odd breastfeeding question

[PlutoLuvr]

There's no way I'd put up with that in my home. I'd call the cops if I witnessed an 8-year-old "breastfeeding."

There's only one person who's getting anything out of that situation and it's the mama. Sick, sick, sick, sick.

 

[Pinkpony]

There's no way I'd put up with that in my home. I'd call the cops if I witnessed an 8-year-old "breastfeeding."

There's only one person who's getting anything out of that situation and it's the mama. Sick, sick, sick, sick.

This is regarding your avatar and not your quote:

KWRE RBGS WE TKO!

 

[rodeo65]

They're part of the same parenting philosophy that is raising their children in a way that fosters the child needing the parent as much as possible for as long as possible. It's not about the children at all, it's about the parent's wants and needs.

Spot on!!

How are the younger 2 getting any nourishment if the milk is being shared among 4 children? That seems unfair to the younger ones. Wouldn't nursing 3 children, while pregnant with the fourth, be bad for the pregnancy?

SIL sounds like she is turning her children into the kind of adults who must always stay close to mother as she is the only one who will really love them.

I would tell SIL that she can nurse in another room but if that is not acceptable maybe SIL can visit after the older children are weaned.

I did nurse both my daughters until they self-weaned (about age 1). I would nurse around my family but under a towel. Even that was enough to send the males out of the room. I cannot imagine nursing children of that age.

I also nursed until both of my children self-weaned and they both did so around the age of 10-11 months. In my personal opinion (and yes I realize this differs greatly from the beliefs held by extended nursers), I think most children who have a fairly varied diet of solid foods and who have had the benefit of breast milk for many months are ready to beging the weaning process around the age of one - give or take. I think that the process may be shorter or longer depending on the circumstances but I believe that if cues are watched for, and accepted, weaning naturally begins around the age of one

We also have a bully breastfeeder (great term EMom) in the family, and unfortunately it seems to fall to DH and I to deal with it. We've very politely asked her to follow our requests in our home and she will not. She makes a "token" effort to cover which really does not suffice and lets us know how backward we are for our preferences.

OP, I doubt you will have success with your SIL given what you have posted already as far as getting her to have respect for others comfort. The moms that hold "THEIR RIGHTS" as a sheild are very adept at dismissing the concept as it pertains to anyone else. DH and I have been unsuccessful in politely asking our bully bf-er to be considerate, so we've gone to plan B - avoid until the child is weaned. From what I've read on this thread that may be many years.

 

[kidshop]

I think I would find it extremely difficult to ignore a woman whipping out her ****ies for her 8 year old to suck on.

Well, yeah, but if it the attention she is looking for, will she wonder why all of a sudden no one cares what she is doing? Maybe THAT would be a shock to her.

I'm all for extended nursing (which in today's society is anything past a week or 2!), and my own dd nursed well past 3. But there was never any reason to do so in public (not that there is anything wrong with that). Older children do not need to nurse constantly or without limits for any reason I can think of. I am hesitant to draw a line where today nursing your child is fine but tomorrow it becomes a crime, b/c for some people (most?) that line is under a year and for some it could be at 7 y/o. Sorry, no one gets to decide that for me. However, don't her kids have nintendo ds's or something else to do?

I think she does it for shock value, the same reason those women remove all their clothes when they nurse in public places.

 

[Mama Mouse]

Well, yeah, but if it the attention she is looking for, will she wonder why all of a sudden no one cares what she is doing? Maybe THAT would be a shock to her.

I'm all for extended nursing (which in today's society is anything past a week or 2!), and my own dd nursed well past 3. But there was never any reason to do so in public (not that there is anything wrong with that). Older children do not need to nurse constantly or without limits for any reason I can think of. I am hesitant to draw a line where today nursing your child is fine but tomorrow it becomes a crime, b/c for some people (most?) that line is under a year and for some it could be at 7 y/o. Sorry, no one gets to decide that for me. However, don't her kids have nintendo ds's or something else to do?

