Oh no, I've hit my first big relationship hurdle - UPDATE # 2

[florida-again]

Ah ha, I get you now. I think I just misunderstood your posts. Thanks for the clarification


florida-again: How old are you and your BF? I was wondering because his reactions may have to do with immaturity issues more than actual dislike of the idea of surgery. I'm not saying he sounds immature persay, just that it might have something to do with that.

After hearing his reply to your email I'm not so settled with it either. I don't like the whole "no sympathy/support" line. After hearing how upset you are about it, that was his reply?

Give it a little more time and discussion, but I think that if he keeps with the "no support/sympathy but I won't break up with you" sentiment... find someone who actually will support you. The last thing you want is him to hold onto this and come to secretly resent you for doing it when he told you not to. I'd hate to have this pop up in an argument down the road "well, I told you not to have the surgery and look, you went ahead and did it so.. blah blah blah".

We're both 21. His reply wasn't actually to my email, it was to the text message I sent him to tell him to check his email.

I agree that the no support/sympathy thing is NOT ideal at all. However, I love my BF and I also really want my nose done. It seems to be a compromise and at this early stage I'm willing to except that.

 

[KarenAylwood]

Goodluck! Let us know how the email goes over.

We're close in age! My DBF and I are 23- started dating when I was 20 & he was 21

 

[florida-again]

Things aren't good. I called BF to ask if he'd read my email. No he hasn't...I asked if he was going to ever read it....No he isn't.

Apparantly he doesn't care what I've got to say, if I want to have my nose done then fine but he's supporting me in it and he's not reading my email.

I told him I felt like we were on the verge of breaking up. He said he didn't care either way, if I wanted to break up then fine, if I don't that's also fine.

I'm really upset. I had such a great day yesterday with such good news, now everything seems to have gone so wrong

ETA: Well, he broke up with me. I can't believe it, we were like best friends, we were talking about a future together...it's been an amazing three years...I don't get it....

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm afraid it has to be more than the nose.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OK, I was 21, 20 years ago. Please do yourself a favor and listen to his words carefully.

The first thing about being with someone is that they care about you.

You are young. You are just beginning your adult life and this is part of it. Distinguishing people that care about you and those that don't.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Things aren't good. I called BF to ask if he'd read my email. No he hasn't...I asked if he was going to ever read it....No he isn't.

Apparantly he doesn't care what I've got to say, if I want to have my nose done then fine but he's supporting me in it and he's not reading my email.

I told him I felt like we were on the verge of breaking up. He said he didn't care either way, if I wanted to break up then fine, if I don't that's also fine.

I'm really upset. I had such a great day yesterday with such good news, now everything seems to have gone so wrong

ETA: Well, he broke up with me. I can't believe it, we were like best friends, we were talking about a future together...it's been an amazing three years...I don't get it....

It wasn't about your nose then, he just used it as an excuse to break up with you. He's a coward.

I know you probably feel horrible now but I promise you it will get better! You have some wonderful things happening in your life, try and concentrate on them and moving forward. As far as the plastic surgery if your self conscious about your nose then go for it! I had my nose done years ago and it changed my life, probably the best thing I've ever done for myself.

You have a bright, promising future ahead of you, this will pass and it'll all be uphill from here!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree, it wasn't the nose, it was probably the job.

 

[Skylarr29]

I think you should do it for yourself and be true to yourself. You need to put yourself first. This obviously bothers you enough that you do want to change it. Try working on it and talking to him but I would still do it and tell him that he can support you or not but you have made your choice. Also what if you dont end up together in the long run??? Then you will have waited and you will be even more self conscious because you will have to start dating again etc. You have been together for a while but you are not married yet and there is no garantee that you will be.. and even if you were you should still be able to do what you want with your body and you deserve his support.

 

[mickeyboat]

Hugs to you, hun. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

I agree that he was looking for an excuse to break up with you. A lot of things are going to be changing in your lives in the very near future, and I wonder if he can't see the two of you continuing into them together.

Denae

 

[florida-again]

It wasn't about your nose then, he just used it as an excuse to break up with you. He's a coward.

I know you probably feel horrible now but I promise you it will get better! You have some wonderful things happening in your life, try and concentrate on them and moving forward. As far as the plastic surgery if your self conscious about your nose then go for it! I had my nose done years ago and it changed my life, probably the best thing I've ever done for myself.

You have a bright, promising future ahead of you, this will pass and it'll all be uphill from here!

I don't know what it was. Things were perfect before the nose thing (and I'm genuinely not just being naive). I can't help but wonder if its to do with things changing because I got this job, jealousy, doubt...I don't know. All I know is I feel like I want to go to sleep and not wake up.

 

[kdibattista]

I don't know what it was. Things were perfect before the nose thing (and I'm genuinely not just being naive). I can't help but wonder if its to do with things changing because I got this job, jealousy, doubt...I don't know. All I know is I feel like I want to go to sleep and not wake up.

I know how hard it is right now and you probably don't want to hear this but I'll say it anyway .... if it's meant to be, you will be together. You have to put yourself first.

 

[KarenAylwood]

I don't know what it was. Things were perfect before the nose thing (and I'm genuinely not just being naive). I can't help but wonder if its to do with things changing because I got this job, jealousy, doubt...I don't know. All I know is I feel like I want to go to sleep and not wake up.

I come on to check how it's going and this is what happened???

I'm so sorry!! He definitely wasn't worth it if he can just brush off a 3 year relationship because of something like this. And to not even read your email???? WHA??? That's crazy.

