As a FLoridian with her house possibly threatened by Frances...I laughed at this and so can you.....ENJOY!!!!
FLORIDA HURRICANE PREPARATION
> > >
> > > You all should be aware of hurricane preparations, but in case you
>
> > > need a refresher course: We're about to enter the peak of the
> > > hurricane season. Any minute now, you're going to turn on the TV
> and
>
> > > see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the
> Atlantic
>
> > > Ocean and making two basic meteorological points.
> > >
> > > (1) There is no need to panic.
> > > (2) We could all be killed.
> > >
> > > Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If
> > > you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to
>
> > > do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big
> > > one."
> > >
> > > Based on our insurance industry experiences, we recommend that you
>
> > > follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
> > >
> > > STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family
>
> > > for at least three days.
> > >
> > > STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
> > >
> > > STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
> > >
> > > Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow
> this
>
> > > sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
> > > We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness
> > > items:
> > >
> > > HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane
> > > insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as
>
> > > long as your home meets two basic requirements:
> > >
> > > (1) It is reasonably well-built, and
> > > (2) It is located in Wisconsin
> > >
> > > Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other
> area
>
> > > that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies
>
> > > would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they
>
> > > might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why
> > > they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll
>
> > > have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge
>
> > > you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of
> your
>
> > > house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental
> > > floss.
> > >
> > > SHUTTERS:
> > >
> > > Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all
> > > the doors. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and
>
> > > disadvantages:
> > >
> > > Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make
> them
>
> > > yourself, they're cheap.
> > >
> > > Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well,
>
> > > once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get
> them
>
> > > all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be
>
> > > December.
> > >
> > > Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy
>
> > > to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is
>
> > > that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
> > >
> > > Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in
> > > hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can
>
> > > withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the
> > > salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.
> > >
> > > Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane
> approaches,
>
> > > check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters,
>
> > > patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc... you should, as a
> > > precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't
>
> > > have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately).
> > > Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly
>
> > > missiles.
> > >
> > > EVACUATION ROUTE:
> > >
> > > If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation
> route
>
> > > planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area,
> > > look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a
>
> > > low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to
> > > avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead,
>
> > > you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from
> > > your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a
>
> > > bonus, you will not be lonely.
> > >
> > > HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
> > >
> > > If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy
>
> > > them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last
> > > possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious
> > > fights with strangers over who gets the last can of cat food. In
> > > addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
> > >
> > > 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn
> > > out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the
> > > flashlights.
> > >
> > > Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY
> knows
>
> > > what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
> > >
> > > A big knife that you can strap to your leg.
> > > (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks
> > > cool.)
> > >
> > > A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators.
>
> > > (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there
> > > WILL be irate
> > > alligators.)
> > >
> > > $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane
> > > passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible
> > > teeth.
> > >
> > > Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws
>
> > > near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the
> situation
>
> > > by turning on your television if you have a generator that's
> working
>
> > > t keep the tv going and watching TV reporters in rain slickers
> stand
>
> > > right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally
> > > important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
> > >
> > > Good luck and remember: It's great living in Paradise
It was funny at the time--settled on some pretty large tarps as we have "tent" sized tarps for our tent and a larger tarp that is intended for an awning--so just wanted to add to my collection to be able to cover holes and such that might occur.