I think she does it for shock value, the same reason those women remove all their clothes when they nurse in public places.

Very good post and well said. I agree completely.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

Eight years old....that's just amazing. I have an 8 year old son...I'm just about speechless. Can you imagine the conversation the PTA mothers have when dividing up the Halloween party snacks? "Johnny can bring cookies, not drinks...definitely not drinks."

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Eight years old....that's just amazing. I have an 8 year old son...I'm just about speechless. Can you imagine the conversation the PTA mothers have when dividing up the Halloween party snacks? "Johnny can bring cookies, not drinks...definitely not drinks."

OMG you made me choke!


Maybe the OP should start BFing her husband when the SIL whips out her "ninnies" for the older kids?

 

[ginna74]

[/B]
OMG you made me choke!


Maybe the OP should start BFing her husband when the SIL whips out her "ninnies" for the older kids?

"oh oh when is it my turn"

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I've got to be honest and find the story hard to believe... Never in my my life have I ever met anyone who would do this or meet people who would accept or defend this. (Especially when done in a crowd ). To me, its almost mocking what breastfeeding is supposed to be about; nourishment and bonding. An 8 year old neither needs the nourishment ...and the "bonding" is completely innappropriate at this age. I wonder what Dr. Phil would say?

 

[golfgal]

I've got to be honest and find the story hard to believe... Never in my my life have I ever met anyone who would do this or meet people who would accept or defend this. (Especially when done in a crowd ). To me, its almost mocking what breastfeeding is supposed to be about; nourishment and bonding. An 8 year old neither needs the nourishment ...and the "bonding" is completely innappropriate at this age. I wonder what Dr. Phil would say?

You obviously have never attending a La Leche League meeting

 

[dhcoffey]

This is regarding your avatar and not your quote:

KWRE RBGS WE TKO!

Heather

 

[punkin]

You obviously have never attending a La Leche League meeting

I never met anyone at a La Leche League meeting (or anywhere else for that matter) who is still nursing a child at the age of 8. Have you?

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

You obviously have never attending a La Leche League meeting

its funny you say that... b/c when my oldest was born a preemie, I had to bottlefeed her but wanted to try breastfeeding (which I successfully did w/ kids #2 and 3) ...and I called the La Leche league for advice-- THe lady screamed at me and told me that I shouldlve NEVER given her formula---and now I've ruined any chance of bfing.... LOL

 

[mhsjax]

If society did not sexualize women's breasts it would not be an issue. The purpose and function of the female breast is to feed offspring.

Our closets animal relatives (non human primates) nurse until
the babies get their first permanent molars- (For humans 5.5-6 years old )
or when they reach about 1/3 of their adult weight (5-7 year range)
or roughly halfway to reproductive maturity (6-7)

Really, I am just saying that unnatural is not the right description. Beyond societal norm-yes. Wrong?-who is to judge that.

But, bottom line. As I suggested to OP, just be honest and say that it makes others uncomfortable to nurse the older 2 in the presence of others.

Well, they also pick bugs off of each other and eat them, I aint doin that!

 

[Geoff_M]

I never met anyone at a La Leche League meeting (or anywhere else for that matter) who is still nursing a child at the age of 8. Have you?

You correct, that is a bit unfair. The family friend that invited my wife to the local LLL meeting only breastfed her daughter to age 5.

I've got to be honest and find the story hard to believe... Never in my my life have I ever met anyone who would do this or meet people who would accept or defend this.

Oh, I can believe it. On YouTube there's a documentary from the UK titled "Extraordinary Breastfeeding". It starts off with a mum that is still breastfeeding her "almost 8 year old". The daughter is very articulate (the women feels that late breastfeeding fosters higher IQs) about her liking of breast milk and it's her favorite food ("better than mango!" she exclaims). Her older sister also recalls fond memories of latching on to her mom for a "sweet" drink. So, yeah, I'll buy the OP's story as certainly plausible.