I say get your nose fixed and find someone who will treat you better and understand you more. This guy wasn't it.

I know that this wasn't what you wanted to come out of the whole thing, but I'm sure it's for the best. I really feel for you hun... it sucks to get dumped, esp this way after this long. There is no way to make the hurt go away by saying anything... it just takes time and the hope of someone new and better.

Keep us updated with anything else. Just try to surround yourself with family and friends- people who really care about you. You'll get through it!!

 

[florida-again]

I know how hard it is right now and you probably don't want to hear this but I'll say it anyway .... if it's meant to be, you will be together. You have to put yourself first.

I hope so. Maybe we will be able to patch things up. We are long distance at the moment, haven't seen each other for two weeks and have both been more preoccupied than we ever have with studying, job applications etc.

It would be a shame for us to give up because things are tough, because things won't always be tough. We do sometimes hit rough patches when we haven't seen each other in a while, but we've persevered for nearly three years and are coming to the end of our time apart. So it would such a waste for us to give up now.

I don't know what will happen. I'm not a naive person, I know I'm young and I've got my whole life ahead of me, plenty more men out there.....doesn't stop it from hurting though

 

[horseshowmom]

I come on to check how it's going and this is what happened???

I'm so sorry!! He definitely wasn't worth it if he can just brush off a 3 year relationship because of something like this. And to not even read your email???? WHA??? That's crazy.

I say get your nose fixed and find someone who will treat you better and understand you more. This guy wasn't it.

I know that this wasn't what you wanted to come out of the whole thing, but I'm sure it's for the best. I really feel for you hun... it sucks to get dumped, esp this way after this long. There is no way to make the hurt go away by saying anything... it just takes time and the hope of someone new and better.

Keep us updated with anything else. Just try to surround yourself with family and friends- people who really care about you. You'll get through it!!

I'm afraid that I tend to agree. He seems to be awfully self-focused and rigid. Sometimes (whether he's jealous, unsupportive, or whatever his problem is - and by the way, this is HIS problem. You are absolutely doing what's best for you) things just don't work out. If someone is this unconcerned about how you feel, you have to wonder how it would be in the future...

I know that it's possible that he's just dealing with the shock (although I really don't see why what you want to do is such a big deal to him) and that he may come to his senses, but in the meantime he sure is acting like a spoiled brat. I'm sorry for what you're dealing with right now...

 

[florida-again]

Oh this is just hilarious....

My mum works for a doctor so I asked her a while ago to find out how much rhinoplasty costs...so a few days later she told me approximately £1,500

But on the phone just now she admitted she'd only guessed how much it would be, she didn't really know for sure....so while we were on the phone she looked it up.....its over DOUBLE what she had 'guessed'!!!

So now, I actually can't afford to have it done anyway!

I can't believe she told me all that time ago that she knew how much it cost....only to find out just now, that she'd never actually checked in the first place!

So now BF and I have broken up for essentially no reason!

I honestly feel like I'm being punked!

ETA: Before anyone tells me I should have done my research before talking to BF about it....you KNOW that you always believe what your mother tells you!

 

[KarenAylwood]

Oh this is just hilarious....

My mum works for a doctor so I asked her a while ago to find out how much rhinoplasty costs...so a few days later she told me approximately £1,500

But on the phone just now she admitted she'd only guessed how much it would be, she didn't really know for sure....so while we were on the phone she looked it up.....its over DOUBLE what she had 'guessed'!!!

So now, I actually can't afford to have it done anyway!

I can't believe she told me all that time ago that she knew how much it cost....only to find out just now, that she'd never actually checked in the first place!

So now BF and I have broken up for essentially no reason!

I honestly feel like I'm being punked!

ETA: Before anyone tells me I should have done my research before talking to BF about it....you KNOW that you always believe what your mother tells you!

I don't think that's true.

This is actually a great thing to have found out. Can you honestly tell me that you're ok with the fact that he NOT ONLY wouldn't read your email but BROKE UP with you over a NOSE JOB???

This guy wasn't worth it. Please work on trying to heal from this situation and don't try to get him back... it pains me to think of what he'd do in another situation down the road. What if something similar comes up?? Is he going to leave you at the drop of a hat then??

 

[Martha7]

It sounds an awful lot like you were set up to me. I think he knew the rhinoplasty was important to you. I think that he was already considering breaking up, but no one wants to be the "bad guy," so he decided to put it all on your shoulders, by making you choose. Since he knew you'd choose the surgery, all he had to do was sit back and wait. Unfortunately, the only time I've ever been broken up with, or have broken up with someone myself, was because there was someone else waiting in the wings. Sit tight. I'm afraid you're going to find out the real reason for this soon. Either way, you're better off without him if he can't be honest with you. Also, I had my nose fixed, (same thing, the bump, etc.), after my DH and I had been married for five years. He never once told me not to do it. I can breathe better, since I had a deviated septum, and I'm much happier with my appearance. It didn't make a dramatic change, but I look much better! Hang in there. I know it hurts now, but you'll survive this. You need to start looking for a new guy now! Is there any way that your health insurance could cover a percentage of the surgery? Mine was many years ago, but due to the deviated septum, it was fully covered!

 

[inaminute]

Never mind.

 

[mark&sue]

If you really want this nose job see if you can borrow some money.

I hope you sort it out with your boyfriend. He really would not break up with you just because you wanted a nose job. I am sure he will come back begging for you to take him back but I really feel you should try to have the nose job done as you will always want it.


Susan

 

[becjlek]

Save some more and have it done. Breaking up with you was his loss, not yours. You will find someone with a lot more compassion.