a link to this video in my email! ROTFL!!!

http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/a-smelly-surprise.html

 

[HollyTyler]

I've been telling DH that I should have known I was pregnant with a boy from day one because I've been EXTRA gassy. I can't help it - farts and burps just come out unexpectedly and have led to any number of embarassing and/or entertaining situations.

DH usually just looks at me with raised eyebrows and says "excuse you!", but on one occasion I had him laughing so hard he couldn't talk. We were out for a walk (or a waddle as it's come to be) and all of a sudden I started farting with every step. If I changed pace, the rate of toots also shifted! I couldn't stop it or control it, they just were coming at a rate of one per step, and this went on for almost an entire block!! At least they weren't smelly or super loud, but it was noisy enough that DH could hear it and he couldn't help laughing. Poor guy was crying he was laughing so hard, and we almost had to stop walking so he could catch his breath.

 

[disney100666]

that's hilarious!

 

[HollyTyler]

Okay... So back in October we were at DL. It was our last night, and we were all really crabby and tired walking back to our hotel. My ds walking behind dh, and all of the sudden ds let out this yell. "EWWWWW!!! Something STINKS!!!" and he is just gagging away, and Dh stops and turns around, "Oh man!! Dude, I am so sorry!!" As he is laughing his butt off!!! He totally farted in DS's face! We all laughed all the way back to our room!

Well, at least your DH admitted it!

 

[TigerKat]

Sorry if this has already been posted, DS just showed me this:

http://fart-sounds.net/fart_sound_board.htm

 

[DisGirlAllie]

Years ago, I took care of a patient who was in the Burn Unit for doing this. Of course that wasn't funny, but we couldn't help but laugh - can you imagine what he had to tell his friends about why he was out of school? (I was lighting my farts, and caught my pants on fire) Wonder what the teacher thought of THAT excuse?! LOL

I'm LOL over the 'farting in the kids' faces' stories, and the stinky bear was a good save! LOL LOL

Thanks for reviving this thread!!

ETA - I just got a link to this video in my email! ROTFL!!!

http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/a-smelly-surprise.html

 

[Ride Junkie]

Years ago, I took care of a patient who was in the Burn Unit for doing this. Of course that wasn't funny, but we couldn't help but laugh - can you imagine what he had to tell his friends about why he was out of school? (I was lighting my farts, and caught my pants on fire) Wonder what the teacher thought of THAT excuse?! LOL

"Fire in the hole!!"

 

[HollyTyler]

I can't believe nobody has any funny stories from the big Thanksgiving dinner!

 

[klmall]

Some good ones here...stories I mean!

And HollyTyler, you're so right. But it must be the dark meat because this year we cooked only a turkey breast and there was no pungent after-effects. Usually someone in our abode has a bad case of the "turkey farts" but none this year. TMI for some, I know!

 

[HollyTyler]

Some good ones here...stories I mean!

And HollyTyler, you're so right. But it must be the dark meat because this year we cooked only a turkey breast and there was no pungent after-effects. Usually someone in our abode has a bad case of the "turkey farts" but none this year. TMI for some, I know!

TMI doesn't apply to this thread! Good theory about the dark meat. Must be everybody had white meat this year! Well, I tried to revive things here, but no luck.

 

[3guysandagal]

Thought I would bump this up again with a funny link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofn8-3SWd8M

 

[stahshee]

I love this thread . I laugh so hard everytime I am laughing on the computer my children ask me if I was reading about the farts

 

[Luv2Scrap]

I am just starting page 4, gotta mark my place because if I dont' get back to work I'm gonna be in a lot of trouble. I'm sure I'm drawing attention myself with all the hysterical laughing and the tears streaming down my face

 

[stahshee]

Okay, I'll my own story of embarrassment.

I had a touch of food poisoning, and had retired to the bathroom to "clear the pipes".

Just as I had a very loud emission, that was oderiferous enough to peel paint off the walls, the cat had nosed in to see what all the commotion was...the poor kitty gave me look something like and RAN.

Couple of minutes later, my DS was asking me through the bathroom door why the poor cat was hiding in the basement, and gagging...

omg