 

[MerMom60_94]

OP, I clearly get the impression reaching out to your SIL will be met with resistance. I don't know if speaking to her or setting up a room for her is going to result in any changes. Therefore, I suggest you campaign to her older children. Set up a room for them that they won't want to leave long enough to latch on. You could even tell the kids directly (but nicely) if they are going to nurse they have to go in there. Serve drinks in a cup that they would prefer over their mother's milk. Talk up their independence and the fact they are growing up. Maybe promise them a place at the grown-up table rather than the kiddie table if they can make the break. I would have a campaign with the other members of the family called Ta-ta to the Tatas, or Nay to the Ninnies, or maybe Bye bye ****ies, or No More Nips! Hopefully the children will buy in and get the message. Good luck.

 

[cabanafrau]

OP, I clearly get the impression reaching out to your SIL will be met with resistance. I don't know if speaking to her or setting up a room for her is going to result in any changes. Therefore, I suggest you campaign to her older children. Set up a room for them that they won't want to leave long enough to latch on. You could even tell the kids directly (but nicely) if they are going to nurse they have to go in there. Serve drinks in a cup that they would prefer over their mother's milk. Talk up their independence and the fact they are growing up. Maybe promise them a place at the grown-up table rather than the kiddie table if they can make the break. I would have a campaign with the other members of the family called Ta-ta to the Tatas, or Nay to the Ninnies, or maybe Bye bye ****ies, or No More Nips! Hopefully the children will buy in and get the message. Good luck.

No way should children ever be put in a position like this. Very bad idea and completely inappropriate.

Originally I left it at Your House, Your Rules. I understand that you tried to talk to SIL and her response was MYOB. Well, let me take it a little further to say it is your business. Make it clear that no one is allowed to come into your home and make your family feel uncomfortable, no one. That factor alone puts you on more than level footing with any breastfeeding nazi, no matter how militant. No one has the right to make any of your guests feel uncomfortable in your home either. End of discussion. Stick to your guns.

 

[bellebud]

I had a situation once w/ inlaws for a thanksgiving that I was hosting. My bil and sil were "insisting" that we cook his wild turkey he raised and slaughtered. Well, I was having my entire family over too, and they had expressed concern over this (disease, gamey-tasting possibly, etc).

So I told my inlaws they're welcome to cook their bird at their house and bring it over, and I'll cook a store bought bird, and we'll have both at the table to please everyone. (I had room to cook only one bird).

SIL said they wouldn't come if they couldn't cook their bird at my house - that BIL felt too much pride and wanted to "provide" for his family and have everyone eat "his" bird.

So I said I totally understand their feelings, but we would have to have separate Thanksgivings that year, no hard feelings whatsoever, and I hope they enjoyed their bird.

They ended up coming and leaving their bird at home.

I would simply tell SIL (or if it's dh's sis, maybe have him do it or to it together), you understand her "right" to breastfeed the 8yo, but too many people would be uncomfortable, so no hard feelings at all, you guys love her, you hope they enjoy whatever they end up doing for thanksgiving, and hopefully you'll see them next thanksgiving if the then-9yo is weaned.

Don't present it as a question, present it as "this is what's happening".

 

[myheartlivesatwdw]

OP, I clearly get the impression reaching out to your SIL will be met with resistance. I don't know if speaking to her or setting up a room for her is going to result in any changes. Therefore, I suggest you campaign to her older children. Set up a room for them that they won't want to leave long enough to latch on. You could even tell the kids directly (but nicely) if they are going to nurse they have to go in there. Serve drinks in a cup that they would prefer over their mother's milk. Talk up their independence and the fact they are growing up. Maybe promise them a place at the grown-up table rather than the kiddie table if they can make the break. I would have a campaign with the other members of the family called Ta-ta to the Tatas, or Nay to the Ninnies, or maybe Bye bye ****ies, or No More Nips! Hopefully the children will buy in and get the message. Good luck.

 

[Pinkpony]

Heather