This summer I took a friend of my son's to Cedar Point for the weekend. The kid never said thank you. I couldn't believe it and it still bugs me! There's no excuse for bad manners...
That said, your post could have been written by my MIL 25 years ago. I'm not saying that you are like her at all, but I'm trying to illustrate the possible dangers ahead...
Over the years I've come to realize that our families looked at raising children in two very different ways. My mom and dad wanted the best for us--their attitude was that they brought us into the world and wanted to make sure they gave us a good foundation from which to make our own lives. My MIL thought I was spoiled--and wasn't shy about telling DH that she thought so. Yes, I may have had everything I needed and some of what I wanted, but along the way I learned to be a hard worker.
They've never said as much but my IL's attitude seemed to be we brought you into the world, now you owe us. From my point of view, they were stingy with material goods and just as stingy with compliments. Once, after DH was promoted twice in a year, MIL said to me, "Don't tell our DS, we don't want to give him a swelled head, but we're really proud of him." Excuse me, you can't tell your son you're proud of him???
Our DD was born while he was still in college (he had some trouble finding himself and went back to school full time after our wedding). I'm working full time, putting their son through school, the difference between his tuition and my salary was about $13,000 a year, and their gift to their first grandchild was a package of disposable diapers. They drove top of the line cars, went on nice vacations, and were always buying new furniture. I wasn't expecting them to decide to start paying their son's tuition or anything, but there were plenty of things the baby needed besides a week's worth of diapers...
When we married, DH moved to my hometown, several hours away from his, and we celebrated 20 years this fall. We rarely go back to his home for visits, not because I don't want to but because my husband has no desire to. We talk to MIL about once a month and see her maybe once a year. Always because I insist on it. If it were up to DH, our contact would be much less often. She doesn't have much of a relationship with our children.
My DD is having "issues" with her (former) BF. I have no idea what lies ahead for them. Although I think he's acting selfish, I realize that's the nature of the 18-year-old beast, and I'm keeping my mouth shut. I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter and will not jeopardize my future relationship with her.
People continue to mature well into their twenties. Those who are self-absorbed in their late-teens and early-twenties can and do change as they grow. In the late teens, brain development is still going on and the part that controls judgement is actually impaired. Take the high road and wait and see what happens. But be careful not to let your concerns rob you of what you want most--time with your son--for the rest of your life.
Good luck!
